Chapter 18
HEATHER
The smell of cakes and biscuits reached Heather’s nose even before she pulled herself the rest of the way up the ladder. The waiting room was overflowing. If not for Lucy clearing a path, they never could have made it through the door.
Floor Gluttony was like stepping outside.
The sky was bright blue, and the sunlight felt natural, even if the sun hanging overhead seemed slightly muted, a bit too easy to look at directly to be real.
The earth smelled like chocolate. Strands of bright green grass had been made of toffee, dotted with gummy wildflowers.
The field of sweets stretched out as far as the eye could see.
A bubbling river looked as brown as mud, but smelled sweet as liquid caramel.
Sometimes Heather came here for a visit when she missed being outdoors.
It wasn’t quite the same as the real world.
Yet, after sitting under the dim reception lights all day, the touch of sunlight always perked her up.
A colourful brick road spread out from the door, each brick made of sugar.
The road led up to a magnificent gingerbread castle.
The giant building perpetually looked a little precarious, with towers sprawling to the right, then leaning to the left, and topped off with an elephant-sized chocolate bell.
At least it was well-supported by massive sticks of chocolate.
Each tower had been decorated with gumdrops and frosting.
The gate in front had the most intricate piping, with white swirls and star-shaped shortbread running round the top.
The castle had no walls, but it did have a frothy whipped-cream moat.
‘What a beautiful design,’ Howard said. ‘I could see this winning a gingerbread-house contest.’
Lucy blushed and hid behind her hair. ‘I worked very hard on this place. The test is rather obvious, so I balanced that out by making the bait especially tempting. I might have got a bit carried away turning even the grass into confectionery.’
‘No, it’s lovely.’ Howard plucked a gummy flower off the ground and offered it to her. ‘For you. The blue reminds me of your eyes.’
‘Why, thank you.’ She ate the top of the flower, a snakelike forked tongue darting out. The tips of her ears grew even redder. Her feet rose slightly off the ground.
Shouts, celebrations and a lot of chewing could be heard from the castle ahead. Some floors only had enough space for one test-taker at a time, and some could host many. Limbo was the largest floor, but Gluttony came a close second.
They crossed the unguarded drawbridge easily.
In the field on the other side, a sailor’s song played.
People of all ages and appearances danced or ate at the gingerbread tables.
Some ripped off giant bites of food from the castle walls.
The gingerbread and decorations grew back as fast as people could eat them.
The windows were open, with disembodied hands carrying over meals that people had ordered.
The inside of the castle served as a giant restaurant, except everything was free.
The hands would provide any kind of food the heart desired, though most people favoured sweets.
The taffy grass was high here, making Heather’s ankles feel sticky. She avoided touching the walls directly. The sweets smelled delicious . . . but they were here to repair the hotel, not eat.
‘So many people,’ Lucy muttered. She clung close to Howard, eyeing the gate as if she wanted to run away.
A smiling brunette tried to drag John into a dance. ‘Come, join us!’
He stepped backwards. ‘Thank you, miss, but I’m on a mission.’
‘Would you like a brownie?’ She waved it temptingly. The brownie had a thick layer of frosting with white chocolate drizzle on top and massive chocolate chunks.
John wiped a bit of drool from his lips. ‘I’m stuffed, sorry.’
As the music changed, the brunette found another partner.
Leaning close to Heather, John asked, ‘Is the test to leave without eating any food?’
‘Exactly.’ Heather nodded. ‘Despite being such an easy test, it has the highest failure rate of any floor. People love this place so much they don’t want to leave.
Damien and I have both stopped by this floor before to tell the guests they can leave and take the test again.
They always just laugh at us, then offer us sweets to eat. ’
John shrugged. ‘I suppose they’ve already found their own personal Heaven.’ His naturally soft-spoken voice was a bit hard to hear over the music. ‘I’m glad for them.’
Delilah marched over and gestured everyone into a huddle so they could all hear her. ‘Using my keen experience from Floor Greed, I’ve figured out this test. We have to leave without eating any sweets.’
Everyone stared. ‘Isn’t that obvious?’ Heather asked.
Lucy said, ‘The test on this floor is hardly even a secret.’
Delilah pointed at Lucy. ‘If you already know how to pass the test, then why did you eat a gummy flower?’
Lucy twiddled her thumbs. ‘It was too tempting.’
Howard had a chocolate-covered pretzel hanging out of his mouth.
