Chapter 13 #3
“Definitely. Anyway…I wanted to reach out today because I was thinking about what happened and had the urge to make sure you were all right.”
“I’m hanging in there,” Raid said. “Some days are better than others, but I love what I do, and being a librarian suits me. As does Fallport. It’s quiet. Nothing much happens here.”
“Famous last words,” Tonka said with a small huff of laughter.
“True. Forget I said that,” Raid said. “And…it’s really good talking to you. I wouldn’t mind if we kept in touch a bit better.”
“Same. And you’re always welcome to spend time here if you’re ever in the area. I know New Mexico and Virginia aren’t exactly driving distance apart, but…”
“Thanks. I’ve heard awesome things about The Refuge. You and your friends have really gotten a good reputation. What you’re doing is definitely needed in today’s world.”
“It is,” Tonka agreed. “I’m gonna let you go. But, Raid?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. I needed to remember Steel and Dagger the way they were…not how I last saw them.”
“Anytime, brother. They were great dogs.”
Tonka was too choked up to say much more. “Talk to you later.”
“Later.”
He clicked off the phone and put it back on the table next to him. Then he wrapped his other arm around Henley and buried his nose in her hair. He held her as tightly as he dared.
“That sounded like it went well,” she whispered against his shirt.
“Yeah. I miss him.”
“Raid?”
Tonka shrugged. “Steel.”
“Sounds like he was kind of a goofy dog.” He could hear the smile in her voice.
“He was. But he was also smart as a whip, loyal, and deadly as hell when he needed to be.”
“Tell me about him?”
If it had been anyone other than her—and probably any other time than right now, when he was feeling nostalgic and his guard was down—Tonka would’ve refused. But after reminiscing a little with Raid, he found he was almost eager to tell Henley some stories about his beloved Steel.
He didn’t know how long he talked, just that Henley stayed against his side and listened without interruption, only asking a few questions here and there. The pauses between the memories of Steel got longer and longer, and Tonka realized how exhausted he was.
“Sorry…I’m so tired,” he said after a while.
“It’s okay. Sleep, Finn.”
“Will you stay with me?” he asked. He should’ve been ashamed by the neediness in his tone, but he wasn’t. He felt safe showing his raw emotions to Henley.
“Yes. I need to call Alaska and check on Jasna though.”
“Shit, I forgot about her. What time is it?” Tonka asked.
“Shhh. It’s fine. She’s fine. Close your eyes, Finn. Relax.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” And with that, Tonka closed his eyes. He wiggled around a bit so he was more comfortable and let himself sleep.
Henley let her tears flow once she was sure Finn was asleep, his breaths deep and even under her cheek.
Her heart felt as if it was breaking for him.
Hearing what had happened to his cherished dog had been horrifying, but she finally understood more about why he’d held himself so remote for years.
She was appalled people had actually told him he shouldn’t be so traumatized because Steel was just a dog.
People could have just as strong bonds with animals as they did with other humans. And losing his partner how he had would’ve broken anyone.
Taking a deep breath, and moving slowly so as not to wake Finn, Henley eased out of his hold and, once sure he was still sleeping, looked at her watch.
Crap! It was eight-thirty. She and Finn had been talking for hours.
She grabbed her phone from the kitchen counter where she’d left it when she arrived and dialed Alaska’s number.
“Hi, are you all right?” she asked in lieu of a greeting.
“I’m so sorry,” Henley told her.
“Don’t be. Jasna’s fine and she’s been an angel. I’m more worried about you and Finn. When you called to see if I could look after Jasna because he was having a bad day, I wasn’t sure what to think.”
The thing about working at The Refuge was that, unfortunately, both Alaska and Henley were used to people having “bad days.” PTSD could rear its ugly head anywhere, anytime.
“Today’s the anniversary of him losing his canine partner,” Henley shared. “He’s struggling. Would you mind if Jasna stays the night with you guys? I’m so sorry to spring her on you like this but—”
“No need to apologize,” Alaska said, interrupting her. “And of course it is.”
“Thanks. Is she there? Can I talk to her and let her know what’s up?”
