1. Chapter 1 #2
She opens her mouth to say something, but a burst of movement across the room cuts her off.
“Honey!” Ella squeals, launching herself off the couch and sprinting toward me, her tiny robe flapping behind her. Her hair is already done, and her tiara wobbles on top of her head as I catch her mid-crash.
“Whoa—hey, Ellie-Bear.” I laugh, steadying her. “You look so pretty.” I press a kiss to her cheek.
“Thank you,” she says, grinning. “Mommy said I’m the most important person in the whole wedding.”
I glance over her shoulder, catching Tiff’s eye.
Tiff smiles as she leans over to straighten Ella’s tiara while I hold her. “That’s right,” she says gently. “We wouldn’t even be here without you.”
I know they wouldn't. Ella's the only reason Jamie got his act together, stopped doing his father’s bidding and started making his own choices. Without her, he never would’ve gone looking for Tiff.
Tiff taps Ella’s nose lightly. “And what are you doing for us today, hmm?”
“I’m going to throw the petals!” Ella says proudly.
“That’s right,” Tiff says, smiling. “And we’ve been practicing all week, haven’t we, Ella-Bear? Just to make sure you know what you’ve got to do.”
“Uh-huh!” Ella wiggles in my arms, and I crouch to let her go. “I’m gonna throw the petals like this.”
She shows me with an exaggerated sweeping motion that sends imaginary petals flying everywhere.
“Perfect,” Tiff says, pressing a kiss to her daughter's forehead. “Just like that.”
Ella grabs my hand and tugs me toward the couch. “Come see my coloring book! Aunt Madison got me one with lots of unicorns.”
“Did she now?” I let myself get dragged along, thankful for the distraction from my thoughts. Today might be tough, but holding Ella's hand is a reminder that we're here to celebrate a love that managed to survive everything thrown at it.
Madison sighs dramatically from the couch, the rollers in her blonde hair wobbling as she flips through a magazine. “Yes, she did.” She lifts her hand in a mock-fancy wave. “Hi, Honey.” She flashes me a smile.
“Hey, Madison,” I say quickly, keeping my eyes anywhere but on her. She’s really nice, but I swear she can see right through me, and she doesn’t hide what she thinks.
“Just so you know, I was this close”—she pinches her fingers together—”to getting the deluxe ‘Hockey Hunks’ coloring book since it had Ella’s cousin Cade, and my fiancé, Dash, in it. I thought it was educational. Tiff disagreed. So... unicorns.”
Am I laughing?
I am. That's the first genuine laugh since I boarded the plane, which has to be a good sign. Maybe I'm relaxing a little.
“Honey.” Tiff’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “Cara is ready for you.”
She points to the hairstylist who’s smiling at me with her hand on the back of her chair.
Right, because she needs to do my hair for the wedding.
And just like that, all the tension in my shoulders returns.
“Fantastic.”
I trudge toward the chair, my stomach knotting at the thought of sitting in it for the better part of an hour, stuck with nothing but my own reflection.
I mumble a quick greeting as I settle into the chair, trying not to wince as Cara works through the knots in my hair.
“There’s a little product buildup,” she murmurs to herself, I think. “But we can work with this.”
I knew I should’ve gone against her advice and just washed it this morning. I would feel so much more refreshed if I had.
Tiff taps my knee as she settles into the chair beside me so that the makeup artist can work on her.
“So,” Tiff says casually, even though it feels anything but. “How was the flight?”
“Good,” I squeak out. “Sorry I couldn't get here sooner. There were barely any flights.”
“From Atlanta?” Madison asks in a deadpan voice. “There weren't any flights from Atlanta? The busiest airport in the country didn’t have any earlier flights to Indiana?”
“Madison...” Tiff drawls in what I think is a warning.
I don’t defend myself. I deserve the questions. I’ve been a terrible friend.
“Yeah, my best friend Olivia is pregnant, so I've been down there helping her get ready.”
“Ah, that's one way to find yourself,” Madison says with a hint of sarcasm.
“She’s been fighting her dad for a year because of me, Mads. Cut her some slack and let her have a little time with her friend.”
I glance up at the mirror, wanting to thank Tiff, but when I accidentally make eye contact with myself, I glance back down.
“Wait, Olivia? Do you mean the pregnant girl who was at the rehearsal dinner last night?”
Silence.
“The one with the husband who’s best friends with Zach?”
More silence.
“How did they get here before you if they were also coming from Atlanta?”
I meet Cara’s eyes in the mirror, and she winces for me.
I lied, and now it’s catching up to me. I was here. I could’ve gone to the rehearsal dinner, but I didn’t have the guts.
