Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
CHOICE AND CONSEQUENCE
I’m curled up against Michael, my whole body sated. I never imagined it could be like this, with anyone. I don’t ever want to leave. I definitely cannot go back to Joaquin. But my coronation is only days away.
As though he knows what I’m thinking, Michael pulls me closer, all muscle and heat. ‘I spoke to Eddard, while we were fighting. About the transports.’
‘And?’
‘He can help.’ Michael’s hands stroke lazily up and down my spine, his lips tracing fire down my throat.
‘Michael.’ I manage to get my hands between us, braced against his muscular chest.
‘Hmm?’ His mouth trails lower as he rolls me onto my back.
‘Unfair,’ I gasp, as he reaches a sensitive spot. ‘Stop distracting me. You need to tell me the plan.’
‘Do I?’ He lifts his head, humour in his stormy gaze. ‘Because I can’t quite remember it at the moment.’
‘We can’t stay in bed for ever!’
‘Again, not sure why.’ His teeth graze my nipple.
‘Gods!’ This man will be my undoing, I swear. I tried to muffle myself with the pillow, earlier, but he just laughed, taking it from me and tossing it across the room.
‘Do you want me to stop?’
My head goes back, and I almost give in. ‘Stop,’ I pant.
He stops, though his breath is coming as hard as my own. ‘Fine. There’s another transport coming in, tonight. We need to wait until the humans are cleared, then get on it.’
‘That’s the plan? Get in a van and go back?’
He grins. ‘Yes. But listen,’ he says, as I start to protest. ‘It’s not as easy as it sounds. Cass leads the clearings, so she’ll be there. We’ll have to time it to the second.’
‘You really think she wouldn’t let us go? What if I tell her who I am?’
‘She won’t care. She guards these borders too tightly to let anyone through, even the heir to Raven. Especially the heir to Raven.’ He’s not smiling any more. ‘Eddard will signal when things are cleared, then we go.’
It sounds so simple. ‘What about the driver?’
‘We’ll have to bribe him. Or you could pull rank. But there’s no guarantee that won’t freak him out. So that’s a last resort.’
‘Okay.’ I turn the ring on my finger, thinking.
‘What is it?’
‘Nothing.’ It’s not nothing. I feel as I did when I travelled around my realm, when I laughed in Stonehenge, walked through ancient palaces, danced under painted ceilings at Versailles. All the while with an ache in my chest. I feel the same ache now. ‘Do we have to go tonight?’ It’s a whisper.
‘We’ve already stayed too long. Your parents will be frantic, Raven searching for us. All it takes is for one person to have seen us in that alleyway and they could already be on their way here.’
‘I know.’ I do know. It’s been an almost constant thread of worry since we got here. ‘I know we have to go. But I don’t want to.’ I sit up, running my hands through my hair. ‘We’re going to have to come up with a story as to where we’ve been.’
‘Maybe we should tell the truth.’ He takes my hand, playing with my fingers. ‘That we wanted to spend time together. Alone.’ His blue gaze is unwavering, fixed on me. I know what he’s saying.
‘You want me to tell Joaquin it’s over.’ I shake my head. ‘I don’t know if I can, yet.’
‘Darkness, Emelia! You love me, not him!’
I don’t say anything.
‘I watch you, day after day, dealing with shit you don’t want to deal with, putting everyone else first, making decisions based upon what’s best for humans, or for the realm, or to protect your family.
I see you with him,’ his lip curls, ‘the way he puts his hands on you, moves you around like a doll, never asking you. Where’s your choice in this?
What do you want? Forget Raven, forget the crown, forget all of it!
If you could have anything in the world, what would it be? ’
My breath hitches in my chest. ‘You,’ I say.
‘I want you. And to stay here, in this beautiful place.’ The ache in my chest worsens, like a heavy stone pressing on me.
‘I’ve fucked everything up!’ I groan, rolling onto my side away from him.
‘My mother told me not to string him along. She told me to choose for myself who I wanted to love.’
Michael fits himself against me, heat all down my back, his arm around me. ‘So why can’t you?’ His breath is warm on my skin.
‘Because I’m scared.’
‘Someone very wise once told me that courage isn’t the absence of fear; rather, it’s how you overcome fear.’
I laugh, despite my torment. ‘That sounds like my father.’
‘It was. Though he told me the words came from someone else. A human.’ He kisses my shoulder.
‘And you, my darling Emelia, have overcome your fear time and time again. When you left your home, not knowing what would happen, but knowing it would be worse to stay. When you witnessed the Moon Harvest. When you had to kill Kyle. When Jessie attacked you. When my brothers challenged your crown. When Joaquin’s follower attacked you.
When Nari tried to humiliate you at your own birthday ball.
Each time, you faced up to things. You didn’t shrink away.
So why are you so scared of doing this?’
I don’t say anything.
‘Is it because you have feelings for him?’ Tension threads his voice.
I turn to face him. ‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like him. Didn’t find him attractive. I don’t want to hurt him. There was a time, after you left, when I thought he could be right for me. But…’
‘But?’
‘I don’t love him. I love you.’ The ache in my chest eases.
