Chapter 6
Alaska couldn’t stop shaking. It was ridiculous.
She was safe. On a plane back to the United States.
The meeting with the Russian officials had been hard.
A lot harder than she’d expected. The only reason she hadn’t ended up a hysterical mess was because of Drake.
He hadn’t left her side, his strong, warm hand constantly clasping her own, or resting reassuringly on her leg, or settled at the small of her back.
He was literally the only thing that had held her together.
She hadn’t thought it would be difficult to recount what happened.
But as she was speaking, everything just hit her at once—hard.
She couldn’t deny that she’d been so close to becoming a statistic.
Just another woman who disappeared without a trace, never to be found again.
She would’ve been forced to have sex with who knew how many men.
She would’ve been raped over and over…and no one would’ve cared.
She’d been able to hold it together until they’d stepped inside the plane taking them back to the United States. It wasn’t so much the plane that finally broke her, but knowing she’d be trapped inside for hours…just like she’d been in that container.
She’d hid her reaction from Drake, for which she was immensely relieved. She didn’t want to seem weak to him. After all, she hadn’t been raped. Hadn’t been hurt. She’d been very lucky, really, and didn’t feel as if she had any right to a meltdown.
But knowing all that didn’t make her anxiety disappear. Instead, the longer she was inside the plane, strapped into a seat, crowded against the window without an easy escape route, the more panicked she became.
The private plane wasn’t crowded. The seven men Drake had come to Russia with were there.
As was Tiny. There were also around a dozen other men Alaska didn’t know.
Most spoke English, but a few were speaking Russian quietly amongst themselves.
Drake swore she was safe…but Alaska had thought she was safe before being kidnapped too.
One second she was strapped in, staring out the window, trying to control her rising anxiety, and the next she was crouched on the floor in front of her seat, hands over her head, shaking and sobbing.
“Shit,” she heard Drake say quietly.
That only made her cower more.
“Alaska, look at me,” he ordered.
All she could do was shake her head and squeeze her eyes closed even tighter.
It took several minutes, but eventually she realized Drake hadn’t moved. He was crouched on the floor next to her. It was a good thing there was more room between the rows of seats on this private plane than on a commercial flight.
He was talking to her in a low, calm tone. Reassuring her that she was all right. Safe. That he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. That she was on a plane full of badass mercenaries and former Navy SEALs who would die before letting anyone near her.
“I can’t breathe,” she whispered, panting, trying to get oxygen into her lungs.
“Yes, you can,” Drake countered. “It’s your mind playing tricks on you. Open your eyes. Look at me, Al. You aren’t in that container anymore. You’re free. I’m here.”
She tried, she really did, but she couldn’t make her eyelids obey.
“It’s okay, Al. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.
Slow down your breathing a bit. Try to match mine…
that’s it. Good job. I know it’s hard being on this plane.
If I could’ve sailed you home, I would’ve.
But that would take too long. Hang in there.
Soon we’ll be at The Refuge. Wait until you breathe the mountain air.
I swear it’s cleaner and fresher than anything you’ve ever inhaled.
Our resident cow and pain in the butt, Melba, is gonna love you.
Just know that if you give her too much attention, she’ll never stop pestering you for more pets.
And I can’t wait for you to meet Mutt. My three-legged dog.
He’s amazing. He always seems to know when I need him.
He wakes me up when I have nightmares, never leaves my side when the world seems to be crashing in on me. ”
Alaska heard Drake’s words as if from the end of a long tunnel. After a while, his voice became her anchor. She concentrated on the ebbs and flows of his tone, rather than the actual words.
Swallowing hard, she eventually forced her eyes to open. She didn’t want to be a complete mess around him. She wanted to be strong.
How could she be anything else? After Germany, witnessing how Drake had been able to pull himself out of the dark place he’d been in after his best friends had been killed in front of him…she’d admired him so much. She wanted to be like Drake. Brave. Resilient.
“There she is,” he said as she stared into his beautiful blue eyes. “That’s it, keep looking at me. I’m here. No one’s gonna hurt you again. Got it?”
She dipped her chin a fraction, and the smile he bestowed on her was almost painful to look at.
“I know this is hard. I know. But you can get through it.”
“How?” she whispered.
