Chapter 8
Roly spotted Ella the moment he walked into the coffee shop.
She looked up as the bell over the door tinkled, and waved him over.
He kept his head down as he made a beeline for her, his eyes swivelling right and left, automatically scanning the place.
It was a habit, a hangover from the days when he was super-famous, though back then he was secretly hoping to get noticed.
He’d loved being recognised in public, and had lapped up the attention.
Being famous for crashing and burning was a different matter.
But there were only a handful of customers, and no one paid any attention to him as he made his way to Ella’s table.
There was an awkward moment when she stood just as he bent to kiss her, and their faces crashed together clumsily.
‘Sorry,’ she said as they laughed and hugged. ‘I’m out of practice at this whole being a person in the world thing.’
He took a seat opposite her. ‘Sorry, am I late?’ She had a coffee in front of her, already half empty.
‘No, I was early.’
The waitress came over and barely glanced at him as she took their order, and Roly felt an irrational surge of irritation.
Didn’t she know who he was? Didn’t anyone remember?
How long had it been since he’d been approached by a stranger in the street?
A few times lately he’d even had ‘before my time’ said to him when he mentioned Oh Boy!
It was probably only a matter of time until he’d be getting ‘my mum used to love you’.
‘Wow, this is weird.’ He still couldn’t believe he was sitting here across from Ella after all these years.
She hadn’t changed much. Her dark hair was still cut short, and she had the same big, clear eyes that could see right through you.
She’d put on a bit of weight, though, same as him.
Her face was plumper, more rounded, the bones of her jaw softer and less defined.
He felt bad for finding that cheering. But Ella had always been so clever, so in control of her shit, that he’d felt like an also-ran next to her.
He’d been nervous about meeting her today, in the shape he was in.
This seemed to even things out a bit between them, and it was a relief.
‘Weird?’ She smirked.
‘I mean, it’s amazing to see you. It’s been…’
‘Almost ten years.’ She took a sip of coffee. ‘I worked it out after we messaged.’
‘Wow, that long?’
She nodded. ‘It was a real surprise to hear from you. I thought I’d seen the last of you.’
‘Hoped, you mean?’ Roly quirked an eyebrow, giving her a crooked smile. He’d been such a dick to her the last time they’d met. The shame of it broke over him like a wave.
‘No.’ She frowned. ‘Why would you say that?’
They were interrupted by the waitress returning with a frothy cappuccino for Roly, and another Americano for Ella. Roly smiled – in all things she was still so much more grown-up than him.
‘It was Christmas, right?’ he said after the waitress had gone. ‘At that pretentious bar on the Quays. I can’t remember what it was called…’
‘Fifth & Liquor?’
‘Oh yeah!’ He laughed. ‘You were wearing a silver dress. I had a terrible beard and wore the apparel of a hobo who’d fallen on hard times.’
‘Apparel!’ She laughed. ‘Where do you get this stuff?’
‘It’s a real word. Look it up.’
She frowned, looking confused. ‘That wasn’t the last time we saw each other, though.’
‘It wasn’t?’
‘There was that party at Marty’s, remember? Just before—’
His stomach plummeted. ‘Before the American tour.’ Did he remember? How could he forget? That party… the American tour he hadn’t gone on. ‘You were there?’ He didn’t recall her having been. But then, a lot of that night was a blank. ‘Did I see you?’
‘You don’t remember?’
‘Sorry. I was pretty out of it that night.’ That was an understatement.
‘We… I said hi, but we didn’t really talk.’
‘That was the night…’ He shook his head. He didn’t want to dwell on that. ‘Anyway, how have you been?’
She shrugged. ‘Not great. I wasn’t well for a long time.’
He listened as she filled him in on her illness, how she’d spent most of the last ten years at home living in a kind of limbo, all her plans for college and career shelved, her dreams put on hold. It sounded horribly familiar.
‘So you’ve been out of action pretty much as long as I have,’ he said. ‘But you’re better now?’ She looked well, but he detected a lingering weariness in her pale face, tell-tale dark smudges under her eyes.
‘I’m getting there. I’ve been gradually improving over the last couple of years. It’s been a slow process, but I’m getting my energy back, and I’m able to do more. I just started a new job last week.’
‘Good for you! I suppose you’re a professor or something by now?’
‘Hardly.’ She raised the steaming mug to her mouth and blew on it before taking a sip. ‘You don’t make professor stuck at home in bed. I didn’t even get to start my PhD in the end.’