I don’t want to leave because I don’t want to return to what’s waiting for me.
I’m going to hurt Joaquin, which I never wanted to do.
But this is my mistake and I need to face up to it.
Perhaps there’s a way for us to remain friends, for our realms to stay aligned.
As my mother said, there are other paths to diplomacy.
I have her, and my father, and the entire might of Raven behind me.
Michael is who I want at my side. A choice I’m making for me.
‘I’ll end it. But without mentioning your name.
We need to keep this under wraps until after I’m crowned. ’
‘You don’t have to protect me.’
I silence him with a kiss. ‘I absolutely do. We don’t know what Jaguar are capable of.’
He pulls me closer, nuzzling my neck. ‘So secret meetings, is it? I’m up for that.’ He’s also up in other ways, I can feel, pressing against me. But there’s one more thing I need to say.
‘I want to come back here, once I’m crowned, and speak to Cass. Tell her who I am.’
His kisses pause. ‘What? Why the fuck would you want to do that?’
‘Because I think this place could be the answer to changing everything.’
He tenses. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Before I went to the Safe Zone, I thought it was somewhere humans could live their lives the way they used to. But it became clear very quickly that wasn’t the case. The Channel Islands … you know why it won’t work. But this way of living is perfect. And it’s global. Everyone gets what they want.’
‘No way. No fucking way.’ He rolls onto his back. ‘Fuck, Emelia. Reapers kill to protect the cells. They’ve been doing so for centuries. If you expose this, you risk bringing the whole lot of them down on Raven.’
‘I don’t want to expose them! I want to learn from them.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘There are more abandoned towns and cities; darkness knows I saw plenty when we were travelling. I want to set up my own cells, using the same model, for whoever wants to go there, vampire or human. I can link them to the Safe Zones and set up a network for humans to move through, just like the Reapers have done. Raven guards can protect them, just as the Reapers do. And I’ll make sure they’re run the same way. ’
‘It’s not going to be that easy.’
‘Oh, I know that! Everyone tells me things aren’t going to be easy.
Nothing is fucking easy. Nothing worthwhile, anyway.
No one thought I’d survive to adulthood, but I did.
No one thought I could be crowned Raven, but I’m going to be.
And no one thinks I can change the world.
But I’m going to. This is what I’m here for. ’
Michael still looks doubtful. ‘Reapers won’t let you blow their secret open.’
‘I don’t want to do that! I just want to use this model. Nobody needs to know.’
‘You know it won’t work like that.’
‘What else can I do? What other option do I have?’
He doesn’t seem to have an answer.
I know I have to leave this place, plunge back into the swirling politics and darkness of my regular life. Just as I know I need to end things with Joaquin, whatever the fallout may be. But I dare to dream of a life like this. A court of light and darkness, of daylight and dreams.
* * *
A few hours later we crouch in bushes at the edge of the clearing where we first arrived. It’s dark, the forest rustling softly. We both reek of anti-feed, courtesy of a bottle Michael found in the bathroom.
‘What in darkness?’ I exclaimed when he opened the cupboard and grabbed it.
‘Every house has some.’
‘But it’s…’
‘Expensive? Yeah, I guess. But it’s made from distilled vampire blood. It’s not just humans who donate blood here. Maybe it’s only expensive in our world because we’ve made it that way. Every household here has some, so humans can travel safely between cells.’
Another piece of information to tuck away, to rage against. Another difficulty we’ve imposed on humans. Yes, of course, make the one thing that keeps humans safe expensive. It’s a good way to keep them down.
‘Not long now.’ Michael breathes the words, his breath warm on my cheek.
Darkness, I hope this works. But there’s no alternative. We have to leave. Still … I turn and kiss Michael, putting my whole heart into it, the love and joy and warmth he gives me.
‘Wow,’ he breathes, when I pull back. ‘What was that for?’
‘Because I love you. And if we don’t make it out of here, I want—’
‘We’ll make it out of here,’ he growls. ‘Even if I have to kill them all myself.’
I believe him. I love him so much. ‘You won’t have to do that. We can do this.’
‘We can.’ He presses another kiss to my lips. ‘But if things do get rough, follow my lead.’
I nod.
Headlight beams slant across the clearing. A van appears, black against the shadowy trees, stones crunching beneath the tyres as it comes to a stop. A few moments later several figures stagger from the back.
‘Be ready.’ Light catches the blade in Michael’s hand.
The van stutters into darkness. Someone cries out, like a bird.
Dark shapes appear in the clearing. Moonlight silvers the golden fall of Cass’s hair as she approaches the stumbling humans.
Michael cups his hand around his mouth and makes several soft hooting noises, like an owl.
One of the vampires moves closer to us, holding his clenched fist behind his back, three fingers raised.
Three minutes.
At least, I’m guessing so.
The vampires round up the humans, escorting them from the clearing. Eddard is last, closing his fist but not looking in our direction.
‘Now!’
Michael and I burst from the bushes, running towards the van. The door is still open, the driver climbing back into the cab.
We almost make it. Almost.
‘What the fuck is this?’
It’s Cass.