Chapter 25
DELILAH
‘Floor Lust, huh . . .’ Delilah couldn’t help but feel a hint of trepidation.
She could sense the others’ nervousness, from John jittering to Heather’s slight blush.
‘What kind of depravity awaits us behind these deceptively plain doors? Will incubi and succubae in scanty clothing throw themselves at us and cling to us while promising unimaginable pleasures?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. This is a respectable hotel.’ Lucy sniffed as she opened the door. ‘I’m not running a brothel. You have a dirty mind.’
The implication offended Delilah. ‘What else was I supposed to expect when Damien told me stories about guests coming back smelling of perfume and covered in kiss marks? I suppose the demons won’t actually seduce us – that would be rated an eighteen plus.
Do we lose if they touch us? Or if they kiss us? ’
‘I keep telling you – I’m not running a brothel. Lust demons are the product of overly optimistic humans with overactive imaginations.’ Lucy gestured all of them inside. ‘Come in. This is a floor where more than one person at a time is allowed. Only an idiot would fail this floor.’
Heather’s eyes widened. ‘More than one person on Floor Lust? That sounds scandalous. Wait, are we going to be tempted by each other? Does this floor draw out any hidden feelings we might have for our companions? Do we see each other in sexy clothing? Or do we all get overwhelmed by the desire to have an orgy?’
At this point, John looked absolutely terrified. ‘I’ll wait outside here, thanks.’
Delilah reckoned she’d be safe. For once, she felt relieved that Damien couldn’t come with them on their journey. She said, ‘Come on, John. We need you in the engine room – you’re our only sane repairman. We won’t judge you. What happens on Floor Lust stays on Floor Lust.’
John grabbed the doorframe and hung on for dear life. ‘I refuse.’
Howard backed away. ‘Perhaps this isn’t such a good idea. Ahem . . . exposing our inner feelings sounds like an invasion of privacy to me!’
The tips of Lucy’s ears started smoking.
‘Are you saying that you believe you could be tempted by the sin of lust, Howard? I expect more willpower from the man who thwarted my murder attempts for decades. Do you have a crush on someone else?’ Her eyes flashed red.
Even her shadow had shaped into flickering flames.
‘Me? Harbouring secret feelings? Absolutely not.’ Howard’s eyes darted around like a rabbit caught in a trap. ‘I’m worried about John here. Someone needs to stay outside with him.’
John’s fingers dug into the doorframe. ‘These are inhumane working conditions. I’ve changed my mind. I’m going on strike again.’
‘I KEEP TELLING YOU NOT TO MAKE MY PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL HOTEL SOUND LIKE A brOTHEL!’ Lucy’s hair stood on end, flashing into the shape of horns. A giant gust of wind lifted everyone up and shoved them into Floor Lust. The door slammed with an ominous crack.
‘Wait, I’m not ready!’ Delilah covered her eyes. ‘I know I acted tough, but I’m embarrassed too!’
The air smelled like a mixture of many perfumes and colognes: rose, leather, vanilla, sandalwood and dozens of spices. Delilah choked and gagged. A humming sound filled the air – like wings? Yet there was also a clacking sound.
‘Help! I’m being attacked!’ John shrieked.
Delilah’s eyes snapped open. She lunged. Heather moved at the same time. The two of them collided.
‘Ow!’ Delilah rubbed her aching forehead. Heather groaned too.
John batted away a flying lipstick. It had left a bright pink kiss mark on his collar. Had the clacking been the sound of a lipstick opening?
Delilah looked around. This room seemed like a normal sitting room, with a green sofa and several cosy armchairs around a glass coffee table. The air was cloyingly thick with perfume. Lipsticks of all colours had sprouted tiny fairy wings and flew about the room.
Delilah punched a lipstick trying to sneak up on her. ‘What is this?’
Lucy crossed her arms. ‘I told you – Floor Lust is quite innocuous.’
Slowly, Howard dared open his eyes. ‘Huh. It really is U-rated. We didn’t need to leave Jaime outside at all.’
‘This explains the smell and kiss marks on the guests,’ Delilah said. ‘But, uh . . . what is being tested here?’ She secretly felt a bit resentful that the people sent to Floor Lust had it so much easier than her.
Heather asked, ‘Do we have to avoid being kissed by the lipsticks?’
John rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. ‘In that case, I already lost.’
‘That doesn’t seem right,’ Delilah said. ‘The hotel is supposed to test our sins. It’s not a marathon or a game of hide-and-seek.’
Lucy put up her nose in the air. ‘Of course not. The test has nothing to do with running away. The purpose of this ordeal is to embarrass you! You have to make the journey on the lift smelling like perfume and covered in lipstick! Your excess lust is exposed to the world! No matter how many times you might say that nothing happened, no one believes you! Mwahahahahaha!’
A lipstick attempted to sneak up on Lucy. She casually incinerated it.
Heather said what they were all thinking: ‘How is this a test?’
‘Are you criticising my perfect hotel?’ Lucy demanded.
