Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
With my quiet admission, Gia’s smile grew, and she leaned over to hug me. But when she sat back, her bright expression wobbled.
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, no.”
She grabbed a napkin from the pile in my hand, dabbing under her eyes.
I watched her carefully from my seat, slightly in shock because Gia was not a crier. She’d done it once after Prince William got married to Kate Middleton, and then again when my dad died. She saved her tears for big things.
That was what she always said.
“Sorry.” She sniffled loudly and hastily wiped her nose. “Ugh. Gross.”
“What is it, Gia? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong. I—I’m just happy for you and all your sappy love potential.”
Unbuckling her seatbelt, she climbed out of the car and I followed her, a pointed look on my face that communicated I didn’t buy that.
She waved me off. “We can talk about it later, I promise.”
“Are you sure? I’ve had all this drama going on, but if something’s up with you, I want you to tell me. You know that, right? The guys are great and all, but you come first.”
“And I love you for that.” As she unlocked the door to let us in, she gave me a wobbly smile over her shoulder. “I swear I’m good. Just happy for you, really.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, not crossing the threshold into our apartment.
She sighed, resigned herself to my stubbornness, and waved me inside. “Fine. I’ll tell you in here.”
We sat down on the couch together. Legs crossed, facing each other the way we usually did.
Gia took my hands in hers and started talking. “You really scared me after the accident. And I got it. With how much you loved your dad, and what happened…”
She gave a little shrug and shook her head, like everything that followed wasn’t as important. But when I squeezed her hands and nodded, she released a heavy breath.
“I promised myself I’d support you no matter what, but there were times when you just seemed so lost, and I didn’t know how to help you. I worried I might lose you. The longer it went where you drifted, going through the motions, without having any hope for the future. You know?”
I nodded, remembering how it had felt back then.
I’d known how much I’d been scaring her, but I hadn’t been able to see past my grief. When the worst was behind me, I hadn’t been able to face it—the things I’d considered at the lowest time in my life—or how they would’ve made the person who was still there, and who loved me, feel.
It had been too much.
Gia never made me face it, either. She never put her feelings on me because she saw everything. She knew how hard I was fighting, even when I couldn’t let her in and share the weight of what I was going through.
But I should’ve acknowledged it long before now.
I gripped her hands tighter and pulled her toward me, wrapping my arms around her shoulders to hug her.
“I’m really sorry, Gia.”
She sniffled, exaggerating a groan over her emotions in my ear. When she released a soft laugh, I pulled back to look her in the eyes as I said what I should’ve said then.
“You have been and always will be too good for this world. Too good for everything in it. I don’t know what I would’ve done during that time if I hadn’t had you, and I should’ve acknowledged what that was like for you.
How hard it must’ve been to see me like that.
How hard you fought to stay strong for me while I fought what felt like a bigger battle in my head.
” Emotion clogged my throat. “Because if it hadn’t been for the way you’d stayed, quietly standing behind me, I don’t know if I’d be here right now.
You were…the light. In that impossible darkness, you gave me hope.
The whole time. And I’m sorry you had to do it, all while worrying that you might lose me. ”
She squeezed my hands tighter.
“But you could never lose me—I’m never lost—as long as I have you.”
Scrunching her face to keep tears at bay, she jerked a nod. Her voice wobbled when she finally cleared her throat and spoke. “I love you, okay?”
“I love you, too. And no matter what happens with them, I’m going to be okay, and I’m not going to leave your side unless I have no control over it.”
“For some activities, it’s really best if you do.” She sniffled, her hazel eyes shining as she smirked.
“True.” I laughed. “Metaphorically speaking, then. I won’t leave you. And you come first. Always. If I had to choose…well, they better hope I never have to, or they’ll need to make peace with where they fall on the list.”
Gia scoffed, waving a hand at me. “You know I’d never make you choose.”
“I know.” Smiling at her, I gave her space to catch her breath and steady her emotions, the way she needed.
As she wiped her nose, she nodded and swiped at the remnants of her tears before exhaling a deep breath.
“The Quest has been so weird because on one hand, it’s been really great for you.
To see you come out of your shell and put some of that behind you.
But there’s so much stuff I can’t—” She chewed her lip, shaking her head as she thought about it.
