Chapter 88 Ivy
Ivy
Rough, warm hands took my own, startling me out of my thoughts. I turned from the balcony door, sparks of electricity running through my body.
The last of my bonds. Deep in my chest where my magic usually lay, I felt it tap-tap-tap at the ancient runes keeping it locked away. The simple touch offered by Thor had the once indestructible magic crawling out of its cage, begging for more.
Like it knew he was the last one. The key to unlock it entirely.
Thor wasn’t looking at my face; his eyes were on our hands—mine trapped between his, held reverently, like if he released me, I might disappear. There was a softness in his gaze that had my breath lodging in my throat.
Are you okay? I asked, turning to him fully, leaving the dark, threatening sky behind.
The bear shifter finally looked up, brows furrowed. Why have you not come to me yet about the bond?
I stiffened, heart pounding. My stomach twisted, a knot forming in my throat as I tried to swallow.
I wasn’t even sure how to respond. The question should have had a clear answer, but it’d been twenty-four hours since I completed the bond with Xerxes, and we were less than four days from the eclipse.
Four days until we went to war.
I didn’t have a good reason, except for uncertainty.
You spent your whole life trapped in your shifted form, I replied carefully, covering our joined hands with mine, fingers brushing the deep, old scars that lined his knuckles.
I guess I’m not sure if you’re completely aware of what will happen if we complete the bond. If you even know what that means.
Thor met my stare. The look in his eyes was one I couldn’t read; they were clouded with questions I probably couldn’t answer.
Was I not giving him enough credit? He’d assured me he knew what this meant—what needed to happen. But that didn’t mean he knew what completing the bond really entailed. It didn’t mean he was ready for that kind of commitment, especially after decades spent in a cage, trapped in another form.
That is for me to decide, he said, his voice soft.
My cheeks heated as I ducked my head, taking in our hands. “I’m sorry,” I said, clearing my throat. “I shouldn’t—”
If you are worried that I don’t understand, then talk to me.
I allowed myself to look up and meet his stare again.
“I should have spoken to you—privately. The discussion we had before where I asked if you were ready should have included talking to you about it.” Swallowing hard, I stepped towards him, feeling the heavy warmth of his body soak into mine.
“But I really, really want to know if you’re sure about this, Thor. You deserve a chance to actually live.”
What if this is how I want to live? he asked honestly, cocking his head. There was a fire in his eyes that made me shiver, a burning promise in them I couldn’t read. And yet…
“Are you sure?” I asked, searching his expression for any sign of hesitation.
“I mean it. Like I said to Xerxes, this is forever. There is no going back. And you…you deserve so much more. After everything you’ve gone through, you should have freedom.
Experiences. And I don’t know if I can give you all of that. ”
Those final words left like glass as they left my lips, harsh and broken in my own ears.
Decades in a cage meant he’d known nothing else. Like Elias, he’d probably been born in Dante’s compound.
I didn’t want to be the reason he never had certain experiences. Why he never got to do the things other creatures around him did. For a moment, it felt like I was taking another choice from him, stealing another decision he was supposed to be able to make on his own.
Thor dropped his forehead to mine, the movement so gentle it brought tears to my eyes.
I lived an entire lifetime in the cage, he said softly, and for years, I begged for death.
I thought it would be the only way I could be free of the torture, the bloodshed.
I wanted away from it all, and I thought death was my only escape.
My eyes closed as I tried to stop tears from falling, tears that felt entirely selfish and not mine to shed.
But my heart ached for him, cracking at the memory of losing him.
The reminder of Hawk’s words when he said Thor was okay with dying, that he would find peace, ripped me apart all over again.
And then you crossed my path, he continued, the words taking my breath away, and I felt something change within me.
He wanted to use me as a weapon against you.
Wanted me to hurt you. But when I saw you for the first time, I felt like I was finally waking to the world around me.
You woke me up, my dear mate. You are the reason I fought to escape when I thought death would be my only release.
I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, unable to form real words. If I tried, I knew I would break. Would crumble into his arms, and that wasn’t fair.
I don’t see a future without you in it, he added. Before you, I thought I had nothing. And now…I cannot live on without you.
Each word had my heart thundering harder, the reverence and conviction in the way he spoke cutting right through the walls I wanted to put up between us just in case he realised he needed time. That he needed to learn more about the world before he committed to the bond.
I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. In a perfect world, I would have helped him.
Given him all the time he needed to learn about anything he’d never experienced.
Ensured he had the space to figure out what he needed—what he wanted.
In a perfect world, it would have been the same for Xerxes.
Maybe he could have returned home to his world to make his choices.
But we aren’t in a perfect world, I reminded myself. And there is no perfect world without them.
