THIRTY
Nik
The RPM gauge of my motorcycle redlines. Smoke billows. The engine, the entire chassis of the bike trembles as if it fears the monster I’m struggling to keep contained. It seems the training I’ve done the past few years has certainly paid off. Who knows what would’ve happened to Dimitri if I hadn’t locked myself up each day and embraced the rage simmering inside me. My oldest friend. More of a brother than Viktor’s ever been. Moy brat. Funny, I’ve never shared these words with my own flesh and blood, but with Dimitri, I’ve said it more times than I can count.
He begged to come with me, of course, but after all the pain my family’s put him through, I can’t let Dimitri risk himself yet again for my mistakes. Letting my little wolf come back to Volk night after night? I should’ve known what I was exposing her to. The danger I put her in. I’ve seen the lengths my brother will go to see himself named alpha of the Vostik pack. His cunning and oftentimes cruel behavior. This is all on me. Everything that has happened since the minute I first saw her, is my fault . But there’s a part of me that knows I can’t fight my need for her any more than I can ignore the wolf ripping my body apart when the moon sits high in the Los Angeles skyline. I am truly cursed.
No matter how many times I convinced myself it was the last time I’d see her, how many times I swore to let the stupid fucking idea of us go … there she was, oblivious to how dangerous she really is to me. The way I salivated at her scent when following her distinct trail through the city. How it riled the wolf inside me into something unbelievably feral. The taste of her lips. Her body. When she is nearby, every ounce of good judgment I possess rips away as easily as my own flesh during the most excruciating shifts. Humans don’t mate the same way we do , I’ve been told since I was a child . Manipulated to believe humans were nothing more than our food source. While human vows can be broken, a wolf will die before they turn on the one they run with. And the things I feel for this woman, this human woman I’m running with now … are endless.
I ride through the streets, revving the gas to its breaking point while dodging cars and anything else stupid enough to get in my way. There’s too much traffic for a straight shot to the club I oversaw the past two years, despite never feeling any ounce of ownership over my own success. No, it was always his club. The pack’s club. It didn’t matter how much money I added to the nest egg keeping the estate lights on thousands of miles away. If there weren’t sacrifices for the hunt, well, I’d be lucky to leave my father’s study without another scar to add to those that will never heal.
There’s no telling what I’ll be walking into when I get there. Viktor’s won over our pack who swore to follow me, even the ones that have been here from the beginning. They might see his strength. His savagery. But something they have never seen from him is restraint. And tonight, with Natalia’s life hanging in the balance, it’s the last fucking thing these traitors will see from me.
I veer off to the side streets, passing what pedestrians and cars I can, skipping every red light across the way. Pain surges up my spine, landing somewhere high on my back. Searing agony boils in my stomach like a kettle, steaming what few human parts inside of me remain. I don’t know how much longer I can fight it. I’m not sure I’ll even make it to Volk before setting some unchained creature loose on LA. I take in what small breaths I can, hoping to ease the lava building in my gut. Sweat beads down my forehead and cheeks despite the cool night air wafting my unkempt hair behind me. Viktor cannot have her . She. Is. Fucking. Mine.
My brother. My father. This is their doing. My last surviving blood save for those bitten on Vlad Vostik’s orders. Removing her from me is what they thought was best for the pack. To rid me of the one thing keeping me human. Keeping me tame. They don’t want that. No, they loathe the idea of someone tainting their perfect fucking bloodline. My job is to follow orders and sit when my owner demands it. And for the past few years, I did.
Volk. I helped them build this club from the ground up. Oversaw everything from the beginning. A front. A farm. We are the first werewolf pack to successfully take hunting abroad. No more treaties like the one my grandfather made with Khrushchev to keep his citizens out of werewolf claws. No more raids on our family’s compound in silver Kevlar vests with enough ammunition to mow down our entire pack. There’s one thing my brother or father didn’t count on, though. Something I never even considered.
Her. It isn’t just the scent I long for the way some of the addicts we’ve taken plead for their next syringe. It isn’t the way she challenges me with that irresistible fucking smirk. How I’d love nothing more than to sink my teeth in those magnificent thighs despite the looming threat of turning her into something I’d never wish for anyone. It is all of these things and so much more. It’s Natalia. My little wolf. The name I say when sleep won’t come easy. Who I wait to visit my loft for another unexpected visit. If there is a god, then I really am damned. Not for what happens to me under the glare of a full moon, but what this woman does to me.
They want me to be a monster?
I’ll fucking give them one.
The spotlights are on when I arrive at the deserted streets outside Volk, like Viktor wanted me to know this was the grand finale for the show he not only directed but has a starring role in. I hop off the bike onto the sidewalk, letting the frame grind a hundred feet or so before stopping while the engine rattles the pavement. It’s quiet to the untrained ear. Barely a whisp of air disrupting the vacant block. I know they expect Dimitri to burst through those doors with his crossbow, and I’m more than happy to disappoint. He’s not coming. Someone far worse is. Me.
