Ch. 18 – Layla
A fter work, Layla ached to head straight to her mother’s house, dive into her comfiest pajamas, and drown herself in catch-up episodes of The Bachelorette.
But, alas, that sweet dream was not to be.
Alanna had insisted on taking her out for dinner. Actually, the exact wording of her sister’s text message this afternoon had been, You’re turning into a hermit. I will not allow this.
And Alanna always got her way. Even if that meant somehow convincing Theo to keep The Rose and Thorn Winery open just for them. Why Alanna had insisted on bringing in dinner to the winery instead of eating at a restaurant or ordering food delivery to their mother’s house, Layla didn’t know and didn’t ask.
See: Alanna.
See: Getting her way.
As she piloted her SUV up the winding hill to the winery, Layla felt like an empty husk. She’d stayed an hour late at the clinic to check out the last patients they’d re-scheduled from the morning. She wouldn’t have minded helping out if it hadn’t been for the unwelcomed reappearance of Dr. Grumpy, this time with even more grump.
Dr. Dhawan had returned from his mystery errand in an utterly foul mood. Wherever he’d gone, it’d suck away all the kindness and humor she’d seen in him this morning. He’d marched around the clinic like a military general, snapping orders, finding fault with everything, and even dressing down Kate for taking a call from her husband between patients.
The man was utterly impossible. Warm one minute, then icy cold the next. Every time Layla felt that he might just be a decent person, he quickly disabused her of that notion.
The lone bright spot to the chaotic day had been formally releasing Hilda. The whole family had arrived and hugged the pig as she snuffled and oinked in clear joy at seeing the ones she loved.
Layla smiled as she made it to the top of the hill and pulled into the gravel parking lot next to Alanna’s cherry red Mercedes GT. Scenes like that made Layla’s job just about worth putting up with the world’s least enthusiastic-about-life boss.
With a sigh, she dragged herself out of her SUV.
Hopefully, this dinner wouldn’t last too long. Maybe she could be snuggling in her soft PJs and zoning out to tasteless reality TV in an hour. Layla pulled open the door to the winery, stepped inside, and froze.
What. In. The. H-E-Double Hockey Sticks???
“SURPRISE!!!” a chorus of voices hollered.
Layla’s eyes bounced around the room, sweeping across the faces of Alanna, Jax, Everly, Tess, Willow, and even Val Tanner, who she’d seen on her morning visit to the Yucca Hills Animal Rescue. With utter confusion, she noted a pinata of a naked man hanging in the middle of the room, a row of pink plastic wine glasses lining the tasting bar, and a “pin the penis on the hottie” poster on the wall. Shiney paper penis cutouts in various colors dangled from the overhead beams.
A massive banner over the bar read, “ Layla’s Last Day !” Except the word “Last” had been crossed out with marker and replaced with the word “ Best !”
“What?” Layla asked. Then again. “What?”
Had she somehow stepped into an alternate, heavily penis-based dimension?
“This was supposed to be your bachelorette party,” Alanna explained. Her chic outfit of high-waisted tweed pants matched with a filmy blue top was ever-so-slightly undercut by a shiny, cone-shaped hat she wore covered in…Layla squinted.
Yup, penises.
“But my wedding wasn’t for two months,” Layla said, still not entirely sure any of this was actually happening.
“Exactly.” Alanna looked supremely proud of herself. “Which is why you would have never suspected a party this early.”
“We were going to do something very uplifting and tasteful,” Tess offered, looking a little embarrassed in her own matching penis hat.
“But then we drank too much at the planning session and went completely hedonistic instead,” Everly added with a wide grin. Two penis hats tamped down her afro, pointing in opposite directions on her head.
“In the end, we decided to throw you two parties,” Alanna clarified. “Something nice, tasteful, and utterly boring the week of your wedding—”
“But what we really wanted was THIS party,” Every interrupted. “For you… of course.”
