Chapter 19 Mile Nineteen #2
I can’t breathe. The punch of his confession steals my ability to say or do anything besides stare at him. I know Garrett wants me, but the fact that he’s always wanted me sends my world off kilter.
The last five years flash through my mind’s eye like a picture book. Each memory tells the story of a man pushing away the one thing he wants, and the girl too stupid to see what’s been in front of her this entire time.
“It fucking hurts how much I want you,” he says, his voice hoarse. “I’m no good for you, and I know that, but I want you anyway… Every day I fight it.”
“Stop fighting it, then.”
Tension crackles across the scant inches between us like a coming storm. Like a charge, daring him to take what he wants—what we both want.
“I’m done,” he says.
“With me?”
“With fighting this.” Gripping my hips, he pulls me flush against him, my cell phone tumbling to the floor.
His mouth meets mine in a hard kiss. The sheer bruising force of it ripples waves of pleasure through me.
Each press drinks up everything I give, and right now, I want to give this man everything.
The years of growing desire for him. My here and now with its swirls of emotions about and for him.
Above all, my future wrapped up tight in the hope that this may be our first kiss and not our only one.
My fingers curl into his T-shirt, anchoring me to him—to this moment. I’m terrified if I let go, he’ll float away.
“Garrett.” Head tipped back, I moan as his teeth scrape down my neck before he sucks at the base of my throat.
“You taste so sweet,” he groans with pleasure.
“Thank…you…” I breathe.
“Only you would thank a man for a compliment at a moment like this.” His chuckle is dark.
“What can I say, I have manners.” I slide my hands beneath his T-shirt, delighting in the clench of his muscles as I trace the cut ridges of his stomach.
It’s a momentary respite from the emotional and sexually charged headiness enveloping us. This feels like us. The playful banter. The comfortability. It’s a glimpse of what this all could be like if we unshackled the chains keeping us in the friends-only box. We could be friends, and so much more.
“Are we doing this? Like really doing this?” I bite my lip, my gaze drops to where my hands skim along the top of his jeans. “Or is this just tonight?”
He places his thumb on my chin, guiding my gaze to him. “It could never be just one night with you.”
The corners of my mouth lift in a small smile. “Then, we’re doing this… Like a real couple?”
“Yes.” His deep timbre is laced with pain.
“Don’t sound so excited.” A furrow dips my brow.
“I am, but I’m also scared. I won’t pretend I’m not.
” The pads of his fingers skate over my jawline and soothe against my cheeks.
“I don’t know what will happen, but what I do know is that being terrified with you is far better than any sense of safety without you.
Walking away from you today is a mistake I don’t want to make ever again. ”
“Is that why you’re here? Is that why you were calling?”
“No.” He combs his fingers into my hair.
“I was at the hospital checking on things when the outage happened. All I could think about is you. I texted, and you didn’t respond.
When my calls went to voicemail, I panicked and headed straight here.
I could have called Anker, but I couldn’t think straight.
All I could think about was getting to you. ”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
He kisses the center of my forehead. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This is my issue… Even if I didn’t technically have the job, I always think about you. Your happiness. Your wants. Your safety.”
“I’m safe.” I press into him, hoping that settles the worry radiating from him.
He lets out a shaky breath. “Losing Val broke me, and my pieces are barely back together, and I’m scared they’ll break—that I’ll break—if I open my heart to someone again. It’s why I pulled away… But you gave me no choice.” He places my hand on his chest. “You’re already burrowed so deep here.”
“You’re not broken,” I murmur.
“I want you. I want to be with you. But I also know that I have issues that might get in the way of us, and I don’t want them—for me—to hurt you.”
“You want me?”
“Yes.”
“And you want to be with me?”
“Yes.” He presses my hand tighter against him.
“Then we’ll figure the rest out together.” I trail my other hand up to his cheek, cradling it. “I have issues, too. We just need to talk about this with each other. To do what we do on the track—communicate, support, and guide one another.”
He captures my lips in a slow kiss. This one tender and grateful. It doesn’t bruise like the first but the message is still intense. It’s reminiscent of blooms opening to the sun, the petals outstretched in greeting. He’s not hiding. He’s not running. He’s here with me.
“Garrett,” I breathe between our deepening kisses. “My bed is just over there.”
He lifts me into his arms, my legs wrapping around him. “Just kissing.”
