Chapter 69 Ivy
Ivy
Istared at myself for a long moment in the full-length mirror, the steam of the shower covering my face as I took in my body.
It looked like my own, but not. I was still fat, still had the same thick thighs that usually brought me more pain than relief, the same stretch marks around my upper arms that once made me insecure.
My boobs didn’t really feel the same anymore, though.
They looked a little fuller, though I couldn’t tell if it was because of the changes happening inside of my body or because I finally had good food again.
And then there was my stomach. I pressed my hand against the upper part of my belly, which felt firmer somehow, not nearly as soft as it once was. It was the only real sign that there was a change happening, the reality of my life finally coming into focus.
Part of me wanted to cry now that I was alone, but I also held the tears back. I’d already cried enough over this. And although I knew I could keep breaking down, that no one would blame me, I didn’t have a choice anymore. Today solidified that.
I released a shaky breath, but something dark appeared in my periphery. My skin prickled, a shiver rolling down my spine as I turned to find Hawk standing behind me.
“You’re awake,” I breathed, heart thundering.
The male cocked his head, brows furrowed. “I am now.”
I should have gone for a towel or a change of clothes, but he didn’t give me a chance. Hawk’s eyes darkened as he closed the distance between us, one hand going to the back of my head while the other held me against him. I sucked in a deep breath, and yet I didn’t stop him.
Hawk lowered his face. “You’re okay,” he murmured, resting his forehead against mine. “Safe.”
I pressed my hands against his chest, over the racing beat of his heart. “I am,” I replied, trying to ignore the strange feeling swelling within me. I was so used to my magic pushing me towards him, that I didn’t completely understand my own emotions anymore.
I shuddered, eyes closing. Clenching my teeth, I couldn’t make myself do anything.
A small part of me wanted to sink into him, especially with how right it felt being held by him.
But the other part of me, the part that still remembered the heartache, that felt the betrayal from him at every turn, wanted to push him away.
Goddess above, this was a mess.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, taking me by surprise. “You have no idea—”
Someone cleared their throat, probably the best save in history. Hawk pulled back first, giving me a chance to breathe.
“Everything okay in here?” Rowan asked, trying to keep his voice light. But there was tension in his words, uncertainty.
Hawk didn’t respond. There was only a brief flicker of recognition, like he sort of knew Rowan.
Swallowing hard, I pulled myself out of Hawk’s embrace and grabbed my towel. “Yeah, everything is fine,” I said, pressing my lips together. “What are you doing up here?”
Rowan’s eyes flashed with an emotion I couldn’t read. “I was coming to let you know dinner is ready. Didn’t think I’d find him in here.”
I spared Hawk a glance before wrapping the towel around myself and moving to the door. It wasn’t like I was the one who put walls up between us. Rowan had, and now he wanted to act surprised?
I missed my bonds, because then at least I would have understood his emotions and thoughts better. But without them, there was an ever-growing chasm between us, and I had a feeling Rowan would only let it grow until he found a solution to the collar.
Losing them made me realise just how damned reliant I was on my access to the bonds.
Before I could walk past Rowan, he stopped me with a hand around my waist. “Hey,” he murmured, keeping his voice low.
I swallowed thickly and met his stare. Uncertainty flared in his hazel eyes, eyes that flickered down to the collar. It was only when the uncertainty shifted to pain that I felt myself soften to him.
“I need to change, then I’ll come down,” I said quietly. “But you should show Hawk to the kitchen.”
Behind me, the half-Fae male made a sound. “I think there are more pressing matters,” he replied, stopping at my other side, his warmth making my skin prickle again.
“And what might that be?” Rowan asked, cocking his head.
For a moment, Hawk said nothing, but then, “You told me something on the island. Before I passed out. And it meant something. I felt it. I won’t make another mistake.”
I stiffened, glancing between Hawk and Rowan; the former had a stern set to his brows, eyes serious, emotions written clearly across his face. And the latter looked surprised.
“What did you say?” I asked Rowan, heart pounding.
I was almost ninety-percent certain Rowan had no idea about what’d happened between Hawk and me back in the Old World.
Other than the whole I don’t want the bond statement Hawk made on the ship from Avalon to the Underworld, I hadn’t exactly divulged anything to anyone beyond the brief disappointment and betrayal over hearing it.
I never told anyone about the kiss or the rejection, or even my plans for once we returned: finding a way to break the bond for him.
But it looked like there was something I didn’t know. Something Hawk very obviously didn’t remember.
“What happened?” I asked again. “Or is this yet another thing you guys will keep from me in order to make me crazy?”
Rowan’s closed as he released a shaky breath. “Uh, no,” he said, shaking his head gently. “Not something I want to hide from you. Not something that should be hidden.”
Emotion tightened in my throat as I walked away from him and Hawk. “Then explain it to me.”
I didn’t look back at either of them as I moved through the closet and grabbed fresh clothes, dropping my towel as I did.
There was little point in hiding; both knew what I looked like naked now, and I’d lost all sense of insecurity the first day we were here when they saw the scars across my back.
It didn’t feel that important to hide anymore.
