Chapter 11
Ithought I was tired that first night Collum read to the servants. But with an entire week of my reading all day, followed by reading to the servants at night, by the time it came for Collum to read to Viscount Adis, I could barely keep my eyes open.
Between the two of us, we had read both the red and green books to the servants, giving them the power of empathy, and, as it turns out, the power of persuasion.
Something that would come in handy as we all worked to keep the servants’ newfound powers hidden.
I hadn’t seen Leif since that first night, something I found a bit odd, but I didn’t question it too much, as this was a favor Collum was doing for them. She wasn’t their boss—not like Adis.
All of the servants now had the same gold-rimmed eyes as Collum and I. And when I questioned Collum on whether or not she trusted them to follow her instructions and hide the nature of our nightly meetings, she stated she did.
I was on edge, and I had been since Collum’s arrival. I had thought having my cousin with me would ease some of my stress, and make it easier to keep my secret, but the opposite was actually true.
Collum and I hadn’t spent much time together before, mostly because she worked nights, and because I’d had Milo—someone who knew me far better than anyone else on the continent.
Someone who knew everything about me. Though we had spent some time together, a lot of it was Collum helping me maintain my ruse, or correcting one of Milo’s mistakes.
Though Leif was right and she wasn’t technically my mother, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that was the role she had been playing in my life for years.
Maybe that explained why I was feeling empty.
Maybe that explained why I hadn’t told Collum about the black book, which was still hidden behind the brick in my cell.
It didn’t matter, though. How I was feeling had no effect on my daily life.
Adis pushed another black book into my hands. It had silver lettering instead of gold. The routine was ingrained now, and I wasted no time before I flipped it open and started to read.
Like before, I read until my voice grew hoarse. But this time, when I could no longer speak, the book was passed to Collum.
“Start where he left off.” Adis’s voice was void of all emotion.
“Yes, sir,” Collum replied before she started her reading.
If he noticed her fluid reading, despite having only trained a supposed week, he said nothing. She had barely started, though, when Adis stopped her with the snap of his fingers.
All eyes in the room snapped up to his face.
“Remove the Reader. He need not be here for this.” His long finger pointed at me, and before I could even say anything, there was a hand gripping my upper bicep and moving me to the hall.
I caught my footing, but to my surprise, the moment we were outside of the reading room door, Syrus released me.
“You can find your own way back to your room.” He didn’t even wait for my answer before slamming the door.
This was a strange turn of events. Not knowing what else to do, I turned and walked back to my room, lifting my legs at a much slower pace than I was allowed to use when being escorted by Adis’s guards. Might as well use this time to take in more of my new home.
I thought about taking a detour, but then I remembered I knew very little about the palace and instead retraced my steps back to my room.
It wasn’t until I closed the door behind me that I came to an unfortunate realization.
If I wasn’t present in the room for the entire reading, I wouldn’t gain the magical power being read.
But Collum would.
I didn’t care about magic. I hadn’t when I first gained the wind power, and I still didn’t. But something about the thought of my cousin having powers I wouldn’t didn’t sit right with me. Especially not after the events of the last few days.
It felt very . . . unbalanced.
I resolved to discuss it with Collum when she returned.
Unfortunately, I’d lost my confidence as the hour grew late and, in the end, we never spoke about the way things were changing between us.
My life was not my own. It hadn’t been when I lived at home, sharing one life with my brother, and it wasn’t now, as I served as some sort of forced servant in Viscount Adis’s household.
Meaning I had no say over whether or not Collum and I deserved to have the same powers. So, I let it go.
I chose instead to focus on the only benefit of having Collum around, and that was the fact that since I wasn’t always in the room when she read, I found myself with many free afternoons. I was often left unsupervised, my door unlocked, until Collum was returned, weary, around sunset.
Though my relationship with her had degraded.
There was just too much between us that we couldn’t find it in our hearts to discuss.
