Chapter 30
“We need more people on our side,” I insisted from my position in front of Otho on the horse. It had been a short night, something my drooping eyes reminded me of even as we attempted to come up with a plan as quickly as possible.
“Askel is also Seid.”
Shock rolled through me remembering the captain who had treated me horribly when I had first received my sentence. “But he—”
“It’s all for show,” Otho assured me, somehow already knowing what I was referring to. “He lost his entire family in the Purge, including his older sister. He is more cautious than me even.”
This was a surprise considering I hadn’t known Otho was Seid until the night before.
Also, because the Purge had mostly targeted Seid adults.
But now that I thought about it, I had been fifteen at the time of the Purge, and the only thing I’d had akin to an older sibling was Collum, who had hidden beneath the bed with me. I grimaced as my nightmare surfaced.
“I can’t leave the front lines; it will be too suspicious.” I couldn’t see his face from my current position, but I could picture the worry lines I knew were etched on Otho’s features.
“I can go into Ralheim alone.”
His grip on me tightened and I fought the warmth the buzz it left beneath my skin. My feelings could no longer be trusted. And he has Friar. I grimaced.
“Not going to happen. I just rescued you; I’m not sure how many more rescues I have left in me.”
“Then what do you suggest?” I didn’t mean to snap, but it was difficult with so little sleep and legs that protested yet another day spent on horseback at a breakneck speed.
That, and what had actually transpired between Leif and I was still weighing heavily on my mind, and I knew I couldn’t talk with Otho about it.
This wasn’t the life I had envisioned for myself at all.
And Otho had his own relationship to worry about.
Otho and I were pressed so closely together that I should have felt uncomfortable with it, for Friar’s sake.
But my body was in a state of comfort. Maybe it was because Otho and I had finally laid all of our secrets on the table, but I actually enjoyed his warmth seeping through my back—especially as he kept up a pace that would chill through even the thickest shawl.
“Maybe I can call for Friar, and she can go with you.”
My heart clenched at the name of the healer in Adis’s compound. But I knew there was no reasoning behind it, and I had to approach this just as I would any other conversation with Otho. “Is she Seid too?”
“She is. She’s a reader.”
Something about his tone sat heavy in the pit of my stomach.
While I had the utmost respect for Friar, especially after she had mended my many Adis-inflicted injuries, I just couldn’t seem to come to terms with her relationship with Otho.
Which was stupid considering we were nothing but friends of opportunity.
Regardless, if working with her was the only way we would be able to recruit, I would do it.
“I don’t really want to go back to Adis’s. ”
“Understandable.” His chest rumbled as he spoke, vibrating against my back. “I’ll send for her when we return to the front lines.”
“She will be happy to see you after so long apart, I suppose.”
He let out a chuckle and my empathy magic flickered as I felt the amusement rolling off of him. “I suppose you are right.”
We stopped for a quick break to refill Otho’s waterskin, my stomach rumbling at the lack of food, but we had eaten all of his jerky the night before.
I had grown soft spending the last few weeks living in luxury with access to food whenever I desired it.
Something which immediately made me feel guilty for even taking what little of the jerky I’d had.
“I can hear you overthinking from here,” Otho called out from where he knelt at the side of the small stream, his sleeves rolled up as he dipped the skin below the shimmery surface of the water.
I don’t know what it was about Otho that made me want to spill all my secrets, but before I could think twice, I was sighing and explaining, “I just . . . I actually kind of liked it in Malheim. I know I shouldn’t .
. . but it was nice to be myself and to have a bed and regular meals.
” I felt my shoulders sink at the realization.
For as mad as I was at Leif . . . Malheim had been nice.
He rose to his full height, closing the waterskin tightly before turning toward me, his eyes filled with warmth.
“Don’t feel guilty. As I mentioned before, you lived a hard life.
It’s understandable you would enjoy a reprieve from that, even if it involved a sad excuse for a man.