‘Sorry.’ He gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘That sucks.’
‘Yeah, it does.’
‘Are you still living with your mum?’
‘Yeah. I was on benefits, and doing bits and pieces of freelance work when I could. But I racked up a lot of debt, so I can’t afford rent at the moment.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s fine, though. We get on really well and she’s been great about getting lumbered with a grown-ass daughter still at home.’
‘I’m sure she doesn’t mind.’
‘No, but I mind. She never makes me feel like I’m a burden or anything. But I hate that she’s missed out on so much because of me. She and my Aunt Nora—’
‘She’s the one with the pen? Of la plume de ma tante fame?’
‘Yes! The very one.’ She laughed. ‘Anyway, she and Mum always planned to go on this big trip when Mum retired. But then I was sick, and even now that I’m better, they’re still putting it off because they don’t want to leave me on my own.
It’s not just the physical stuff. They worry about me… being lonely, I guess.’
Roly nodded understandingly. It did sound like she’d been pretty isolated.
‘And I would be.’ He was taken aback by her honesty in admitting it. He was lonely too sometimes, but he felt he had to hide it like a shameful secret.
‘So what’s your new job?’
‘I’m doing general office admin and marketing in a techwear company. It’s just a stop-gap, but it pays the bills and it gets me out of the house.’
‘Techwear? Is that, like, anoraks and stuff?’
‘Kind of – functional clothing for people who do extreme sports. But cool anoraks, not what your dad would wear for a day down the allotment.’
‘Do you like it?’
‘Yeah, I do. It’s surprisingly interesting. I’m enjoying it much more than I thought I would.’ She smiled. ‘I thought I’d blown the interview. It was like one of those daft Facebook quizzes – you know, if you were an animal, what would you be kind of thing?’
‘Chimpanzee!’ Roly said, pointing at her.
‘Gee, thanks.’ She laughed. ‘Hairy and annoying?’
‘No, but they’re one of the smartest animals on the planet, aren’t they? Do me!’
‘Hmmm.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘I guess you’d be… a dolphin.’
‘Chatty and good at swimming? Nose like a bottle?’
She shook her head. ‘Because they’re friendly and people feel good being around them.’
‘Awww.’ Roly couldn’t help grinning. He realised he felt happier than he’d been in a long time, just sitting here having coffee with Ella.
He’d forgotten how much he liked her, how easily they’d always fallen into sync with each other, even after long gaps apart.
‘I’m sorry I lost touch,’ he said tentatively.
She shrugged. ‘It was as much my fault as yours.’ She looked uncomfortable, and he got the impression she really believed that and wasn’t just saying it to be nice and let him off the hook. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I kind of dropped off the radar with most people when I was sick.’
‘That’s crap.’
‘It was kind of inevitable. I don’t blame anyone. My friends were all travelling, getting married, starting their careers… taking the world by storm,’ she said, nodding to him. ‘And I was stuck at home in my bedroom, watching TV. They had their own lives to lead, and I just couldn’t keep up.’
‘So you got left behind.’ He knew what that felt like.
‘We had nothing in common any more. Even when I did see them, we had very little to talk about. They had news. I never had any news.’ She looked down at her mug broodingly.
‘But it didn’t all suck,’ she said, brightening.
‘I mean, I got to watch a lot of Netflix. And I was on top of every Twitter ruck going.’
Roly laughed, but he could sense the sadness behind her bravado, the effort she made not to wallow in self-pity, and he felt guilty all over again for being one of the friends who’d left her behind.
‘Hazel, my best friend from college, stuck around, though. We’re still friends.’
‘Still – it sounds lonely.’
‘It was. Thank goodness for the Internet.’
‘Hah!’ He gave a harsh laugh. ‘I can’t say the same thing. Anyway, you’re up and about now. And I’m not taking the world by storm any more, so…’
‘No more excuses?’
‘Right. Let’s not lose touch again.’
‘Deal.’ She smiled. ‘I could use a friend.’
‘Me too,’ he said simply, and it felt good being able to admit it.
‘So, what have you been up to?’
‘Oh, you know – broke, unemployed… spent most of the last few years stuck at home eating biscuits and feeling sorry for myself. So yeah – riding high.’
‘Oh, sorry. You’re not really broke, though, surely?’
‘I wish! But I really am.’
‘Oh?’ She frowned. ‘How come? Surely being in Oh Boy! should have set you up for the rest of your life?’