“And since we’d already picked up all these decorations, the karaoke machine, and the penis cake…” Alanna continued unperturbed.
“Penis cake?” Layla squeaked.
“We decided to move forward,” Alanna finished.
“Except it’s NOT a bachelorette party anymore,” Everly burst out.
“Definitely not,” Tess agreed.
“Perish the thought,” Jax concurred. The youngest member of The Crazy Cat Ladies Club wore her penis hat at a jaunty angle over her chestnut waves of hair.
Everyone looked to Willow where she huddled next to the wall.
“Nope,” she half-whispered, and the women burst out laughing.
“This,” Alanna clarified, stepping into the middle of the tasting room, “Is a women’s liberation party!”
“Women’s liberation!” Everly hollered, hefting her plastic pink wine glass.
“WOMEN’S LIBERATION!!!” the other women chanted in unison, all raising their glasses.
“Women’s liberation,” a male voice added uncertainly from the back of the winery. Theo stood at the far edge of the tasting bar with a pink wine glass in hand.
“We needed someone tall enough to hang the naked guy pinata.” Jax pointed to said naked guy pinata as if needing to explain Theo’s presence.
“And, you know, I also own the place,” he grumbled.
“In case you can’t tell, we opened a few bottles without you,” Tess said.
“You’re an hour late,” Alanna spoke up. “What did you expect? We’re not saints.”
Layla refocused on the situation at hand. Slowly, she spun in a circle, taking it all in. The banner, the party hats, the gently swinging naked guy pinata.
“I…I…” she stammered.
“Does she hate it?” Tess murmured through the wide smile plastered to her face. “Oh, God, she hates it.”
“I told you we should have just done the rom-com movie marathon,” Jax muttered and threw back the rest of the liquid in her glass.
“Just give her a moment,” Alanna said. “She’s processing.
Layla’s lower lip trembled. Tears sprang to her eyes. “I…I…LOVE IT!” She jumped up and down and clapped her hands. “I can’t believe you did this all for me. That’s so sweet!!!”
Tears raced down her cheeks, and her heart felt 100 sizes too small for all the love and joy and gratitude filling it. “This is so, so, so thoughtful,” she whimpered.
“And there we have it,” Alanna announced. “We’ve triggered a Layla feeling-gasam.” She gave a little bow.
“Oh, stop,” Layla laughed even as she cried.
“That’s my cue,” Theo proclaimed. “I know when my kind aren’t wanted.”
“Thanks for letting us use your place,” Jax sang to him. “Love you, Theo.”
The other girls took up the refrain. “Love you, Theo!”
The shaggy-haired winery owner rolled his eyes. “Just please don’t burn the place down.”
“No promises!” Jax answered with a shit-eating grin.
“Regretting this already,” Theo mumbled as he walked around the tasting bar and disappeared. Layla had almost forgotten that he lived in a small apartment above the winery.
As soon as his steps faded, Alanna turned to Layla, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Okay, let’s get this women’s liberation party started. Someone put on the music.” She pointed to Layla. “And get this ugly crier a drink!”
The Crazy Cat Ladies whooped in response.
*
Time passed.
How much?
Layla lost track after the second glass of wine spread a bubbly warmth through her veins. Pop music flowed through the speakers. Tacos from Valentina’s Cantina appeared, then disappeared just as fast.
Someone tied a blindfold over her eyes, spun her around, and put a heavy stick in her hands. After a few tepid whacks at the pinata, Layla was relegated to the tasting bar while Alanna, then Val, then Tess gave “Randy” heavy whacks, sending him swinging wildly back and forth.
Unsurprisingly, it was Everly who finally pounded her stick through Randy’s face, releasing a shower of plastic mini liquor bottles, lewd stickers, and a giant pink dildo that bounced to the floor and sent the women shrieking in gales of laughter.