“Because you’re Alaska Stein, and you’re the strongest person I know.”
She snorted and shook her head.
“You are,” he insisted. “I heard all about you from my mom after I left home. And of course, for the last four years, I’ve constantly been in awe of you.
Traveling all over Europe by yourself. Taking jobs that aren’t easy, especially when you don’t speak the native language.
You have a ‘damn the torpedoes’ personality that’s refreshing and admirable. ”
“I don’t feel like I’m the same person anymore,” she admitted. “And nothing even happened to me! It’s so ridiculous.”
“Ah. Guilt. That’s an emotion I’m intimately familiar with,” he told her. “You feel guilty that you’re struggling to deal with what happened, when you weren’t hurt,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
Alaska nodded.
“Don’t,” he said firmly. “You still experienced a trauma. I can’t imagine what you went through in that container.”
Alaska shivered and closed her eyes once more.
It had been awful. The darkness, the sounds of the crates being packed around her, using the bathroom in that bucket, drinking water like an animal out of the contraption along the wall, the hunger pains, the fear of running out of air. All of it was horrible.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it yet. Eventually…you’ll need to. Trust me, I know. But right now, all you have to do is exist. Don’t think. Don’t do anything. I’ll get you home and then you can start to heal. Okay?”
She wanted to agree. Insist she could do this. But all she could do was shake.
When she felt Drake’s palm gently cup her face, warmth spread through her, pushing back the coldness that had taken up residence in her body. She reached up and put her own hand over his, pressing his palm harder against her cheek.
“I’m not going anywhere, Al. I’ve got you.”
She let herself lean on him, and even though they were wedged between seats, somehow Drake managed to pull her onto his lap.
She snuggled close and let her mind go blank.
She didn’t hear others talking to him, barely felt it when they were pulled upward and Drake sat in one of the seats.
She clung to him as if she were a two-year-old child.
She didn’t sleep though. Couldn’t. The last time she’d fallen asleep while in a vehicle, she’d ended up in hell. As tired as she was, her body wouldn’t shut down. Not completely.
The journey home was never-ending. They’d had to change planes once, and it took everything she had to walk onto that second plane voluntarily.
The men who’d been with Drake were sympathetic and respectful.
She’d vaguely noticed they all wore wedding rings.
She was happy that they had someone waiting for them at home.
The trip from Colorado to New Mexico was a blur and, thankfully, short.
Her head was pounding with a migraine from hell and her stomach was churning, even though she hadn’t eaten much in the last three days.
Drake had managed to get her to eat a little while on the plane from Russia to Colorado, but everything seemed to be sitting in her belly like a rock.
“She okay?” Alaska heard Tiny ask as if from a very long distance. She was once more snuggled up against Drake, as if he were the only thing that might keep her from breaking into a million pieces…and he probably was.
“Not really,” was Drake’s answer.
Alaska wanted to smile at that. Appreciated that he wasn’t sugarcoating her condition.
“You need me to call Henley?”
“Not right now. She’ll definitely need to talk to her, but I think she needs a few days to decompress.”
She heard their conversation without the words really sinking in. She also had no idea who Henley was, but she got the gist that Drake wasn’t going to make her meet with anyone right away. She was relieved.
“We’re booked right now, but the POW cabin is open.”
“She’ll stay with me,” Drake replied.
Tiny was quiet for a beat before he said, “Right. That’s probably best.”
“Al?”
She didn’t respond. She simply kept her eyes closed.
“Alaska,” Drake repeated, a little firmer.
“Hmm?”
“Can you open your eyes for a second?”
She shook her head against him. Felt more than heard his chuckle under her cheek, which was on his chest.
“Please?”
Sighing, knowing she couldn’t refuse this man anything, Alaska opened her eyes slightly and tilted her head back just enough to see his face.
His beard had grown a little in the short amount of time she’d been with him.
She had the urge to lift a hand and rub his cheek, to see if the hair there was scratchy or soft, but she found she didn’t have the energy.
“Your head still hurt?” he asked.
She nodded.
One of his hands came up, and he ran his thumb over her temple gently. “When we get to The Refuge, I’ll have Pipe come and look you over. He was his team’s medic, and the closest thing we have to a doctor.”