39. Seraphina
39
SERAPHINA
“SHRIKE TO A SWORD”
Warning: this chapter contains scenes depicting suicide that may be distressing to some individuals. For a brief chapter summary, visit mindypaigewrites.com
10 years ago…
The dagger is heavy in my palm as I step to the edge of the circle, the sharp scent of eucalyptus hanging heavy in the morning air. It burns my nostrils as I take deep, heaving breaths, every muscle in my body focused on keeping my breakfast down as I gaze at each of the eleven girls spread out along the perimeter of the clearing. I take in each of their features, committing them to memory as if it’s the last time I will see them—because it is.
Today is the day the bells of death toll. Today is the day of selection.
And only one of us will make it out alive.
I look to my right, my heart squeezing as I take in Maggie’s pale face, wishing more than anything I could offer her some comfort. It’s okay, I want to say. I’ll protect you, no matter what. I’ll use my dying breath to make sure you live.
I try to catch her eye to convey this, but she’s too busy shaking at the sight of the Madam stepping into the center of the clearing. Dressed in the finest red silk, she moves effortlessly in her six-inch heels, drawing both envious and terrified glances from the scrawny girls positioned around the ring. Cool green eyes scour each of our eleven faces, disdain curling her painted lips as her gaze lands on Maggie.
“ You ,” she snarls. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She flicks her gaze to me, raw malice seeping from every pore. “I warned you, girl. I told you this was not the design. Now… you will face the consequences.”
She raises her arms, a confident smirk gracing her gorgeous face. “This selection will be different than the last. Instead of a free-for-all, the next Madam will be decided by one factor, and one factor only.”
Her cruel eyes find Maggie, a vicious snarl curling her lip. “Whoever kills the maggot first gets to be the Madam.”
She claps her hands once, signaling the beginning of the end. The good part of my heart expects the other girls to stand back in solidarity, ready to face off against the Madam to protect our weakest sister.
But that doesn’t happen.
My eyes widen as all ten of the girls rush toward Maggie, their daggers raised and vicious snarls ripping their faces.
“Stop!” I scream. “Stop! It doesn’t have to be this way!”
No one listens.
I make it to Maggie just as the first girl, Cara, raises her dagger, poised for the kill shot. It slashes through the air, and I have just enough time to knock Maggie to the side, taking the hit along my right shoulder.
Blood and pain gush from the wound, but I don’t have time to tend to it. Adjusting my grip on my dagger, I crouch low, instinct and familiarity telling me Cara will take another swipe at my neck.
Her blade sails through the air, her eyes widening just at the same time as I spring up, shoving the dagger up through the fleshy part of her jaw. Cara lets out a garbled scream past her tongue pinned to the top of her mouth. I use her distraction to rip the blade out, using my momentum to swing back, dragging the blade across her throat.
Her body slumps to the ground as two more girls close in on Maggie. Thinking fast, I throw my dagger at the oldest girl, Keri. In the same motion, I launch through the air, landing square on the back of a red-headed Sarah as my blade hits home—right in the weak spot of Keri’s temple.
While Keri’s body slumps to the ground, I wrestle with Sarah, animalistic yowls pouring from our mouths as we kick, bite, and scratch at each other. She tries more than once to stab me with her dagger, but I anticipate each strike, twisting and contorting my body in such a way that she’s unable to get a single hit in.
“Stop protecting her!” Sarah rakes her nails down the side of my face. “This has to happen! You know it does!”
I wrap my hand around the blade of her dagger, ignoring the searing bite of the blade as I look into Sarah’s muddy-brown eyes.
“I will never stop protecting her.”
I raise my knee, kicking her right in the pussy, and Sarah falls to the side, loosing her grip on her dagger. Just enough. A horrible squelch fills the air as I deposit the blade into Sarah’s sternum, though the regret I expect to feel doesn’t rise.
