Chapter Fifteen
After hours of absentmindedly watching Titus-renowned movies and eating an abundant number of snacks from the suite’s mini fridge, I reluctantly opened my comms. A message lay there from Torz:
How was it possible to feel both irritation and love for someone at the same time?
I huffed despondently. I wasn’t hungry, but I was mildly aware of how sweaty my palms had become, how tight my chest was. It was no wonder irrational indignation gnarled at me—the Q comedown was starting.
Poising myself, I shook away the pull to the dark side.
I would not succumb to the temptation. Fight this, I willed myself.
To prove I was the same woman who conquered the addiction all those years ago.
I would not fall back into the tempting purple deceit of hell.
Right now, I’d extinguish the whole damn shadow-world for Torz.
I owed him that. Gods, I owed him everything.
But as time ticked by, the harder it was to resist. The urge to walk out that door and find a Q supplier overwhelmed me.
My head screamed for the numbness. My body craved the sensual stimulation.
But I remained planted on the sofa, focusing on the trashy love stories and gruesome thrillers playing before my eyes.
I locked my arms around my trembling torso, shivering through the cold sweats and rising nausea, all the while analysing the vintage actors and actresses with their bizarre hairstyles and outfits.
I refuse to succumb. I will not give in…
* * *
I tried.
I tried fighting the savage animal stirring within me—the creature, the monster left in the wake of Q.
It thrashed and clawed at me, ensnaring all my logic to fight back.
Amongst the bolts of fire it plunged into my body—scorning me, punishing me—I recalled why I had always succumbed to seeking out more Q.
It was the difference between light and dark.
Numbness versus pain. Euphoria versus agony.
The call to the seductive light was unbearable. Purple fog pulsed in my vision as my eyes locked on the suite door, focused purely on escaping and finding salvation from the torture tearing my body apart.
I tumbled off the sofa, gritting my teeth as tears stung beneath my clenched eyelids. My human mind screamed for me to stop, but the monster within forced me to crawl forward, desperate to reach the exit of my hotel prison.
My arms shook, my knees trembled, my heart hammered inside my chest like an enraged animal.
Memories and thoughts flitted through my mind, provoked by its relentless inferno of chaos.
Torz’s frowning face shot to the forefront, and a swell of love flattened the beast driving my uncontrollable body forward.
His words from earlier today echoed around my muffled head:
“For months, I helped you survive that shit…because I care!”
He’d cared enough five years ago. I’d always thought he’d intervened because he was my commander.
Because he never wanted a druggy on his team.
But he cared…for me, and I hadn’t thanked him enough for prying the addiction from me all those years ago, tearing it away.
Starving it. But once again, I was fighting this battle… and I feared I was losing.
I need you, Torz.
With an animalistic growl, I resisted the torturous pull and flung myself backward, landing flat on the thick carpet.
I reached for my comms perched on the coffee table, my hands fumbling as I clutched the small square piece of plastic and aluminium as if it was my lifeline.
The screen blurred in and out of focus as I attempted to type with shaky, sweaty fingers, but as if someone knocked the device from my grasp, it tumbled to the floor, disappearing under the sofa.
Like a slap to the face, my darkened mind hauled me away, dragging me back towards the damn door. I screamed, fighting myself as pointed claws hissed down my spine, shuddering the breath from my lungs.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this.
The monster inside my mind whispered, “Give in. You know you’ll feel better.”
I shook my head, balling my fists. Leave me alone!
“The numbness is your friend. It protects you—”
Go away. Go away.
“Just one more shot.”
“Torz,” I sobbed, nails clawing the carpet with fierce retaliation. The burn of the thick, woollen threads was so raw I could’ve sworn my fingers bled.
But it was pointless fighting back. As if they had a will of their own, my knees pushed forward, and another cry expelled from my throat. I yanked at my hair, clawed at my scalp, well aware the door was drawing closer.
Petrified I wouldn’t be able to resist much longer, I lifted my fogged vision towards the looming exit. A new tsunami of panic ripped the breath from my lungs as I took in the pair of black shoes standing between me and the suite entrance. So shiny, I thought I was imagining them.
“He’s not coming, Remi.”
I recognised the suave tone, but adding another despairing twist to this nightmare, today it was void of the usual mirth.
Lifting my gaze higher, blinking back the blur of tears, I met the Damson God’s shrewd stare.
The displeasure flickering within those violet irises was the same I’d seen in Torz’s this morning—pure disgusted disappointment.
“I need him,” I muttered, the unsettling slashes of desperation coating my insides with the feverish fires of hell.
“He’s not coming.”
“No,” I whimpered. “He must be able to feel this…feel me through our bond.”
“Not this time.” A silvery shimmer rippled across his face as he scowled down at me. “The Q comedown blocks the bond at both ends. He can’t sense anything in the same way you can’t.”
I slumped forward against the wall, the cool silk scattering the heat for a brief moment. But the beast thrashing inside me quickly upped the temperature, shooting an inferno of fiery pellets through my chest.
