The Next Part of Your Life
Silence hung between them after they had left the shelter. What she had seen there… a deep ache had lodged itself in her heart, leaving her throat aching.
These were the people who received help from none other than the person sitting next to her, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel while keeping his attention strictly on the road.
The very same person who had killed without hesitation. Admired as if he was a god.
The trip, all this. To what, convince her of his good deeds?
She cleared her throat. Willing away the soreness before cutting through the silence. “Is that what you wanted to show me?”
His hand tightened over the stick shift.
For a man so in control of his emotions 24/7, today had left him seemingly… exposed. If only for a bit, he had let her take a peek into his life.
The question was why. And whether it had anything to do with Georgia’s parting words, though she thought not.
He opened his mouth, closing it once more before finally uttering. “It is.”
Kate kept her eyes trained on him. “Why?”
Finally, he tore his attention off the road to meet her questioning glance, a hint of curiosity shining in his. “Am I wrong when I assume you aren’t entirely… unhappy?”
He glanced back at the road. “When you’re sprawled across the couch with your head buried in a book, wrapped up in warm blankets?”
She was stunned. Whispering. “So that was the reason? You showed me this to make yourself feel better?” A deep breath rocked through her. “What am I supposed to do? Cry my eyes out every day? Throw screaming fits?”
He offered no answer. There was nothing but the hum of the engine in her ears. His silence only adding to her building frustration. “What do you want me to do? Escaping hasn’t really worked out well for me now has it?”
Lucien checked the side mirror before merging onto the highway. His cool composure back once more. Nothing but the tense jaw a tell that he too… harbored some irritation.
If he’d expected her to thank him for not being a total psychopath, for not harming her more than he needed to, he could wait for all of eternity.
Kate shook her head in disgust. “So this is the way, that you make it all sound okay in your own head. That the money given to you for murder, can do something good. And then what? The people you’ve killed are nothing but a mere obstacle to… a greater good?”
He merely replied in a clipped tone. “I’m not the monster you think I am. I only wanted to show you that I am not planning to harm you, to ease that fear lingering in you. After what happened… yesterday.”
She slumped in her seat. Bewildered. Yesterday he was threatening her not to go to the police, today he was telling her this? What would tomorrow offer? A love letter?
It was all a show. A performance to get her guard down.
The car in front of them hit the brake. Kate gasped as the jolt shot them forward. ABS kicking into gear. As if on instinct Lucien’s hand shot out. Saving her from hitting her head against the dashboard.
His entire arm covered her chest, lingering a beat too long. Her heartbeat ramped up at the warmth.
Tires screeching the Volvo rolled to a stop. Just in time.
He pulled away. All she could do was stare but he didn’t even offer her a look. Resting his chin in his left hand as he looked out the window.
The red tail lights gleamed all around as the fog set in, growing denser and denser. Kate felt as if it closed in on them. Stifled her.
His reaction had been fast as lightning. Her heart had skipped a beat due to the swiftness. That was all.
Lucien continued. Voice soft considering the fact he had nearly crashed his beloved car due to their heated argument. “But perhaps you’ve been through too much to see that.”
Her nails dug into her palm, jaw stinging.
Bitterness crept its way into her tone. “What do you think you know? You haven’t asked me anything. Did you get what, a special folder titled Kate? Depicting all the things that happened to me while in that house?”
He said nothing. Likely mulling over some answer that would go straight over her question. With steel in her tone, she demanded. “Answer me.”
His shoulders tensed, sharp eyes burning onto hers. “Did I hear in detail the beatings you’ve had to endure? The bruises you hid? No. But it’s written all over you.”
She wrung her hands while he continued. Oblivious to the fact each of his words was a blow to her composure.
“The signs are everywhere. In the hard eyes that scan the environment for threats. The near flawless way you hide the flinches. And, the way you’ve come to accept the situation, to a degree.”
His attention drifted back to the traffic jam. “I know the signs Kate. Know the desperation that you feel. The whole point of today’s outing was to lighten that load. I apologize if it has instead contributed to the burden.”
She hesitated. Wondering how much she would spill. How much she would show to a killer. Eventually, her words a mere whisper she said. “You know, the thing is. People have always decided for me. It’d be nice, if I could make a decision for myself for once.”
“From what I see, you were as stuck with them, or more, than you are with me.” Bitterness lined his words.
“At least I knew what I was up against.” Her fingers ached and she looked down at them, Lucien’s gaze following.
They were red and raw from where she’d been rubbing them together.
She drew his attention away. “I was making moves to get out of there, you know. Had you not interfered. I might have been out there in the world, making my mark. Or I would have ended up at a shelter. That’s the thing, though.
I won’t ever know. Because I didn’t get to choose. ”
The cars around them started moving.
He offered her one last straw. “I can’t let you go. I tell myself that maybe this isn’t the worst life for you. Against my better judgment, I hope for the time being, you can accept it.” Accept that you’ll kill me.
She didn’t bother replying. Letting her head rest against the cold, foggy window. Staring out at nothing as the highway gave way to the familiar towering pine trees to surround her once more.