Chapter Thirteen
She was excited about the Oregon Trail trek, and she packed accordingly for an overnight trip.
When they assembled at the covered wagons, though, she realized that she hadn’t been adequately prepared for the experience.
It was over-the-top amazing. Absolutely incredible work.
She had been annoying to him when they had first talked about it, and she had made judgments about their authenticity, but honestly, it was amazing.
Just amazing.
The team of horses linked up to the wagon was incredible, and Rowdy was going to drive it. Jessica was there, ready to sit up front with him, and Dakota was going to be—as he himself had put it—third wheeling it in the back.
“This is truly amazing,” she said. She had only ever seen Conestoga wagons reduced in scale and displayed in museums, or in history books. So this was very impressive.
“Yeah, I built it,” Dakota said.
“Oh, that’s right. Jax mentioned that you’re an artist.”
“It’s something to do. I like working with my hands.”
“He’s modest, and he doesn’t like getting into the emotional aspect of it,” Rowdy said.
“Oh. Why not?”
“Don’t you know emotions are bad for you?” Dakota asked.
“Well, I can certainly imagine that they are. Or rather, I feel like I probably agree to an extent.”
“But only to an extent.”
“Well, I think it’s really fascinating that you got into art. You know, given your background.”
“Oh no,” he said. “They love to show underprivileged kids the arts.”
“Who is ‘they’?”
“Well-meaning rich people,” Dakota said. “They especially like you when you’re talented.”
Jax snorted. “Careful. You’re starting to sound a little bit bitter.”
“Oh no. Heaven permitted. I would hate that.”
“Somehow I doubt it.”
“Yeah. Well. You are a doubter. A notorious hater.”
“Professionally.”
She enjoyed the banter between them as they took the wagon out to the painted hills portion of the property.
Where they set up a vast table, and served the most glorious lunch.
There was skillet cornbread, baked beans and lean game meat.
They had nice places to sit, which wasn’t strictly historically accurate, but since it was comfortable, she didn’t complain.
Jessica sat next to her, and smiled. “So, what do you think?”
“It’s amazing,” she said. “Fascinating. All of this is.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty amazing, these guys.”
“You know Rowdy from the rodeo?”
“Yeah. And he was amazing there too. Trust me. Everybody thought so. He’s one of those people.”
“Really? I think Jax stands out more.”
She hadn’t meant to say that, and her face felt warm. Jessica didn’t look offended, though. Instead, she smiled. “I don’t blame you for having a thing for Jax. He’s gorgeous.”
“Well, he’s more than that.”
She looked down at her food, her cheeks turning pink. She couldn’t see them, obviously, but she could feel how hot they were. They were surely a beacon of light.
“They’re all more than that,” Jessica said. “But they’re…inaccessible.”
She frowned. Because that hadn’t been her experience with Jax at all. He didn’t feel inaccessible; he was wonderful. So sweet to her.
But then… Jessica was friends with Rowdy, so she should know.
“You grew up here?”
“Yes. Born and raised. There’s nothing to do.
Which is how I got into barrel racing, because I had to make my own fun.
I didn’t think I would be getting myself a permanent injury.
But, what can you do? Barrel racing is typically one of the safer events in the rodeo, but I managed to mess myself up. ”
“I bet that changed a lot of things.”
“Yeah. It did. Ended a long relationship and put me on a totally different career path. The cooking. So, I’m going to do that here.
I think that’ll be good. I think it’ll give me some focus.
It’s really funny, I didn’t think I would enjoy cooking.
Because I’m not into stereotypically traditional wife sort of things. ”
“Statistically more chefs are men.”
“True. But it definitely felt like a slide into domesticity. Which I really didn’t want. Oh well. I do love it.”
“Well, your food is amazing. And I think you’ll do great.”
Ernestine didn’t have anything in common with her.
And yet somehow she felt like she did. Because she could feel her sadness.
Her sorrow at being excluded from a world she wished she could be part of.
And also feeling like she was between things.
Ernestine generally felt that about socializing.
About life. She felt it in a lot of places.
And she could feel Jessica’s frustration.
One thing Ernestine didn’t know anything about was changed plans.
She had been on a trajectory from the time she was very young.
And none of her plans had ever changed. She had been determined that she was going to keep working at the museum until retirement.