” His tone grew increasingly angry throughout the sentence.
He climbed back up on the horse, reaching back to pull me after him.
I don’t know why, but I felt the need to defend the way I had grown up.
“That’s just it. My life as Milo’s other half wasn’t that bad.
” I only saw a flash of his face as I faced forward on the horse, but I could have sworn there was anger etched there.
“Will you convince your brother to join the war?” His arms reached around me to grab the reins, flicking them, and the horse immediately jumped into action.
Even before he finished speaking, I was already shaking my head. “He’s suffered enough. He deserves a chance to live his life—his entire life.”
“I find it interesting you extend grace to him but not to yourself.”
The words were like a kick to my ribs, giving me so much to consider that we didn’t speak for the rest of the ride.
The skies opened and it was pouring rain by the time we arrived at the group of tents Adis’s men occupied on the front lines.
The fat drops fall from the sky at a rate that made it impossible to talk, so Otho simply motioned to the tent that was mine.
It hadn’t been that long since I had last been in the camp, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel everything had changed since I had last been here.
Most of all, me.
I tried to step cautiously, but it was impossible not to sink ankle deep into the mud, which was multiplying at an alarming rate. The rain would need to stop, otherwise we would likely have to move camp to higher ground—something I didn’t even think possible.
I peeled back the tent flap to find, miraculously, that all my things were still there from before my poor attempt at spying had gone awry, which had been over a fortnight ago at this point.
I couldn’t tell for sure whether or not anything had been moved, but I couldn’t care less as I slipped off my muddied shoes and sank onto the cot in exhaustion.
It was no fancy bed at Hansen’s that’s for sure, but my weariness was so complete, it felt comfortable for the first time in a long time—probably since I left my home with Adis all those fortnights ago.
I lay down and was just about to enter dreamland when I heard the ruffling of my tent flap.
“What now?” I asked Otho, not even bothering to open my eyes.
“It’s me,” a voice I would recognize anywhere replied.
In one breath, I was up and out of the cot, backing away from the blond-haired man I had thought I knew, who was currently occupying the space at the entrance to my tent. Panicked, I scoured the tent for anything that could be used as a weapon.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” Leif lifted his hands in the “surrender” motion, but that did nothing to calm my heart, which was in overdrive as I fought my instinct to flee.
Unable to find a weapon, I realized I would need to talk my way out of this. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize.” He took a step forward, but I held up my hands to stop him. They were shaking, a fact that only fed my growing fear.
“Don’t come any closer.” My words were pure malice.
“Runa, please.” His eyes shone, but I wasn’t fooled that easily. Not anymore. Not again.
“You have done nothing but lie to me, give me a single reason I shouldn’t scream right now.” My heart was pounding in my chest. I was prepared to scream. Whether or not anyone would be able to hear me above the downpour was another story, but I didn’t mention that small detail to Leif.
“I told you, I planned to tell you,” he started before pausing mid-sentence and changing his tactic. “I didn’t come here to fight, my heart. I came here to apologize.”
I cocked one of my eyebrows, swallowing the urge to grimace at the name which once would have had me falling at his feet. “How did you follow us anyway?”
“I didn’t.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I knew Otho would bring you back here. I rode through the night and waited until you arrived.”
Otho and I certainly hadn’t considered that. I wished now that he had walked me to my tent.
“I love you Runa. I really do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but I—”
I cut him off. “I don’t believe you.”
“Runa—” He reached for me and I fought off his hold. “I’m your weighted you have to—”
“You have until I count to three to leave this tent.”
My gaze was immediately drawn to the dripping Otho who had appeared in the doorway, his eyes alight with what could only be described as pure hatred, his jaw hard with anger.
He didn’t even seem to notice the waterfall that was flowing from his hair to the dirt at his feet, his hands clenched in fists at his sides.
“I was—”
“I heard what you were doing. You lost the privilege to talk to Runa when you tried to force yourself on her in Malheim. So there is no reason for you to be here. Leave.”
