Chapter 25 Mile Twenty-Five
MILE TWENTY-FIVE
THE FOUR-LETTER WORD
Pemberley is hauntingly beautiful in the early morning. The not-yet-burned-off marine layer paints the mix of early and mid-Twentieth-century brick buildings on campus with an eerie romantic hue, like the setting of a paranormal romance.
If I weren’t so grumbly about the early morning training session, I’d revel in the campus’s beauty.
Thanks to the heat wave strangling the area, our training is relegated to early morning or evening to avoid the oppressive afternoon temperatures.
It’s well before eight a.m. on what should be my lazy Sunday morning.
“I’m getting two lattes today. One after this, and then a second one tonight.” I yawn as Garrett and I stride toward the soccer field’s track.
It’s been a while since we’ve trained here. In the early days, we focused on getting comfortable with each other with the track’s known safety. Over the last several months, we’ve primarily hit different parks for a change of scene.
“Someone insisted on an early start.” His eyeroll is audible.
“What can I say, I’m a morning person?” Anker’s warm chuckle greets us as we reach the field.
It’s our first training session with Anker.
Despite my hesitation after the half-marathon, I am continuing the course I had charted for myself.
Part of this journey is about trusting my own decisions.
This started as a plan to help my brother and me.
The trust and feelings I have for Garrett doesn’t change that.
Neither does the fear nipping inside me that I may fail.
As much as I need to learn to trust Anker as my guide runner as I do Garrett, I need to do the same in myself.
“Perhaps my least favorite quality of yours.” My grumble is tease-filled.
“With so many remarkable qualities, I’d expect a few would fall out of the top ten ranking.”
“Modesty not being one of them.” Garrett shakes his head. “Shit, the rope. It’s in the SUV. I’ll be right back.” With a quick kiss, Garrett jogs away.
Anker drapes his arm around my shoulder. “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
“Of course. I’ve come all this way.” I jut my chin towards him.
“Yeah, but with someone else… If you want to run with Garrett, I’d understand. You two are a good team. One that I’m pretty sure will go the distance.”
“It’s too soon for talk like that.”
“Sure.” His mouth slants into a lopsided grin.
“Plus, I made a promise to do this with you.”
Any hesitation I have is washed away with that truth.
It’s not just about promising Anker, but myself.
I told myself at the start of this, I’d run the marathon with my brother.
Even if this is no longer just about him, he’s part of it.
I chose to do this despite the residual lingering failure from our past. Somehow, I saw through the fogginess of past failures to have hope that this time would be different.
In those moments, I believed in myself before I knew I could actually do it.
I want to honor the Jensen I used to be, who believed enough in herself to take this chance.
“Promises can be broken, especially if they don’t serve us anymore. I wouldn’t be hurt. I just want you to do what’s best for you,” he says.
“And I am.” I lean into him. “Garrett and I may be a team, but so are we.”
“That we are.” He kisses my temple.
“Not to mention, I’m your insurance policy to ensure the Larsen love magic finds you.”
“And if it doesn’t, I’ll settle into my role as your incorrigible bachelor brother whom you’re obligated to have over for family meals.” He bumps his hip against me. “After all, you’re with the future Mr. Jensen Larsen.”
“Again, it’s too soon for that talk.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” he says wryly.
“Also, I’m not thirty yet.”
“Garrett and you didn’t get together until this year. The year you turn thirty. The year you’re running a marathon… It’s the Larsen lore.” He makes jazz hands.
I furrow my brow. “The Larsen lore is about meeting your one.”
“Finding your one.” He clears his throat. “Remember Uncle Christian and Pedro met in high school but didn’t find each other again until they were in the same running group training for the Boston Marathon.”
That thought resembles placing a hand close to a candle.
Its flame licks against your palm, sending heat tingling along your nerves.
But if you get too close, you could get burned, or worse, you could snuff it out.
The idea of an endless marathon with Garrett surges joy and terror inside me, because I want that. I want that so much that it scares me.
“I think you two didn’t find your way to each other until this year for a reason.”
