Chapter Five #4
“It’s a big deal,” Jessica said. “Jax is a champion mixed martial arts fighter. All the big games. Pay-per-view and all that.”
“Really?”
“I think more importantly I’m a black belt in Kenpo and Tang Soo Do.”
“Well, that’s not how the world knows you.”
“Maybe not. But it’s the thing I’m prouder of.”
“You’re a martial artist. And a fighter. So, you are physical.”
She felt everyone look at them. “Just because I said that he was physical earlier, because of the work that he does on the ranch and he was trying to explain to me how a lot of that work is very cerebral—which I believe—but then he was saying that my digging is physical and—”
“Yeah. That’s what happened.”
She felt a little bit silly. Her explanation had obviously been a little over the top. But they all dug into their pizza, and Ernestine was about to go hunting for a glass so that she could have her lemonade when Jax got up and opened the fridge, took out the bottle. “Do you want this?”
She felt relief. “I do.”
He poured her a glass, and she sighed. Now her dinner felt right.
It was decent pizza. Though at this point it had been sitting for quite a while, but she was so hungry the texture didn’t even bother her that much.
She listened to the three men talk all about their plans for opening the ranch, and listened to Jessica putting her two cents in since she was born and raised here.
She had a lot of opinions about the inner workings of the place.
When they finished eating, she got up and went to the fridge, retrieving her lemonade and her other refrigerated items. “I should probably get back. I have to start digging really early tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Jax said. “I’ll drive you back to your car.”
She had forgotten that she’d left her car in a weird place.
“Oh. Thanks.”
“It was nice to meet you,” she said to Jessica.
“Yeah. Same,” she said warmly.
What must it be like to be that pretty, and that effortless? Ernestine would never know. Sometimes she felt sad about that. That there was no way to really understand and inhabit somebody else’s experience. That she just had the existence she had.
But, she did a pretty good job working with herself, she thought.
Before she could protest, Jax took all of her things, put them in a bag, and hefted it all into his arms. “You don’t have to carry my things.”
“Sure I do. I’m physical.”
He was being silly, she knew, but the truth was, he was muscular, and very tall.
“Bye,” she said to everyone as she followed Jax out to the porch. “How tall are you?”
He looked at her, and he barely missed a beat. “Six-four.”
“That’s very tall.”
“It is kind of tall, yes.”
“Is that why you got into fighting?”
“No. I got into fighting because I needed to do something with my energy. But the side effect of that is you learn to control your energy and anger. It makes you less violent to learn martial arts.”
“Oh. Why is that?”
“It’s about control. I was a kid that was very much out of control. I found it through that discipline. I think anytime you care about something, anytime you put focus and practice into it, it gives you something else to live for. Gives you reasons not to give in to the animal inside you.”
She frowned. “Maybe that’s my problem. I’ve never even come close to the animal inside me because I’ve been focused my whole life.”
“I think you probably have a little animal inside you,” he said.
“Do you?”
“Primordial possum?”
She wrinkled her nose. “That really is a little animal.”
“You like little animals.”
He smiled at her, and it made her heart do something. It was physical. It actually made her heart do something. Jump, leap against her rib cage. How had he done that?
“Well, I don’t know if I want that to be my representation. Considering it’s not very threatening.” She got into his truck, and he got into the driver’s side, handing her the bag of groceries, which she put on her lap.
“Did you want to be threatening?”
“I would think the point of an animal inside you is that it’s…well, animalistic.”
“Woodchuck. Gopher. Groundhog.”
“Why?” She slid her tongue over her teeth. And had a terrible realization. “You think I have rodent teeth.”
“I don’t,” he said. “I mean, I do a little. But they’re cute.”
Cute. Cute? A rush of heat swept over her.
“Oh. Well. I… I don’t know what to say to that.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you lost for words even one time since I’ve ever met you, so I’ll take that as a rare victory of sorts.”
She couldn’t even be mad at him, she supposed. She said strange and forthright things all the time, and just because the forthright thing he said didn’t feel all that flattering didn’t mean she could suddenly hold him to a different standard than she held herself. Probably.
It was annoying, though.
It was a very short drive to her car, and she got out of the truck, still clutching the grocery bag. “Well…thanks. For pizza.”
“Sure thing.”
She closed the truck door, and he drove away, and she noticed that her heart was still pounding particularly hard.
She ran her tongue over her teeth again.
There was no reason to go getting all worked up about him.
No reason at all.