“Yeah. Anything you guys need, we’re here,” Alaska said.
Henley took a deep breath and did her best to get control over her emotions. It was so good to have such wonderful friends. That Finn had such wonderful friends.
“I’ll go grab Jas for you. Hang on.”
A few seconds later, Jasna’s voice sounded in Henley’s ear. “Mom? Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, baby. I’m over at Finn’s cabin. He’s having a hard night, and I’d like to stay here with him…
if it’s okay with you. I already asked Alaska and she said it was all right if you stayed there with her and Brick.
Are you okay with that? I can meet you at the lodge in the morning for breakfast and we can run back to our apartment and grab some clothes to change into.
Then I can either bring you back here, or you can hang out at the office with me while I meet with a couple of clients.
Then we’ll both come back to The Refuge and make sure Finn’s all right. How’s that sound?”
“Sure, Mom. Is Finn okay?”
“He is. He just needs some time. He’s missing his dog he used to work with when he was in the Coast Guard. And his memories are a little overwhelming right now.”
“Steel, right?”
“You know about Steel?” Henley asked, surprised.
“A little. He doesn’t talk about him a lot, but he’s told me a couple stories about how smart he was and how many bad guys and drugs he sniffed out.”
Henley felt tears well in her eyes once more.
Her daughter’s words were more proof of how Finn was more comfortable around kids than adults.
“Yeah, that’s him. Anyway, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to let Alaska know.
I’m sure she can give you a shirt or something to sleep in tonight.
And I’m not too far away if you need me too.
Be good, and I’ll see you in the morning. ”
“Okay, Mom. Love you.”
“I love you too. Good night.”
Henley hung up the phone and wandered back into the living room. She probably should find something for them both to eat since they’d skipped dinner. But she had a feeling Finn probably wasn’t hungry, and truthfully, neither was she.
She sat back on the couch, and felt all warm and fuzzy when Finn immediately lifted his arm and gathered her against him once more. Even half asleep, he was being sweet.
Henley dozed for a while before her phone vibrated in her hand, waking her. She hadn’t put it down after she’d talked to Jasna earlier. Concerned, she looked at it and saw her daughter was texting.
Jasna: I can’t sleep. Can I come over there?
Henley: Yes. But I’ll come get you.
Jasna: It’s not that far. Brick said he’d watch me from the door to make sure I got over there all right.
Henley was relieved Brick knew she was leaving.
The last thing she wanted was either of them to wake up and find Jasna gone and think she’d been kidnapped or something.
And even though Henley felt perfectly safe at The Refuge, she still didn’t want her twelve-year-old daughter wandering around the property at—she looked at the time on her phone—one-thirty in the morning.
She didn’t know why Brick was awake, or, for that matter, why Jasna was, but if her daughter was asking to see her so late, she had a good reason.
Henley: See you soon.
She eased out of Finn’s arms once more, a little worried when he didn’t even stir, and went to the door of the cabin.
She unlocked it and stepped out onto the porch.
She could see the lights from Alaska and Brick’s cabin through the trees.
Each of the owners had their own cabin, set apart from the guest accommodations.
They were all within sight, but they still had plenty of privacy because of the trees.
Within seconds, she saw Jasna jogging through the trees toward her.
The girl ran up the stairs and threw herself into her mom’s arms. Henley stepped back and flicked the porch light a couple of times to let Brick know Jasna had arrived safely.
She saw his own light blink twice, then she turned her attention to her daughter.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
Jasna nodded and looked up at her. “I couldn’t sleep. I was too worried about Finn. I’m so sad that he’s missing Steel.”
“Me too,” Henley said. “Come on, let’s get inside.”
She led them into the cabin and made sure to lock the door behind her.
Then she realized that there wasn’t really any place for Jasna to sleep.
Finn didn’t have a bed in the guest room of his cabin, and there was only one bed in the master.
She could settle Jasna there, but she had a feeling the girl wouldn’t want to be far from either her or Finn.
“Shhhh, he’s sleeping,” she said quietly as they neared the couch.