Writing grants there, doing displays, going on digs, but it was going to be her home base.
And that hadn’t changed. What would happen if something had to change, like it had with her?
She had never really considered that. Enforced change the way that Jessica had gone through.
Or even the way that Rowdy or Jax had gone through. They hadn’t had a say in those major shifts in their lives. They had just happened, and they had to survive.
“I think it’s really resilient of you. To redirect like this.”
“The other option is sitting down on your butt and crying,” Jessica said, talking around a mouthful of cornbread. “And that doesn’t make any sense.”
“I just don’t know if I could be that resilient.”
“Don’t you hang out in the heat all day digging for bones?”
“Yes. But it’s what I chose to do. It’s the thing that I’m most interested in.”
“It’s hard. It’s hard to lose your passion.
I don’t know that I’m really over it. It hurts.
It hurts really badly. But I’ve found other parts of myself.
At least, I keep trying to. Good riddance to my ex, good riddance to…
Well, not really the circuit. But I’m just trying to be in the life that I am in. That’s all you can do.”
“Yeah. I guess it is. But a lot of people flail.”
“Yeah. A lot of them do. I don’t think you would, though.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
“You just seem like you’re a really stubborn girl, Ernestine, and I like that about you. You’re stubborn, in the best way.”
“Thanks. You too.”
It was almost a friendship moment. And that was kind of amazing. This place was magic. She looked up from her plate, and out at the view. At the sun-washed sky and the painted hills. All that glorious red all around her. It was just amazing.
She had come here thinking that she was going to make some scientific discoveries, and she had.
She had come here hoping that it would change aspects of her life, but she had no idea how much that would be true.
She had no idea that it was going to change more than just her career. Things inside of her had changed.
Because of Jax. Because of Rowdy and Dakota and Jessica. Conversations and questions and answers that were so honest, and didn’t make her feel silly for having asked the questions in the first place.
It was time to load back up into the wagons, and they brought all their dishes in with them.
“When we actually do this, one of us will be running food service, and will take the dishes away.”
“Probably me,” said Jessica.
“Yeah,” Rowdy said cheerfully. “Probably.”
“I’m going to kick you in the teeth, Gardner.”
“Don’t hurt yourself. Your leg’s not so good.” He elbowed her, and she laughed. It was genuine. Not something that she had to reach for. It was a wound, in all the ways that word implied, and yet she seemed to have a really good way of dealing with it.
It made Ernestine realize that she just didn’t know enough kinds of people.
It was a side effect of having jumped into her career so young.
She had gone from her family to her colleagues, and even though she had been with many different groups doing digs in different places, had been in academic settings and museum settings, they were all sort of the same people in slightly different fonts, so to speak.
Jessica was a different kind of tenacious, determined. Rowdy, Dakota and Jax were all such tough, strong people. And smart. Extremely smart, even though none of them were academic.
She had never been a snob about things like that. She was very aware that she was smart about one thing in particular. And that it was different than other kinds of smart.
But knowing that, and seeing it, seeing the way that it played out in their lives, was creating a profound shift inside of her.
She had spent her life asking lots of questions. But she’d never had a deep understanding of other people who were so different than her until now.
The wagon trip took them to the most beautiful corners of the property. Places she hadn’t explored yet. She had been localized to her dig site, and her cabin, and other than the trail ride she had taken with Jax, she hadn’t seen everything yet.
And when they finally arrived at dinnertime at the tent camp, she was in awe of how much they had improved it.
“This looks amazing,” she said, looking at the seating and the firepit. The beautiful tents, the cooking area and the place for games—horseshoes and darts and even some axe-throwing lanes.
There were barbecues in the cooking area, and Jessica and Rowdy took up the task of cooking while Jax started a fire and Dakota leaned against the side of the wagon, watching the proceedings.
“I’m observing,” he said, smiling just slightly. “For my art.”
“He’s a liar. He has to drive the wagon back so that the horses can bed down for the night.”
She knew that this was in fairly close proximity to where the horses were kept. So it would be easy to drive the horses back, spend the night in the ranch house and bring them out the next morning to pick up guests. She assumed that was how they were going to do it.
“Yeah, kind of,” Dakota said, when she asked that very same question.