34. Sage
Sage
Trying to control my breathing and keep my hands steady, I lick my lips, feeling like the moisture's been sucked clean from the air. "Can you…" I clear my throat, voice raspy. "Can you explain what you mean?"
"It's too much, Sage," she says numbly. I, however, can say with confidence that my heart is falling out of my ass, hitting every nerve ending on the way, feeling anything but numb.
My alpha growls inside me, sending a wave of dominance surging through my blood.
"No. Absolutely not. You're not fucking leaving me, Opaline.
I won't let you. Whatever's going through your head, whatever you're mad at me for, doesn't matter.
We'll sit down as a pack and work through it.
" I stand with my arms crossed, ready for her pushback, whatever that looks like.
Her brow furrows as she looks back at me, and I can't get a read on her emotions with the bond blocked off and the scent neutralizers in the air deadening her scent.
"You're not leaving me. I'm dead serious," I growl, shoulders tensing and growing.
Whatever's changed, I can fix. She just has to tell me first. I'll do anything for her except let her go without a fight.
"Huh?" She shakes her head minutely, eyes searching, palm on her cheek as if she's confused. Well shit, so the fuck am I; we can be confused together.
"Whatever's too much? We're gonna fix it. I'm not letting you leave us."
Her expression suddenly turns startled, shock apparent in her eyes as she stands. "Wait, you think…I was planning on leaving our pack? Why would you think that?" she asks gently, soft, cold hand reaching for my forearm. Fuck, she's cold.
Taking her hands between mine, I can't help but try to warm them up, even if I am confused and more than a little hurt. "I can tell something's wrong. You just said it was too much. There's only one time a person uses that phrase," I huff in annoyance, not meeting her line of sight.
"Sage…no. That's not at all…" She chuckles, actually fucking chuckles at me, leaning in for a cuddle. "I'm never leaving you; not ever. And I damn sure wouldn't let you leave me either, for the record," she adds with a raised brow, looking up at me.
The relief is immediate, the weight on my shoulders and neck falling.
My forehead rests against hers as I take a moment to recenter myself, too.
"Then what the heck were you talking about?
You've got me all stressed out, and my alpha is pissed at me.
" I groan, trying and failing to catch a whiff of her scent.
"And now I'm pissed because I can't pick up your scent in here. "
She's smiling a little now, which…that's good? Hell, she can laugh at me while pointing her pretty little finger and calling me a dufus. Better than the alternative. "Sit with me again?" She grabs hold of the ends of my fingers and tugs me next to her on the bed with a little pat.
I keep skin-to-skin contact and make sure she sees she has every bit of my attention. "What's going on, baby?"
Taking a quick, deep breath, she finally tells me.
"I meant the money, the shopping, all of it.
I just can't handle the guilt of knowing you'd be spending so much money on making me happy.
" I open my mouth to protest, but she raises her hand, cutting me off.
"I know you're happy to and want to buy all these things too.
I know that and I truly understand it. It's just triggering an old wound, I guess.
It feels like my emotions are outweighing logic. "
I hum, waiting to see if she wants to continue.
Because I'm fairly certain I see exactly what she's talking about, and I, out of all of us, understand.
Suddenly, I am a little glad I'm the one here talking with her, not Calder or Everette, or even Adrian.
As much as I love them, they just wouldn't understand this, like I do.
"You know," I begin, nodding, "growing up was a little rough before Calder and I got close.
" I look back into her eyes, away from watching my thumb trace her hand.
The empathy is immediate; tears shining in her eyes.
I haven't even really said anything yet, and I suspect Calder or Ever has probably shared a little bit of my upbringing.
More than what our brief conversation in the spa room dove into.
If so, it's a bit of a relief, honestly.
The less I have to say out loud, the better.
She nods, listening intently, waiting.
"Cald's mom and dads took me in. But, before that, I lived with my own parents and sister.
My parents were addicts and…" I huff out a breath.
"They basically abandoned us. Living conditions were in the pits of Hell.
We moved a ton, both because they were paranoid of cops watching the house and because we kept getting evicted.
Some of the worst fucking people I've ever met in my entire life were when I was a kid.
It never really felt safe. There are a million stories I could tell, and someday, I will.
But not today. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is that we had shit all for money.
I'd shower at school in the locker room or occasionally a friend's place because our water was freezing or just plain shut off.
I'd take my sis down to the foodbank super early, and we'd take whatever random shit they had in boxes, sneaking it somewhere our parents couldn't find.
The towns we lived in for most of my childhood limited visits to once or sometimes twice a month at foodbanks, which sucked. We were dirt-fucking-poor, sweetheart."
I take a minute, swallowing deeply, and simply reflect on and replay memories. Having her soft, feminine hand in mine is a reminder of where I really am, though.
"Things like family and money, I used to put on a pedestal.
They were the most valuable things in the world to me, because I never truly had them.
Every fucking birthday candle, every shooting star…
I wished for a better family." I smile. "And I got it; I got Calder and his momma and dads who took me in, sure.
But now I have you… I have our own pack.
And every day it's a dream come true just having each of you with me.
" Finally, I look back up, having broken eye contact and see tears falling down her cheeks as she tries to blink them away.
Those pale green eyes shine even brighter against the redness surrounding them.
"Baby, I understand money can feel like this big, huge, scary thing when you've never had it," I go on, holding both of her hands in mine.
"But we do have it now. We've collectively worked our asses off to get where we are and taken chances along the way.
We've made smart decisions, though, too, to ensure we keep the money we've made as a pack.
Which includes you, by the way, princess.
Everything that's ours is yours. Let's enjoy it together.
And you know what? Even if, for some damn reason, we all lose every penny we've made?
We have each other to rely on. You're not on your own anymore, baby.
If we fall for any reason, we have four other sets of hands to help get back up. "
Lunging forward, she scrambles into my ready arms so I can hold her against me, wrapped up tightly.
"Sage," she whimpers. "I love you so so much.
I'm so sorry for everything you've had to go through.
It's not fair at all, and you deserve so much better.
" She sniffles, nestling against my scent gland, intuitively trying to scent me in return.
"I love you and I am so proud of you and the person you've become despite everything you were against. You have no idea how proud I am to have you as my mate. "
Something about those last words rocks me square in the chest, stealing my breath. I have so much I want to say back. But all I manage is, "I feel the exact same way about you, sweet omega."
Pushing against our bond, I urge her to let her side open so I can really feel her again. I know she has to feel the desperation in my urging. When she does, it's peace and reassurance like I've never known.
We stay just like this, wrapped together, simply swaying and feeling the depth of our love.