Chapter 42
Deacon
Willow screamed, pressing her palms to her mouth. “Cruz! You’re okay!”
“Oh, shit. You told Willow? I’m gonna fucking kill Dougy.” I listened for labored breathing and other signs of injury through the phone but heard none.
“Shut up!” she said, snatching the phone from me, hugging it like she wanted to hug him. “You’re okay, though. You’re okay!” She was crying, tears rolling down her face.
He said he was safe, not okay, but I’d take safe for now. “Don’t hurt Dougy.” I heard the thickness in my voice and my blood rushing to my head. “He owes me fifty bucks,” I added, hoping to break the tension.
“I’m safe,” he repeated. “Willy, I can’t talk long, but I’m safe. I promise. Give me a sec with just Deac, okay?” The end of his sentence faded out with the bad connection, and I turned off speaker. I motioned to Willow to get Gus inside, that I’d be right behind her.
“How bad?” I asked once she was out of earshot. Bryce’s advice rang hollow to me in this moment. Nothing was like this work.
“I’m banged up.” That could mean anything from he was missing an arm to he had stubbed his toe. I would have said the same. “Good news is my dick was unharmed.”
“Hard for anyone to aim at such a small target.”
“Fucker,” he said, a laugh and then a groan. “Take care of my sister until I get home, will you?” I knew from his voice it certainly wasn’t a stubbed toe.
“Of course.” I remembered feeling like a shell of myself in the hospital, the dark thoughts that came in waves. “How’s your head?”
“Attached, so that’s good.” I heard the shrug in his voice. “Simms was with me. Kept saying how his wife was begging him to get out and go be an accountant or something. Can you imagine Simms an accountant? That’s as funny as you being an accountant.”
“I could get into calculators.”
“No, you’ll do something with kids. You’re a big kid.
But Simms. It threw me. Hell, could I choose this if I had someone I was in love with?
I’d have to choose the mission over them, right?
” He coughed into his hand. “Least you don’t have to choose between us and love anymore.
” Cruz was rambling, and I wondered how strong a dose of pain meds they had him on.
His last statement was a kick to the chest, though.
“Love. Choose love. It changes everything,” he said, his voice dreamy.
“They gave you the good drugs, huh?”
“Hooked a boy up,” he said. “I know I’m not making any sense.”
He was, though, at least to me. I watched Willow’s shadow cross the front room.
“I get it,” I said, and as fucking elated as I was that he was safe, a shadow fell across me, even in the dark, because he was making sense.
He’d choose the person he loved—it was the guy he was.
And it seemed I was that kind of guy, too.
Only I had no idea how to choose between the brother I’d die for and the woman who had my heart in a vise grip.
I was going to hell—this was the worst thing I could do to him, but I’d been honest when we were looking for Gus.
I couldn’t let Willow go, at least not yet.
Cruz cut into my thoughts again, and I knew the drugs were fully kicking in. “Did I tell you my dick’s okay already?”
“Yeah, buddy.” He’d be pissed he was so uncensored when the painkillers wore off. “I wouldn’t want the future love of your life to miss out on those two inches.”
He laughed, and it was a sound I’d missed. “Inches of steel, baby.”
Willow peeked out from the front door and raised her eyebrows as if to question if everything was okay. “Take care of Willy. I’ll tell you more when I’m home.”
Willow gave me a shy smile, and I didn’t mean to return it, but I felt my cheeks rise at the sight of her.
I’d never reacted that way to anyone before—wet and cold and emotionally raw.
I couldn’t stop from returning her smile.
And I knew exactly what I was risking to keep the warmth of those smiles in my life.
“Yeah. I gotta tell you a few things when you get home, too.”
“Sounds good,” he said, the connection cracking between us.
I waited for him to disconnect and let the words hang between us.
I had a feeling he wouldn’t want me as a ride or die when he knew about me and his sister.
But when I looked up and Willow was still smiling as she walked toward me, arms outstretched, I didn’t regret my decision at all.
I had a little more time with her before I had to blow everything up.
“I’ve never been so scared in my whole life,” she said, wrapping her arms around me. She’d peeled off her hoodie and was in a yellow T-shirt that hugged her curves. “Can we just forget today ever happened?”
I swallowed and leaned back, looking into her soft brown eyes. “He’s safe,” I said, feeling her arms wrap around my neck, her warm body against mine. “You can stop worrying.”
“Never, but I’m worried about you,” she said.
“That you’re going to run away from me again.
” She wrapped her arms around my neck more tightly, and I slid a hand up her back as she spoke into the crook of my neck.
“And I understand you think whatever this is is a betrayal. Nothing needs to happen, but…I don’t want you to go. ”
I cupped the back of her neck, my fingers crushing the wet curls at her nape. “Okay,” I said against the shell of her ear.
She pulled her head back and tipped her chin up. “Okay?”
I brushed my lips over her cheek. “Okay.” I dropped another kiss on her cheek, feeling the softness of her skin. “I’ll stay.”
Her eyes widened as if she expected me to deny her. I guess I’d attempted to. “With me?”
“And Gus,” I said, stroking the back of her neck and tugging her body closer to mine.
She opened her mouth, no doubt to throw something back at me, but I stopped her comeback, pressing my lips against hers.
The connection between us felt like it had grown even stronger than the first time we kissed, her mouth yielding to mine as our lips slid together and tongues danced.
Willow pulled herself against me, her body a delicious pressure against my own.
I’d never kissed someone like that before, like my whole life hung in the balance if I didn’t get one more touch, one more feel of her lips, one more stroke of her skin as I walked us clumsily toward the open front door.
“My God, Low,” I said when we broke the kiss, both catching our breath.
I swung the door shut behind us once we made it inside.
“I don’t expect anything,” she panted. “If helping me with my list, especially page two, feels like a betrayal to you, it’s okay. Nothing else needs to happen.”
I nodded and stepped closer, letting one hand slip to her back and the other behind her neck. “I want to help you finish your list.” I cupped the back of her neck and tipped her chin up to mine. “I’ve always wanted to. Just not fighting it anymore.”
“Really?”
I nodded and crashed my mouth against hers again. I was also done fighting how I felt about her, how she made me feel whole. I didn’t know how to tell her that yet, though, but I would tell her soon.