There was a chance they would be a permanent part of me, just like Elias’s scars or the bites on Maeve’s arms. Hell, even Thor moved around freely covered in them.
I would survive these. I had survived them.
Dante ensured I could survive anything.
Behind me, Rowan cleared his throat. I felt the weight of his stare on me, of Hawk’s as well, as I pulled on a new pair of sweatpants. “My mother meddled,” Rowan started hesitantly.
“When hasn’t she?” I replied, glancing over my shoulder and meeting his stare.
He scrubbed a hand down his face, releasing a shaky breath as he did. “More than just what she did to you. Which I am so, so fucking sorry about.”
I shrugged as I pulled my shirt on, relieved when it fell over my stomach. “Nothing we can do about it now,” I said honestly, turning to them. “But how did she meddle with Hawk?”
At that, Rowan looked at the other male. I couldn’t read his expression, but Hawk at least looked a little confused, like he was trying to pull at memories he no longer had access to.
“I don’t know fully what happened, but I do know she did something to him.
Hid a memory. During the diversion, Hawk just froze.
He was recovering the memory she took from him, and all he said to me was that he understood why he stayed away from you.
He knew he had to sacrifice himself for the first.”
A chill rolled down my spine, one that had the hairs on my arms prickling and stomach turning over. “What first?”
“Orion,” Hawk muttered, staring off at nothing. “I had to be the one to die.”
I wrapped my arms around myself to stop myself from shaking. Blinking hard, I looked at Rowan. “But Ry didn’t die.”
Rowan sighed, eyes shifting between fear and concern. “Yeah. We know that now.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” Rowan replied quietly, moving to stand in front of me.
“But it does explain his attitude a little better. Hawk set himself up to make sure you wouldn’t be hurt.
He may not have realised it at the time, but subconsciously he made himself the bad guy so that if he did get himself killed, he wouldn’t be missed.
He and my mother just never anticipated him being one of your mates.
Though how she didn’t know is beyond me. ”
All I could do was stare at him, then look at Hawk. There was still a hint of confusion in his dark eyes, but he met my stare evenly. “I don’t remember anything else,” he admitted quietly.
And I believed him, even though based on our past, I probably shouldn’t.
I nodded once, releasing a breath. “I really appreciate you telling me about that,” I said, looking back up at Rowan.
I still felt that rift between us, and it continued to feel impossible to cross. Especially when he looked at me like he wasn’t sure what he was seeing. Whether he saw me or just the collar and scars on my back.
And I couldn’t decide which had my heart breaking more.
With a shake of my head, I stepped back, putting distance between Rowan and me. “Well, I’m starving,” I said, changing the subject. “It has been a…day.”
Rowan said nothing as he nodded, though he hesitated before taking a step. “I’ll figure it out,” he whispered, gaze flickering to my throat. “I promise.”
A shiver rolled down my spine, but I didn’t feel that familiar flare of hope that should have been ignited at his words. “Okay,” was all I could say to that.
After everything, I doubted runes would be enough to take the collar off. Dante wouldn’t make it that easy, but even then, these weren’t runes designed by us or for us.
These were runes of the Gods. And they were entirely different creatures.
“Our scouts in Avalon have sent word,” Damon said from the other side of the long dining table someone had pulled out of the old dining room. They’d set it out in the spacious family area by the windows, allowing us an unobstructed view of the field and ocean beyond.
Maeve, who only had a glass of blood in front of her, as well as her tablet, glanced up from the files she’d been looking at. “What do they say?”
Damon picked a letter from his suit jacket and used the shadows to hand it to her, though his red eyes flickered to me. After our near kiss, I hadn’t spoken another word to him, though the thought of how close he’d been made my heart skip a beat.
For a moment, the rest of the table was silent while Maeve read the letter aloud, “Our scouts have confirmed Dante’s location in the palace, though he has taken down the Phoenix Compound to stop resources from going through the mountain.
To our knowledge, no lives were lost in the destruction of our headquarters, but our systems, paper files, artefacts, and weapons cache are gone. ”
“He just effectively cleared any chance of us getting a hold of weapons for our army,” Adrian said quietly, eyeing his plate. “He’s probably also taken out the cache in the palace, too. Sir Ya’Dahir hid a few around the Queen’s Wing and in the underground tunnels.”
I swallowed hard, pushing a pea across my plate. “We took his weapons, so he takes ours.”
The table fell silent at my statement, though no one disagreed or tried to correct me.
“More of Dante’s army was found during a secondary sweep of the mountain and compound.
This sweep found an additional fifteen shifters trapped in their shifted form, as well as several injured soldiers claiming they dissented—though Blythe says otherwise, so they have been taken to the dungeons.
We also finally made it onto the High Palace island, where we searched the ruins, but found nothing except the empty cells and the body of a soldier—one of Dante’s, we believe, with his throat cut,” Maeve finished, her voice trailing off with the last sentence.
To my surprise, Elias stiffened, his hand moving to my knee as he cursed.
“What?” I asked, looking at him. “Why is that important?”
“There was a prisoner on that island, being kept in a cell,” Damon replied darkly, sitting back. “He had his own cage of God Runes, requested a meeting with you to make a deal, and now he is missing.”