My vision clouds with red as I rip the blade from her lifeless body. I straighten, my veins thrumming with hatred as I gaze upon the woman who has tortured us all for the past fourteen years. It infects every part of me—turns into its own living, breathing thing.
And it wants blood.
I’m not exactly sure what happens next—only when the red subsides, I’m standing in a circle littered with the bodies of girls I used to consider kin. I gaze down at my arms, noting they’re covered in the same color crowding my vision, the same emotion stoking the wildfire beneath my skin.
Red.
Shaking, I drop my dagger to the muddy soil. My eyes meet Maggie’s, and my chest cracks wide open at the horror written across her face. And I wonder… I wonder what she sees. Me, or the monster beneath my skin.
I don’t have time to ask because the Madam has decided to speak at that moment.
“What are you waiting for, Seraphina? Kill her!”
I shake my head, not taking my eyes off Maggie. My Magoo. “Never,” I whisper. “I will never harm her.”
Maggie’s eyes fill with tears, and she steps toward me.
“Don’t even think about it, worm,” she snarls, her green eyes trained on Maggie. “If you touch her, I will kill you myself.”
“You can’t do that.” I pull my shoulders back as I shoot her a seething glare. “You can’t kill us. It’s not the design.”
Madam reels back, her face twisting as I throw her words back in her face. “That may be true. But one of you will be dead by the time the bells toll midnight. And that is a fact.” She looks at Maggie, then me. “The Sanctum will not tolerate this kind of disobedience. If you cannot follow the rules, then both of you will be dead by tomorrow.” Her eyes narrow on me. “You may think you’re clever, girl, but even you cannot escape fate.”
With that, she turns from us and leaves the circle.
I hobble over to Maggie, throwing a bloodied arm over her shoulders as she gives me a triumphant smile. “We did it,” she whispers. “We did it, Nina.”
“Of course we did.” I tug her close, pushing away the intrusive thoughts that tell me it’s far from over. Madam does not make idle threats, and I know we will both be dead when the clock tolls midnight if I don’t figure something out.
I lead Maggie back to our cabin, my heart heavy and my gut filled with unease. With each step we take closer to the four wooden walls, a plan forms in my mind—one I know will work. I gaze at Maggie from the corner of my eye, the broad smile carved into her face—and I know what must be done.
The only problem is… I’ll have to kill myself.
Fear grips my chest as I imagine slipping into the dark nothingness, but I push forward. After all, this is for Maggie.
And there isn’t a single thing I wouldn’t do to protect her.
We step through the cabin door, cedar sap and sawdust clinging to my nose hairs. Both of us are silent as I direct Maggie to her bunk, pulling the covers up to her chin and tucking the covers in all along her sides. She giggles when I get to her sides, and I can’t help the mirroring smile that carves a path across my face.
“Get some sleep, Magoo. We’ll figure everything out in the morning.” I press a kiss to her forehead, my stomach roiling at the lie that falls from my lips.
I straighten, unable to look at Maggie as I turn and head into the small outhouse attached at the back of the cabin. I pull the door closed, locking it tight before I turn to the mirror. Reaching a finger up, I track the gruesome scar carved into my face, wondering if I’ll be able to go through with it. Maggie’s smiling face swarms my mind, and I know no matter what I feel, that I have to do this. I must.
This is my design.
I open the medicine cabinet, pinching the razor between my fingertips. My hand shakes as I gaze down at the gleaming, angry metal, and I worry for one terrible minute that I’ll lose my nerve.
Sighing, I place the razor onto the sink counter, bracing myself against the porcelain as I stare deep into my own eyes.
“You can do this. For Maggie, you can do this.”
Yet no matter how many times I say it, I’m still afraid. Afraid of slipping into the dark, of never being able to get out. Sighing, I turn from the bathroom, deciding a cold drink of water will help to calm my nerves.
“Where are you going?” Maggie’s voice is so, so small in the darkness. I freeze with my hand on the exit, turning my head to meet her inquisitive gaze.
