Chapter 2 #2
"Och, she doesn’t, does she?" Her father stood and moved around the table to press a kiss to the top of her head. "I see her every morn. But it’s selfish of me to keep you to myself. Mayhap, you’ve been waiting for someone to remind you how extraordinary you are.
Think upon it for a moment is all I ask. "
Her father left the breakfast room, taking his newspaper with him and leaving Nicole alone with her thoughts and the blasted note.
She stared at the missive, debating whether to read what Felix had to say or to simply ignore him.
All the days she’d waited for word from him came crashing over her, and with trembling fingers, she unfolded the parchment and read:
Dearest Nicole,
I owe you an apology for many transgressions, but especially for my behavior last night.
I should not have made such claims without your permission, and I most certainly should not have burdened you with a confession you were unprepared to hear.
However, I will not apologize for the content of that confession. Every word I shared with you was true.
I would very much like the opportunity to explain myself properly. I would be forever grateful if you would allow me to call upon you this afternoon at three o'clock.
If you refuse, I will respect your wishes and trouble you no further. But I hope you will at least grant me the chance to prove that I am not the man you believe me to be.
Yours,
Felix
She read the note three times, searching for hidden meanings or clever manipulations.
But the words were straightforward, almost painfully sincere.
There in ink, Nicole saw the first glimmer of the Felix only she knew and loved.
God help her, she wanted to believe him so badly it hurt.
She rubbed her chest, easing the tightness that restricted her breathing as she reread the missive one more time.
Every word rang true. Except, if she were to believe him, she’d have to trust him, and trust required vulnerability.
Hadn’t she learned that letting others close only led to pain?
Was she really a coward? Her distorted reflection in her spoon caught her attention. Where was the girl her father raised?
Nicole stood abruptly, and the wooden chair legs scraped against the polished wood floors.
She’d have to apologize to Mrs. Berry, later.
She folded the note and tucked it into her pocket, before marching out of the morning room to find her father and tell him that she would receive Felix when he paid a call later that afternoon.
She would hear what he had to say, but she wouldn't make it easy for him.
Nicole continued to pace the length of the drawing room in front of the grandfather clock.
“Will you please sit? You’re making me dizzy,” her father complained.
As the clock struck three, the butler entered and announced Felix’s arrival.
Two hours preparing for this moment, and Nicole was still ill at ease.
She'd changed her gown three times before settling on a simple day dress of pale blue muslin.
She'd arranged her hair in a coiffure that was elegant but not overly elaborate.
She'd practiced what to say in front of the looking glass, how she would hold herself, perfecting the right degree of polite disinterest she would need to convince Felix to give up on his ruse.
Except, none of that mattered the moment Felix walked into the drawing room.
Damn the man! He was, quite simply, perfect. Much like the first time she laid eyes upon him all those years ago.
Anyone with a pair of eyes could see he was handsome—even as an awkward boy, there had been something compelling about his features.
But the man who stood before her now was devastating.
Tall and broad-shouldered, with dark hair that fell across his forehead and eyes the color of whiskey in candlelight.
She caught his gaze and… and he was looking at her as if she were the only person in the world.
"Miss Nicole." He bowed, the movement precise and elegant. "Thank you for receiving me."
Her father coughed, and Felix blinked as if he truly did not know that her father was present. Felix strode across the room and greeted her father. “Baron Swyft.”
Old age was creeping into her father’s bones that creaked as he stood. “Felix… I hope I’ve not made a mistake in allowing you into my home.”
“I intend to prove that you made the correct decision, Baron Swyft. I should add that my father sends his regrets for not reaching out to you sooner but…”
Her father raised a hand stopping Felix from rambling on.
“The past is the past. If your father wishes to convey an apology, that is his responsibility, not yours.” Her father patted Felix on the outside of his arm and left the room without looking back.
The door was left slightly ajar but for all intents and purposes, she was left alone with the enemy.
Nicole's mouth had gone dry. Should she take the lead as she had when they were younger or should she wait for him to make amends first? Blimey. Was she about to forgive him for ignoring her all these years? Och, no!