Though Leif was still standing close to me, just the sound of Otho’s order allowed my shoulders to relax. I knew he wouldn’t allow anyone to harm me.
“You can’t command me away.” Leif shook his head in defiance. “I’m her weighted, we are destined to be together.”
Otho wasn’t fazed by his words, in fact he looked almost amused.
“That may be so, but just because she may be your weighted doesn’t mean she has any obligation to you.
It also doesn’t give you the right to touch her without her permission.
Plus, last I checked, this is Ralheim, you’re from Malheim, and this is war.
I won’t hesitate to kill an enemy. In fact, I’ll be so praised for it I might as well do it. ”
Otho’s promises made my heart flutter, but at the same time my heart clenched at the thought of Leif being dead. I was so confused.
“But—” Leif tried to argue.
Realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere, Otho turned his attention to me. “Runa, do you want to talk to Leif right now?”
The answer bubbled up immediately. “No.”
“There. It’s settled.” He sneered as he peeled back the tent flap. “Leif, you are excused. And if you so much as blink or breathe in her direction, I will end you.”
Leif grumbled but moved toward the tent flap. “You better watch it, Otho—”
“No.” Otho’s voice was firm. “You better watch it. Next time I find you here without her permission, I will punch first and ask questions later.”
Now that they were side by side, though both Leif and Otho were tall, it was clear that Otho had far more muscle, and likely far more military training than Leif.
I think Leif came to the same conclusion as well, because he tossed one more pining look my way, but then ducked out of the tent when I shook my head.
Otho exited after him and I sunk into my cot, resting my head in my hands.
“I’ll sleep here on the ground, just in case.”
I jumped at the deep cadence of Otho’s voice, my hand flying to my chest. “You don’t have to do that,” I protested, grimacing at the thought of sleeping on the hard, cold ground after the discomfort of sleeping sitting against a tree the night before.
“I don’t have to,” he agreed, “but I want to. Though I watched him leave camp just now, I don’t trust that he won’t be back.”
Otho had a point, so I nodded my consent. He ducked out of the tent, returning a few moments later with a bedroll. I observed as he set it up, my heartbeat struggling to calm as I realized what could have happened if he hadn’t shown up when he did.
He’d saved me, again.
“Thanks for chasing him away,” I whispered at last as he slid off his shirt and climbed into his bedroll.
It was hard to keep my attention from his muscular form and the large number of tattoos that crossed his tan skin.
Many of them were marred with nasty scars, and I knew he really would have punched Leif if he had tried anything.
“Most of them didn’t hurt.”
My mind flashed back to when I had wrapped his shoulder in Salheim, and I blushed. He must have noticed my gaze. “The tattoos or the scars?”
“Both.”
He grinned before blowing out the lamp I had lit when I first came in. “I have a high tolerance for pain.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
“Sleep now, Runa. He won’t bother you again tonight.”
I tried, I really did, but my racing heart refused to stop. I don’t know how I knew it, but I could sense Otho was still awake too.
“Otho?”
“Hm?” His response rumbled in his chest.
“I want magic that can help me defend myself.” Not that I didn’t enjoy the sight of Otho rescuing me. Actually, now that I thought about it, some parts of my body loved it a little too much.
“I’ll see what I can do.” His promise was soft in the humid evening air. “It might be as simple as training what you already have. I’ll see what Askel knows tomorrow.”
The words were soothing. Even if I didn’t completely trust Askel, I trusted Otho. I’m not sure when that happened, but I knew now that I would do whatever he asked of me, even if he asked me to jump off a cliff. And though I knew that level of devotion should scare me . . . it didn’t.
At some point, I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to find sunlight filtering into my tent. But when I turned to tell Otho good morning, I found the ground by my bed empty, his bedroll gone.
And as disappointed as I was, I knew it was for the best.
Otho had Friar.
And I had a war to fight.