Chapter Four
“That meeting disturbed you,” the silver-haired god drawled from behind me as I stared out the inwardly curved window, like I did every night in this dream.
I shook my head. Worry had been trickling through my veins, consuming my every thought since the governor left Torz’s office that afternoon.
Her demands were deplorable. She wanted to murder every single Puran.
No one in their right mind would condemn anyone—convict or not—to suffer such an excruciating death.
And to blackmail Torz into politically backing her…
“I despise that woman,” I muttered.
“Are you sure you aren’t riled by the mention of rejected Damsons?”
I whipped my head around, finding the Damson God lounging in my dining chair, pouring a glass of wine.
“Don’t start that again!” I snapped. “I don’t care about that—”
“It needs to be talked about.”
“I don’t want to talk about it!”
“Come sit with me, Remi.”
I turned back to the window, my heart thundering in my chest like a charged storm cloud. It reflected the swirling silver clouds mere miles below, spiralling and twisting as if I controlled them. If only I had the power to do such things.
But what if Zuli was right about the population numbers? What if they were detrimental? I could’ve helped. Torz and I could’ve helped. But it was too late. The Damson magic was gone, rejected. Wasted.
I closed my eyes, digging my nails into my palms. No pain.
There was no pain. This was a dream, but still, I could feel the rawness of my soul being ripped and torn in various directions, shredded by desire, duty, and my past. The lack of control I had over the reality of the situation was a growing itch, gnawing away at my composure, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to scream or cry.
A tall figure appeared to my left, offering me a glass of wine. “How did you discover Torz Benoit was your Damson?”
Taking the drink, I stared into the glowing lilac liquid, pulling forward the memory as if it were yesterday.
Nine years. It had been nine long years.
“We were at our graduation on Titus Station,” I said, wistfully.
“It was the afterparty. I was shocked he came over to talk to me—him being the cool, popular kid with many circles of friends, and me…well, me being me.” I sighed at the thought.
I’d always wanted to be one of those girls with charisma and appeal, but I’d been awkward and overly conscious.
I still was, to a point, though I didn’t care what people thought of me anymore.
“We’d…we’d only really talked during survival training class.
Our teacher had paired us up—Torz being the eldest of our school year and me the youngest. It was the standard regulation to make the competitive exercises fairer.
We always got on well in those classes. Even more so when we were floating about in space, completing our practical tests.
Out there, with him, I never felt scared…
” I mused to myself, recalling the glimpse of his dimples as he grinned through his spacesuit visor, making candid remarks through the suit comms to keep me calm.
With no sense of up and down, and without an anchor to catch one’s bearings, anyone could panic floating about in the cold, empty void of space.
But Torz never did. He thrived on the uncertainty, and I both admired and envied him for it.
I smiled at the memory—how I missed those days. “Yeah, our partnership was compatible. Though, when his friends were around, he usually ignored me.” My smile turned forlorn. “But, for some reason, he noticed me at the graduation party…and he asked me to dance.”
I still remembered how he looked that night.
How he’d worn a perfectly cut navy-blue suit with a white button-down shirt and silver tie.
It was the first time I’d seen him look so dapper.
Usually, he turned up to school in a creased T-shirt and old cargo pants, and his hair had always been a tousled mess, as if he’d just got out of bed.
But that night, I’d witnessed the pristine commander he was destined to be, and I’d found him mesmerising.
When he appeared at my side, I wasn’t sure if he pitied me standing on my own by the drinks table while everyone danced and laughed.
Inside, I was dead. My mum had died three weeks prior, and I hadn’t any intention of attending a school dance.
But after my sweet aunt had escorted me to Titus Station where the ceremony had been conducted, then taken the time to style my long hair into an array of soft curls, I couldn’t refuse.
So, I stood on my own, wearing the beautiful sparkling-pink dress Mum had finished sewing mere days before she died. Every second had been torture.
Torz’s presence had soothed me, though. His warm hands and charming smile had coaxed me to dance, and I remembered smiling for the first time in what felt like an age. As if the dark vice of anguish squeezing around my broken heart had loosened.
“So, you get the gist. I was shocked he noticed me that night.”
“I’m not at all. But, please, do go on.”
I wasn’t sure if the sigh leaving my lungs was fuelled by the Damson God’s persistence or my reluctance to remember, but after a moment’s pause, the prickly barriers surrounding the memory dropped, and my words became lucid and light.
“One dance led to another, and after Torz snuck us some food and drink out of the party, we ended up in Fakes Park. And…” I froze, reliving the view of the huge willow tree towering above us as we laid on the grass, chatting and laughing.
How my stomach flipped as Torz inched closer before his soft lips touched mine.
It had been a kiss full of tenderness and compassion. A kiss between friends with a gentle promise of something new and exciting to follow. But everything glorious about that warm, fuzzy sensation dissolved in a matter of seconds.
“You know what happened next.” I swallowed down the torment that always peeked its head when my mind drifted to what followed.
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget the confusion, the fear.
And when I caught the terror on Torz’s face, his understanding, I…
I ran.” Like an overwhelmed child running from the offering of the most sought-after gift, I ran away.
“Did he follow?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, my chest aching at the thought. I’d run and hidden for days at my aunt’s house back on Beta Ring. She’d put my rash demand to immediately fly home down to grief for losing my mum, but I never told her what happened that night. I was too ashamed.
“Weeks later, I eventually found the courage to meet up with him, and we both agreed we were too young. That we weren’t ready to leave our lives on the Orbital Stations. We didn’t love each other enough to commit to a life together. We barely knew each other.”
“You know each other now. You’ve spent the best part of the past six years working together.”
I frowned, thinking of Torz’s success, his achievements, his selfless acts that he covered up with power and authority.
I’d ended up being transferred to his team by chance, not knowing how he’d react.
Thankfully, there’d been no awkwardness following the tenuous first few days, and our friendship reinstated, growing as the years tumbled by.
But there was nothing more. He didn’t want me in that way—never had.
“He’s outgrown me. He’s a knight, and I’m a pawn. We don’t belong together.”