He swallowed, then removed another chunk of pretzel from the bark of the closest tree.
‘This tastes amazing. The floor would be a lot easier to pass if the hands were giving out vegetables. Heard any good vegetable jokes? Lettuce know when you do.’
A groan came from the group.
Heather sighed. ‘We can take the test more than once. Delilah, John and I haven’t eaten anything yet. Lucy and Howard, you need to leave and try again. We should all head to the exit before we get too tempted. Where’s Jaime?’
Jaime stood on her tiptoes next to a window. ‘I would like more ice cream.’ Her cheeks were already bulging.
Heather grabbed Jaime by the back of her neck and dragged her away. Jaime scrambled to hold on to all the boxes of shortbread she was clutching.
As they left, Delilah asked Howard, ‘Do you have any more food jokes? I liked your last one.’
‘Don’t,’ Lucy said warningly.
Howard grinned. ‘Why doesn’t it hurt if someone throws a can of Coke at your head? Because it’s a soft drink.’
‘A soft drink!’ Delilah laughed.
Lucy sighed. ‘Don’t encourage him.’
‘What happened when two slices of bread went on a date? It was loaf at first sight.’
Lucy glared at Howard. ‘I buried you alive once, and I could do it again.’
‘In this place, I could eat my way out of the soil,’ he replied cheerfully.
Heather shoved them through the door. ‘Yes, but we all need to pass the test, remember?’
The door to the lift waiting room closed behind her, shutting off the tempting view of all the desserts. However, the delicious smell still drifted into the room.
‘We’re staying here where it’s safe,’ Heather said. ‘Jaime, Howard and Lucy, you’ll have to try again.’
Jaime had a piece of shortbread sticking out of her mouth. ‘When I’m done eating these.’
‘We’ll leave you behind,’ Heather threatened. Actually, she would rather leave the child somewhere safe, except she knew Jaime would only keep following them.
Howard opened the door for Lucy. ‘After you.’
About ten minutes later, they returned with their mouths stained brown. Lucy wouldn’t meet their eyes as she said, ‘I was curious to see if my caramel river actually tasted like caramel.’
‘Of course I volunteered to help her test it,’ Howard said. ‘It was only gentlemanly.’
Lucy said, ‘I’m an artist. Getting the details right is very important to me.’
Heather pointed at the door. ‘Try again.’
When it took them even longer to return the next time, Heather had a bad feeling. Sure enough, both had crumbs on their lips this time.
Lucy hung her head. ‘I’m very bad at refusing people when they offer gifts.’
Howard nodded. ‘The other guests wanted us to try a massive cookie cake that they’re baking in the courtyard. It would have been impolite to refuse.’
Lucy sighed. ‘It smelled so good . . .’
Heather shook her head. ‘I suppose you’ll have to try again.’ She put an arm round Jaime. ‘You go with them this time; you’ve finished your shortbread.’
Jaime brushed crumbs off her shirt. ‘I don’t need to. I’ve already passed Floor Gluttony. I’ve been on this floor hundreds of times by now. Usually, I eat the sweets. But a few times I was full so I left without eating.’
Lucy squinted at Jaime. ‘Yes, little girl, you’ve already passed. I can always tell. There’s a certain glow among people who have passed the tests, with a different colour for each floor.’
Jaime asked, ‘Why is gluttony a sin? Everyone at the castle is playing around and having fun. They’re not hurting anyone.’
‘Is it because they’re lazy and greedy?’ John asked.
Jaime frowned. ‘That would be the sin of sloth. And I still don’t think such a menial flaw would be worth going to Hell over.’
Delilah added, ‘We already have a floor for greed. Not the best floor, in my opinion, but I can confirm it exists.’
Heather said, ‘I read once that gluttony is a sin because the loss of self-control can trigger other sins.’
Jaime shook her head. ‘I’m still not buying it. Then the floor should be dedicated to alcohol, not chocolate.’
Howard said, ‘Back in the old days, when people talked about gluttony, they meant a wealthy lord who taxes his peasants heavily, then holds giant feasts while his people starve. Gluttony is about taking more than you need when other people don’t have enough to survive.’
Jaime’s eyes lit up. ‘I see! I can accept that as a sin. In the modern era, there are people who take more than their fair share in many different ways. But it’s hard to test that sin in Purgatory. No one needs food in the afterlife. I remain unconvinced that this floor is testing anything at all.’