Chapter 30
AYLA
I look around my new “office”. Or study space, I guess.
We’ve been working on redecorating this room that was Kane’s for the last month and it’s almost done.
Pink is my favorite color and the first thing I found was a beautiful blush-pink velvet office chair. It’s not just pretty, it’s ergonomic, so I’ll be comfortable here studying for hours. Oh my God. Do I have it in me to study for hours?
I guess I’ll find out.
So I designed the rest of the room around that chair.
We got a built-in desk and storage cabinets custom made for the room, which are white with a marble desktop.
I have a loveseat upholstered in shades of pale pink, green, and cream in the corner.
The walls are the palest blush pink with framed prints.
Long cream drapes frame the window overlooking the backyard and I have several gold planters with lush plants sitting in front of that window.
Bookshelves line the wall above the desk and I’ve already arranged some of my books from college there.
Right now, I’m unpacking the desk accessories I ordered—all gold and pink. I arrange the pen holder and pens, the pink mousepad for my computer, a pink candle because I have to have candles, and pink coasters for my coffee cups.
I spin in my chair.
I like it.
I still sometimes worry that I’m “erasing” memories of Kane.
But memories live inside me, not in a room.
I still have photographs and mementos of him, like the first little sleeper he wore and the tiny hat and socks.
I have a bunch of framed photographs of him on the counter and the walls, and framed baby footprints. I’ll never forget him.
I hear Carson come in and I jump up and run downstairs.
“Oh, good, you’re back.”
“Hey, angel.” He flicks through the mail he brought in and drops it on the console table.
“The chairs for my office arrived.” I point at the two boxes sitting just inside the living room.
“Oh, great.”
“Can you help me build them?”
He plants a big smooch on my lips. “Okay, but you’ll owe me sexual favors.”
“Oh no. Such a chore.” I heave a dramatic sigh.
He gives my butt a little spank and laughs.
“Come see how it looks!” I drag him by his hand up the stairs.
He admires my accessories, then goes back down to carry the chairs up. Sitting on the floor, we open the cartons and pull out pieces to put together.
“How was practice?” I ask.
The playoffs have started. It’s the first round and the Storm can win it tomorrow night at home.
“Good. Pretty laid back. I’m glad, because we’ve been busting our asses.”
“And winning.”
“Yeah.”
“We got a wedding invitation today. For Ben and Mabel’s wedding. In Philadelphia.”
“Cool. July, right?”
“Yeah. After the playoffs.” Which could go as long as June, if they go all the way.
“I have to go back to the apartment this afternoon and get the last of my stuff.”
He’s moved back into the house. I left it up to him, not sure if he wanted to distraction of moving just when the playoffs were starting, or if he’d rather have his apartment as a place he could be alone and just focus on hockey. But he wanted to come home.
Home.
“Okay.” I study a mysterious metal piece. “I’m going to the restaurant to help Grandpa interview someone for the new manager position.”
“I’m glad he’s doing that.”
“Against his will,” I mutter. “He’s still mad at me.”
“He can’t stay mad forever.”
“I’m not so sure. He still gets pissy when someone brings up the time Great-Aunt Violetta told him the lasagna at the restaurant was too bland. That was forty years ago.”
Carson chuckles. “Glad he holds a grudge over such important things.”
I grin. “Right?” I shrug. “Hopefully, he won’t stay mad at me for forty years.” I drop the piece I’m holding. “I give up. I suck at this.”
He shakes his head, biting back a smile. “I got it.”
I lean back against the couch and watch him put together my two pale-green armchairs.
When they’re assembled and arranged in the corner, I say, “Come see what I did.”
He follows me to the framed print of Kane’s little feet.
He stares. Then turns to me. “How did you…”
I cock my head. “We’ve had that since he was born.”
“I know… I took it…”
My eyebrows pull together. “Took it where?”
He reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out a folded paper. I watch curiously.
When he shows it to me, it’s Kane’s tiny feet… embellished with small wings and some numbers… the date of Kane’s birth. My heart gives a kick against my ribs. “What is that?”
“It’s a tattoo I’m going to get.”
I lift my gaze to his face. “Really?”
“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “I… I got something for you. And I wanted to have something myself, so I decided to get a tattoo. I just have to wait until the season’s over.”
I pause a beat. “What did you get for me?”
“It’s in our room. Be right back.”
I sit in my pink chair and wait for him, my pulse picking up speed. What could it be?
He returns with a small, flat box that looks like jewelry.
He gets down on his knees in front of me and hands it to me, then waits while I open it.
Inside is a delicate gold chain necklace with a charm on it.
I pick it up to study it. It’s round and clear, with small pressed flowers inside it, blue and white.
I look up at Carson.
“It’s baby’s breath,” he says, voice low. “And forget-me-nots.”
I drop my gaze back to the charm. Forget-me-nots. Baby’s breath. Oh.
My vision blurs and my heart expands into my throat. I let my hair fall over my face as I blink back tears.
“Hey.” He reaches out to tip my chin up with the backs of his fingers.
I sniff and swipe fingertips under my eyes. “I love it,” I choke out. “Help me put it on.”
He fingers the small clasp and fastens it behind my neck.
Then I slide off my chair and onto his lap, sitting on the floor. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. “I love it.” My voice is still thick. “And I love you.”
“I know you don’t want to forget him. And I know you won’t.”
“Thank you.”
“I know I can’t save people,” he murmurs near my ear. “I can only love them. I’ll love Kane forever. And I’ll love you forever.”