‘Maybe a little.’ Heather shrugged.
‘You’ve grown bold since knowing me – as expected of mortals who I picked as my comrades.’ Lucy tossed her hair back. ‘I approve of brave people.’
‘You’re still avoiding the question,’ Delilah pointed out.
Lucy sighed deeply. ‘Desire is not innately a sin, only immoral actions as a result of it. People who commit sex crimes go somewhere darker than my beautiful hotel after they die. The Purgatory Hotel for Wayward Ghosts was designed for people who carry relatively light sins. The trials should help you work through your issues from life, not merely punish you. That makes lust very difficult for me to test. And it can’t be too scandalous – a child might wander in!
All the tests are designed to be not too difficult.
My hotel exists to help my guests become better people. ’
‘I thought Floor Greed was difficult,’ Delilah grumbled.
‘Floor Anger was a nightmare,’ Heather agreed.
Still, Delilah had to admit that the trials could be far worse.
Reluctantly, she could even admit she felt better after hearing Heather calmly put her mother in her place.
The memory of the old bat’s shocked expression before she’d faded away still gave Delilah the warm fuzzies, though she didn’t quite understand how this counted as a test.
‘I have an interrogation of my own.’ Lucy whirled on Howard. ‘Why were you so afraid of this test? You’ve always been fearless! Even that time I had you fleeing from a pack of lions you didn’t even break a sweat.’
Howard looked down. ‘I wasn’t nervous at all.’ He tugged on his collar. ‘I don’t know what you were talking about – Whoa!’ He dodged a lipstick. It left an awkward red streak on his cheek.
‘Knock that off,’ Lucy growled. The lipsticks all fled to cower in the corner.
The air around Lucy turned hotter. With so much oil about, it seemed like it might ignite.
Her shadow had turned vividly crimson. ‘Did you get nervous when Heather suggested that Floor Lust might reveal people’s hidden feelings? ’
‘I did not!’
‘Do you have feelings for one of our companions?’ Lucy demanded.
Delilah took a step backwards, because she would swear the air around her had become searing hot. Hair rose along her arms and neck.
‘No!’ Howard shouted. ‘I’m not a pervert lusting after youths who are young enough to be my own child! I happen to prefer older women. Millennia older.’
‘I must know,’ Lucy growled.
Howard pasted on a fake smile. ‘I used to know how to throw a boomerang, but it’s not coming back to me.’
‘Now is not the time for your jokes!’ The light overhead rattled with the force of Lucy’s rage. A red crack in the floor ran from her feet.
Delilah leapt backwards. The entire room was shaking now. Something had to be done before Lucy caused another rage-induced destructive incident.
‘Lucy, you’re not being fair to Howard!’ Delilah shouted over the ripping wind. ‘He has the right to his privacy. Why are you so determined to know?’
It had been the right question to ask.
The air around Lucy cooled and the room stopped shaking. She hung her head. ‘I suppose you are correct. Though it pains me to admit it, I have behaved poorly again.’ Howard opened his mouth to speak. Lucy raised a hand to stop him. ‘I need a moment alone to compose myself.’ She vanished.
‘Thanks, Delilah,’ Heather said.
John fanned the air. ‘The smell here is so awful I’m about to pass out. We can just leave now, right? Isn’t that how we pass the test?’
‘I think so.’ Delilah looked around. The perfume had turned into a hazy smog. ‘Where’s the door?’
They groped around the walls, looking for the door.
Heather grumbled, ‘I take back what I said about this test being too easy. It’s actually very annoying.’
‘All the tests are annoying,’ John said. ‘Except perhaps Floor Gluttony. That was fun.’
Heather glanced at him. ‘What’s your sin, anyway?’
He looked sideways. ‘I’d rather not say.’
‘Is it Limbo? You do seem like a Limbo type.’
‘What does that mean?’ he grumbled. His eyes widened. ‘Found the door!’
They all hastened towards the sound of John’s voice. Delilah coughed, putting a hand over her nose to filter out the thick, unpleasant smell.
Through the swirling haze, Lucy reappeared. Her blonde hair gleamed under the lights overhead. Peeking up from under her eyelashes, she said, ‘I’m sorry for my outburst, Howard.’
‘It’s fine.’ Howard gagged on the perfume. ‘What if we both agree to never talk about this again?’
‘I insist on speaking with you alone. Will you come with me?’ She held out her hand.
Howard stared at her. ‘You never bother to ask. Usually, you just grab me.’
‘I’m so upset that I’m all over the place. If you don’t accept my one request, then I’ll never forgive you. Please, promise you’ll listen to me and not leave until I’m done talking.’
‘I promise.’ He took her hand.
Lucy laughed, starting as a girlish giggle and ending in a baritone howl. Her features warped, turning into Barbara’s mischievous smile. Barbara winked at the rest of them, then vanished, taking Howard with her.
John gaped. ‘Did Barbara just kidnap Howard?’
Delilah groaned. ‘Lust is definitely not an easy floor.’