Somehow, through the exhaustion, I held my crumpled position, focusing on the despair and agony raging through my body and mind; driving it deep into the bond bridging me to my rejected Damson.
Please feel this, Torz. I need you. Gods, I need you. I promise this is the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. Please help me…
A knock on the door jolted my laboured breaths. At first, I wondered if I was hallucinating, but the rhythmic thud repeated, heavier this time, and a sigh of relief stretched a small smile across my dry lips.
“See? It’s him,” I said, looking back at the Damson God. But the taunting deity was no longer standing before me. Apart from the light flicking from the media screen, the area was dark and empty. I was alone.
Is this a bad dream? I thought. With so many elements of confusion clattering about in my mind, it was possible this was a feverish nightmare. Gods, I hope it is.
When the urgent knocking came again, I disregarded the wish of waking up in my lonely bedroom with its flaking pink flowers painted on the ceiling, and lunged myself forward. After crawling the handful of metres to the exit, I reached up, fighting the dizziness, and floundered with the latch.
The ornate wooden door slid open, and a stream of bright light assaulted my eyes. Exhaustion tugged on the little strength I had left, and I slumped back onto my heels. With my body propped up against the wall, I narrowed my vision, trying to make out Torz’s face.
Was he angry? Concerned? Gods, I just needed to see him.
I reached out, and the silhouette of a man stepped closer before squatting down in front of me. As I frantically blinked back the haze, the image of my handsome Torz was abruptly replaced by a roguish-looking man with short blond hair and callous eyes.
“What do we have here?” he rumbled, amused.
My hand darted out to push the stranger away, but his fingers snapped around my wrist, startling me.
“There’s someone who wants to see you, little puss.”
As I fought the heat and disorientation, he hauled me to my feet.
The warmth of two bodies flanking me shot terror through my gut as my lifeless arms were slung over a dual set of broad shoulders.
My bare feet dragged along the carpet as walls and hallways shot by—too fast for my mind to decipher.
Foggy images of the hotel foyer came and went, then an empty elevator, followed by dark, eerie corridors and the foul stench of sewage.
I tried to keep alert, tried to tear my arms away from whoever these men were, but the fever raging within me had physically weakened me, distorted my vision, and slowed every response.
Worry screamed and echoed about my scrambled mind, but I could do nothing more than murmur inaudible words.
Even the savage monster demanding another hit of Q had quietened, as if this new turn of events had sobered it up, leaving me a mess of melted putty in hands belonging to people I didn’t know.
Persistent footsteps drummed a beat in my head as lights flickered along the walls.
Peering ahead, trying to gauge where I was, nausea from the forward momentum crept upwards, and I quickly slammed my eyes shut.
In the next breath, my spongy arms were released, and I collapsed onto the solid ground.
The room spun as I glanced up, my body shaking fiercely. At least four dark figures milled about the small space, their attention on me. One bent down in front of my crumpled form, his familiar face blurring in and out of my temperamental vision.
“You’re looking a little worse for wear, Lieutenant.” The gravelly voice shuddered through me. I recognised it. I recognised him. And as my mind slowly caught up, adrenaline surged down my legs. He was…he was…
Oh shit.
Words failed me as I stared in horror at Nikos Russo’s sardonic grin, then at his thugs looming behind him in the dark, dingy room.
“I’m shocked.” Russo’s deep chuckle ricochetted through my troubled brain.
“I always thought Benoit would keep his pet in better condition. But judging by the purple hue to your eyes, someone’s had a little fun with my favourite drug.
” He tutted, tilting his head in mockery as I caught the sparkle of violet-tinted hair near his temples.
A memory sprang forward—Torz telling me Russo was Quoram-born.
“It must be true.”
“Oh dear. You really are a mess.” Russo stood, turning to a table propped against the opposing wall—or was it a transport trolley? “Shall we make you feel a little better?”
Not following his meaning, I frowned, still struggling with the eerie light, the vile smell, and my blurred vision.
I swallowed down the trepidation, only to jolt back when Russo appeared in front of me with a syringe clasped between his fingers.
My breaths became erratic as he held it up, a glowing droplet emerging from the nib.
“No.” I tremored, a new wave of dizziness flooding my brain. Panic barraged shards of dread through my chest as my heart hammered out of control.
He inched closer, and I pushed him away, pathetically, like a child trying to move a steel pillar.
The next thing I knew, heavy arms held my body in place, fingers digging into my wrists, restraining them.
I squirmed, attempting to free myself, but the sharpness of the needle piercing the inside of my arm confirmed my failure.
My thoughts jumped to Torz, to his disappointment in me. How would I explain this to him? I’d tried to resist the pull to another dose of Q. I’d wanted to fight it for him. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
A numbness silenced the chaos roaring through my mind, calming my writhing body. And before an unexpected darkness swept in, my lips murmured the words I was too scared to admit.
“Please forgive me, Torz. I love you.”