Chapter 32
Time moved quickly after that and Leif didn’t visit again.
At least, not where I could see. My feelings for Leif were confusing, because on one hand, I enjoyed his flirting and attention, but on the other end, I couldn’t reconcile the man who offered to teach me to swim with the one who lied to me about everything from his parents to his future plans for us.
Askel and I trained my magic each morning, and while I still struggled to call metal without first using my wind power, I could now send small sandstorms in the direction I chose, something Askel had been taking full advantage of.
I chuckled as I remember the night before, when he had asked me to help him prank Otho by sending a small sandstorm into his tent.
Unfortunately for Askel, Otho hadn’t found it funny or alarming. In fact, all he had done was peek his head out of his tent, enough to frown at us disapprovingly, before disappearing inside again.
Only grumpy Otho lived at the front lines, apparently.
Now, as I hid around the corner from the barracks, tapping my foot as I waited for Friar to appear, I knew I would need to speak with Leif at some point. But that moment was not now. I had bigger issues to deal with.
The sun was high in the sky, beads of sweat rolling down my neck, when Friar finally appeared.
It was obvious that Otho had directed her on how to dress, as we both wore pants and cloaks with hoods that could be pulled over our heads if we spotted someone who might recognize us.
I was glad that I was at least allowed to wear pants once more.
For as fun as dresses had been, pants made it so much easier to ride a horse, and deal with my menses—among other things.
As Friar approached, anxiety rose in my gut, and I ached to put off our first stop.
“Hello.” Friar moved into the shadows next to me, pulling her cloak tighter around herself—it was the dead season after all.
“Hi.”
Conversation stilled between us. Likely because we had never been friends and every interaction we’d had previously were with me dressed as a male and in a crisis of some sort.
“You look . . .”
“Like myself,” I finished for her, not wanting to hear anything else she had to say.
She nodded in agreement, her hands fidgeting with the edge of her hood. “So, Otho said you know where to start?”
“I do.” My affirmation sounded way stronger than I felt on the inside. “Hopefully no one will recognize me, but let’s keep our hoods on, just in case.”
“Good plan.”
I cringed as we turned the corner, leading us both down the street, my gaze focused on my feet as my cape flapped behind. I wasn’t sure why the conversation with her was so awkward, but I didn’t like it.
It felt like a century had passed since I last walked this path, but the knowledge was still there, allowing me to navigate the center of town with ease.
There was a pang in my chest as we passed the university, something in my heart missing the education I never got to finish, but I still held onto the hope that I would return someday. Perhaps after the war was over.
“You attended university.” Friar motioned her chin to the large white stone building as we passed, barely giving it a second glance.
“I did.” I grabbed her arm as a cart suddenly rolled past, nearly knocking her over. Once it was out of sight, I continued. “But that feels like another lifetime now.”
“Indeed. It’s funny how time moves.”
I guided us around the corner, facing the street where I had spent my entire life, though it felt like I was walking into a foreign land. One more foreign than Malheim, even.
Though I found what was once my home with ease, I could tell immediately the situation here was not the same as I had left it in.
We’d always maintained a garden bed for vegetables in our yard, and now there were flowers budding instead.
My herb garden was completely flattened, the fresh dirt there indicating something else had been planted.
While I was upset that all my work had been covered up in an instant, I knew with certainty I could never return to this life anyway.
Next, my eyes flickered to the windows, where instead of thick curtains hanging in every window, obscuring anyone from peering in, they were pulled back proudly, and I could see the colorful ribbons glinting through the glass.
There weren’t secrets living here anymore, and it showed.
We came to stand in front of the door, and I raised my hand to knock, but didn’t bring it to the wood just yet.
“You have to knock?” Friar whispered.
I nodded. “Collum is with Adis. I’m not sure if my brother is even still around. Maybe he sold the place to someone else and moved on.”
“Oh.”
It was time to stop stalling, and I rapped my fist on the door three times.
It didn’t take long for it to swing open, revealing none other than Helene in a flour-covered apron, her hands full of white powder.
“Helene.” The name fell from my lips as everything came together in my head. Milo hadn’t wasted much time grieving me, that was for sure.
Her blue irises jumped between Friar and I before narrowing on me. “I’m sorry.” She let out a light chuckle as those of her stature often did. “Do I know you?” Waves of nervousness rolled off her.
Well, that answered that question. Milo hadn’t told her about me.
I swallowed my feelings, pulling up the lies I had practiced. “We are here to see Milo Potson.”
Her eyes lit up, and she used her wrist to brush a stray hair off her cheek, smearing it with flour in the process. “Ah, my husband is working at the mill, but he should be home near sunset.”
At her words, I was able to add the last details of what Milo had been up to in my mind. He hadn’t finished school either. I couldn’t stop the despair that coiled in my gut on his behalf.
The sacrifice that was left unused.
“All right, we will head to the mill,” Friar jumped in, saving me from the embarrassment of looking like I had nothing to say—because I didn’t.
I was devastated that the sacrifice I had made for my brother had ended up like this.
While I was glad he had married Helene, I had hoped he would finish school, giving him a better chance in life than I ever would have.
Helene studied me but said nothing before whispering a goodbye and closing the door in our faces. Then Friar was pulling me down the path. “Do you know where the mill is?”
“Yeah.” I sighed, taking one last look over my shoulder at the home that had once been the only safe place in this world for me, before turning down the street.
Friar said nothing during the short walk, likely sensing that I needed time to process what had just happened.
But the distance between my former home and the mill was a short one, and it wasn’t much later that we were walking up into the lumber yard outside of the mill, piles of wood on either side of us, until we ducked into the mill’s dimly-lit interior.