‘That’s what I thought until a couple of weeks ago. But it turned out my accountant was ripping me off. All my money’s gone.’
‘Your accountant? You mean Marty?’
‘Yeah.’ He’d forgotten she knew Marty. But it stood to reason. He’d always been around. He’d been like family… so Roly had thought. Of course she’d have met him.
‘Shit! Can’t you sue him? Try to get it back?’
He shook his head. ‘No. He died, and he blew it all before he shuffled off this mortal whatsit. So… that’s that.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. That’s horrible.’ She reached out and put a hand over his, and he felt a rush of affection and gratitude.
He realised he’d been bracing himself for a different reaction, half expecting her to get on her high horse and tell him off for not realising how privileged he was to have that kind of money to lose.
He was used to any bad luck that came his way being met with schadenfreude and barely concealed glee, so her sympathy took him by surprise.
He knew he didn’t deserve it. He’d lucked into a fortune and lost it all again through his own stupidity.
He had no one but himself to blame. But that just made Ella’s genuine sympathy all the more comforting.
He was glad he’d decided to look her up again.
Even though they’d seen so little of each other over the years, she was a real friend, someone he could count on to be on his side.
It was weird, but he immediately felt close to her every time he saw her.
‘Yeah, it’s shit.’
‘I can’t believe Marty of all people was stealing from you. That’s awful.’
‘Yeah, that’s kind of the worst thing. I thought he was a friend, you know? I really trusted him.’
She nodded. ‘I know. I mean, I can’t say I was his biggest fan, but—’
‘Yeah, I know I was a chump to trust him with my money.’ Of course Ella would have known. She’d have seen right through Marty with those big clear eyes. ‘But it wasn’t just me. He ripped off loads of people.’
‘That’s not what I meant. You had every reason to trust him.
You hear about that sort of thing happening all the time – stars being swindled by managers and agents.
I’m not saying I’d have been suspicious of him or anything.
I didn’t like him very much, but I thought he was on your side…
at least when it came to your finances.’
‘What else?’ He frowned. ‘I mean, he was an accountant. It’s not as if he was involved in the artistic stuff – if you want to call it that,’ he added with a self-deprecating laugh, feeling arsey for talking about Oh Boy!
in those terms. ‘He had nothing to do with decisions about the music or the shows.’
‘No, but… your welfare. I didn’t feel he took care of you like he should have done.’
Roly sighed and concentrated on rubbing a circle on the wood of the table with his thumb. ‘Maybe he tried. But you know, I wasn’t very open to getting help at that stage.’
‘I guess.’ She bit her lip, looking troubled.
‘Anyway, it wasn’t his job to look after me. I was a grown-up. I should have been able to take care of myself.’
Ella looked like she wanted to argue, but said nothing.
Roly looked around the cafe. It had been filling up as they’d talked.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, he saw it was almost one.
He’d arranged to meet Ella for coffee at eleven so that if it was awkward, he could cut and run quickly.
But he hadn’t even noticed the time passing, and it was as if it was only yesterday they’d last spoken to each other.
Now he didn’t want it to end. He felt like he always had when he was saying goodbye to her, just wanting to prolong the brief snatches of time they had together.
‘Another?’ he asked, pointing at her mug.
‘I’d better not. If I drink any more coffee, I’ll get the jitters.’
‘Do you want to get some lunch?’
‘Yes, I’m starving!’
‘My treat,’ he said quickly, remembering what she’d said about being skint.
‘Thanks, but I’m sure I can afford a sandwich… if you can. I mean, it sounds like we’re both kind of in the same boat money-wise.’
‘Oh yeah.’ He kept forgetting he was poor now. That would take some getting used to. No more playing the big shot for him – not that springing for lunch was being a big shot. Or maybe it was now? That was a depressing thought.
‘We could stay here, or… there’s a great pizza place across the road.
Best in Dublin for my money – and they’ve had a lot of my money.
It’s takeaway only, but I live near here, so we could go back to my place?
’ He felt reckless asking her back to his, considering how he’d left the place – the dirty mugs strewn around, the takeaway cartons, the piles of plates and papers that littered every surface.
He’d decided to meet Ella here because he’d rather risk sitting somewhere public with her than spend hours trying to make the house presentable.
But now he thought: Fuck it! Ella wouldn’t care.
Her face lit up. ‘That’d be brilliant!’
‘Just to warn you, though, it’s a bit of a shithole.’
She shrugged. ‘I’ll take my chances.’