Chapter 19 #2
“I thought we—” I break off, distracted. “What?”
“You said Beth.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Luke glances at me, his anger fading into confusion. “What did Beth say?”
“Nothing.” Shit. Shit.
“Abby—”
“Nothing,” I repeat. “I was mid-rant. I misspoke.”
His brows pull together before he pulls over sharply to the side of the road, so sharply I have to grip to the dashboard to keep from spilling my coffee.
“What are you doing! We’re going to be late.”
“We’re hours early,” he says. “What does Beth have to do with us?”
“Oh my God. Nothing. Keep driving.”
“Beth’s my friend. And if she’s said something to you, I need to know.”
I just won’t play coy at the interview. That’s it. I’ll just march in there and say I can start right away and I’ll beg them to let me sleep on the office floor and I’ll never have to see any of these people again.
“Abby?”
“What?” I snap.
He doesn’t so much as blink at the venom in my voice. “Talk to me. I don’t want to keep running around in circles with you when that’s all we need to do.”
Why does he have to sound so sensible?
Luke turns off the engine, waiting.
“You’re holding my interview hostage.”
“I’m not,” he says calmly. “I’ll have you there in plenty of time and we can go right now if you really want me to. But I’m asking you to tell me what’s going on.”
Why was my life never this dramatic in New York? Why only in Clonard? Is it because nothing ever happens here? So every emotion gets heightened? Because that’s what it feels like.
“Abby?”
“Beth likes you,” I say. “As in she like likes you. She told me. So I can’t be with you because that will hurt her.”
“She likes me?”
“She told me at the bonfire. I promised I wouldn’t tell you but now I have so…” I raise my coffee in a mock toast and take a sip.
Luke just looks at me.
“Can you drive already?”
“Abby.” His voice is gentle. “Beth is my friend. One of my best friends. And I care about her deeply. But not in that way. She’s like a sister to me.”
“Don’t say that,” I groan, dropping my head back against the seat.
“But it’s the truth. I didn’t know. If I had, I would have talked to her. Is that why you stopped that night?”
“You mean before I kneed you in the groin?”
“Please,” he says. “I want to know.” And then: “I need to know.”
I don’t respond, staring straight ahead, and after a moment he puts the car in gear, pulling back onto the road.
“She’s been so nice to me since I got back,” I say eventually.
“The nicest anyone’s been to me and I couldn’t do that to her.
I couldn’t be with you when she… and I’m sorry I let you think I was playing hot and cold.
I’m sorry I didn’t think up a better excuse.
But she asked me not to say anything to you and I told her I wouldn’t.
She’d be so embarrassed if she knew about this.
I mean, if I were in her shoes, I’d…” I trail off at the expression on his face. “Are you smiling?”
“No,” he says quickly.
“You are! I’m telling you I’m a terrible person and you’re smiling.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “I guess I’m relieved.”
“You’re relieved I’m someone who goes around kissing other people’s crushes?”
“I’m relieved we’re finally starting to get somewhere. I’m relieved that horrified look on your face was because of Beth and not because of me.” He straightens, looking determined. “It’s good that you told me.’
“No, it’s not.”
“It is. I can talk to her. Clear the air.”
“No! No talking! Did you hear a word of what I just said? You can’t say anything. She can’t know I said anything.”
“I can’t keep secrets, Abby.”
“But it’s bad enough that I told you about it in the first place. Do you know how many friends I have? Like real ones? Two. Two and a half if you count Rory. One is Jess and the other is Beth and I am not going to hurt her any more than I already have.”
“You’ve got to trust me on this. I know her and no matter how badly you think she’s going to—”
“Cow.”
“What?”
“Cow!” I yell, pointing out the windshield. Luke curses, braking hard to avoid the animal standing in the middle of the road, and we’re both thrust forward, straining against our seat belts.
“ Shit. ” The coffee does what it’s been threatening to do and spills over the lid of the cup, going all down the front of my blouse.
“Christ.” Luke pulls over again, the bushes scraping against the side of the car. “Are you okay? Did it burn you?”
“I’m fine. It’s warm.”
Luke takes the cup from me and gets out, tipping the remains into the bushes before trying to herd the unimpressed cow back into a neighboring field. I stare down at my ruined outfit. My punishment.
Cow successfully diverted, Luke hurries back to the car. “There’s a shopping center a few miles up ahead,” he says, getting in. “We can be in and out in no time.”
“We don’t need to,” I say, reaching for my bag. “I’ve got another dress.”
“You brought a spare change of clothes with you?”
“Of course I did. I’m a professional.”
“Well, that’s great,” he says, relieved. “We’ll just… what are you doing?”
He leans out of the way as I wiggle into the back seat. “Changing.”
“Now? We can stop at a petrol station.”
“Gross. No. I’m not dumping my clothes in a public restroom. This is Calvin Klein.” I start unbuttoning and he turns quickly back to the front.
“Jesus, Abby.”
“You’ve seen me in my underwear before.”
“That’s not the same and you know it.”
“You can look if you want to, Luke. I don’t care.”
“I don’t want to look. You’re naked.”
I toss my blouse at the side of his head and he grabs it, throwing it back at me as I slip my skirt down my legs with a smirk. I’m not even naked under there, I’m wearing tights for God’s sake.
“You saw me in less than this at the beach,” I remind him but he doesn’t respond. He might as well be a statue in the front seat, he’s so still. But I can see the faint blush of pink at the back of his neck, spreading to his ears.
I meant what I said. I didn’t intend for this to be a striptease.
And honestly, there’s nothing sexy about it.
The car is small and it’s a struggle to fit into the clothes.
I blow a curl from my face as I finally get the dress on, catching his eye in the rearview mirror.
He immediately looks away and I climb back to the front.
“Enjoy the show?” I ask.
He doesn’t respond, waiting for me to put my seat belt on before he starts driving again.
“Look,” he says, sounding significantly calmer. “About what I said before. About Beth—”
“The cow stopped that conversation.”
“Abby—”
“I mean it,” I say. “Not now. Please. I have too much to think about.”
“Fine. But we’re not done,” he warns. “You’ve got your interview but then we’re going to talk.” His eyes flick between me and the road as I reach down to get my purse. “What are you doing?”
I take out my makeup bag. “What does it look like?”
“Do you need me to stop the car again?”
I snort as I unscrew my mascara. “You think I’ve made it this far in life without doing my eyeliner in the back seat of a taxi? Just let me know if we hit any speed bumps between now and Dublin.”
“We’re supposed to be going to Dublin?”
“Does making unfunny jokes mean you forgive me?”
“I’ve been heading to Belfast this entire time.”
“Just keep driving,” I say, turning up the radio, and I hide my smile as he does just that.