There’re small footsteps inside. Five, maybe six different heartbeats. One is calm, but the rest of them must sense the rotten stench of death looming over the club. It’s heavy in the air. Any wolf can smell it as easily as I can smell the fear reeking from them. This is what they signed up for. This is the moment that will flash in their eyes when they choke on the last bit of Vostik blood fleeing their veins. I’m coming for Viktor. I am coming for all of them.
I stagger up the steps, the wolf twisting my toes and heels. Every inch forward brings a new wave of pain unlike any I have endured. My bones splinter where the beast inside me aims to make changes in his image. A lycanthrope splitting me apart from limb to excruciating limb. God, I can’t hold it in much longer. I’m not sure my body can withstand much more. Control was all I ever wanted. To take ownership over the thing I unleash into the world every time the moon claims me. But there’s no full moon tonight, only a small crescent shape is visible while the rest remains dark and undisturbed. More pain erupts, throbbing in my chest like a second heartbeat. I can’t do this. I’m going to transform on the fucking street with no human thoughts left. Only the ones the animal chooses for me .
Natalia. It’s as if her name is whispered from the eerie and quiet streets. Then, I see her in my mind. A collection of images racing through my thoughts at breakneck speed. That brown hair draping down each side of her face. The small hints of freckles dusting her nose. A smile, that gorgeous fucking smile. Natalia. I draw another breath and push forward, reaching the front doors of Volk.
There’s no lock but I doubt it’d stop me if there was. I burst inward, struggling to keep the beast in the chains I’ve made in my body and mind. He’s strong. He’s vicious. And despite how many calming breaths I gasp in, the monster inside me continues to fight its way out. The hairs on each arm thicken, hiding most of my exposed skin. There’s an urge to howl, to cry out what we’d do to anyone inside that played a role in this. No one is safe now. I just hope I got here in time and can control what little humanity I have left.
“Viktor said you’d show,” Alek says, his black sleeves rolled up enough to show the strong arms hidden beneath his shirt. “We’ve been waiting for you, Nikolai .” He accentuates every syllable of my name with disgust and stands tall amongst the rest of the crew behind him. I brought them here. Every single one. And now, they form a picket line, a blockade between me and the room I will always regret creating.
I snarl at each of them individually, my skin igniting and ready to give way to what terrible thing lies beneath it. “Turning on your own pack so easily, Alek?”
“Like you?” Alek spits and steps forward. “You turned your back on all of us. Your brother was right. You are weak.”
Rage sears through my body, and fire dances along each scar on my chest. There’s nothing I can do but endure the inferno engulfing me. Choking on what little air I have left to breathe. Red takes over my vision. Red and the shadows of six people I called my brothers standing in my way. In the way of her.
“All of this for a fucking woman!” he shouts, his voice echoing in the main hall of Volk. Alek marches forward triumphantly, and those behind him take another step toward me. “Viktor said the one that brings back your head will take over this club.”
“And you believe him?” I growl, baring my teeth. The human skin on my tightened arms and legs splits open like an undersized shirt, surrendering to the monster I’m ready to unleash on them all. I draw another breath, keeping myself torn but intact.
A sinister smirk crawls from one side of his small mouth to the other. “Oh, Viktor will be the alpha this pack needs. You will just be a stain on your family’s legacy. And to think, in a couple weeks, the little pet you turned on your pack for will be his prize. His dobycha for the red moon .”
No. Horrible pain surges up my spine, arching my body forward to a menacing position. My shirt rips. The seams burst until shredded strands are left in its place. My arms and legs twist uncontrollably, skin melting away while fur fills in the gaping holes of my flesh. It’s happening. I am becoming the wolf I hated myself for being cursed with. The animal I’ve locked away any chance I could. Natalia. My little wolf. He’s going to hunt for her under the moon where our bloodlust is at its peak. Three sets of chains could barely restrain me during the last red moon, and before that ... Ida.
The sister I swore to save.
Tears fill my blackening eyes. Every inch of my skin now cracks with the monster making its escape. There’s no holding it back now. Nothing I can do to stop this train on a collision course for absolute destruction. I’m ready , and the wolf I’ve fought against my whole life howls in agreeance. We’re … ready.
“He’s changing!” Alek screams, drawing two blades from their sheaths at his hips. Despite the wolf lurching toward him, Alek stands tall and steadfast, a knife in each palm. The rest stupid enough to betray me flinch backward, some showing fear and spectacle in their widened eyes. Alek, however, doesn’t falter. He only readies his blades for the monster rushing toward him.
Me.