More time passed. Somehow a penis sticker had found its way onto Layla’s blouse. The karaoke machine was booted up, and soon Everly shimmied around the winery, mic in hand, pouring her heart into a Backstreet Boys song while Jax and Willow danced together, holding hands.
And then the women were shoving gift bags and wrapped boxes at her.
“For a man who actually deserves it,” Alanna pronounced.
A stab of pain lanced Layla’s heart. In all the madness, she’d almost forgotten the original intent of this gathering. It’d been meant to be her bachelorette party.
For a wedding that would never come.
“You gonna open your gifts or just stare at them?” Jax asked.
Layla took a breath. Be here. Be now. Enjoy the love of your friends.
It worked. Mostly.
Layla giggled and blushed as the gifts turned into a silk ivory robe, a blush-pink cami set, a black silk romper covered in paw prints, and a scarlet bodice with matching thong and silky white leggings with red bows on the side, curtsey of Alanna, of course.
Everly saved her gift for last, proudly handing over the matte black box when all the others had been opened. The women drummed on the bar as Layla needled her fingers under the lid to break the tape. After removing the lid and parting the tissue paper, she held up a tangle of black straps in confusion.
“Is that a piece of clothing or just really thick floss?” Tess asked.
Layla squeaked in protest as she pulled out a whip and ball gag from the box.
“And we’ve achieved fire engine red!” Alanna announced, pulling down the neck of Layla’s blouse to showcase her crimson chest. “Congratulations, ladies. I believe we’ve scarred poor, innocent little Layla for life.”
The women burst into laughter, and Layla wondered if it was truly possible to die from a mixture of embarrassment, love, and hyperventilation.
Not a bad way to go, though, all things considered.
A few minutes later, a penis cake was triumphantly marched out from the back while the women sang, “For She’s a Jolly Good Liberated Woman.” The large pastry contained a delicious cream filling, of course, which Alanna deemed necessary to flick onto anyone who entered the “ejaculation zone.”
Time zipped forward again. It seemed like all of the sudden, the women were huddled together around a double wine barrel table, their faces serious. Tess now wore a ruffled lavender nightie over her dress. Everly sported a temporary tattoo of a shirtless cowboy on her neck. Poor Val showcased a penis-covered party hat over each boob. And Layla herself now wore a penis tattoo on the center of her forehead as well as the scarlet corset over her white tank top.
“Hmmmm,” Alanna murmured. “Hmmmmm.” She stared deep into Jax’s eyes.
“What’s it gonna be?” the young CCLC member taunted, a lollipop dangling from her lips.
“The problem is, I know you play dirty,” Alanna countered. She sat back and slowly sipped from her plastic wine glass. “Fine. Truth.”
Jax gave her an evil smile. “Tell us your most embarrassing secret.”
A murmur crackled across the table. Everly whistled.
“What is it, Alanna?” Layla teased. “And I know you secretly enjoy watching Love Is Blind , so that doesn’t count.”
Tess hooted.
Alanna threw Layla a dark look. “Narc,” she muttered, then sighed. “Fine. Here it is. In all its embarrassing glory.”
Swaying only a little, Alanna pushed back her chair and stood before the women. “I, Alanna Sandoval, am not a liberated woman at all. In fact, I am utterly, hopelessly in love with Sully Brooks. And, shit, I’m gonna move in with him. I actually told him today.”
Her last words were nearly drowned out by the eruption of screams and howls from the Crazy Cat Ladies.
“Oh, Alanna!” Layla squealed and bounded out of her chair to hug her sister. “I’m so, so, so, so, sosososososososo happy for you!”
“I was going to talk to you earlier,” Alanna said, her pale skin flushing, “make sure you were okay watching over Mom on your own.”
“Of course I am,” Layla said, squeezing her sister mercilessly. “I just want you to be happy. And now I get the guest bedroom!”
“Okay, okay.” Alanna pried Layla’s arms from her body. “Love ya too, sis. But gonna need to breathe soon.”
