Chapter 4 #3
“And this is Emma,” he adds, turning to the woman with him. “Emma, Ayla and Rachel.”
I give Emma a look that I hope is completely neutral. “Hello.”
“And I’m Xander.” Xander’s grin for Emma is even bigger. “Hello. Thank you for coming.” He shakes her hand, ignoring Carson.
The difference between the two men is striking.
Carson towers over all of us and eclipses Xander with his muscled body, wearing jeans and an oatmeal turtleneck sweater that stretches across his broad shoulders.
His chiseled jaw is shadowed with stubble, there are glints of bronze in his brown hair, and his hazel eyes are a storm of color: brown, green, and gold.
I may have been attracted to him at one time. Objectively, he’s… hot. But I’m no longer interested in him.
Carson arches an eyebrow at Xander, then looks back at me.
Our eye contact clashes but I keep my face as neutral as I can. “I didn’t expect to see you here, either,” I say coolly. “Art galleries were never your thing.”
He’s an athlete. He’s into sports and working out and watching dumb comedy movies. Not psychological profundity.
He shrugs.
“I invited him,” Emma says. She turns to Xander. “I admire your work.”
“Thank you.”
“What did you think of the windows series?” Rachel asks Emma.
“Love it. Especially In the City. It really captures that sense of being alone while surrounded by millions of people.”
Ugh. Of course she has to be smart and beautiful. “So true,” I say. “Loneliness doesn’t necessarily require physical solitude. It’s more an absence of connection. An inability to find intimacy.”
Both of Carson’s thick eyebrows shoot up. I give him a toothy smile. He lifts his glass to his mouth and takes a sip of red wine. I think his lips twitch.
“And in the end, we all die alone,” Xander adds.
I give Carson a pointed look. “True.”
His jaw clenches. “Sometimes, we live alone, too.”
Our eye contact holds for a few heated seconds, then I glance over at Emma.
“I like your sweater,” she says to me. “It looks so… comfortable.”
The jab takes a few seconds to dig in. “Aww, you’re so sweet!” I say brightly. “Bless your heart. And I love what you’re trying to do with your hair.”
She blinks.
Carson makes a choking noise.
I look over at Rachel and read the aggravation on her face. She wanted to talk to Xander alone and now we’re all standing here with them and Xander is focused on Emma. But she feels she has to look out for me.
“Excuse me,” I say. “I’m going to use the ladies’ room. So lovely to meet you, Emma. And you, Xander. I’m eager to look around at more of your work.”
I hoof it across the hardwood floor toward the entrance where I noticed signs for bathrooms when we came in. I head down the hall and duck into the ladies’ room. There are a couple of women at the sinks, chatting and applying lipstick. I give them a brief smile and lock myself into a cubicle.
I’m fine. I’m fine. I let out a long exhale.
Nobody likes seeing their ex with someone else, right?
It’s definitely not that I still hold hopes of getting back together with Carson.
Our marriage disintegrated in the months following the accident.
We were both miserable. Ending things was best for both of us.
And since he moved out, I’ve been… well, I’d like to say I’ve been finding my way and purpose as a single woman, but looking back now on the last eleven months, I feel like I’ve been… spinning my wheels. Like I’m stuck.
The ladies depart and I take a few deep breaths, then square my shoulders and leave the cubicle. I wash my hands, touch up my lip gloss, and fluff my hair. I would have taken a little more trouble if I’d known I’d run into Carson.
No, I wouldn’t. I don’t care what he thinks of me.
Yes, I do.
But whyyyyyy? I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling.
Well, this is something for me to sort out at a better time. I can’t hide in here all evening.
I sling my purse over my shoulder and march out of the bathroom.
Carson stands in the hall.
Fuck.
My insides go fluttery, my mouth dry.
“Hey,” he says in his low, raw silk voice. “How are you?”
“Good!” I flash a laser-bright grin. “Great! How about you?”
“Good,” he echoes, almost reflexively, I think. He studies my face.
“So you’re dating again.” Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.
“Yeah.” One corner of his mouth hooks up. “You?”
“Phhht.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not interested in that. Ever. Haven’t you heard? Women are happier without men.”
“Oh.”
“Women want equitable, mutual, respectful relationships where both people are openly sharing their concerns and their feelings,” I add.
His eyes narrow.
“We’ve had enough man-keeping.”
“Man-keeping.”
“Yes.”
I run my thumb back and forth over my bare left ring finger. Rachel’s suggestion is twirling around in my head. Maybe I should be a little more friendly to him, if I’m going to ask for a favor. Damn.
I can’t ask him now. But, if not now, when? I glance down the empty hallway in case Emma is bearing down on us. This is even more awkward now that he’s seeing someone. I shouldn’t even ask. I’m only going to be humiliated. But… I have to try.