37. Care for the Wounded
Care for the Wounded
The car ride home was charged in its silence. Kate glanced toward Lucien, who had one hand clenched around the steering wheel and the other balled into a fist, resting on his thigh. Every muscle in his forearm was clenched taut.
As if he were fantasizing the end he would bring upon those poor souls.
She couldn’t blame him. Not this time.
Kate didn’t know where to put her own. Even after everything she’d just been through, she couldn’t shake the thought that the light interior of the car would soak up the blood stains.
So, she kept staring at her ragged hands.
They looked like she’d been an actor in a horror movie.
Cracked nails, split skin, and red covering her up to her forearms.
Her lap, a sea of scarlet.
Her sight blurred, teardrops mixing with the stickiness coating her. Her eyes closed involuntarily. Now that the adrenaline had faded, it was replaced by a fatigue so heavy she felt it would pull her under, drag her to the deepest depths of sleep. At least, that’s what she hoped.
Kate wouldn’t be able to take the nightmares, not with this. She never wanted to think of this day again.
Warmth grazed against her upraised hands and her eyelids fluttered open, watching Lucien’s broad hand covering hers, giving a gentle squeeze before he placed both of them in his lap.
Needing no words to offer her a crumb of comfort.
Blinking through the tears, half dazed, she croaked out. “Thank you… I didn’t know where to go with them.” Shock. She was in shock. That’s why her words did not make any sense. Why every sound was stunted, why a shrill peep took over her hearing.
“Everything is covered in blood.” She couldn’t stop herself from unraveling before him.
Lucien softly squeezed them once more. “Thank God for hydrogen peroxide.” But even his usual sarcastic tone lacked any actual humor.
The sentence should mean something to her. It was familiar, wasn’t it? But she couldn’t place it. Nothing made sense anymore.
What a difference from the morning. Had it even been today? She shook her head in confusion, asking. “It was this morning that we…” What should she even call it? “were threatening each other?”
He nodded, plastering a soft smile to his face as he said. “It was indeed. But don’t we do that every morning though?” She appreciated the sentiment. But a laugh was the last thing on her mind.
Time passed differently in this state. Before she knew it, the Volvo crunched along the long driveway, bringing her back into Lucien’s oasis of silence.
That’s what it was. The thought hit her out of nowhere.
After the screams, the rage, the fighting and the pain that lingered on her scalp, her knees, and fingers.
The heavy silence hanging in and around the house was what she needed.
All she wanted now was to wrap herself in it and forget the world.
If only until she felt like a human again.
The engine was silenced and Lucien got out.
Walking around to help her open the car door, he offered her his hand.
She stared at it, dumbfounded. For a split-second she was transported back to the first time he had made the offer.
It had been in the same car, only that time he’d just kidnapped her, had killed her foster family.
She’d been frightened then, terrified even and yet she’d been defiant.
Kate couldn’t remember feeling this out of touch.
The killing of her abusive family hadn’t even kept her up at night.
No, she hadn’t let any tears drop for the lives they had lost. But this?
She knew it would haunt her for years to come.
Taking his offer, she let him help her out of the car. This time there were no needle pricks as her feet hit the floor. Nothing but a numb feeling weighing down her legs as she dragged them behind her.
Once outside, Lucien still didn’t let her go, instead, he covered the small of her back and guided her inside.
Kate couldn’t for the life of her force an inch of distance between them. For he was the one used to having blood on his hands, but now he was the only one anchoring her in reality.
She sighed in relief as the stark, white blanket of snow was replaced by the clean interior.
Awaiting them at the door was Ghost with his nose lifted in the air, smelling the iron that clung to her.
As the wolf-like dog approached her, worry evident in the upright hairs of his neck.
Lucien took the moment to stride toward the curtains, shutting out the light.
Ghost leaned against her legs, letting her rest against his furry coat. Taking over Lucien’s steady presence. Like two sides of the same coin.
Footsteps stopped in front of her and Lucien’s deep rumble pulled her out of her thoughts.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Wordlessly, she followed him to the bathroom. It wasn’t until she saw the dark brown countertops with a bamboo toothbrush placed neatly in the holder, a soap bar on a small piece of wood with its light sandalwood smell. That she realized she was standing in his, not her bathroom.
The confusion must have been plain to see as he quickly added. “I don’t want to make you any more uncomfortable but memories tend to linger when they’re tied to certain places.”
“Thank you.” It was all she could whisper. But she wanted to let him know… that what he did mattered. Because of it, her space wouldn’t be a place of reminiscing on blood rushing down a perfect white sink.
His sole answer was a nod. “I’ll go get you a chair.” Bewildered as to why he would need one, she opened her mouth to ask but he was already out the door. A minute later, he entered with a kitchen chair, placing it in the tub he motioned for her to sit down.
“Why the chair? I can just get in the bath.”
He shook his head. “It’ll take the last of your energy to scrape all that away. Trust me, I know… help can be… good.”
A beat of silence fell between them.
Kate hesitated. Letting him help her clean her skin. It felt too intimate, too real.
It was a fork in the road.
“Let me help you.” The genuine care in his tone drew her over the threshold. And honestly, the thought of scrubbing away at her skin, in a desperate attempt to clean away today’s events. For once she didn’t mind being cared for. Not today.
She trudged over to the chair. Even such a simple act brought her off balance and reaching for the support of the tub. But Lucien was already there, a hand braced on her arm to help her sit down.