Jasna frowned as she stared at Finn. “I don’t know what to do to help him,” she said, her voice breaking.
“You’re doing it. You care enough to want to be here for him,” Henley said.
“But he doesn’t know that.”
“He will in the morning,” Henley reassured her. “Come on. Come sit with me.” She sat on the couch next to Finn once more, and just like earlier, he mumbled something in his sleep and pulled her into his side.
Jasna didn’t even blink at the way Finn snuggled Henley against him. She’d seen them kiss more than once in the last few weeks, and Henley was relieved her daughter wasn’t grossed out, and didn’t really even seem to care.
She sat next to Henley on the couch and leaned into her, yawning as she did so. Henley reached over and took Finn’s other hand, which was lying on his belly, and twined her fingers with his. Then Jasna placed her hand on top of both. They were connected, all three of them.
Before too long, Henley heard Jasna’s small snores as she fell asleep on her shoulder.
She was sandwiched between the two people she cared about most in the world.
How she’d fallen so hard and fast for Finn, she had no idea, but it felt more than right.
He was a good man who didn’t deserve the hand he’d been dealt.
Then again, did anyone deserve the bad things that happened in their lives?
Did she deserve to lose her mom the way she had in such a violent attack?
No. But you could either get mired down in your tragedies, or you could choose to rise above them.
She’d chosen to rise, and she hoped and prayed that Finn was finally getting to a point where he could too.
Henley fell asleep feeling a little sad after everything she’d heard that night, yet still content.
Tonka wasn’t sure what woke him, but one second he was dreaming about Steel, running and playing with one of his balls, and the next he was blinking at the darkness around him and feeling a slight weight against his side.
It only took seconds for him to realize where he was and the source of the weight. Henley. He could smell her. He’d also recognize her body against his own anywhere and anytime.
There was a bit of a glow coming from the hallway, where he’d left a light on earlier, and when he looked over at Henley, he was glad for the illumination.
To his surprise, Jasna was sleeping against her mom, squishing her against him even harder.
He looked down to his stomach and saw that not only was Henley holding his hand while she slept, her daughter’s tiny hand was resting on top of their clasped fingers.
Emotion threatened to overwhelm him once again. First he felt panic. If he couldn’t even keep a dog safe, how the hell could he keep a kid from getting hurt?
But then determination rose within him. He’d learned his lesson after what happened with Garcia.
Never again would he sit back and let shit hit the fan in front of him.
He had no idea what would’ve happened if he’d fought back against Garcia and his flunky on that boat, despite being restrained.
He probably would’ve ended up dead, along with Steel and Dagger.
But…maybe he could’ve saved them. Or maybe they wouldn’t have suffered as much as they had at Garcia’s hands.
If there ever came a time when Henley or Jasna were in danger, he sure as hell wouldn’t just sit back and let the chips fall where they may. No, he’d fight tooth and nail to keep them from being hurt or killed, even if it meant giving up his life in the process.
These two females were the best things that had ever happened to him. He loved them. Wasn’t ashamed of that feeling. He had no idea if Henley would ever return his affection, but he’d work his ass off to show her how important she was to him. Her and Jasna both.
The feel of his hand being engulfed by theirs was everything he hadn’t known he’d needed in his life. They weren’t a replacement for the love he’d felt for Steel, they were an extension.
His neck had a crick in it, his ass was numb, and his belly growled with hunger, but Tonka didn’t even think about moving. No, he was perfectly content to sit there on his couch with Henley under one arm, holding onto both her and Jasna with the other hand.
He didn’t fall asleep again, he’d gotten more than enough already.
Besides, he wanted to memorize this moment.
Wanted to revel in the care and attention these two women were sharing with him.
When he’d had Steel, he hadn’t been alone.
The last few years he’d been so damn isolated.
Henley and Jasna had changed him…for the better.
Turning, Tonka kissed Henley’s forehead. She smiled in her sleep but didn’t wake. Resting his head on the cushion behind him, Tonka did his best to imprint how he felt right this second onto his soul. Whenever he had a tough moment in the future, this is what he’d remember.