Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
It took all the self-control that Celestine possessed to not go and see Millicent that night.
She wanted to. She was desperate to comfort her.
But she reasoned that the young girl needed the night to cry through her pain and her embarrassment, and to hopefully come to terms with what had happened.
Maybe, even realizing that things were not nearly so bad.
Also, and this what was shamed Celestine the most, she was scared to see Millicent, terrified of what she might say… or the lies she would have to tell.
The simple truth was, what Edward had done was as awful as could be imagined, and the effects of it were sure to be felt across the ton for many weeks to come. And possibly even longer than that.
There was nothing that Celestine could say that would make it better, and she did not relish the idea of offering Millicent empty words. So, she gave her the night, doing her best to convince herself that it was right.
Also, and most importantly, she did not go to Edward either.
While Celestine knew that Edward had done as he thought was best, and with the best intentions at heart, she could not bring herself to forgive him.
He had acted irrationally, emotionally, and made a fool of both himself, and his niece.
Worse still, he had ignored Celestine’s pleas entirely, reminding her once again that their marriage was not nearly so sound as she wanted to believe.
She sat alone that night, wondering too if he might come to her. Of course, he did no such thing. He steamed alone in his bedroom. Likely, he worked to convince himself that he had done nothing wrong. And Celestine, wanting to be on Edward’s side, struggled with her feelings.
Tomorrow will be a better day. It cannot be any worse!
Celestine began the next morning by finally going to see Millicent. She knocked gently on her door and pushed it open, unsurprised to find the room silent and cloaked in darkness.
“Millicent…” She crept into the room, noting the young girl’s outline under the bed’s covers. “Might we speak for a moment?”
There was no response, just a shuffling as Millicent pulled her covers further over her head.
“You are upset.” Celestine approached the bed and sat down by Millicent’s side; her back faced Celestine, and her head was covered. “And angry. Which you have every right to be. In truth, I am a little angry myself.”
“Are you though?” Millicent said, her voice thick with tears. “Or are you just here to tell me that Edward did not mean what he did. To defend him.”
“What? No, of course not.”
“Don’t lie,” she hissed. “You… you pretend that you are on my side, Celestine. You want me to think that you are. But… but… but…” She sniffed further, her words choked.
“I am on your side,” Celestine said desperately. “Edward did the wrong thing, I will not say differently. He acted on emotion, and embarrassed both you and him. I will not defend him.”
“Then why are you here?”
Celestine’s heart broke. Since marrying Edward, her relationship with Millicent had grown in leaps and bounds. She was not the young girl’s mother, but she liked to think that her charge was to look over her as if she was. What was more, she had believed that Millicent felt the same.
She is just upset, Celestine. With Edward, not you.
“To check on you,” Celestine eased. Then, she rested a hand on Millicent’s shoulder. Millicent turned stiff and then pulled away. “To make sure that you are… that you are not utterly broken. Yesterday did not go well, but it is not the end of you.”
“It is!”
“No,” she said firmly. “People will forget. They will move on. Likely…” She chuckled to ease the tension. “Likely, Edward will be the one who receives the most scrutiny. Truly, I doubt anyone will blame you at all.”
“He is so… awful,” she sneered from beneath the covers. “And embarrassing. He tells me that he wants me to be courted, but then he makes it impossible for me. I don’t think he will ever… he likes that he controls me.”
“That is not true.”
“It is,” she cried, her voice thick. “He wants to own me so that I will be as miserable as he is.”
“He is not nearly so miserable as you think,” Celestine said. “Believe me…” Another soft chuckle. “All yesterday was, was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t!” Millicent sat up and turned around. Her eyes were bloodshot. Tears stained her cheeks. And the look she wore wasn’t one of sadness, but one of pure rage and hate. “It wasn’t a mistake! He did it on purpose.”
“Oh, that is not true.”
“You said you weren’t going to defend him,” she accused.
“I…” Celestine started. “I am not defending him.”
“You are,” she hissed. “You don’t really care about me. All you care about is… is…” Her glare was rueful. “About you! You don’t want anything to come between you two, so that you might be happy. You don’t care about me at all.”
“That is not true!” Celestine cried out, hurt by the accusation. “I care for you, Millicent. All week, Edward and I have done nothing but try and –”
“Again, you defend him! I thought that you were different. I thought… I thought…” Her chin wavered. “I thought you cared about me. That I could trust you.”
“You can trust me.” Celestine went to take Millicent’s hand, but she pulled it away. “Please, Millicent. I want to help you. And after I leave here, I will go and speak to Edward myself.”
“And say what?” she scoffed. “That he made a mistake…” She sneered the word.
“That next time, he ought to do better. You just don’t understand, Celestine.
I thought he could change. I thought he had changed.
But he is the same as always. Miserable, and desperate that everyone around him be the same. ”
With that, Millicent turned back and fell into bed, pulling the covers back to cover herself.
Celestine said nothing, but only because she had no idea what to say.
While she did not agree with the young girl’s accusations, she understood where they came from. She was hurting. She was embarrassed. And she needed someone to blame. What was more, she had every right to blame that someone.
But that she thought the same thing about Celestine? That hurt more than she could bear. Celestine had tried so hard. She had defended Edward every step of the way. She had committed herself to him fully, willing to believe that he was different and could change.
Was I wrong? Did I let my feelings for Edward blind me?
She could not say for sure, nor would she be able to until she spoke with Edward and confirmed for herself.
While she had no doubt that Edward was upset with what had happened, she wondered if he was sorry.
Did he know he’d done the wrong thing? Or was he going to lay the blame at Lord Grundon’s feet?
More than that, would he be willing to listen to Celestine? Would he take her advice? Or was he so obsessed with his vendetta, so stubborn and narrowminded, that he would dismiss her, as well as his niece. What sort of man was he truly?
And in that question, Celestine wondered, what was their marriage…
“I will go now,” she said as she stood from the bed. “But please know, I am on your side, Millicent. As I will always be. And Edward…” She sighed and shook her head. “Hopefully, he knows that he did the wrong thing. Because he does love you, do not doubt that for a second.”
With those words said, she left the room and closed the door behind her.
That conversation had been a most difficult one, and it had gone about as awfully as Celestine predicted… the reason she had avoided it until that morning. But as bad as it was, she knew her next confrontation would be even worse.
It was time that she had a serious conversation with Edward, just as it was time that he proved to her once and for all how he really felt. About Millicent. About her. And about their marriage.