Chapter 11
Tonka felt like a completely different man than the one he’d been before he and Henley started dating. And it was all because of her. She gave him the strength to push the shadows to the back of his mind and concentrate on the here and now.
The morning after their all-night lovemaking session had been just as comfortable and easy as all the days leading up to it. Which was a relief, because the last thing Tonka wanted was Henley feeling embarrassed about everything they’d done together.
He’d never felt so free to do what he wanted sexually as he did with Henley. She trusted him implicitly, and as a bonus, enjoyed making love as much as Tonka. They’d both been insatiable throughout the long night and the following morning, and she’d barely made it to her appointment on time.
They’d showered together, did the laundry—which began innocently enough and ended with Tonka taking her while she was sitting on his washer—made a large breakfast, and even snuggled on the couch for a while, watching a random zombie show before making love once more.
She was everything Tonka had ever dreamed about in a woman, but never thought he’d find.
The night Jasna got back from camp was harder than he’d thought it would be.
He missed Henley. Yes, the sex was out of this world, but it was the intimacy that he missed most of all.
Even after just the few nights they’d spent together, he’d gotten used to looking over on the couch and seeing her.
Waking up in the middle of the night and having her snuggled up against him.
Getting out of the shower and smelling coffee brewing.
Coffee that he hadn’t had to make himself.
He’d been alone for so long, he’d figured it would be extremely difficult to get used to someone else being in his space. But that hadn’t been the case at all. Henley fit into his world as if she’d always been there.
And being able to go to his cabin with her after work, knowing he wouldn’t have to say goodbye, was something he hadn’t even realized he’d needed.
So it sucked big time that first night after camp when she and Jasna had hung out in his cabin, then she’d stood up around eight o’clock and said they had to get going.
Tonka treasured every moment he got to spend with Henley and Jasna.
He’d learned the hard way that nothing in life was guaranteed.
He’d assumed he had many more years with Steel.
He thought the dog would be retired from service from the Coast Guard, and he’d get to live out his years comfortable and pampered by Tonka.
While Steel had “only” been a dog, he’d also been Tonka’s best friend.
They’d spent every minute of their days together.
Which was why it hurt so bad to have him so violently and suddenly torn away.
Shying away from his memories, Tonka returned his focus to the discussion going on around him.
He and the rest of the guys were having their monthly business meeting about the goings-on with The Refuge.
Revenue was up ten percent and donations had increased a hundred and forty percent since Alaska had first suggested adding a donation button to the website.
Savannah, their accountant, had just left after giving her report, and Jason was currently talking about the cabins and the needed repairs and upgrades to keep them looking as inviting as possible for their guests.
Hudson and Robert had already given their reports, and thankfully there hadn’t been any surprises with either of them as far as the landscaping and food preparation was concerned.
Before he knew it, it was Henley’s turn.
Tonka couldn’t take his eyes off her. They hadn’t made love since Jasna’s overnight camp had ended, but truthfully, he was content simply to be around Henley.
Did he like the sex? God yes. Did he need it?
No. He enjoyed spending time with her because she was witty, and kind, and she made him feel like his old self again.
In the past, Tonka had barely paid attention in their monthly meetings because all he really cared about was the animals and making sure their needs were being met.
He trusted his friends and co-owners to make good decisions about everything else.
But today he found himself more interested than usual.
The Refuge was his home, after all, and now more than ever, he wanted to make sure he was doing his part in keeping it a safe and happy place for everyone, not just their paying guests.
“I think the increase in people making their way to The Refuge outside the military is an interesting trend,” Henley said.
“While veterans are largely our focus, there are so many more outside the military who experience trauma, who also need help coping, and they’re discovering The Refuge.
Just last month, for example, we had eight guests who’d been sexually assaulted, two who’d been bullied so badly as kids they still struggle to cope today, four who survived a workplace violence episode, and three who’d been stalked and traumatized by a former spouse…
and no, they weren’t all female. Males can be traumatized by their wives just as easily as women can be by husbands. ”
“That is an interesting trend, and a great point,” Pipe said.
“What can we do to make them feel just as welcome as our veterans? We’ve worked hard to market this place toward veterans with PTSD, but as you pointed out, there are plenty of people who’ve experienced trauma unrelated to military service.
Word of mouth has apparently brought plenty of people to The Refuge who haven’t served in the Armed Forces, but I agree that we could do more. ”
“I’m not bringing this up as a criticism of anything you guys are doing or not doing. Just as an interesting point. While things like firecrackers and cars backfiring are still valid concerns, there are other things that could be triggers—for those outside the military—that aren’t so obvious.”
Spike frowned. “So we should update our intake form.”
Henley nodded. “I can probably help with that, as I talk to most of the guests. I have a pretty good grasp of what could be triggering and what we might want to ask.”
“What else?” Owl asked, leaning forward.
As Tonka listened to his friends and Henley discuss the best ways to make sure all their guests were as safe as possible while they were here—both mentally and physically—he couldn’t help but be impressed by his woman all over again.
She was using her experiences to understand and help others. While he was…
What was he doing?
Avoiding thinking about Steel altogether. Hiding out as much as possible. Keeping his distance from some of the very people who would understand what he was going through more than anyone else.
He’d sat in on Henley’s sessions and listened to guest after guest share what they’d been through. And not once had he tried to recognize the similarities between his own experience and theirs. He’d stubbornly taken the stance that nothing they’d been through was as bad as what he’d faced.
Pressing his lips together, Tonka suddenly felt…ashamed. Henley herself had gone through something most would argue was twice as traumatic as what he’d experienced, and at a significantly younger age, and she was coping a hell of a lot better than he was.
“You’ve given us a lot to think about, Henley,” Brick said, jerking Tonka back to the discussion.
“Any other suggestions you can give for what we should be doing differently in terms of guest recovery, please don’t be afraid to bring it to our attention.
Even if it’s not at our monthly meetings.
When we opened this place, we just wanted it to be a refuge for people.
A safe place where they could get some much-needed peace for at least a little while.
And if we’re doing anything that makes that less possible, even unintentionally, we want to know about it. ”
“I will. And I think this place is incredible. Almost all of the guests I’ve met with have said they’ve felt a tremendous sense of relief simply being on the property.
They aren’t judged for their mental health issues, which in itself is a huge deal.
And as you know, we have a lot of repeat customers. ”
Brick and the others nodded, but Tonka could only stare at the woman across the table who was now standing and gathering her papers. She glanced at him, offering a small smile before she left the room.
“Right, so…that leaves us. What are everyone’s thoughts about what we’ve heard from the others and how the place is doing? Anything we need to change?” Brick asked.
Everyone went around the room and gave brief reports on the things they’d been working on and gave their opinions about the business in general.
When it was Tonka’s turn, for the first time in five years, he didn’t talk about the animals.
“I want to thank you all for putting up with me for so long,” he said solemnly. “I haven’t pulled my weight when it comes to the everyday operations, and I’m sorry.”
All six of his friends spoke at once, trying to deny his words, but Tonka held up a hand, stopping them.
“I appreciate you giving me time and space to work through my shit, although I’m sure you didn’t expect it to last five fucking years. I haven’t talked much about what happened to me…but maybe it’s time.”
Now it was so quiet in the room, Tonka could hear the clock ticking on the wall above their heads.
“I can’t go into detail…not now, and maybe not ever.
But I had a canine partner. He was a Belgian Malinois and his name was Steel.
I trusted him, and he trusted me. We were a well-oiled machine.
He was my best friend. Well…a mission went bad.
Bad in a way you can’t even imagine, and I lost him.
The man we were trying to bust for drugs got the drop on us and killed him in a horrific way.