Chapter 37
Noah
The knock wasn’t loud.
But I knew who it was. Even without hearing her voice.
Dante knocked like a cop serving a warrant. Dustin knocked once and then opened the door like he owned the place.
This knock was careful. Because the person on the other side wasn’t sure they were welcome.
“Noah?” Briar’s voice came through the wood. Soft but firm. “Can we talk?”
I stared at the door from where I sat at my desk, and watched it open.
I hadn’t seen her in a week. I’d tried to convince myself that it was a good thing. I knew she was there last night, but I hadn’t really seen her.
I rose from my seat as she came in, her eyes finding mine, wide and green, shining with uncertainty. Neither of us spoke as she let herself into my room.
Briar stood just inside the doorway like she wasn’t sure how far she was allowed to come in. Her hands were clasped together in front of her, the camera she usually carried nowhere in sight. Wearing jeans, a shirt, and a simple jacket, her hair fell in soft waves around her face.
I leaned back against the desk, folding my arms. A week ago, I’d have pushed harder for her to speak. Now it felt like we were strangers negotiating territory.
“You look . . . different,” she said, her eyes searching mine.
“Do I?” I ran my hand through my hair. “Probably need a haircut.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I didn’t ask what she meant. Her eyes moved around the room, seeing it for the first time. I watched her take it all in.
Was it juvenile?
Did it matter? I thought she’d already gotten past the fact I was still a student. I was less sure after the last week.
“You haven’t texted,” she said. Her eyes did not meet mine. “Or called.”
“I know.” I didn’t move. “Neither have you.”
Her gaze flicked to mine and then away again. “I wasn’t sure you’d open the door.”
“So you thought walking in uninvited was the answer?”
She winced at that and moved a little further into the room. Unsettled at my bluntness, but in my mind, at least we were being honest.
I simply leaned and watched her.
The silence settled again, thick and uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure why she was here if she actually had nothing to say.
Briar shifted her weight slightly, then finally looked straight at me. “Why the transfer?”
My jaw tightened. “It was something I’ve been toying with for a while. You said it yourself the first time you spoke to me — if I can get out, go.”
“Mason wasn’t sure you’d remember you told him.”
I didn’t, but I didn’t bother addressing it. “Does it really matter?” I asked.
Her gaze held mine. “Yes.”
The silence settled around us again. Then she took one small step closer to the bed, glanced at me as if I was going to stop her, and sat down.
“You’re really leaving?” she said.
It wasn’t a question. “Haven’t decided yet.”
Her jaw tightened. “You’re mad that I told them?”
“No point being mad, it doesn’t change the outcome.”
Her eyes flashed with temper. “Is that a dig? Is that what this is, a fuck you? I made a decision to tell your friends something I know you’ll regret if you do it. And you think that is the same as what you did?”
“What did I do?” I took a step forward. “Saved you from a court date? Got some closure for your brother? Found out about how fucking twisted my coach is, but that even he draws the line at sexual assault? Took this whole sorry mess, with no clear outcome in sight, and put a lid on it with zero consequences to my friends? To you?”
“And look what it cost you!” she snapped back. “Your team, your friends . . . me?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “If they’re so easily lost, then they weren’t worth keeping.”
She stepped back like I’d struck her. I no longer cared.
“You done?” I asked coldly, pointing to my desk. “Some of us have finals coming up.”
She looked at my desk and then back at me. “You want me to go?”
“If you’re done.” I watched her with a coolness I didn’t feel. I wanted to rage, to demand to know what gave her the fucking right to judge me. I wanted . . . to kiss her. Hold her. Tell her I missed her. Which was stupid and needy because she sure as hell didn’t look like she felt the same.
Briar nodded once, and then turned away to leave, and I was glad she couldn’t see how disappointed I was.
She whirled back around, eyes flashing, hands in fists at her side. “This is so stupid, Noah!” Her voice rose before she caught herself and forced it back down. “I can’t believe that after everything you’ve done, you want to run away from it?”
I let out a slow breath. She was still here, and was she fighting for a reason to stay in my room? I moved a little closer. “I’m not running. I’m considering a transfer. It’s football.”
“That’s the same thing as running.”
“Not really.”
She stared at me like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to shake me or slap me. “You’re being a coward.”
I’d moved closer to her, and she had moved closer to me. Somehow the space between us was less than it had been.
“I’ve never been scared of football,” I scoffed.
“But you’re scared of being alone. You’re scared that they’ll turn their back on you.”
