51. Opaline
Opaline
The sounds of the ongoing event are much fainter through the various layers of forest and trees.
Most of the noise is dampened and cut off from the overlook.
The only place that made sense at the moment was to run to the place that Adrian always brought me for our initial meetups.
Where we started our journey, with skin-to-skin time.
I'm not sure why, but I didn't doubt myself on this.
It's dark, the sun having set a long time ago, now.
The chill in the air reflects that. I'm curled up, knees to my chest, on the wooden bench.
Shivers wrack my body, the wind from the open valley in front of me collecting and orienting its direction straight to me.
Even tucked away under the canopy of trees, it's cold.
But the chills sending goosebumps across my skin feel deserved.
It's like a mild punishment for my petulant behavior while also keeping me grounded in reality, preventing too much of a spiral.
A whimper slips through, despite my trying to keep silent.
But movement out of my peripheral makes my buried head jump, gaze catching the source of the small shadow.
“Oh…hey, you…” I sniffle, lowering a leg and bending down to touch the little fox.
It's been a while since I've been here. "How are you, huh?
" He moves closer, what almost sounds like a giggle or happy chuffs escaping his small chest. "I missed you, too.
" He flops over with unmatched speed, so his belly is exposed.
Even this upset, I can't deny him tummy rubs.
Having something else to focus my attention on, if even for a moment, feels like a small blessing.
The guilt and overwhelm of my own insecurities are weighing heavily on me.
My fears opened the door for doubt, which seeped in like a bitter wind in the dead of winter.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
"I'm starting to think he likes you more than he ever liked me." Adrian's deep, rough voice startles me, causing me to jump. The fox twists and skitters over to the alpha, practically begging for pets and attention as if to say 'No! I love you, too!'
Staying silent, I don't answer, simply watching him interact with the tiny, sweet creature.
Finally, he looks back up at me, stepping closer. With a nudge of his chin towards the bench, I scoot over, giving him room to sit next to me.
"Hey…"
Sniffling, I give him a quick side glance as he lowers his weight, not wanting to make direct eye contact. "Hi..."
We stay silent for what feels like too long to be comfortable. I keep waiting for it, for him to chastise me, tell me how ungrateful I am, how horrible I am for treating his packmate and lover with such selfish, childish behavior. But it doesn't come.
"It's interesting that you chose to come here of all the places you could have gone, including your old room in the staff quarters."
Chancing a small glance, I turn my head enough to peek at his large profile. The desire to burrow into his side is overwhelming.
"This is my favorite spot on the resort grounds, next to the greenhouse." That surprises me a bit.
"It is?" I whisper. "I guess I just assumed it was a safe, middle-ground area that we could meet. I never thought it was anything more than random."
He nods, considering. "Maybe at the very beginning, I tried to convince myself of that too.
But I think I always knew how this would end.
It was never really random. It's interesting to me, though, because this is where I feel the most peace.
It's where I also come when I need to be alone, to think through things, and steady the ground beneath my feet. I'm glad you came here."
"How did you know where I was?"
For the first time since arriving at this nook of an overlook, he smiles…just a little. I have my connection to the three of them cut off, so I'm not sure how he found me.
"If you think Rett didn't follow you long enough to realize where you were going, you're sorely mistaken," he chuckles softly. It's too brief, and I want more of his laughter. Not this awful, uncomfortable energy I'm living in.
"Is he okay?" I whisper that too, because the shame eating me alive is too much. It feels like if I speak too loudly or too much, it's going to spill out everywhere, uncontrollably.
Humming, he takes a second to respond. "Not really, to be honest." I feel it, like someone threw a brick at my face and stomped on my heart: it crumples, tears falling silently down my cheeks as I fight to keep my emotions hidden away.
"He'll be okay, though. He's one of the most understanding people I've ever met.
But I think you know that. I think a part of you feels safe enough to finally show your emotions and feel them around him.
I think a part of you finally knows you're safe now and can display feelings and hurt, can have normal human reactions and emotions without punishment.
" What he says shocks me, although maybe it shouldn't.
It's just another angle I hadn't even remotely considered.
"Adrian… I'm so sorry."
"I know. We all know that. But there's nothing to be sorry for, which is what I really need you to know. If there's nothing else you take from whatever conversation we have here, know that much. You're allowed to have big feelings and emotions, and it's not a burden. Not to us."
The fact that he's being so understanding is my final straw, my breaking point.
Sobs escape me as I try to bundle up in a tiny ball of omega again.
But this time, big hands stop it from happening.
I'm being pulled and lifted into a warm chest, his hands holding me close and rubbing my shivering back.
"We're here, omega. Not a single one of us is going anywhere. There is no scaring or pushing us away. Not now. And that includes Everette, sweetheart."
Through my tears and shivers, I wonder to myself if that is just yet another perspective I hadn't considered either?
Was this subconscious self-sabotage or a test?
Everything was going too well, too perfectly.
Had I taken the first opportunity to subconsciously drop 'the other shoe' myself instead of waiting for it to drop as a way to ruin everything?
To make myself feel like I could control it, if it was bound to happen?
"Now, will you tell me what happened?"