“Their world has so much darkness in it that I’m still scared of losing you.
Even though I can’t let my fear keep you from living your best life.
It’s probably what you experience with me.
Since you can stop me from meeting spam callers in the forest, but—”
“You did not!” I gaped at her, but when she didn’t contradict me, I put my face in my hands. “Gia, I swear…”
She shrugged, grinning when I looked back up at her. “What! He took me to dinner twice and aggressively ate my pussy first. I told you that’s all I needed.”
Shaking my head, I gaped at her. “You’re unhinged.”
“And you love it.” She smirked.
I squeezed her hands, the heaviness of our conversation eased by her natural ability to make my world brighter.
And I hoped she understood how true it was when I said, “I really, really do.”
When we got back to the apartment, I gathered the few items I’d used the night before and unzipped my suitcase to put them away, spotting my freshly washed clothes from Alice.
She’d offered to take care of them while I’d been at Pendragon over break week, assuring me she’d switched her detergent, so lemons no longer overpowered the laundry.
Beside it, my dirty laundry bag had opened and a few items had spilled out. I shoved what I needed to repack inside, eager to get back to Pendragon. As I wheeled my suitcase out the front door, a thought stopped me in my tracks. I dropped to my knees and unzipped my suitcase again.
Gia came up beside me as I hunted through my clothes. “What’s going on?”
“I need to find it.”
The chances of finding it unwashed and intact, were slim, but I swore I’d seen a flash of denim shoved beneath my dirty laundry bag.
And to my surprise, the shorts I’d worn to the diner that day, when Max wrote out my list of Skills and Assets, weren’t with my freshly washed clothes.
They must’ve fallen out of the dirty laundry bag, but I didn’t find them smooshed at the bottom of my suitcase like I would’ve expected.
Slightly rumpled but refolded, they’d been tucked in the side pocket of my bag.
I hadn’t done that.
Digging inside the front pocket of the shorts, I racked my brain to figure out what he’d done, and when he’d done it, hoping I was right about why. I snagged the napkin and pulled it free of the shorts, holding it tightly between my palms.
I stared up at Gia, who watched me carefully, and held it out for her to see. It wasn’t much proof, but I had to believe that Max’s hints had been leading me to find it. A reminder of moments between us where he’d found the truth in my lies.
His way of telling me he needed me to do the same for him.
As I unfolded the napkin, my hands shook.
“Oh my god.” Gia knelt beside me. “Did he do this?”
I nodded, staring at what he’d added next to the crayon.
Tears filled my eyes again, this time with relief, and a quiet laugh escaped me as Gia read aloud what he’d written that day under the Assets column.
“Those boobs, those hips, and loves milkshakes…” She tilted her head, lips pursed. “He called you out.”
“He saw me.”
I read through the rest of the words.
Skeptical…
Logical…
Argumentative…
Shrewd.
But rereading what he’d written that day wasn’t the part of the list restoring my faith. Each word had been expanded upon with notes Max had made beside it. Just like he’d seen in my dad’s book. Notes written later, and in secret, for me to find when I needed them.
His thoughts on who I was.
His insight into my future path.
And, maybe, his hopes for what I’d do when his truth came to light.
Because next to Skeptical, he’d written, “She won’t believe something just because someone tells her it’s the truth.
Good or bad. Guilty until proven innocent.
” Then a line with a question mark leading to, “Might need to swap those.”
I laughed and kept reading.
Logical had a heart drawn beside it and the note, “Supports her case with evidence, facts, and sound reasoning. Even when her emotions get involved.”
Beside Argumentative, he’d written, “Will argue that the sky is purple if she truly believes it until she’s blue in the face, and make a case so strong, you’ll believe her before she finishes her rant.”
My heart soared.
And finally, next to Shrewd, he’d written, “She cuts through my bullshit and judges me for who I am. Not the image I put out for everyone to believe. She sees me. She believes in me. For everything I can be, even when I don’t believe it myself. Yeah, she fights with me. See: Argumentative above.”
He’d drawn an arrow leading back to that word, but then continued his analysis with what hit me hardest.
“But she fights for me, too. The way no one else has.”
“Max…” I whispered, hugging the napkin to my chest.