Kate stared at the red hand print embedded on the bath. So out of place in this pristine room. Squeezing her eyes shut, she drowned out the sight. Red, a color she would never wear again, would never smile at its beauty. Its innocence gone.
The warmth of the sponge touched her skin with care.
Kate held back a wince, however careful Lucien wanted to be, there was no way to work around the ache present in every inch of her body.
But even through the pain, it was nice. Every stroke of his hands bringing her a piece of comfort.
It was the closeness, she mused. The touch of someone who cared.
Did he? She let those thoughts dwindle away. There was just this moment, where she sunk deeper in the chair, not wanting to think but just be.
He carefully lifted her shirt waiting for her to shrink back, only she didn’t.
Kate raised her arms up, the blood drenched cloth squelching from where it was torn loose.
Wearing nothing but leggings and her black bra, Kate felt his touch trail down to her arms, eyes fully focused on his work.
Her abdomen came next, water trickling down, causing ripples to spread through the bath.
Like today’s actions had.
If only they’d stayed inside, if only she and Emily hadn’t convinced the widely smiling Isabel to come along.
“Don’t.”
Kate didn’t look up, knowing he’d see straight through her. His hand moved to cup her knee. Jagged scars ran criss-cross over his tan skin.
“Don’t blame yourself for what happened.”
Her voice broke as the waterfall of her thoughts filtered through. “I sho-should’ve done something different, fought harder. What if she doesn’t make it?” Her voice faded to a whisper. “What if it’s my fault she doesn’t make it?”
“You were outnumbered and yet defended her fiercely. I’d wonder what would have happened hadn’t you been there.”
Her eyes raised to meet his. “Then you would have been.”
And then everyone would have been safe. His presence alone would have been enough to deter them.
Lucien shook his head. His grip tightened around her.
“I should have been there. But if you hadn’t gone, I would have postponed, see?
If you hadn’t had the heart to go.” He ticked a finger against her head in a tender move.
“If you hadn’t been so damn stubborn this morning, Isabel would have been dead right now. ”
“Isabel could still die.” She saw it in the paramedics, their hushed whispers, there were no guarantees.
It was what kept attacking her mind, Isabel, the shock on her face, holding onto her abdomen for dear life.
“If she lives… I know the memory of it will haunt me. But for her? How does someone get over that? Will she ever be able to walk out of a building without checking the shadows?”
His gaze pinned her in place. “We don’t get over that, we just learn to live with the scars of life. However deep they run.”
Just like she was attempting to do.
“I can’t promise she’ll live. But I know you standing up for her means the world. You could have run, but you stayed by her side, you may have been the only one in her life.”
“I could never run.”
“I know, it’s not in your nature.” He pushed a strand of hair out of her face, touch lingering as he said. “I’m so damn proud of you.”
As much as the words grazed that gaping hole in her heart. The part of her that wanted to be seen. She knew he shouldn’t be. She should have responded differently.
“I tempted them…” Her voice fell away. “I thought that if I got the first one in, I’d somehow manage. All I did was light the fuse.”
The hand cupping her knee squeezed her lightly. “Look at me.” She did. “No.” He murmured. “You cannot sway people like that. They don’t function the way you do.”
Not us, her. Because Lucien himself fell outside of the categories.
“The outcome was on his mind before he set foot in that parking lot. Long before you girls walked out of that class. The only variable was you. He wasn’t expecting to fight with a ferocious spitfire like you.
” A pained smile took over. “Something I can at least relate to.”
“They got away.” Kate watched, witness to the way his jaw clenched. His green eyes darkened. The danger in them visible.
“Those three did not get away. Not by a long shot.”
They deserved it. Every second of what he would do. But to see it written on his face. She couldn’t help the answering shiver from running down her spine.
Handing her a towel, she used it to pat her face dry, breathing out in the softness of the cloth, she clenched it in her lap. Watching the scarlet streaks mix with water as Lucien sprayed around the tub until it gathered and swirled into the drain.
Kate stood and peeled off her leggings and socks with an ease she’d never expected to have in sharing the room with a man. But he didn’t look once while she shrugged on the clothes he’d brought in for her, his.
She’d kill for an actual bath, but for today it would have to make do.
Lucien dried the chess-colored floor while she hobbled over to the kitchen. Her throat was parched. In dire need of water, she rummaged through the fridge. But there was no bottle to be found. She rested against the aluminum of the door, frowning.
“Here.” Lucien stood behind her, grabbing a bottle off the counter. He took off the lid and offered it to her.
“Thank you.”
He merely nodded, leaning against the counter while she took deep gulps, enjoying how it soothed the ache in her throat.
“You should go to sleep, sweetheart.”
“I know, it’s just…”
That sleep will undoubtedly make it worse. Her hand clenched around the bottle, plastic crackling in her grasp.
“Want me to stay with you, just for tonight?”
Her eyes lit up, she swallowed. “I know it’s stupid but…”
She needed him tonight. Needed his presence to ground her if the nightmares would visit.
“Nonsense. I’m here for you.”
“I know.” She sank down on the couch. Not a second later, Ghost jumped up to lean against her side, resting his chin on her lap.
The couch dipped beside her, and Lucien’s calloused hand gently guided her head to fit below his chin. Warmth on both sides and two heartbeats calming her down, Kate finally closed her eyes.
All while Ghost kept his eyes glued firmly on Lucien’s.