“Madison,” Tiff warns.
“What?” She raises her hands, looking between the two of us. “Are we really going to ignore the fact that Honey is avoiding the shit out of this wedding? If I hadn’t met her at one of Zach’s senior games, I literally would not know what she looks like.”
“Madison!” Tiff's tone is sharper now. Since she's getting fake lashes applied, she can't look at her.
“What? We’ve been skirting around this topic every time we see each other, and I’m tired of pretending there isn’t a giant elephant in the room. I’m talking bigger than Dash, and Dash is—” Her eyes widen. “—huge.”
“Please just stop,” Tiff says. “I hear enough Dash innuendos as it is. I would like to be free of them on my wedding day?”
“I'm sorry but are you really expecting me to walk down that aisle, feel all that tension, and pretend to not know what’s going on?”
The room goes quiet. The only sound is the faint music leaking from Ella's headphones. She’s listening to Mr. Nibbles and Me from the Iced Out soundtrack. I’ve heard it enough times to know the song by heart.
Cara shifts uncomfortably, suddenly very focused on a small section of my hair.
“You don’t need to talk about Zach, Honey,” Tiff says.
“Yes, you do,” Madison interrupts. “Did you know I had to sit next to him yesterday at the rehearsal dinner, and that dude...” She huffs out a breath and shakes her head. “Well, frankly, he needs to get laid.”
“Ugh. Madison. He’s my cousin,” Tiff finally backs away from the makeup and turns to look at her.
Madison just shrugs. “Doesn’t change the fact that he’s in a dire state. He hasn't seen Honey in months. He was drafted in that time and is about to start a completely new life in Rome, yet all he could talk about was her.”
He talked about me?
Ugh. That shouldn’t make my heart skip as much as it does.
“And when he wasn't talking about her, he was asking me every question possible about her.” She shakes her head, rolling her eyes to look at the ceiling as she puts on a deep man’s voice.
“Do you know if she’s bringing anyone to the wedding?
Has she gone to any hockey games recently?
Did Tiff mention anything about where she is? ”
When she’s finished, her shoulders slump and she looks at me sympathetically.
“I mean, the man is so in love with you, it’s almost creepy.
Did you know he has a honeycomb tattoo? He got a tattoo dedicated to you, Honey.
” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Honestly, I thought Dash was obsessed with me when he broke my ex's nose, but that's got nothing on you.
He inked himself for you after you broke up.
It'd be sweet if it weren't so obsessive.”
My stomach flips, but I tamp down my reaction.
I can’t go there. Going back to him feels like the easy way out.
Sure, it will feel good in the moment, but I’ll still have the gaping hole in my chest, reminding me that I took an entire semester off from college for no reason, and I still don’t know what the hell I want.
“Have you seen Zach yet?” Madison asks, not letting this go.
Cara’s hands pause in my hair.
She’s listening, waiting for my answer, much like everyone else in the room except Ella.
I squirm.
There's no other word for it. I physically squirm in the chair. My hands grip the armrests; my face is going hot in a way that has nothing to do with the heat from Cara's styling tools.
“I—” The words get stuck in my throat. “Not yet.”
Smooth, Honey. Really smooth.
Madison leans forward, her focus entirely on me. “Are you okay? Like, actually, okay? Because you look like you're about to pass out.”
“I'm fine,” I lie, and it's such an obvious one that I bet even Ella would call me out on it if she weren't so absorbed in her unicorn coloring book and music.
“You're not fine,” Madison presses, gentler now. “And that's okay. You don't have to be.” She stands, crossing to where I'm sitting, and kneels down so we're eye level. “Look, I get it. Breakups suck, but this isn’t just any breakup. This is Zach. He’s your lobster.”
Is he?
Or maybe that stupid high school bet made him feel responsible for me, and he never stopped trying to save the girl he knew before the fame found him.
“All I'm saying is the guy's been miserable without you. Everyone can see it. And you.” She gestures at me. “No offense, but you look like you haven't slept in weeks. So maybe, you two should actually talk instead of doing this whole tragic star-crossed lovers thing.”
“We're not—” I start, but my voice cracks, and suddenly I can't finish the sentence.
We're not tragic or star-crossed.
We're just... broken, and I don't know how to fix it, or if I even want to.
Cara clears her throat. “Should I... give you all a minute?”
“No,” I say quickly. Too quickly. I blink fast enough for the tears to wash away before anyone can see them. “Please. Keep going. I want my hair to look perfect.”
Perfect.
Because that's the only thing about me that might keep me together today.