Ch. 48 – Prem
T he summer sun already shone brightly in the sky as Prem pulled into the clinic’s small lot on Monday morning. He caught sight of Layla’s silver Q5 in its usual spot. On the one hand, he felt grateful that she’d come back to work after her absence last week.
On the other hand, just the sight of her car felt like a taze to the balls.
Stepping out of his 4 Runner, Prem shook his head as if he could somehow dislodge every single memory of Layla from his brain. Didn’t work, but it’d been worth the try. He pulled a slice of toast from his pocket and took a bite as he swung open the back door to the building.
Immediately, the exquisitely painful essence of Layla surrounded him. First, he heard the sweet, gentle humming of You Are My Sunshine from the back of the clinic. Next, he spotted her ginormous bowling ball bag/purse sitting on the back counter. And then, as Prem walked to the other side of the building, he saw the woman herself.
He froze.
Layla sat on the floor, legs curled beneath her, cat toy in hand.
His jaw dropped. “Your hair!” he sputtered.
At his sharp exclamation, she looked up, curtains of golden hair swaying just above her tanned shoulders. The hair framed her round face, bringing out subtle hues of gray in her blue eyes.
Prem’s mouth still hung open, giving the woman he loved a full view of his molars and masticated toast.
“What do you think?” Layla combed her fingers through the shortened tresses.
“It’s so…so…” Prem struggled to remember how sentences worked. “Different. Good. You look good.”
The shorter locks gave her a new air of maturity and confidence. But maybe it wasn’t just the hair. As she gazed steadily up at him, Layla seemed wholly different from the sad, ghostly woman who’d haunted his practice the past weeks.
She exuded a quiet assurance.
“Good,” Prem repeated. “But why?”
She didn’t break his gaze. “It was time for something new.”
Prem finally remembered to close his mouth. He didn’t chew.
Layla stood, pressing down the hem of her powder blue sundress. Her arms, chest, and legs had turned almost golden over the past month, her shoulders dotted with freckles. Prem’s pants grew tight. He tried to swallow. The bread felt like a ball of glue in his throat.
“Mrw?”
Sunny bumped his forehead against Prem’s shin, clearly looking for attention and pets.
“Could we speak in your office?” Layla asked, setting down the cat toy.
The last thing Prem wanted was to be alone in a room with her. Little bows secured the straps of her dress, and his fingers ached to tug those ribbons, peel that dress off her body.
“Sure,” he said roughly. “But make it quick. I’ve got to prep for today’s appointments.” The words came out harsh. He needed them to. His coldness was the only shield he possessed against her, flimsy as it was.
Layla moved past him, bringing with her the scent of strawberries and sunshine.
God. Prem’s balls ached for release. How in the hell was he going to survive the day, the week, the rest of his life with an untouchable angel working at his clinic? Just the scent of her shampoo drove him fucking crazy.
Prem girded himself as best he could and followed her into his office. He moved around Layla in a wide arc, almost scraping the wall to put as much distance as possible between them, before dropping into his squeaking desk chair.
On slow but steady steps, Sunny moved into the office.
Layla sat down in the opposite chair and picked up Sunny, placing the not-so-skinny-anymore tabby in her lap. Prem’s eyes followed the line of white flower buttons marching down the front of her dress. Zaps of lightning crackled through his fingertips. Flower buttons. Shoulder ties. There were so many enticing avenues to strip that dress from her body and see how far her tan lines reached.
“Your calendar’s out of date.”
At the sound of Layla’s voice, his eyes snapped to her face. She held up the Animals Being Derps calendar. The current page featured a Golden Retriever trying to walk through a too-small doorway with a massive branch in its mouth. Prem winced at the date. He hadn’t torn off a page since the day Layla had arrived with a monstrous engagement ring on one hand and a metaphorical blowtorch in the other.
“I’ve been busy,” he said tersely. Suddenly, he couldn’t look at her face, her freckled shoulders, the white flower buttons. His eyes landed on the cat in her lap.
“I was thinking of offering Sunny to Mrs. Moffat when she’s ready to adopt again,” he said. “What do you think?”
Layla shook her head, causing her hair to float around her face. “Sunny needs special attention. That would be a lot to ask of Mrs. Moffat. Plus, she loves dogs.”