An awkward silence fell. Felix stood near the window, his hands clasped behind his back, his expression carefully neutral. Her spine rigid, Nicole crossed her arms over her chest and perched on the edge of the settee.
The distance between them couldn’t have been wider, It was as if he was a stranger.
Perhaps he was. Felix was no longer the lanky, tongue-tied boy she’d allowed to step upon her toes.
She looked him over from head to toe, and the fluttering in her chest confirmed the rumors: Felix was London’s most sought-after rake.
Unable to withstand the silence, Nicole asked, "Would you care to sit?" She gestured to the chair across from her.
Felix’s gaze shifted to the piece of furniture, and his cool, aloof features transformed as if he were being asked to sit in some type of torture device.
However, rather than decline, he said, "Thank you.
" He tentatively crossed the room and sat, his movements controlled and deliberate.
He looked uncomfortable, which was oddly reassuring.
At least she wasn't the only one floundering.
A stifling silence filled the room once more.
She searched for something to say, some polite pleasantry that would break the tension.
But her mind was filled with Felix's words from the night before.
“I fell in love you.” Nicole stole a quick glance over at Felix.
“I've been in love with you since I was ten years old.” She shook her head slowly. She must be going mad.
Felix jumped to his feet. "I meant what I said in my note."
She looked up at him, but as soon as their gazes met, Felix sank back to his seat. On more equal ground, Nicole asked, "Which part? Your apologies for your behavior, or your confession?"
A muscle ticked in his jaw. "For the former. Never the latter."
"Seriously, my lord—"
"Felix," he interjected, his voice rough. "Please. Address me as you once did, by my given name. Felix."
"That would be highly improper given we are not on speaking terms."
"More improper than declaring my love for you, only to be flatly refused?"
Despite herself, Nicole’s lips twitched. "Fair point."
Felix's shoulder slumped as if in defeat. "I've made a mess of this, haven't I?"
"Spectacularly."
"I want the best for you and yet I seem to have a talent for making a hash of things rather than making you happy or becoming the man you deserve.
" He leaned forward, palms planted on his knees.
"When we were children, you made everything easy.
I could talk to you, dance with you, be myself around you.
But the moment I left for Oxford, my whole world turned upside down and I panicked. "
"Why?"
"Because without you, I was a bumbling mess, I was lost, clueless, and I was failing to meet the expectations of those who needed and relied upon me. I was terrified I’d ruin your life too.
" His gaze was trained on the hem of her skirts.
“I convinced myself that the best thing I could do was stay away.
Let you grow up without the burden of my awkward affection. "
As she listened to Felix, the knots in her heart loosened. "You thought distancing yourself from me was the best solution to your problems?"
"Exactly," he agreed. "I told myself it was for the best. That you'd forget about me, find someone better, someone who deserved you."
"And so you decided to become a rake. Assuming that I wouldn’t be like every other lady in town and seek out your favor?"
Felix’s straight brow angled down toward the center.
"Well, when you say it that way, my rationale seems rather faulty.” He looked up and stared directly at her.
“Regardless of my motives, I admit I cultivated a reputation, played games with my brother, and made sure that no one could get close enough to matter. Anything to keep from admitting what I truly wanted.”
Her heart pounded against her ribs as she asked, "Which was?"
"You." The word was simple and entirely devastating. "It's always been you, Nicole."
Her name on his lips sent a shiver down her spine. She wanted to believe him. Every fiber of her being wanted to believe him. But years of hurt and insecurity held her back.
"You have a one-month rule," she said quietly. "Every lady knows it. You end every resemblance of an alliance with a woman within four weeks."
"Because none of them were you."
"That's a convenient excuse."
"It's the truth." Felix fell to his knees and looked up at her.
"Do you want to know why I have that rule?
Because every woman I've ever associated with has wanted the title, not the man.
They see the future Duke of Strandon, not Felix Martin.
They want wealth, status, and prestige. Not the awkward boy who can't dance without stepping on toes. "