My brother may see fate’s invisible hand in this, but I just see the natural procession of time. Just like running, relationships need to build. Muscles need to gain strength and endurance. Hearts need to have the will. It all needs to come together.
“I didn’t find Garrett. I think I’ve found myself,” I say, leaning into my brother. “Garrett is just the bonus.”
“I got the rope,” Garrett says, jogging back to us.
“Ready for this?” Anker asks.
“Are you?” I hum, my smirk likely matching the one kicked across my brother’s face.
“Guess we’ll find out.”
Indeed.
While Garrett settles on the grass with a thermos of coffee and a medical romance novel Catherine talked him into, Anker and I hit the track.
The first few minutes are focused on teaching him Garrett and my rope-based language.
Two quick tugs equal agreement. One short tug means slow down—something we perfected after Garrett’s tumble a few months back.
Three quick tugs to go faster. Between the volume of noise at the races, and needing to focus on breathing as we run, conversations aren’t always doable, so these commands, combined with our quick verbal callouts, do the trick.
With a nod, Anker takes the other end of the rope. Just like the first time with Garrett, we’re walking this first lap as a warm-up to get used to each other.
Anker’s more relaxed than I thought he’d be.
His muscles are loose, and he doesn’t pull back on the rope as I give us just a bit of slack.
That is, until we increase to a slow jog in the middle of our second lap.
Anker pulls just a little tighter, shortening our slack.
Garrett only ever does this if we’re surrounded by other runners and we need to go single file, but he always calls out Madeline, which is my term for getting into that formation like the character from my favorite childhood book. Right now, that’s not what’s happening.
“It’s just us here,” I say, giving the rope more slack.
“I just…” He puffs a breath then offers two quick tugs.
My mouth lifts into a large grin. While this is just the start, it reassures me that I’m making the right decision.
“My treat.” I grin, slipping my credit card from the back pocket of my yoga pants.
Since the campus’s coffee shop is closed on Sundays, the three of us are at a spot in downtown for a post-training treat.
By our fifth lap, Anker finally settled into our system.
He still pulled back a bit when I loosened the slack, but not as much.
It will take time for us to build the guide/runner relationship that Garrett and I have, but I know we’ll get there.
“In that case, I’m getting a scone with my coffee.” Anker rubs his hands together.
“Good call.” I tap my finger to my chin. “They do have the best scones here.”
“Like either of you was going to enter a coffee shop without purchasing a pastry.” Garrett chuckles.
“Says the man who’s ordering a black coffee sweetened by the tears of the emergency room doctors whom he frightens when they don’t follow admission protocol.” Anker elbows Garrett.
“He’s just a big old grumpy ogre with a heart of gold.” I rise up to my tiptoes and squish Garrett’s cheeks.
He bats my hands away. “You two tag-teaming me is a new level of obnoxious.”
“He is kind of Shrek-like.” Anker laughs.
“Which makes you Donkey, since you’re the best friend,” I coo.
“He is an ass.” Garrett laughs.
“But what an ass.” Anker wiggles his butt, causing the pair of elderly women behind us to giggle like teenage girls. “Ladies.” He turns and offers a bow before twisting back to us.
“Enough flirting, Casanova. Why don’t you grab us a table while I help Jensen carry our order?” Garrett shakes his head.
“Thank you.” I tuck myself against Garrett while we wait at the end of the counter for our order.
“It’s a lot to carry.” He folds his arm around me.
“Not this.” I pat his chest. “For agreeing to let Anker replace you as my guide.”
Even if I know this was always the plan, guilt still rattles inside me. Not only are Garrett and I a strong team, but he’s dedicated so much time and energy to our training. The schedule and meal plan he developed before we started. His patience and support on and off the track.
“It’s gotta be hard to have done all this work for me only to sit you on the bench before the big game.”
“It’s very sexy when you use sports metaphors.” He brushes his mouth against my temple—his lips curved into a smile. “He may run this race with you, but I plan to run many, many others.”
