Chapter 12
TWELVE
Bryson
I never thought I’d have to walk away from her this many times.
It’s cruel.
Especially when I know she needs me.
Actually that’s not true. She doesn’t need me , specifically, but she needs support. I’m sure she’s got it, though. She’s got a good family – solid parents – friends who love and care about her… but I can’t help but feel like she needs something more than that.
That there’s a reason she came to me when she really needed help, and not any of them.
She came to me .
And when it came down to it, I abandoned her.
I don’t know if I’ll ever forget that hurt look in her eye when she saw me sitting there in the court room, watching that piece of shit get exactly what he deserves. Actually that’s not true – he deserved to get far worse – I’d have given him a lethal injection for what he did to Sophia alone, let alone the people’s lives who were ruined by the drugs they cooked up and sold, but he’s locked up for now at least. It buys her some time to heal and find herself again.
I don’t even know why I went today. I had no right to. I could have just waited – heard the verdict through the grapevine, and even though I told myself over and over again that I wouldn’t go, I still found myself driving to the courthouse, and pulling into a carpark. I went through the metal detector, climbed those stairs, and sat my sorry ass down in the viewing parlour.
Fuck I wish he got longer.
I wish they’d lock that cunt up and throw away the key.
They could torch the place with him inside, and it still wouldn’t be punishment enough for what he did.
He’ll spend his time behind bars, but then he’ll be out and free.
She’ll never be the same.
I don’t know how that’s fair.
I push myself harder on the run, and hear Jones grunt behind me .
I’m a bit of a prick, when I asked him if he wanted to run together tonight, I doubt this is what he had in mind. We’ve practically been sprinting for the past two kilometres, and I’m not in any state to slow down.
The only way I get any sleep is if I’m too exhausted to stay awake, otherwise my mind is just constantly running overtime, worrying, wondering, wishing. Tonight will be far worse than usual.
I’ve turned into a real little pussy.
I can hear Jones’ footsteps falling a bit behind mine, but I don’t let up. I need this, today of all days.
I turn down the block – the way we go when we want to run a bit farther. I doubt he’ll follow me, but at this rate, I’ll probably still make it back before him.
I push a little harder, my lungs burning and my legs protesting. I ignore both – they’ll survive. They’ve survived everything else, I know they’re not going to fail me now.
I can’t hear Jones behind me anymore, so I dig in further again, another one percent faster. That’s all it takes to be better, just another one percent. I read it on a t-shirt or something years and years ago, and it sounded a little bit lame, but it was doable. That’s why I remembered it. Even on my darkest day, I could find another one percent.
I just have to tune out the discomfort and go to a happy place .
I let my mind wander to Aria, and I almost smile.
That kid wormed her way into my heart faster than even her mother managed to do.
Fuck I miss her. I miss them both.
I want more than anything to call Sophia up, or drop by her parents’ place to see them, but after seeing the look on her face today, I know I can’t do that.
I hurt her too much, and she’s got enough on her plate as it is.
I know what I need to do – and that’s stay away from her. It’s a promise I have to keep – to her and to myself.
One day might be the day I finally get to have her back, but today isn’t it.
Tomorrow isn’t either.
I don’t know how many tomorrows I’m prepared to count, but I’ll do it. I’ll count every one until the day comes.
I pop the top off a beer at the same moment Jones appears in my front yard, panting and sweating heavier than I’ve ever seen him.
He looks at me in disbelief, his chest heaving.
I take a swig from the glass bottle.
“Are you…” he pants. “Fucking… serious?”
I smile around my mouthful. “I thought you’d be fitter than that, I dunno if I’d trust you to save me from a burning building.”
“I’d fucking… leave you… in there… you asshole.”
He collapses on the step next to me, his head back and his eyes closed.
“Beer?” I ask as I offer him a bottle.
His eyes open and he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I can… barely breathe.”
I chuckle, and he raises his arm just high enough so I can see him flipping me the middle finger.
I leave him alone until I can’t hear him sucking in oxygen at such a hectic rate.
“Beer?” I ask again.
“It better be cold, you fucking lunatic.”
I pass him the cold bottle and he twists off the top before taking a long pull.
“Shit that’s good.”
Can’t argue with that.
We sit there, sipping away in silence for a while. That’s one of the things I like about Jones, he doesn’t need to fill every moment of silence with mindless chatter. He’s a good dude, a little older than I am, but we play for the same rugby team, and we’ve become mates outside of that.
“You sure you weren’t running from the cops?”
I huff out a laugh. “I’m sure.”
“No but seriously, what the fuck was that all about? We’ve run before, but that wasn’t running, that was something else. My life flashed before my eyes.”
“I had a rough day.”
Running is what gets me through a lot of tough days. Always has done.
“A rough day ? Fuck, bro, I’d have to have someone chasing me with a nuclear bomb to get me to move that quickly. I know you’re younger than me, but fuck .”
I smirk around the lip of the bottle, but my smile doesn’t last long.
“He got sentenced today.”
I don’t need to specify who. Jones doesn’t know everything, but he knows enough to figure out what I’m talking about.
“What’d he get?”
“Four years.”
“Probably be out in two.” He grunts.
We’ve talked about this shit already, and we both agree the judicial system in this country sucks.
“She there?”
I nod.
“You talk to her?”
I shake my head.
“This shit has you all fucked up, huh?”
He’s got no idea just how fucked up I really could be, but the sentiment is right. It’s sure as fuck playing on my mind.
“Not sure it’s crazy enough to warrant a five kilometre sprint, but I can sympathise.”
My mind is still racing, I should have run for longer.
We fall back into another comfortable silence.
“Hey, do me a favour, bro?” he says after a few minutes.
I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Don’t ever ask me to go running with you again.”