Chapter 36
D espite the speed at which they raced through the night, Emer could not escape the thoughts that had sunk their claws into her mind in the clearing.
Lachlan had poisoned her father.
In addition to coping with all that his betrayal meant, Emer had the added fear that the Well may no longer be the cure she fought so hard for. Her panic was a thick film over her thoughts, and until she felt Calder shifting behind her to dismount, she hadn’t even realized they stopped riding, nor was she sure how much time had passed. Looking down at him, her anger was stoked anew, and she leaped from Danu without assistance. Her legs buckled slightly upon impact, and Calder reached for her.
“You had no right!” she snarled, pushing against his chest.
Calder’s nostrils flared as he took a step back. Emer matched it, bringing her fist down again. His eyes remained locked to hers as she hit him, absorbing her anger because he could do nothing to take away her sadness. Chest heaving, Emer took a step back and shook her head before turning sharply towards Aven. Calder’s hand lashed out, grabbing her wrists and tugging her back.
“I can’t let you go,” he said regretfully .
“I’m not asking, Calder.”
Without another word, he pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Emer struggled, and Calder dipped his head down, nuzzling it into the side of her neck and caging her body until she grew still.
Slowly, Calder shifted their weight, rocking ever so gently from side to side. Emer closed her eyes and twin tears streamed down her cheeks. The fear had numbed. Her anger ebbed, and finally, painfully, the sadness came.
When her breaths stuttered, he held her tighter.
Emer searched for the place inside her, the one Lina had said would feel her father’s absence, and while every part of her felt fractured and bruised, she still felt him there. Collecting herself, she released a slow exhale and leaned away.
“Why?” she asked. When he lifted his head and searched her eyes, she clarified. “Why won’t you let me go back?”
“Because he could have killed you,” he replied.
Though nothing about Emer outwardly changed, her voice was more brittle when she spoke next, and suddenly, she felt so much smaller.
“You made it clear I am not welcome to stay when this is all over, so why would you care what happens?”
Calder’s eyes heated.
“You know why,” he said, releasing her and creating distance.
But Emer shook her head. Everything she thought she had known, everything she had once believed to be true, all seemed to be wrong. “I don’t believe you,” she said softly. Once again mistrusting everything, including herself.
Calder ran his hand through his hair. “Don’t, Emer. We are not doing this now. You are understandably upset?—”
“And you are afraid,” she interjected in a hoarse shout.
Calder ate the space between them, taking her face into his hands. “Fucking terrified,” he agreed the moment before his mouth crashed against hers .
There was no gentleness in the way he kissed her.Only the desperate need to breathe her in until his lungs burst and she filled the hollow pit that formed when he saw her in Lachlan’s grasp.
The sigh Emer released when Calder parted her lips was lost beneath his answering groan. The sound vibrated down her spine, scraping across the thread of anxiety like a blade. She sank into the kiss like it was her own personal well of healing.
Grabbing his tunic, Emer pulled their bodies flush.
Calder slipped a hand into her hair, angling her head.
She kissed him until they were breathless; until the tension had melted from their muscles; until their anger and sadness had dulled.
He kissed her until he could no longer taste the tears on her lips, and then deepened the kiss, swallowing the tears she had yet to shed.
Dragging his mouth from hers, he kissed and bit along her jaw and down her neck.Drinking in each gasp, his mouth elicited. Kissing his way back up the column of her throat, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “Believe me now, sweetheart?
Emer opened her eyes to find Calder looking down at her through heavy lids. “You were right about him. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”
“There is no way you could have known what he was.”
Emer scoffed.
“You did!” She brought her hands to rub her face in frustration. “You questioned me about him from the very start, and I defended him.”
He took her hand, kissing the small cut on her palm she received while hitting him. “I hated him for the mere fact that he mattered to you, and that was before. Now,” he paused, leaning in close and kissing her neck gently. “I hate that I didn’t get to rip his throat out with my teeth.”
“If he somehow manages to survive Keane, I promise I’ll let you try next.” Her voice was listless, and she swayed slightly as the night’s events claimed the last of her energy.
Grabbing the single bedroll he managed to retrieve in their escape, he began clearing the ground of the larger rocks and sticks.
Despite the fact that her lips were still swollen from their kiss, she arched her brow when he laid down and gestured for her to join him.
“No fires tonight. We will have to leverage the more interesting ways of keeping warm,” he said with a coy smile.
Laying next to him, she followed his gaze to the stars burning brightly overhead. Since leaving home, Emer often found comfort when she looked up at the stars, knowing her family was beneath the same sky. Even though, at times, it seemed like the stars were mocking her with their secrets.
Sighing, she asked, “What do you feel when you look at the stars?”
After a moment, he answered, “Am I meant to feel something?”
She frowned.
“If you don’t, then why do you look at them the way that you do?” she countered.
“Because when you know what they mean, you can read them like stories,” he explained.
She sat up slightly and turned her attention fully to the sky, her face scrunching as she tried to make out any discernible shapes.
“Do you know the story of the Rivals?” he asked in a low tone, causing Emer to shake her head.
“Come here,” he said so quietly that she almost missed it. When she turned, she found the arm that was not tucked behind his head extended. She settled into the crook of his shoulder and he brought his hand up, guiding her gaze to a specific cluster of stars.
“The Rivals were said to have fought in a tournament to win the heart of the Gray Witch.”
Despite looking, her eyes failed to locate the two forms he described. Slipping his arm from behind his head, he brought his fingers to her chin and aligned her gaze to where he had been pointing, and then resumed his relaxed posture.
“There,” he whispered.
Trailing her gaze up his forearm and to the tip of his finger, she saw them. Two large bodies locked in battle. Pulsing stars around them seemed to mirror a spark as their swords clashed.
“When her love died, the Gray Witch cast him into the sky along with her own heart. Every night she looked upon him, told him she loved him, and swore that her heart would always be his and that she would find a way to bring him back. And every day, she sought revenge against those who separated them.”
Emer’s eyes remained fixed on the unique star pulsing a pale red in the center of one of the figures chest —right where his heart would be.
“I suppose that is fairly romantic,” Emer remarked, trying to stave off the ache she felt for the lovers who had lost each other.
“No, Merrow. The story is a cautionary tale,” he continued. “When you take the light of someone’s life, they will become the monster that will drag you into the dark.” His tone was grave.
Emer thought of his parents and the consuming love they shared. The kind of love that left its mark, even on the stars. “Well, that just made it sound even more romantic,” she said with a sniff, and he could not help but smile.
“So violent,” he murmured as he rested his head on hers.
“Calder?”
“Yes, Merrow?”
“You said you hated Lachlan before you knew what he was. Did you put your knife to his throat before or after you saw the symbols?” she asked.
His stubble caught in her hair as he pressed his curved lips to the top of her head.
“I think you already know the answer to that.”
“So, you pulled a knife on him because I cared about him? ”
Calder hummed, and the sound was full of humor and menace. “Tell me more about how much you care for him.” His grip found her thigh, pulling it across his lap until it was hooked over his hip. “Go ahead, really. I would love to hear how much you care about dear old Lachlan.”
There was a challenge in his eyes that was at odds with the tenderness in the hand that trailed idly from her knee to her hip.
“ Cared ,” she corrected.
“Clearly,” he returned, smirking slightly as she melted into him.
He did not move the hand that held her leg around him. She did not move the arm that was draped over his chest. Sooner than either of them would have liked, a dreamless sleep claimed them.