I snuggle into him. “Perhaps, London in the spring?”
Just as running this race is part of the plan, so is my new friend returning home.
Next month, Kayla leaves Pemberly, but it won’t be a goodbye.
In such a short time, she, Catherine, and I have become like sisters.
Catherine jokes were the sassy modern-day version of the Brontes.
Only my literary prowess is in reading books, not writing them like my two besties.
As hard as it will be to not see Kayla for our almost daily latte runs and weekly adventures, she’ll not really be gone.
I took a chance on this friendship, and just like with running with Anker, I am glad I listened to myself.
“Sounds like a plan, pretty girl.” He brushes the back of his hand against my cheek. “Maybe before London, the first marathon we could run together is dinner with my family.”
I tip my head up. “Like… Meet your parents?”
“Technically, you’ve met them.”
“Not as your girlfriend.” I shift foot-to-foot. “Are we talking about going to Chicago?”
“Yeah…” His laugh is breathy. “Maybe we start with the weekly virtual dinner. Specifically, today’s virtual dinner.”
This isn’t just a meal with Ellie and Jason Marlowe, but an integration…me into Garrett’s life as his girlfriend. Like Garrett said in Buffalo; this is real—even if we’ve not fully assimilated into each other’s lives. Still, this is a huge step.
Since the night at the bus stop, all those months ago, both Garrett and I have begun navigating unfamiliar terrains.
Each of us is pushing through the borders we had erected to protect ourselves from heartbreak.
Between training and the therapy that we’re both now going to, we’re redrawing our boundaries.
But we still need to walk before we run.
“If this is because of what Lara said in Buffalo, I told you it’s not a big deal. When you’re ready—”
“Nope.”
“It’s okay, Garrett.”
He silences me with a kiss. “Just as I need to trust you when you push, pull, or need slack when we run, you need to trust that I know how to do that with this.” He places my hand on his heart.
“I do.” I flatten my palm on his sternum, enjoying the way my hand settles against his heart’s gentle thump. The rhythmic beat is like a siren’s song; coaxing out the truth about the way I feel about this man. “I love you, Garrett.”
Those four words slip freely from my lips. They’ve lived there quietly for months, waiting for their chance to come out. Whether it’s dinner with his family, or this new spirit of pushing the boundaries of relationships, I’m emboldened to say them.
“Jensen…”
“Don’t…” I shake my head, but my gaze remains fixed on him.
This isn’t just the first time I’ve told someone I loved them, but he’s the only person I’ve loved like this. In the past, I would have been devastated to say those words and not hear them returned.
“Please, don’t say it back. Not until you’re ready. In fact, it’s the last thing I want you to tell me right now. I just wanted—needed—to say it. I have no expectations. Just an ‘I love you.’ That’s it.”
“That’s it?” A smirk plays in his timbre.
“Yep.”
“Just casually dropping something as important as I love you at the coffee shop?”
“Yup.” I flick my wrist in a dismissive this isn’t a big deal, but it’s totally a big deal gesture.
He makes a humming noise in his throat. “Since I can’t tell you, guess I just need to do this.” He captures my mouth in a deep kiss.
Like a song’s crescendo, my entire body sings with each press. Somehow, he drinks up each crumb of those words from my lips, while giving me one undisputable truth. The words may be unspoken, but Garrett Marlowe is in love with me.
“You’re in public. Show some decorum!” Anker laughingly shouts from the table he’d grabbed for us.
“Hush or I’ll give your scone to Jensen,” Garrett snarks, twisting toward my brother.
“Are you choosing a woman over your best friend?”
“Not a woman, but the woman I love.”
“Excellent!” Anker guffaws.
Garrett twists back to me. “You said I couldn’t tell you. You said nothing about me telling anyone else.”
I encircle his nape with my arms. “Just a casual declaration of love in a coffee shop.”
“Yep.” He leans close, allowing me to take in his lopsided grin.
I press my smile against his, allowing our mouths to say all the things.
“The Larsen lore strikes again.” Anker chuckles.