She zeroed in on Jax. “And what about you, Little Ms. Lollipop? Want to make any declarations about a certain reporter?”
Jax slowly pulled the red lollipop from her mouth but didn’t flinch from Alanna’s gaze. “Which reporter would you be speaking of? There are quite a few of them in the world.”
Alanna put a hand on her hip. “Oh, I don’t know. How about a reporter who’s best friends with a rat, spends roughly half his paycheck on hair product, knows exactly how sinfully hot he is, and is head over heels for you.”
“Oh, that one.” Jax twirled the lollipop between her fingers. “Rico’s alright, I guess.”
“Liar!” Alanna snapped. “Tell the truth, Jax.”
And, at last, Jax flinched. Her eyes darted away from Alanna’s unwavering stare. “Maybe he’s better than alright,” she muttered. “Maybe he’s pretty good.” The lollipop spun faster and faster. “Maybe he’s great. Maybe I like him a lot.” The words spilled from her red-stained lips. “Maybe I even love the lunk, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”
The table went quiet.
Alanna smirked. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
Jax gaped. The lollipop stilled between her fingers. “HO-LY FUCK!” she hollered. “I love Rico.” She looked around the table. “I really do. I love Rico!”
“You Love Rico!” Layla sang. She skipped over to Jax and threw her arms around the young woman. “You love Rico!”
“I LOVE RICO!” Jax answered.
“YOU LOVE RICO!” the women hollered back.
Val bolted from her seat. “And I love Hector and Esme!”
The women laughed.
“We already knew that!” Everly said. “You practically swoon every time you hear your boyfriend’s motorcycle coming into YHAR’s parking lot, and who couldn’t love Esme?”
Layla had to agree. Hector’s young daughter had transformed Val’s life. She’d never seen her friend so happy.
“Okay, so, where were we?” Tess asked. The petite woman had gained a touch of color on both her cheeks, and her large, hazel eyes sparkled with merriment. Layla felt her heart squeezed. So often, Tess’s smiles didn’t meet her eyes, and she often looked tired beyond just missing a night or two of sleep. Not tonight. Tonight, she shone.
“I believe it was my turn,” Alanna said. She slowly sized up the table. Several of the women avoided her gaze.
“Willow!” Alanna said. “Truth or dare?”
The young woman looked startled and seemed to shrink under the combined gaze of the room. “Um…truth?” she whispered.
“Same question,” Alanna said. “What’s your most embarrassing secret?”
Tess turned to Willow. “You don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable.”
“Wrong,” Alanna snapped. “She does have to answer. These are the sacred rules of truth or dare.”
“Ignore her,” Tess said with an eye roll. “Don’t say anything you don’t want to.
“It’s okay.” Willow looked down at the table. “I, um…” She paused and seemed to gather herself. “I have OCD.” The words rushed out of her. “Obsessive compulsive disorder. That’s why I act so weird.”
Tess wrapped an arm around Willow. “We don’t think you’re weird.”
“I think she’s weird,” Alanna said. “But we’re all weird, so you fit right in. I mean, we call ourselves The Crazy Cat Ladies for god sakes.”
“What does that mean?” Layla asked Willow. “Do you, like, have to always clean things?”
A slight smile touched Willow’s pink lips. “Fear of dirt and germs is a common symptom of OCD, but it’s not universal. My worst symptom is always being afraid that people or animals are going to get hurt. Specifically, that I’m going to make a mistake and cause them to get hurt. The fear is constant. That’s why people with OCD also tend to develop compulsive behaviors to help manage their constant anxiety. Like this.”
Willow lifted her hands from beneath the table and performed her little ritual, touching her thumb to each of her fingers. “I started doing this when I was nine. For some reason, it helps.”
Willow tucked her hands away. “It got really bad in high school. There were days, weeks, actually, when I couldn’t leave my room. I was convinced that something I was going to do would get someone killed. My dad finally put me in therapy, and that’s helped a lot. But…it’s a constant battle.”
