Chapter 15 #2
Alaska put a hand on his cheek. “I don’t need museums, festivals, alcohol, or city life to be happy,” she said softly.
“I’ve traveled a lot, saw some amazing places, but none of them felt like home.
I’ve been more content here in the so-called ‘middle of nowhere’ than in any city I’ve lived in for the last two decades. Because…you’re here.”
As soon as the last three words left her lips, Alaska’s nerves kicked in.
It was too soon to be saying stuff like that.
Yes, she and Drake were very sexually compatible, but they hadn’t talked about anything long term.
There was no way he’d be satisfied with her forever.
She wasn’t exotic. Wasn’t exciting. Wasn’t sophisticated.
She preferred sitting on his deck and staring at the stars than going out on the town.
If given the choice, she’d choose to make dinner at home than be at the lodge around the guests.
It wasn’t as if she couldn’t make small talk; she just liked not having to worry about what others thought of her or saying the wrong thing.
“No,” Drake told her.
Alaska frowned. “No, what?”
“You can’t take that back. I can tell you wish you hadn’t told me that.
But, honey, you have to know I feel the same.
I’ve always loved The Refuge. The first time I camped on this property, I knew this was where I wanted to live.
It’s far enough from the world that I don’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing or being triggered by something I see or hear.
The other guys feel the same way. I’ve always felt at peace here…
but since you arrived? It feels more right than ever. ”
Alaska pressed her lips together and closed her eyes.
All her life, she’d felt as if she was living on the sidelines.
Watching everyone else get what she wanted…
namely, someone to love, and who loved them back.
And for the first time she felt as if maybe, just maybe, she’d finally found what she’d always been looking for.
“We’re going to sit down and have a long talk after Mr. Choo leaves,” he said.
She stilled, her brain automatically going to a black place, thinking maybe he’d want to tell her things were moving too fast.
She mentally shook her head. No. He’d given her no indication of that; actually, he’d done the opposite. She had to stop thinking the worst when it came to guessing Drake’s intentions.
“To put your mind at ease,” he said as if he could read her mind, “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay. Here. With me. At The Refuge. You’re the best admin we’ve ever had, but that’s not why I want you to stay.”
Alaska swallowed hard. The look in Drake’s gaze was full of affection. He was looking at her in the way she’d always dreamed he would.
“It took me twenty years too long to see you, Al, and I can’t let you go now. I learned the hard way what it’s like to have regrets. What it’s like to lose those I love…I can’t, and won’t, do it again.”
“You aren’t going to lose me,” she said gently.
“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure of that.
Do you think, someday, you might be able to love me back?
I can be rough around the edges, and there are plenty of times I get lost in my head thinking about the past, but I’m getting better.
I swear. I don’t have a lot to offer, but everything I have I’ll gladly share with you.
‘Refuge’ means to be safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble.
And that’s exactly what this place started out as for me…
somewhere to hide away from the world, to hunker down, lick my wounds and figure out how to go on with my life.
But now I see it as so much more. It’s not only my safe place, but with you by my side, it’s a new beginning as well. ”
“Drake,” Alaska whispered.
“I know I’m not being fair,” he went on. “I’m taking advantage of what happened to you. Of you being in a vulnerable position. But honestly? I don’t care. I’m yours, Alaska. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
Tears dripped down Alaska’s cheeks. It was hard to believe this was actually happening. She’d daydreamed of hearing a man say these things to her, but for it to be Drake…she felt like she had to pinch herself.
“Drake,” she repeated, but he kept talking, as if scared about what she might say.
“I can slow down. Or back off. I don’t want to scare you away.
I know this is fast, but I’ve always gone gung-ho after something I want.
And I want you. So much. I feel like an idiot that it’s taken me so long to get here, but I also suspect that if we’d gotten together before now, it wouldn’t have worked.
I was too engrossed in my career. You were in Europe and I was in the States. But—”
Alaska grasped the back of his neck and pulled him toward her. She shut him up by kissing him soundly, then drew back. She had a feeling her face was splotchy, and her eyes red from all the crying she’d done that afternoon. But Drake looked at her as if she was precious.
She’d never felt beautiful before in her life. But right now? Listening to Drake say such incredible things and as he gazed down at her with his heart in his eyes…how could she not believe him?
“I don’t think I’ll be able to love you someday,” she started. His lips pressed together and every muscle in his body stiffened, but she went on before he could pull away from her. “Because I’ve loved you since I was fourteen years old.”
