Chapter 3 #3
“Yes,” he said. “Actually, thinking of it as chores is kind of counterproductive. It’s part of the gig.
Part of life. Everything in life that you care about, whether it’s your house or the land, has to be taken care of by somebody.
I understand on the Maxfield family spread that somebody else does a lot of the caretaking.
At our place, the Coopers do the caretaking. ”
“And you’re currently caretaking your own ranch?”
“Obviously I have help,” he said. “Which is good for you. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Right, right.”
“Grab a shovel.”
That was how she found herself feeling sweaty and indignant, moving great piles of moldy hay out into the bed of his truck.
“It will make decent enough compost. But you don’t want it in here,” he said.
“It smells,” she said.
“A whole lot of things about ranch life smell.”
“I don’t mind it,” she said, resolute.
“Sure.”
“I really don’t. I was just saying.”
He arched a brow, half of his lips curving up into a smile. “You do a lot of questioning for somebody who just knows, and is fine with everything.”
Her cheeks burned. She didn’t really know why. “I’m fine,” she said, stepping into the corner and grabbing another shovelful of that vile hay.
“Yeah, you seem totally fine.”
“It’s just a lot to learn. I’m happy to.
I want to. That really is why I...” Except that would be a lie.
She was about to finish the sentence with it was why I wanted you here.
But it wasn’t why. The words caught in her throat, and then her gaze caught his and held.
She couldn’t seem to look away. And he didn’t look away either. He was close.
Closer than she had realized a moment ago. Or maybe the space around them had shrunk. She didn’t know which. Except, of course that was impossible. But there was something about his nearness that felt impossible all on its own. Like she had been dropped onto an alien planet, into an alien body.
But there was no guide for how this should feel. Living with this man who had captivated her for the better part of a decade. This man who was so unlike anyone she’d ever known, and who she didn’t really know, but who felt like he might be the answer to something all the same.
This was not what she’d dreamed about. But...she had to make what she was feeling something else because the only other option was for everything she’d suspected to be nothing and she couldn’t bear that either.
To have her life just be the same.
To have her whole self just be the same as she’d always been.
His gaze flickered downward, and she realized that he was looking at her mouth. And that was when the tension in her stomach twisted, making her organs roll. Causing her heart to stutter.
And suddenly, her mouth felt like it was on fire. She was just so very aware of it. Had never, in all her life, been quite so conscious of the fact that she had lips.
But she was now.
Because he had looked at them. Because he was standing there, so close. Because they were sharing this space, sharing the air. Because he fascinated her in a way no one else had.
Because he had the answers.
Her heart started racing.
No.
No.
She had never been this close to him. And last night his hands had brushed hers and now he was standing right there.
She knew she had to think of him differently now, and not as a man, like she’d always seen him.
But she couldn’t make him that. She just couldn’t.
Couldn’t force her body to acknowledge what her brain suspected, no matter what she’d tried to tell herself about their connection.
He was there. And she wanted.
It couldn’t be.
But then the light went on in those eyes, and even she could recognize the expression there, because she’d eaten dinner with the man last night.
Hunger.
And she felt it. She felt an answering appetite low and deep.
He moved, and she didn’t know if it was toward her or away from her, because she dropped her shovel and ran out of the barn.
Ran.
Like the devil and all of hell was coming after her. Ran and didn’t look back. Ran past his truck, through the fence, and out into the middle of the field. She stopped, panting, her forehead damp with sweat. She planted her hands on her knees, and only then did she realize what she’d done.
She had run from him.
He must think she was insane. She was acting insane. Except...
Why?
The word was more a groan in her soul than a real, actual word. A deep, enduring sadness that made her feel like she might be crushed with it.
It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. How in all the world was he...
The one man, the only man, that she had ever felt this for?
She was sick. There was something wrong with her.
You always knew there was something wrong with you.
Yes, but she hadn’t thought this.
She made a rough sound of distress. Out loud, and she didn’t care if it carried all the way back to the barn. She couldn’t care.
She looked around suddenly, wildly, to see if he was behind her. He wasn’t.
Why was this happening to her? She had thought she had finally been on her way to finding her place. She had been resolute in winning over Jackson, in getting to know him so she could approach him about their potential connection...
And what if he had been moving toward her? What if he had been about to kiss her?
Well, then everything was ruined. Absolutely everything.
Cricket wasn’t one to cry. She wasn’t one to give in to despair.
But she wanted to now. Yes, she did. She wanted to now because she had thought she’d found a way out.
She had thought she’d found a way to change her life.
To change everything. But she hadn’t. She was just weird, awkward Cricket, who would never find a place that felt comfortable.
Because this certainly wasn’t comfortable. This was an abomination.
And you’re not a baby. You’re going to figure out how to face him, apologize and get your head on straight.
Yes, but she couldn’t face him now. So she spent about an hour picking through the field and ignoring the fact that she was going to have to face him eventually. And when she finally went back to the barn, his truck was gone, and so was he.
And it left Cricket to wonder if she had hallucinated the whole thing.