I finally swallowed past the lump building in my throat, finding my voice once more. “Are you sure you understand what that means?” I asked, opening my eyes again and finding his stare. “You know what…completing the bond means?”
I couldn’t be sure if he did, though there was a chance he was more experienced than I gave him credit for.
My beast tells me I must mark you, he replied easily, confidently.
It is instinctual—primal. The need to know you are marked by me—by us.
I can feel it. He pulled back enough to run his darkening eyes over me, stopping at my shoulder where Elias’s mark sat.
I could almost imagine what it would feel like to have Thor claim the other shoulder.
I know that I must be inside you, he continues, the words somehow gruff inside my head. Feel you.
A shudder rolled down my spine. “Sex,” I murmured, catching his stare. “That’s what your bear is telling you. That you have to mark me during sex.”
The male nodded once before removing one of his hands from mine. He raised it to my face, cupped my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. I know, he replied.
“You do?”
Thor dipped his chin in a shallow nod. They made sure we knew.
Bile rose in my throat. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.”
But to my surprise, he just shook his head. I wouldn’t know without them.
“It was still against your will,” I murmured, interlocking our hands. “I know…I know there’s a different culture around sex in this world, but you still had no voice, and you were in a cage. You might know what it means now, but that doesn’t mean you were able to consent otherwise.”
A flicker of doubt appeared in his eyes as his brows creased with uncertainty. Like for the first time, he was really considering the effects of the cage—of his treatment beyond the punishments. Maybe because it hadn’t meant pain for him, he hadn’t thought it bad.
“Did they…do that to you? At all?” I asked carefully. If my magic were free, I imagined it would be thrumming through my veins as I waited for his answer. Building in my chest with the anger and sadness swelling in me.
Thor shook his head firmly. No, he replied, the word bringing me more peace than I expected. They never did that—to any of us.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and said, “Good. That’s good.”
A smile quirked at the corner of his lips, one that had my heart skipping a beat.
The scars would have put anyone off, I imagined, but they enhanced how beautiful Thor was.
Especially now that his beard had been trimmed and neatly framed his strong, wide jawline, and his hair was no longer the tangled mess it’d been when he shifted.
There was a genuine, soft kindness in his eyes that brought me a sense of peace and safety.
A softness that called for the parts of me worn down by the battle that was currently my life.
Thor was yet another missing piece waiting to be slotted into the puzzle of my heart.
I want to complete our bond, he said, the words drawing me out of my thoughts. Just as Xerxes said, I want to protect you. That is what my beast is telling me. But I also want to be yours. I want to choose you, Ivy. And I don’t want there to be any chance we could be parted.
The words I want to choose you slammed into me, tearing into my heart and ripping away all the convictions I held onto. Every reason to push pause on the bond became non-existent as I felt the truth of those words in my own heart.
“You’re not saying that because you feel like you have to, right?” I asked, unable to make my voice louder than a whisper. “This is what you want—just what you want. Don’t think about what I want right now. I want you to be sure that this is something you feel is right for you.”
For me, it didn’t matter if we completed the bond now or in ten years.
Regardless, there would be plenty of time to learn the truths of one another’s hearts.
The bond might mean eternal commitment, but that didn’t stop us from still growing together, learning one another, figuring life out as partners.
There is no reason for me to wait, he replied, the hand on my cheek moving to the back of my head. And there is no reason for me to deny what I have known since I found you.
My skin prickled with a shiver. “What have you known?” I asked breathlessly.
Thor leaned towards me, warm breath brushing my cheeks. That you are my saviour, he replied, nose touching mine. That you are my heart.
The first brush of his lips was like a test, a careful consideration. I’d always loved the claiming, possessive way my other mates kissed me. But this was something else.
Sure, yet hesitant, soft and delicate like the thread tying us together.
I held myself still, allowing him to explore the feeling himself, giving him the room to kiss me how he wanted—how he needed to. I could almost feel the hesitance within him. Yet when his eyes fluttered closed, a small sound fell from his lips.
Very rarely did he make any noise like that.
And for some reason, it lit a fire in my belly, stoked the need building within me.
His next kiss almost brought me to my knees with how firm and sure it was. Like he knew exactly what he wanted—needed—to do. He poured everything into this second kiss; the fear and anguish of his life, the desperate need for his own future, and everything he wanted but never thought he would have.
The kiss set me ablaze, coursing through me and awakening parts of me hidden behind the magic of the collar.
I felt that familiar tug in my chest, the powerful need to bond hitting me hard.
Thor was the last of my mates that I needed to survive. He might be the key to breaking free of not just the collar, but the binds on my back cutting me off from the rest of my bonds.
He could be the beginning—and end—of everything.
And all I wanted to do was give in.