“But… Why?” I wrinkle my nose.
“Because I want to do this right. You deserve to have our first time be special, not a frenzied fuck after an emotional talk.” Earnestness is audible in his low murmur.
The tingle low in my belly signs off on the idea of a frenzied fuck with this man. Though, I’d imagine my body is game for just about anything with him. His thoughtfulness thrums desire through me. At every turn, this man thinks about my needs first. Even some I’ve not yet thought of.
“I don’t want special.” I nuzzle my nose against his. “I just want you.”
He huffs a laugh. “Thanks.”
“That didn’t come out right,” I laughingly whine. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” He carries me to the bed, placing me down. Kicking off his shoes, he crawls in and settles between my legs. “Still, I want special for you.” He caresses my cheeks.
“Fine.” I mock pout. “Please place my glasses on the bedstand. If we’re going to just kiss, I want nothing in the way.”
Chuckling, he takes my glasses and places them on the bedside table. Like two teenagers, we kiss between laughter. This may be my favorite thing about Garrett. We can move seamlessly from emotional conversations to just having fun. The comfort that ensconces me in his presence is addictive.
Our sweet kisses turn hungry. His strong hands slide up my thighs, gripping and squeezing the flesh.
I move against him. A pleasure-filled hiss falls out of me with the rasp of his growing erection against my center.
The barrier of denim and my cotton sleep shorts tease and fan the fire crackling within me.
“Just kissing…” he murmurs as I drag his T-shirt over his head.
“Yep.” I run my hands over his pecs, tweaking his nipples.
“Jensen.” He utters my name like a warning.
I bat my eyes. “Sorry. Just kissing.” I move my mouth to him, kissing his chest. His fingers bite into my thighs as I playfully nip his nipples.
He raises up, sitting on his heels and dragging me onto his lap. “Someone likes to test boundaries.”
“You know what to say if I push too much.” I trail my finger up his chest.
“I do,” he rasps.
“Good.”
With a sultry expression, I pull my hoodie and then my tank top over my head. Tossing them to the end of the bed, I brush my hair behind my ears, allowing him to see me in the candle’s incandescence.
“Look at you…” He runs his fingers through my loose tendrils. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
“You’re biased.” I bite back my grin. “You’re my…”
Oh god, was I about to call him boyfriend? Wait, is he my boyfriend?
“I’m yours.” He caresses my face. “And that doesn’t make what I say less true. This heart-shaped mouth. Those bright hazel eyes. These fucking dimples.” He leans in, pressing a kiss to each cheek. “Your rosy complexion.” He trails his mouth down. “These tits…”
“Tits?” I giggle. “Guess it is all about boobs with some men.” My laughter morphs into a needy moan as he sucks a taut peak into his mouth.
Molten lava flows through my bloodstream. I’ve never felt so sexy or desired. It’s indulgent the way he feasts on me as if I’m expensive champagne that he plans to savor every drop of.
“Oh god!” My head tips back with his delicious bite into the hard bud, followed by soothing kisses.
“You remember what to say if it’s too much?” He moves to my other breast.
“Yes… God!” I cry as his teeth sink into me.
“You like it a little rough… Don’t you, baby?”
“Yes!” My back bows with his hardening sucks. “How do you know?”
“Your books.”
I rub my center against his hardness, searching for relief. “What about them?”
“I pay attention to which stories are your favorites.” His fingers grip the globes of my ass, moving me against him. “And I’ve read them… A few times.”
“You read my favorite books to learn what I like?”
“As much as I’ve fought this, I still wanted to know your desires. What it would be like with you… Even if it was just a fantasy.” He nips at me.
“And does this live up to the fantasy?”
“Fuck the fantasy… All there is, is this.” He kisses a trail between my breasts.
The combination of rough tenderness spools tension tighter. He’s not holding back with me. His mouth tests and plays, finding the right rhythm. The throb between my legs begs for release.
“Please…” I rake my fingers into his hair.
“Too much, baby?”
My skin sizzles with the sinful way baby falls from his lips. He’s playing with me like a cat with a very needy mouse. The way I writhe against him telegraphs how very not too much this is.
“Make me yours. Ensure there’s no question,” I repeat his words from earlier like a breathless dare.
“Fuuuuuck.” He presses his forehead to mine.
Two can play this game. “Too much? You know what to say, baby,” I coo, mischief curling my lips with his pained groan.