25. Joker
This is either the dumbest thing I have ever done or the smartest. Maybe it’s a combination of the two; who knows? Either way, I look down at Winnie, who giggles as we ride up the elevator. When the doors open, I motion for her to head out. With my arms full of bags, it’s hard motion to accomplish. Ace had properly threatened me with an inch of my life if anything happened to Winnie on my watch. All traffic laws were followed along with anyone who got close to her at the shelter I practically growled at. Overprotective uncle is now one of my favorite titles. “Ladies first. Let’s get you back to your parents.” Putting the bags down by the elevators, we walk toward Ace’s apartments.
She skips ahead of me, moving faster than I am. “Be careful, Bear.” She is so excited to show what we got on our outing. I’m sure Ace will freak out before knowing it’s Queen’s gift.
Speak of the devil, and he will appear. Ace must have been watching us on the cameras. The second we got through the gates, we were ratted out. Knowing Ace, however, he probably told the person working to let him know. “Daddy!” She runs to him before lifting the puppy like its Lion King. “Look! I got to pick him out! Uncle Joker, let me!” Just like that, my name has been upgraded from Mr. Joker to Uncle Joker. We went to the animal shelter. I have been watching their page. Right before Queen told me about Tess, I saw they closed two puppy mills. One they were using for fighting animals and the other was fluff balls for ladies’ purses. It seemed like the sign I needed. Plus, I have enough time to get the thing potty trained before I pull out my second surprise.
Ace smiles at his daughter warmly before glaring at me. If looks could kill, I would be dead; I only smile as he clears his throat, trying to keep his anger in check. “He is cute. We are going to have to take him back, sweetheart.” He looks back at me before adding, “This is what you needed my daughter for?” His jaw clicks slightly, and I smirk because he stuck his foot in his mouth. You know what they say about assuming.
Winnie senses the tension, and her bottom lip pouts before quivering slightly. “Why? Do you think Aunt Queenie won’t like him? Uncle Joker said I would pick out the best one.” She looks over at the puppy before looking up at her dad. “He is the best one. I think?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry, sweetheart! I thought he was our dog, and with your new brother or sister coming, the puppy might eat baby toys. You picked out the best puppy. Why don’t you go show Mommy, but tell her it’s Aunt Queenie’s.” Winnie runs inside with the light gray and white American Bulldog. Once she is out of earshot, Ace narrows his eyes. “You did that on purpose, asshole.”
I raise my hands slightly. “Whoa. I thought it would help keep Winnie busy. Plus, I think Queenie will warm up to the idea. If not, I may have to borrow your daughter to help sell her on it.” I shoot a half smile at Ace. “You have to admit… it was a little funny.” I use my thumb and forefinger to indicate a little bit. “Your face. I thought you were about to shit a puppy.”
“You saw the face! Winnie just returned, and I thought I had to break her heart. But seriously, you might need to take Winnie with you. Queenie may kill you.”
“There is a chance.” At that moment, Winnie returns, holding the adorable gray puppy, whose paws seem too big for his body. “What did your mom think?”
“That Aunt Queenie is probably going to kill you.” She says brightly before shrugging and looks up at me with those big blue eyes. “She said I should go and show her.”
I chuckle. “This is a battle I need to face alone. I will call you if I need a backup. Thanks for picking out the best one. Come over after dinner if you want to walk him with me.” I take the puppy back into my arms.
“Yes! Mom! Guess what?” she yells as she runs back into the house, which makes me chuckle. I might not want kids, but Winnie sure is pretty great. At least I get to hang out with this one. Teach her how to kick ass and take names.
Ace smirks at me. “I thought Queenie was bullshitting me with you, wanting to be the favorite uncle. You know she will want to be over all the time now, right?”
“You had a time issue, and I solved it while scoring cool uncle points. Now it’s time to get Queen on board.” I don’t let him answer, and I turn and walk toward the elevator to get the bags of dog stuff. Setting them down outside the door, I walk in with the puppy behind me.
“Boo! This man!” Queen yells at the TV while sitting on the couch, eating popcorn while throwing some at the TV. “Well, there is my man of mystery.” She slurs slightly, and I smile at her. Drunk Queen. I want to taste her lips. I imagine they are a mixture of butter and fruity drinks.
“Have you been drinking without me? Who are we booing?” I raise my eyebrows at her. She had better not be watching our show without me.
“Obviously.” Her eyebrows raise, and she smiles while pointing at the TV. “Lana let Trevor stay! Seriously! Never trust a Trevor.” She scoffs, and now I wonder if I have to kill a Trevor for her. I glance at the TV and the guy looks like a douchebag.
Her lips are slightly stained, and I see the pitcher beside her. I wonder how many she had. “Wow, have I already driven you to drink?” Well, shit. Maybe this dog was a bad idea.
“Nah, King kept me company for a bit. What kind of trouble did my niece get you into today?” She smirks and narrows her eyes as I move the puppy behind me. I sit him on the floor; it takes no time before he takes off toward her, looking awkward as he needs to grow into his feet. He leaps toward her and ungracefully crawls into her lap while giving many puppy kisses. “Oh, my goodness! Are you serious?” She pulls him back, and he still tries to lean forward to lick her face as she looks at me.
“Are you mad?” I wince slightly as I walk over toward them both, and Queen talks to the puppy like a baby, so I begin to relax. His tail wags furiously, and he seems to try to eat and lick the words she is telling him.
She pulls him to her face and kisses his cheek. “How can you be mad at this face?” He turns and licks her again, causing her to laugh. “Such stinky puppy breath you got going.”
“What’s his name?” I ask her, tilting my head. I’m so happy I didn’t have to spoil the second surprise I want to give her later. After the kid arrives, I got us a small beach house for just the two of us. Well, three of us, if you count the puppy. It’s less than five hours away—just a little getaway for us to enjoy when we want to sneak off for a few days. I know I have seen her naked, but I want to see her beachside in a bikini. I’ll supply her with all the tequila she could want and spoil her with takeout. Because let’s face it, we both suck at cooking.
“His name is Norm,” she says with such certainty. He yawns before laying his head on her shoulder and snuggling in for a puppy nap. That way, when he is outside, we can yell, ‘Norm!’ like in Cheers.
“Norm, it is, though I might have to watch the show to understand that reference,” I say as I grab the watered-down pitcher of drinks from the coffee table, taking a drink out of the pitcher’s side. I nod to myself and can taste the tequila on my lips. “Not bad. I bet they would have tasted better fresh.”
Queen puts her hands over the puppy’s ears. “Shhh, don’t say such trash in front of Norm!” She grabs the remote aggressively before scrolling through all the apps until she finds Cheers. “Prepare for a journey with me.”