I dash forward, and the wolf’s thoughts, the ones I have ignored for as long as I could remember, fuse with my own. There’s no argument. No breathing patterns to keep him at bay. My eyesight isn’t blurry, and the images playing out don’t pass through my mind in bits and pieces. There’s not a single thing I won’t remember come daybreak. No, I see it all clearly now. Volk. The lights casting shadows on the men I called my pack. The wall most of them cling to for safety. I see everything. And the wolf and I finally agree on something for once. They are all going to die.
I slash upward, clawing for his chest and throat. He dodges a step back, and much to the wolf’s liking, I lunge at him again, this time splaying my claws for his cheek. Alek parries my fur-covered arm and stabs at my ribs first, then at my shoulder, digging the knife to the hilt.
A deep howl escapes me, but the pain subsides just as quick. These wounds heal as fast as Alek makes them, practically sealing around the edge of the knife. His eyes gape as he removes the blade, watching the sizeable chunk he dug into me shrivel to a close.
We heal faster in my body , a voice rings in my ears. It’s gruff. Menacing. Deeper than anyone in the room, although none of them seem to hear it. This voice, this thing, is coming from … me.
Duck!
The command blares in my head as Alek swings the knife for my elongated throat. I do what the voice urges and tilt my head down and to the left, leaving the whistle of a blade to pass above my pointed ears.
I’m losing it.
I am fucking losing it. There’s no way this is happening. That I am—
Having a conversation in your own head with a wolf? the voice finishes.
There’s no time to argue. No time to question what fucking screw was knocked loose during the transformation. Alek slashes up at me with both hands in a sick, tremendous fashion, missing most vital organs but nicking my forearms in the process. Black blood leaves each wound, dripping to the Volk floors. I stagger backward on my padded heels, doing what I can to keep my throat away from his reach.
Do something or I will , the rough voice intervenes in my thoughts, growling in that same horrible snarl I’ve felt bubble up my chest since my first full moon. The same one I’ve ignored, blocked out my entire life. Only now, this thing inside me, this curse—this monster can speak.
I grab Alek by the throat, wrapping my long, clawed fingers around his neck and lift him off his feet. Squeezing with all of my strength, the small man before me continues stabbing, his thrusts losing luster. I stare into his eyes, and his hair wafts back from the hot breath leaving my protruding snout.
There it is. The fear he should’ve felt the moment he crossed me. The regret for choosing the wrong fucking brother. For helping Viktor take the one thing keeping me human. Now, I am what they should’ve dreaded most. I am the monster.
Alek screams despite my hand collapsing his vocal cords, crushing his windpipe with ease. A thick crack echoes across the club, followed by two knives clattering on the dance floor. A blood-curdling cry tapers off in an instant. His arms fall limp, and his head shifts to the side unnaturally. But I’m not done with him yet. Using my razor-sharp teeth, I bite down on his face, letting flesh and bone crunch between them, ripping off chunks and pieces by the mouthful. Blood sprays from the gaping hole left in his head and oozes down my lips, coating the long brown fur of my neck.
I hate the fucking taste of strays , the voice says with annoyance, but I ignore it and toss what’s left of Alek to the side. Red fills the floor, pooling around the mangled man who dared to stand against me. The rest of the pack stare in horror, most of which are too frightened to even move. They fold themselves to the wall, and when I step forward, they all shrink to half their respective sizes. It’s too late though. I don’t even need the wolf’s permission to know what I will do to every single one of them.
One. Two. Three vicious swipes of my claws cut open throats. Stomachs. Entire torsos until their entrails decorate the Volk floors with more blood and organs imaginable. Red mists in the air like the fog machines on our busiest nights and casts an odd crimson glow above the savagery I watch in unsettling enjoyment. Copper is all we can smell, the wolf and I. All we can taste. And as each hint of blood hits our tongue and careens down our long nasal cavity, there’s a hunger for more. The last two men scream for help, one banging on the red room doors while the other bolts for the bar.
“Nikolai,” the man pleads, peering back at me while pounding on the doors for sanctuary. His thin face is etched with terror. “I didn’t know what they were doing! I didn’t—”
He should be afraid. He should cower to the hell I intend to inflict on each one of them. There’s no stopping it now. It’s too late. I am their fucking end.
I bite down on the better part of his thick neck, taking cartilage and part of his spine with it. His head loses all strength and drops to his chest. Gurgles and chokes silence his pleas, and as his body slumps downward, doubling over into himself, the noise stops altogether besides the obnoxious dripping of his fluids leaking to the ground at my feet.
One more , the voice commands, willing my animalistic limbs forward in slow, lurching steps. I don’t fight it, nor do I give this thing control over my—over our legs. It doesn’t feel like we are two separate halves at odds with each other anymore. No, this is different. It’s like we are one, controlling the same destructive body for a single purpose. I’ve never felt this kind of control before. Never during a full moon where this beast takes over completely. I am conscious. I am aware. And now … I am pure fucking wrath.