Most days, it seemed as if Collum actually enjoyed her time here, reading for Adis, because it furthered the progression of magic overall, and allowed her to read the same powers to the servants.
I had no idea how she’d convinced Adis to let her take the books with her to her room every night, but she had and still spoke daily of the coming war, almost sounding like she was looking forward to it.
I, on the other hand, preferred there be no war at all, even if magic faded into the background.
And so, another layer was added to the wall between us.
It didn’t matter though.
I ran my hand along the stone wall as I made my way toward the door that led to the exterior of the compound.
I had found this door a few days before, and while there was still a large stone wall preventing my escape entirely, it helped tremendously that I was able to spend some time outside each day.
And now, as I sat on the edge of the small body of water that took up most of the exterior yard, my feet dipped below the surface of the cool water, I wished more than ever that I could swim.
It was something that my brother had always gotten to do with friends come the summer months, but one activity, I, for obvious reasons, had never gotten to partake in.
Milo, the real one, got to experience all of the swimming days.
A small green fish swam toward one of my toes, and I begged my limb to stay still, hoping above all else, it would come close enough that I could brush my hand down the side of its shiny scales.
How I wished I could dive beneath the surface and stay there with him.
It looked so much calmer, so much more peaceful than the world up here.
And maybe then I would be able to find the elusive purple lakeweed that was needed for the headache potion I used to make.
“Daydreaming are we?”
The deep voice sent the small fish darting into the dark depths of the water. Far beyond where I could see. I let out a sigh.
“You don’t seem to have much to say.”
I spotted Leif’s sandy hair out of the corner of my eye as he stooped to unlace his own brown boots before removing his stockings and slipping his feet into the water with mine.
I again found myself tongue-tied in his presence.
After an awkward silence that was much too long, I was able to choke out, “I just—I don’t know what to say, I guess. ”
“Hello, would be a good place to start.” A blinding smile spread across his lips.
I turned my gaze back to the water, hoping the green fish would appear again, and wishing I had my chemistry journal, which was once tucked under the corner of my mattress. But both were gone. “Hello seems too simplistic of a word for a situation like ours.”
He let out a chuckle. “What do you mean a situation like ours?”
I forced myself to keep my gaze forward, knowing if I let my eyes connect with his deep blue ones I would lose my thoughts, and all the confidence I had mustered.
“Both of us, servants here, for the viscount.” I wanted to add the word forced, but I realized, based on the information he had provided the other night, that he was likely here by choice.
I also recognized that he was likely getting paid for his position, while I had yet to see a single gold coin for my reading.
Our situations were not the same. The divide between us too great to bridge with a single “hello.”
There was a shuffling sound as he leaned forward, coming into the corner of my vision. “I’m not sure I understand what you are trying to say.”
That told me everything I needed to know about Leif.
Before I could voice my opinion, he was talking again. “I think friends are important, no matter your status in life, or what occurred to lead you to where you are.”
One of my eyebrows raised of its own accord. “That’s what you want to be? Friends?”
He chuckled, and my binding suddenly felt tighter, more suffocating. “You’re really smart. I like that.”
I flinched as the pad of his thumb brushed along my jawline.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “You just have such a beautiful jaw structure.”
It was my turn to nearly crack a smile. “Was that supposed to be a compliment?” I craned my neck to face him again, feeling the color come to my cheeks as our eyes connected. I knew my brown irises were nowhere near as disarming as his blue ones. I was at a disadvantage, again.
My heart rate sped up.
“I don’t know, do you like when I talk about your jaw structure?” I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes.
“I suppose I don’t hate it.” His hand brushed down my back, and I immediately tensed.
“You don’t like being touched.” It wasn’t a question. “Is it because you prefer the company of women?”
I shook my head. “I’d prefer you ask for permission, is all. I don’t like surprises.” It was becoming a struggle to keep my voice low, as something in my chest fluttered. I wondered if his attention would change if he knew everything.
“All right. Can I touch you?”