Layla stroked Sunny, and the cat began biscuiting her thigh.
Luckiest cat in the world.
“An older poodle just came into the Yucca Hills Animal Rescue,” Layla continued. “Very sweet-natured. Perfect for Mrs. Moffat. I’m going to suggest it for her.” She smiled. “I have someone else in mind for Sunny. Just give me a little time. I’ve got to make sure she’s ready.”
“You’re…different.” Prem hadn’t meant to say the words out loud. “Something’s changed.”
“Everything has changed.” Layla scratched Sunny behind the ears and cleared her throat. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the weekend. About my decisions. And about my future.” She reached up as if to grab the braid she no longer possessed. Her hand paused in mid-air, and she quickly lowered it.
Her eyes met his. “The thing is, I’ve spent my whole life trying to please others. To make everyone around me happy. But it’s time for me to focus on myself. It’s time that I stop putting my dreams on hold.”
“Okay, I’m on board with that,” Prem said. “But what does that me—”
“I’m quitting. And I love you.”
“Uhhhh.” Cue the mouth hanging open reel again.
“I want to be a vet tech,” Layla said forcefully. “So, I’ll be re-starting the program at Sagebrush Canyon College. The fall semester starts next month. My old credits are still good, so it’ll only take me a year to finish the program. If I sell my car and all the jewelry Cal bought me, I should be able to afford it and support myself without loans.”
“Uhhhh,” Prem said.
“Val has already promised me a job at YHAR.” Layla’s words picked up speed. “She’s been wanting a vet tech at the rescue for a long time, and assuming they have a good fundraising year, they’ll have the budget for it by the time I’m ready.”
“Uhhhhh,” Prem said.
“And I love you. Did I mention that?” Layla looked at him expectantly. She laughed. “Oh, right. It’s over between me and Cal. Permanently. And guess what? You were right. He was a jerk face who didn’t deserve me.”
“Uhhhh,” Prem said.
“Oh!” Layla’s eyes widened. “I almost forgot. I want you to re-hire Deja.”
“I did that,” he responded mechanically. “She’ll be coming in today. At 9.”
“Great.” Layla smiled at him. “But you also need to give her a raise.”
“I gave her one,” that same robot part of his brain answered.
“Excellent.” Layla reached over and took his hands. The lightning danced across his fingertips and arced through his finger joints and palms. “So, what do you say?”
Prem stared at her beautiful face.
“No.”
He pulled his hands from hers.
Layla frowned. “No?”
Prem’s heart begged him to leap across the desk, pull her into his arms, and never let her go. But his heart had been wrong before. He loved Layla so damn much, and she’d hurt him with that love. Destroyed him with that love. Left him shattered.
He wouldn’t be able to survive if she changed her mind again.
“I can’t.” His voice caught.
“Oh.” Layla’s freckled shoulders slumped. Prem braced himself for her plump bottom lip to wobble, for tears to cloud her wide blue eyes. But Layla didn’t cry. Instead, she took a breath and met his gaze again.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” she said softly. “More than you can know. I made a mistake. Prem, I promise I’ll never hurt you again. At least, never on purpose.”
He wanted to believe her. More than anything. Prem shook his head. “I can’t take the risk.”
Layla nodded as if to herself. Gently, she picked Sunny up from her lap and stood. When he managed to meet her eyes again, he saw pity in their depths.
“You’ve put a wall around your heart,” Layla said. “That’s partially my fault, and you can’t know how sorry I am for that. But that wall doesn’t protect you. That wall isolates you. And until you let that wall down, you’ll never find happiness.”
Now, horrifyingly, Prem felt like crying. His throat clenched. His eyes burned.
“Please leave,” he whispered hoarsely.
She complied, walking to the door, the cat tucked against her hip. Just as she reached the threshold of the open doorway, she paused.
“Consider this my two-week notice.” Layla’s words floated to him on waves of sadness. “I’ll write up a job description for a receptionist and post it today. I’ll be happy to train whomever you hire.”
As soon as she closed the door behind her, Prem fell back against his chair, a strangled sob bursting from his throat. He slammed his elbows onto his desk and dropped his head into his hands.
He’d made the right decision, hadn’t he?
Hadn’t he?