Here, there was a large turning wheel, currently being pulled by a donkey that had seen better days, as my brother worked off to the side, feeding something that looked like corn into the grinding stone.
I had never been inside the mill before, and had I not been so devastated by the turn of events, I likely would have been curious about the large number of wood and stone gears all moving in a planned rotation to break down various items.
“Hello!” Milo called out as he grabbed a cloth and swiped at the sweat on his face.
I frowned.
It wasn’t until he came closer that he noticed it was me. “Runa!” His cheeks broke into a grin as he swept me into a hug. While it felt nice to embrace my brother again, I could already tell this reunion wouldn’t go as I had hoped. Not with what I had to say.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he pulled away, his gaze landing on Friar. He had always been in tune with my emotions. He wiped his hand on the sweat towel again before extending his hand in greeting. “I’m Milo.”
“I know,” Friar replied, a frown occupying her lips as well. She didn’t take his outstretched hand. “I’m Friar, a friend of Runa’s.”
At my name, my brother turned back to face me.
“Look at you! You look amazing!” he gushed, but I could smell the fakeness in his words.
My clothes were ill fitting at best, items which had been borrowed from camp.
Sweat rolled down my face and neck from wearing far too many clothes in the harsh dead season sun.
I couldn’t explain all that though. “Thanks, Milo,” I replied as I put my hands on my hips. “And you work at the mill?”
His shoulders slumped. “I know we promised each other we would finish school but . . .” I raised an eyebrow.
“But after marrying Helene and Collum leaving, I had to pay for everything in the house myself and . . .” I tilted my head to the side, knowing that wasn’t the full story.
“And Helene wanted a fancy wedding so . . .”
There. That was the truth.
“So, you took the easy money,” I surmised, both aching to hug my brother and whack him with a stick. My gaze roved over the interior of the mill. This would not be a nice place to work in fifty years.
“I’m sorry, Runa. I will finish eventually, I’m certain of it,” he promised with a sigh, but it was empty from the moment it left his mouth—my empathy let me know that much. “But enough about me, how are you here? Collum said you joined the military and that she was going after you—”
That was news to me, I glanced at Friar before replying, “Collum left of her own accord?”
Milo shrugged. “There was a note when I came home from school so . . .”
I crossed my arms over my chest, uncomfortable at my brother’s naivete. “Adis took her, just like me. Maybe she convinced him to let her leave a note, but she could only put what he allowed her to write, I’m sure.”
“Collum said you wanted to join.” He let out a sigh and pinched his nose, as if it was heartbreaking to discover his sister hadn’t left of her own accord.
I don’t know if it was his nonchalant attitude, or the fact that we were both dancing around the real issue between us, but I could feel my anger bubbling. “Why would I, a woman disguised as a man, ever want to join the army, Milo? Please, enlighten me.”
He ran a hand through his hair, leaning against a pole. “You’re right. I guess I just felt guilty and . . .”
“And you convinced yourself that I wanted it,” I finished for him.
Even though I was angry, we still knew each other too well.
But this wasn’t a social call. “Listen, Milo, bad things are happening. Very bad things.” I swallowed, debating how best to address this with him.
I decided the blunt truth was best. “We are of Seid blood, Milo. When Adis found out, he kept me prisoner and forced me to help others learn magic. He’s made entire towns disappear, and now he’s trying to do the same with Malheim—” I couldn’t help it.
Once I started speaking, the words wouldn’t stop coming even as I had to keep the tale brief for all our sake.
“And in Malheim, they are trying the same thing and—”
Milo cut me off. “I know about the war; there’s been gossip about it all year. And Collum mentioned something about the magic when—”
“So, you’ll help us?” I was too impatient to wait to find out how he had learned about magic.
“Wait!” My brother looked between Friar and I. “What part do you two have in the war?”
“What part of me being held prisoner and forced to teach magic didn’t you understand?
” I huffed. The anger, which had become my constant companion, rearing its ugly head.
“Both Malheim and Ralheim are bringing magic into this. Meaning the situation is about to grow bloody at the front lines. The thing is, Otho, the general for Adis’s army, is against magic usage, but since its being used anyway, we need to gather enough Seid to form a rebellion to stop the abuse—”
Milo stopped me by holding his hand up. “Runa, I love you, but no matter what is going on, I’m not going to be a part of the war. I have a life here.” He motioned around the mill. “I have a job, and a wife, and soon. maybe—”
My anger, which had been doing nothing but growing, suddenly exploded.
“Do you know why you have this life, Milo? Because I was the one home when they came for you. I was home because I got a tattoo for YOUR mistake. This”—I motioned to myself— “could just as well have been you. You could have been the one living in a cell and beaten when you don’t ‘read’ the right magic.
’” I shook my head; I was getting off topic.
“Your life might look fine now, Milo, but this war . . . it isn’t just going to stay at the front lines, and there is no option to remain neutral.
You either fight with us, or stay here and eventually lose everything. Those are your only options.”
Milo narrowed his gaze, and I could feel his disbelief. “You don’t know that.”
“I do,” I seethed. “Adis took you, Milo Potson, and discovered that you know magic. You are the descendant of the Seid his father purged ten years ago. I ran away and I am Runa now, but you no longer have anonymity.” I watched the color drain from his face.
“You may think you are safe now, Milo, but mark my words, it is only a matter of time until Adis comes for you, and you’ll regret that you didn’t listen to me. ”
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his lips pressed into a thin line as he battled with his own anger.
The anger he wouldn’t even be able to foster if it hadn’t been for me.
“Fine,” I spat, not waiting for him to say anything else before spinning on my heel and running from the mill.
Milo was choosing to learn the hard way.