“I’m just going to get a drink of water. I’ll be right back, okay?”
She nods, and I slip from the room without another word. I shuffle to the well on the opposite side of the clearing, numb to the sticks and stones puncturing my bare feet. All I feel is terror—one like I’ve never known before.
But I have to do it. I have to, or Maggie will die.
My hand shakes as I bring the wooden bucket to my lips, taking down heaving gulps of fresh water. When my belly is about to burst, I set the bucket down and start walking back to the cabin, my steps far slower than they were on the way to the well.
If I knew what was waiting for me, I might have walked a little faster.
I push open the cabin door, surprised to find Maggie missing from her bed. A frown pinching my brow, I rush to the bathroom at the back, my heart hammering when I notice the light peeking from under the door.
I don’t know what I expect to find when I throw the door open, but whatever it was, the reality is a million times worse. Maggie lies on the ground, her skin pale and lifeless as a pool of blood halos around her, spreading from the deep gashes on her little wrists.
“I found a way out.” A small smile tips her lips as she holds up the razor blade I was going to use. “Now you won’t have to… won’t have to kill yourself for someone as worthless as me.”
“Magoo…”
I wrap my palms around her wrists, desperate to stop the flow of life. I search her gaze, unable to believe she would do something like this—even as more and more blood coats my hands. My chest cracks wide open as I watch all the life, the joy, drain from her veins. “Why would you do this?” My body shudders, and I hang my head, my vision fracturing along with my mind. “This isn’t what I wanted for you.”
“I know,” she whispers. “You’ve always been too stubborn for your own good. Couldn’t just let me die when it was my time.” She chuckles weakly, her seafoam eyes fixing on a spot just over my shoulder. “I don’t… I don’t know if I ever thanked you for that.”
“You didn’t have to. You never have to.”
Maggie shakes her head, her eyes closing softly. For a moment, I’m scared she’s gone. But then she speaks, her voice a weathered rasp. “N-Nina?”
“Yes?” My palm trails lightly across her freckled cheek. “What is it?”
“Will—will you do me a favor?”
Her cobalt eyes are glassy, and I can do nothing but clutch her to my chest, nodding violently as the warmth of her life seeps into my shirt.
“Anything.” I brush an unruly red curl from her cheek. “ Anything. ”
She heaves a sigh, a great whoosh of air filled with relief. Relief and sadness. “Will you… will you go see the sunrise over Mount Kilimanjaro?” Maggie smiles up at the ceiling like she imagines herself perched on those snow-capped peaks. And it’s a good smile. A pure smile. A smile absent of fear. Of hatred. Of pain.
She jerks her gaze to mine, and there’s so much love held in her tiny pale face that I’m worried my heart will fall right out of my chest. “I can’t… I don’t think I’m going to get the chance now, and?—”
“Don’t say that!” My voice breaks along with my heart. “We’ll get you to the top of that mountain, Magoo. I’m going to get you there.”
Maggie’s smile turns sad, and she lets her head drop back into the crook of my arm, her eyelids drooping slowly. “That’s a wonderful thought, Nina.” She reaches up, holding her hand over my heart, her pupils narrowing to pinpoints. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?” I clutch her painfully close. “I don’t hear anything.”
“The bells…” Her eyes glaze over as she seizes lightly. “ Ding… dong… ding… dong… What do you think it means?”
I shake my head, silent sobs scraping against the inside of my chest wall. “I don’t know, Magoo. I don’t know.”
But I do know. I know all too well.
“Huh.” Her seizing ceases, and her eyes begin to droop. “They’re so… they’re so beautiful. ”
Her chest rises one last time and then never again. I look down at her lifeless form, unable to believe what’s happening. It takes me a long while to realize the halls are filled with screaming. Even longer to notice that they’re mine.
They took her. They took her. They took her.
“Someone restrain her! Now!”