15. LifeDeath
Life or Death
Burning. Everything was burning.
Her heart, fingers, her very skin screamed in agony.
Instinct had her thrashing, clinging on to life. Lungs begging to inhale the woodsy air. But there was none.
Only darkness swirling around her. Lights shining vaguely above her. Tempting her to go back up. Measly seconds later she became ice. No more grabbing onto the last straws. Movements frozen in time.
Pain became peace. Memories stolen by the inky depths surrounding her.
This was it.
Maybe… just maybe, it wasn’t so bad.
A pull on her shoulders. Strange. It had been so quiet. So… peaceful. She went to shrug it off. Push it away. Tell it to go. But she couldn’t move. Oh, well. It’ll go away on its own. Only. It didn’t. It only yanked harder and harder. A thread pulling her back to the surface.
The water broke around her. Stillness gone.
She gasped. Water spilling past her lips. Cold… so utterly, spine chillingly cold.
It felt like concrete hit her back. A sputtering gasp next to her told her she was still alive.
She turned her head to the side, inch by inch. Lucien. On his hands and knees. Chest heaving.
Why couldn’t he just let me go?
Hands curled behind her shoulders, dragging her backwards. She gasped, the pain in her shoulder flaring to life, ice grating her legs. “I know. But otherwise it’ll collapse under the both of us.” He hissed. The lake creaking. No, moving below his feet… “Almost there.”
Light and darkness swirled in front of her vision. Teeth clattering dangerously over each other. Losing it, she was losing it.
Ice made way for snow. The pulling stopped, leaving her breathless. Waiting on the shore… for what?
Her vision sharpened slightly. Lucien was shrugging off his jacket. Revealing the same black hoodie he always wore. No gloves covering his strong hands as they reached for her.
She shook her head, the movement dazing her. “Why?” The sob wrecked her aching body, raw fingers digging into the snow. “Why, why won’t you just let me go?”
His entire body went still, his hand hovering in the air near her. She moved her head, catching his eyes. Doubt lingered in them. She saw him swallow her words, let it roll around his mind for precious seconds.
She basically saw it written in him.
Leave her to die in the freezing cold, help her to the other side, or drag her back to the house. It didn’t take much to guess.
But he just risked his own life to pull you out of a frozen lake.
A pale wolf appeared next to him, illuminated in the stark light of the moon. Not a wolf, Ghost. He whined lowly. Nose wet against her cheeks as he pushed in beneath her neck.
Lucien shook himself out of a daze. Guiding her up to spread his jacket over her shoulders.
He got on his knees to scoop her up in his arms. Hand guiding her to rest against his chest. Warmth hit her cheeks, lingered below her knees and shoulders. Everywhere they touched.
Kate couldn’t help herself, she burrowed closer to the source of comfort. Lucien’s arms tightened around her, offering what little he could while he strode on. Keeping a steady rhythm. Every second counted.
His heartbeat echoed in her ears. Her eyes fluttered, falling shut every couple of seconds before she shook awake again. The cold holding every inch of her in its tight grasp.
“And still you keep going.” The person holding her muttered.
It wasn’t a question, not even a statement.
He demanded her to keep going. His hold tightened again. “Keep fighting it, Kate.”
But as much as he told her to stay awake, the steady thud below her ears told her to slip off. Sleep.
The latter won. Darkness tempted her in. She was used to it by now. Welcomed it.
She went straight into its waiting arms.
***
Orange lights. Blazing warmth collapsed against her icy cheeks.
Kate’s eyes fluttered open.
A hazy figure crouched by the fire and fur tickled her feet. She hugged her legs to her body, jaws clenched together. A hand touched her temple. A second later, a fuzzy blanket fell over her raw skin. She huddled deeper under it.
Then the couch dipped, a shadow sat down next to her. Fingers skimmed alongside her waist as wet fabric was being pulled back.
Kate snapped to life. She clamped her hands over his, stopping the movement.
“Don’t, don’t, you touch me.”
He went still beneath her. “Kate.”
“Please!”
“Kate, sweetheart.” He whispered.
“No, no, no. Anything but this.”
A finger dug between hers, interlocking them together. Willing her to hear him.
“Look at me.”
She tried. Fighting to stay afloat as the memories tried to drag her away. Cold yellow walls intruding on her.
“Look at me, Kate.”
She did. Between a blur of… tears. He was the only thing she saw. All else faded into the background. Just her and her killer, and the past swirling between.
His green eyes held her steady. “Listen to me closely. If I don’t take off those top layers, you’re still at risk.”
Her head spun, she shook it. Violently. “No.”
The finger clenched harder around hers. “Whatever happened in the past, I’m not him, okay?”
His stare dug deeper, earnestness lining his face. “I may be a killer Kate. But this is a line… I would never cross.”
The true meaning didn’t hit home. Not fully.
Only thing she knew was that she was alone with a man who wanted to undress her.
What if he doesn’t stop?
“I’ll do it m-myself.” She pulled her hand back, scrambling to free herself from the heavy clothes weighing on her. But. Her. Fingers. Wouldn’t. Bend!
“I can do it.” She muttered. “I got this.”
She ripped her pants back, only to have it slap back on her red skin.
“Fuck!” Her hoarse scream made Ghost jump up from her feet. With a whine of unease he circled down again to warm her.
She tried again. Same result.
Her teeth sang from the way she held it clenched. Chills racking through her.
Lucien just sat there. He didn’t try and peer beneath the blanket. Didn’t reach out to help.
I’m not him, okay. A line I would never cross.
She told him not to, and he stopped.
He stopped.
Kate blinked up at him. Saw his throat bob, swallow. It was the first time she’d seen him like this.
Waiting in silence. No grin to be found on him, only a strange look. One she could only decipher as sadness as he held still next to her.
She opened her mouth. Already regretting the words that would come pouring out. “Only help me do it myself. I can’t do it… alone.”
He nodded. Relief flooding him, shoulders raising as he inched a little closer.
“I’m going to lift the blanket now, okay? I don’t need to look. Just… guide my hands.”
She bit her lip, nodding once, fighting back the shadows lingering around her mind.
Warm air poured in as he lifted the blanket an inch, hand coming to rest on hers. She flinched, breathing heavy.
He waited.
She drew in a breath. Calming herself.
One. The roaring fire, casting shadows on the white walls. Not yellow. White. Two. Ghost sticking to her like glue. Three. His hand, squeezing hers once.
She nodded once. It was all it took.
Together they peeled the layers back bit by bit.
She drew up her knees to kick off the rest of her pants.
He helped her out of the sweater and T’shirt.
Until all that was left were her undergarments.
She hugged herself tighter. Keeping watch over Lucien, fully realizing she was more vulnerable than ever before.
The panic remained. Each second the voice in her head whispered that this would be the moment he would go for it.
But he never strayed.