It was scary to admit that. To throw her biggest secret out there. But when he took a huge breath and closed his eyes, even as his arms banded around her like a vise, Alaska tightened her grip on his nape.
His eyes opened, and he whispered, “You love me?”
“Yes,” she admitted without hesitation.
“I’m not sure I deserve it—but I’m going to do everything in my power to never make you regret loving me,” he said.
“I haven’t regretted it in the last twenty-five years, I’m not going to start now,” she said.
“Hey, are we having this meeting or what?” Pipe called out as he stuck his head inside the room.
“Keep your pants on!” Drake told him. “I’m having a moment with my woman here.”
“You want me to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door so you can have your moment in peace?” Pipe quipped, his accent pronounced with his amusement.
Alaska giggled, even as Drake let out a dramatic sigh.
“No, I’ll be right there,” he said.
When they were alone again, Drake stared at her for a long moment.
“What?” Alaska asked nervously.
“I’m just memorizing this moment. I’m forty years old…I kind of thought it was too late for me to find my other half. But you’ve been there all along.”
“Yeah,” Alaska said with a small nod, because what else could she say? She had always been there. Not as close as she would’ve liked, but there all the same.
“After my meeting, which hopefully won’t take too long, do you want to take a walk with me to one of my favorite places at The Refuge?”
“Yes.” It was an easy question to answer. She’d follow Drake anywhere he wanted to go.
“So damn sweet,” he murmured before lowering his head. It was several minutes before they finally broke free.
“I can ask Robert to help you with all your gifts if you want,” Drake said.
“It’s okay. Don’t bother him. I’ve got it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll go to this meeting, then I’ll be home. If you feel up to it, you could make us some sandwiches for dinner. It’s about a three-mile hike to get to what I want to show you. Is that all right?”
“Yeah…as long as it’s worth my while,” Alaska teased. That was another thing about Drake; she’d never felt comfortable or sexy enough to tease a man as much as she did him.
He grinned. “Oh, I’ll make it worth your while, Al. You can count on that.”
Her nipples hardened under her shirt.
“And now I really have to go. The guys are gonna give me shit as it is.”
Alaska bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” he said with a grin. Then he closed the small gap between them and kissed her hard and fast once more. “Can’t get enough,” he said, backing away.
He gave her one last smile, then strode toward the door.
Alaska watched him go with a matching smile on her face.
It was hard to believe everything that had just happened. Drake Vandine loved her. And she’d finally admitted that she loved him back.
She hugged herself for a long moment then turned to look at the remnants of her graduation party.
It was silly, she’d long since forgotten that day she’d had to miss her ceremony.
But Drake loved her enough to want to celebrate it twenty years after the fact.
And her new friends…they didn’t have to get her gifts, but they did. Alaska felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
Did it make her a sick person to be glad for what happened to her? To be thankful she’d been kidnapped? Man, that was such a horrible thing to think. But if she hadn’t been taken, she never would have called Drake. Wouldn’t be here with him.
She thought back to when Drake had told her about lockdown procedures, and the possibility of someone dangerous following a guest to the camp.
A violent incident at The Refuge could definitely be a trigger.
So she’d asked why, if everyone was struggling to control their various forms of PTSD, no one seemed overly concerned about the possibility of danger.
Why they all seemed eager to help, in fact, if something did happen.
Drake had explained that while former military men and women, and even first responders, had seen and experienced awful things, the people they worked with frequently made their jobs worthwhile.
He’d admitted that even knowing what he did now, he still would’ve chosen to become a SEAL.
That there was nothing like the comradery of working with people who had your back, no matter what.
And also, helping others was like a drug. It made everything worthwhile.
So even though a violent event at The Refuge would suck, Drake and all his co-owners, and even the guests, had no problem stepping up and doing what needed to be done to protect each other…even at the expense of their mental health.
It made sense to her now. Did she want to ever be kidnapped again? No. Hell no. But, if it was the only way she could be with Drake, her answer would definitely change. If it meant Drake was safe? If it meant saving some other woman from the same fate? Then yes, she’d do it all again.
Taking a deep breath, Alaska forced her mind away from that dark thought. She wasn’t going to be kidnapped again. That Russian asshole wouldn’t be able to take any other women because he was dead. She was safe here at The Refuge. And Drake loved her.
With that unbelievable thought, she got to work stacking her gifts to bring them home.