“Oh, Willow!” Jax breathed. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped.”
A tear slipped from Willow’s eye. “I didn’t want you to think I was a freak.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
Slowly, as if not to spook her, Tess took both of Willow’s hands in hers. “It was so brave of you to share this with us,” she said. “And I’m so glad you did. Please, believe me when I tell you that you are not a freak.”
Willow stared at their clasped hands. “I wasn’t sure you’d all still want to…to be my friends if you knew.”
The table erupted, but quickly quieted as Tess sent searing looks to the women. “Willow, we love you,” she said forcefully.
Layla and the others made noises of affirmation.
“Nothing is going to change that. And we’re so glad you shared your secret with us. It means we can be more sensitive and supportive.” She squeezed Willow’s hands. “If you ever need help or need to leave a meeting or don’t feel comfortable, just let us know.”
Another tear rolled down Willow’s face. “I know you all want to hug me right now. That’s fine.”
Layla didn’t need another invitation. She practically leaped from her seat and threw herself at the slender girl. The hug was long and deep, women layered on top of each other, Willow shaking and crying in the middle.
“Okay, let’s not smother the poor girl,” Alanna finally said.
The women slowly shuffled back. Willow sniffled and wiped at her eyes.
“Tess,” she said.
“Yes, hon?” Tess rubbed Willow’s shoulder.
“Truth or dare?” Willow gave her a soft smile.
Everly whooped.
“Definitely not going for a truth. Don’t think my soul can handle it,” Tess answered. She huffed out a breath. “Dare.”
Willow glanced quickly up at Tess, then back down. “Steal something from Theo’s room.”
Layla nearly spit out her drink.
“Willow!” Alanna gasped. “Ohhhh, you beautiful, devious she-beast. I love it!”
Tess shook her head. “No way. Let’s leave poor Theo out of this.”
“Uh-uh,” Everly spoke up. “Sacred rules of truth or dare. You must comply…unless, that is, you’re chicken.”
“BAWK!” Alanna cried. “Bawk, bawk, bawk.” She flapped her arms.
Everly joined in, along with Jax. Even Layla found herself flapping her arms.
“ E Tu , Layla?” Tess asked.
Layla shrugged. “I’m drunk.”
Tess pushed back her chair and stood.
“I’m onto you, Willow,” she said to the younger woman. “You’re not nearly as innocent as you appear.”
“Oooooh,” the Crazy Cat Ladies hummed as Tess turned and took slightly swaying steps around the bar.
“Don’t come back empty-handed!” Jax hollered after her.
“Do whatever it takes,” Alanna added.
“Use that sweet, sweet body of yours if you have to,” Everly piled on.
Tess threw up a bird on each hand before disappearing around the back. The women snickered as they listened to her footsteps retreat up the stairs.
“Shit, I can’t believe she’s doing it,” Alanna said.
The women waited. And waited. And waited. Layla braided Willow’s hair. Alanna wandered in the back and returned with two more bottles of wine. Everly served herself some more cake.
“Think she got lost?” Alanna finally asked.
“Maybe she’s spidering on the ceiling until Theo goes to the bathroom or something,” Everly murmured.
Steps approached. The women went silent. Tess appeared, her cheeks bright red, her chest flushed. Proud, slightly unsteady, she marched to the middle of the winery, paused, then jutted her fist in the air. Dangling from her grip was a faded gray t-shirt with cracked red lettering.
“How d’ we know that’s real?” Everly demanded, a slight slur to her words. “You could’a gone out and bought it.”
“Shit!” Jax hissed. “That’s Theo’s lucky Pearl Jam t-shirt. It’s his favorite. How did you get that?”
Tess lowered her fist. “That secret dies with me.”
The women broke into howls of laughter.
“And NOW,” Tess raised her voice, “I’ve got a dare for the whole lot of you.”