And I was protecting myself for that very reason.
“This is what you do!” She didn’t even give me time to speak. Her finger jabbed me in the chest. “You protect people, like me, like Dante, like Mason, and Tate, and you think you need to sacrifice yourself to do it! Well, you don’t. You’re being a complete dick.”
“You know me so well, eh?” I looked away from her. “I don’t think so, B.”
Briar grabbed my arm and tugged, forcing me to look back at her. “I do think so, Noah,” her voice was softer. “I know you better than you think, and so do your friends. You don’t get to walk away without this fight.”
“They walked away first.”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “That’s not fair.”
“It’s accurate.”
Her mouth opened, then closed again. “They were angry,” she said finally.
“So are you.”
Her eyes flickered. “That’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because I—” She stopped herself.
I watched her carefully. “Because you what?”
Briar looked down at the floor for a second before lifting her eyes back to mine. “Because I thought you knew me better than that.”
I looked at her in confusion. “Better than what?”
“Better than going to Hadley for social media help. Better than making deals with him.” She shook her head and turned away.
That spurred me into movement. I reached for her arm and guided her back a step. “Let me explain something to you, Briar.”
She didn’t shift as I moved closer; only inches separated us now. “You came here with a plan,” I said slowly, anger keeping my emotions tight. “Expose the coach, the program. Clear your brother’s name. Take them all down if you had to.”
Her gaze didn’t waver from mine. “Yes.”
“That’s admirable.”
Her brows drew together.
“But I live here,” I continued. “My football career lives here. Dante’s career lives here. Dustin’s career lives here.”
“I know that.”
“But did you care?”
She tried to pull away from my hold, to create some space between us. Her chin lifted in defiance when I didn’t loosen my hold. “I wasn’t trying to ruin you. I didn’t know you then!”
“No,” I agreed quietly. “You were just willing to do what it took to get your revenge for Mason.” I kept my gaze steady on her. “I did the same, but I got judged for it. By you, by them. Hell, even my brother.”
She flinched as if I’d slapped her. My words were harsh because they needed to be said. She’d have done anything for her brother. “But that’s not why I made the deal,” I continued.
Her eyes searched mine. “Then why did you?”
I held her gaze. Why couldn’t she see it?
“Because he would have destroyed you. He wouldn’t have stopped at a simple police escort to the station.
He would have torn you down, your family down.
He would have made you an example. He would have done it not because he cares about you or Mason, but because he wanted to show everyone else who has all the power. And you know I’m right.”
Her breath caught. For a second, she just stared at me, like she hadn’t heard me right. “Noah?”
“I told you that he had pictures, Briar.” My voice stayed flat, and I let her go.
“Of me leaving your place that morning. He knew you weren’t Briar Holmes.
He knew so much more about what happened the night of Tiffany, and he would have used it to his advantage.
Neither you nor Mason were getting out of this without consequences. ”
Her face flushed. “We would have been fine.”
“Would you?”
She took a step back, shaking her head slowly. “You didn’t give me the chance to find out! He could have been bluffing!”
“Men like him don’t bluff,” I said quietly. “They collect insurance, and trust me, he had plenty.”
She wrung her hands together. I wasn’t sure she even knew she was doing it.
“And even if you got off with most of it, he’d make sure your job prospects were zero. He has the reach,” I continued softly. Briar’s eyes snapped back to mine. “So yeah, I know exactly how it would’ve ended, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.”
She opened her mouth and closed it again. “It wasn’t your risk!”
“Of course it was,” I said calmly. “It involved you.”
Her jaw clenched. She stared at me, the anger in her eyes flickering into something else. Something softer. “I know you did this to protect me. Them.”
I didn’t answer. Because hearing her say it out loud made it sound much nobler than it had felt.
“What about you?” she asked quietly. “What happens to you?”
I shrugged. “I can stay, or I can go play football somewhere else.” I gave her a tight smile. “I have options.”
Her gaze hardened again. “And you’re just . . . okay with that?”
“No.”
“Then why aren’t you angry, Noah?”
I held her eyes for a long moment. “Who says I’m not?”
“Then where is it, where is your anger?”
I leaned back against the desk again. “Who am I supposed to be angry at, B? It’s done. In time it will be over, and even if it isn’t, two more semesters, we’re gone.”
She studied me carefully. “I don’t recognize you.”
“Yes, you do.” I looked her over. “This is who I’ve always been.”