There’s one erratic heartbeat left, even while resting his back against the opposite end of the bar, we can hear how the blood pumps from his heart to each artery. The way his shallow breaths stifle as if he is holding a hand over his mouth to conceal himself. It doesn’t work. The wolf and I can almost see him just from the sound beating wickedly in our ears. Thump, thump. Another slow step forward. Thump, thump. A growl escapes us, this one in terrible warning. We know where he is. Thump, thump. We know what he’s done. Thump, thump. And now, he knows that he’s not getting out of this club alive.
We reach over the bar, piercing our long claws under his chin and rip the traitor up by his jaw. He doesn’t scream. No, I don’t think he can if he tries. Not when our nails dig through the tongue and through the roof of his mouth. He flails helplessly, legs kicking in agony. More blood coats our red soaked fur, adding to the others the wolf and I collected so far. Small hints of each of these traitors drips down our arms and outstretched legs, gathering along the now messy floors. When his body stops jerking like a distressed fish, we let him go, enjoying the way his crumpled body lands at our feet with a sickening thud.
You aren’t as useless as I thought , the wolf says in my head with a stern huff.
Volk falls silent, minus the occasional drop of blood bouncing off the marble flooring. There’s nothing now. Not even a heartbeat in the room I tried so fucking hard to keep her away from. The room where certain screams I’ll never get out of my head rang at its peak. It didn’t matter if they were tainted. Irredeemable, some might say. Who was I to be judge, jury, and harvester of the worst in Los Angeles? The one gathering humans for a pack that should’ve been euthanized decades ago. Heat lifts off each of my limbs, melting the hair on my forearms, neck, and chest. Pain radiates down my spine as my wolf-like body shifts uncomfortably. My face, no longer a menacing snout, shrinks back to the same one I see in the mirror every morning. My ravenous claws return to human hands as I hold them out to the sides, inspecting the dried blood across each fingernail. I’m … me again. Human.
For the time being , the wolf says with irritation. But if you chain us up again, I won’t bother keeping us alive next time. I block out the wolf, my eyes set on the door as red as the blood filling the Volk dance floor.
Bursting inward, the heavy scent of death hangs in the air, mixing with the metal shackles drilled in the walls we use to keep our captives compliant. They would be forced to drink enough of the sedative for an easy transport, but we couldn’t take any chances on them escaping. The chains, the same ones I use in my loft, adorn each wall in sets of three. I am ashamed to admit I’ve seen every set filled since I opened the doors to the club. Didn’t matter how monstrous these people were, it still made coming in this room a hellish endeavor.
The outline of two feet come into view as I stagger around the corner, exhaustion setting in from my unexpected transformation. It can’t be her , I continue forward, fighting the nausea sloshing in my stomach. Don’t let it be her. The morning after a full moon is usually met with throbbing headaches and the inability to move. This, however, is far worse. There’s no stopping me now, though. I will fucking crawl if need be. Struggling to stay upright, I use the walls for leverage and push myself to the heart of the red room.
Courtney. Her face is remarkably clear while the rest of her is unrecognizable. Skin a pale, bloodless white. The sting of tears fill my eyes as I glance at each wall, searching every corner for a sign of life. For my little wolf. There’s nothing. No one else. The room, despite the friend Natalia will never get back, is vacant, and unbearably still.
Something glints off the dim lights. Something resting against Courtney’s blood pooling at the center of the red room. It’s metal. Difficult to look at, but I know what it is in an instant. The woven chain meets a small, moonlike shape at the center. There’s only one metal strong enough to bring on this kind of unease to the bottom of my gut. The one thing the cursed can hardly peer at.
Silver.
I lift the necklace, ignoring how my skin sizzles at the touch. Courtney’s blood trickles down the crescent moon dangling in front of me. He’s taken her. Viktor has taken her. Alek wasn’t bluffing. Intense heat travels up my cracking knuckles to my neck, scalding my limbs until an inferno settles in each. Viktor didn’t want her to make a point. He wants to make me suffer in the most horrible way imaginable. She’s the last sacrifice. The final addition to the hunt my pack has waited years for. The blood moon. When the wolves inside each of us are at their most bloodthirsty. The lunar-shift my father used to murder Ida despite how many times I begged for her to live. These scars marring my body are nothing else but a reminder of how I failed her. How I failed Dimitri.
Now, Viktor seeks to do the same. Give me another set of scars I won’t come back from. Losing her … losing the one person anchoring me to this world instead of wanting to rip its heart out, is gone. And as I hold the necklace I placed at her doorstep, my flesh screaming to let it go, I howl.
I howl into the blood-stained halls of the red room.