The women quieted down. Tess appraised each of them, her eyes practically gleaming with vengeance. “As we all know, our dear little Layla will be running an ultra-marathon in two months.”
“I already don’t like where this is going,” Alanna muttered.
Tess silenced her with a look. “I happen to know that there is also a 50k four-person relay option. Each member of the group runs one 8-mile loop. Now, I’m willing to sign up and support Layla in this huge endeavor. Are three of you brave enough to join me?”
The tasting room fell deadly quiet.
“Aw, what the fuck. Sober, future me is going to hate this, but drunk me is in,” Alanna announced.
“I’ll do it, too,” Jax said. “I need to get in shape for tennis, anyway.”
“That makes three,” Tess said. She surveyed the remaining women. “Who’s our anchor?”
“Um, I’m only an honorary member of the Crazy Cat Ladies,” Val said. “So, I really think it should be a full-fledged member.”
“No way,” Everly said. “These thunder thighs are made for dancing to Queen Bey, NOT running.”
“I…I don’t think I can,” Willow said sorrowfully. “It sounds, well, terrifying.”
“Fuuuuuck,” Everly groaned. “Fine. I’ll do it. As long as no one has any plans of winning this thing.”
“Whoo-hoo!” Layla cried. “We’re all going to run the race!” She did a little dance, then ran around the room high-fiving the rest of the women.
A few minutes later, Everly wailed Smooth Criminal off-key into the karaoke microphone. Laya gripped Alanna’s hands, and the two of them danced together. Her head was spinning with booze, sugar, joy, but mostly booze, and she loved it.
When the song ended, Layla collapsed into Alanna’s arms.
“This is the best night of my life,” she wheezed. “Thank you.”
“Always, little sis,” Alanna said and kissed the top of her head. “You’ll find someone who deserves you. I know you will. And then I’ll throw an even better, even peniser-er party for you.”
Layla laid her head on Alanna’s shoulder and nodded, even if she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe her sister’s words. Across the room, she noticed Val frown as she pulled her ringing cell from her pocket. The older woman quickly ducked outside.
As Willow took up the microphone and began a shaky, breathy rendition of True Colors, Layla glanced at the door. Val still hadn’t returned. After another minute, Layla made her way outside, bumping a table as she went.
The chill of the night felt like a slap across the face. Layla’s bleary vision began to clear, her rolling thoughts cementing back into something solid.
Just outside the door, Val hugged herself, her face taunt with worry.
“What is it?” Layla asked.
Val started and turned, forcing a weak smile as her eyes landed on Layla. She adjusted her red, cat’s eye glasses. “I’ve, uh, gotta go. That was Hector. He says Claude is sick.”
“Claude?” It took a moment for Layla’s foggy brain to recognize the name. “Your camel?”
Val nodded. She’d dedicated her life to saving as many animals in Yucca Hills as possible, even if that meant adopting some of the most hopeless cases that came into the rescue. Over the years, she’d turned her small ranch into a menagerie of adorable misfits, Claude included.
“What are Claude’s symptoms?” Layla asked, sobering quickly.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Val reassured her. “But Hector says he didn’t eat this evening. He’s also been lethargic, and his face looks a little swollen.”
Ice water cascaded through Layla’s veins. She tried to give Val a reassuring smile. “I’d like to go with you and check him out just to be safe.”
It wasn’t nothing. Camels didn’t get swollen faces due to illness. That was a symptom of poison.
“I’d also like to call in a little backup,” Layla said to her friend. “Just as a precaution.”
She turned away from Val and walked a few steps into the darkness. Her fingers felt thick and clumsy as she swiped through her saved contacts. She found the number, sucked in a short breath, and hit the call button.
“Huh?” The voice on the other end of the line crackled with sleep. “What is it?”
“Dr. Dhawan, we’ve got an emergency,” Layla spoke breathlessly. “I need you.”