Chapter 24 #2
“Well put. Dreadful in so many ways.”
Gray rubbed his forehead. “Your mom’s superhuman ovaries and your dad’s ancient-yet-perky sperm aside—”
“Good God.”
“—here’s one of the other things I can’t figure out. If you do the math, a lot of people died in your territory or demesne or whatever, way more than we could get to on our own in just one day, plus we only Reaped half a dozen or so. How does that work?”
“You didn’t think Santa really visited three hundred million houses in one night, did you?”
“Annnnnnd you’re already losing me. Also, are you implying Santa is real? I . . . don’t know how I feel about that. He gave me a lot of bad presents when I was a kid. Dental floss? A gift-wrapped bottle of Windex? Paper towels? Fuck’s sake. Though our windows were incredibly clean . . .”
“Of course Santa’s real, but we’re getting off-topic. It’s a bubble.”
“Sorry, I thought you just said it’s a bubble.”
“Listen: I was there for Agatha and Jimbo and Beverly. But I was also there for Tanya, Scott, Renee, Dean, Shelly, and the others. It’s like .
. . it’s a ritual. And by performing that ritual for Agatha, Jimbo, and Beverly, the others were able to pass on, too.
I was with them, even though my physical body wasn’t.
And it’s not just me and thee in the bubble.
Each person we saw today ended up in the bubble, too.
” Amara sighed. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t make sense. ”
“Death-god shenanigans?”
She nodded. Better to call it shenanigans. A lighthearted word for the darkest agenda. She didn’t give a shit that her old music teacher was ready to die. The young woman offering her daughter’s life as a bribe to Death was much louder than Agatha’s grouchy bitching.
And this is it. This is my life now. Every day. If Dad . . .
If Dad . . .
Gray shifted his weight, leaned against the cave wall, wriggled for a few seconds, then leaned forward. “Argh, my kingdom for a back support pillow. I’m guessing a furnished, carpeted ancient cave over an even more ancient spring is dumb because of the damp alone.”
“Quite dumb.”
“And it’s not that I don’t love your cave, but why are we meeting here again?”
“Privacy. And while we’re speaking of death-god shenanigans, let’s consider our suspects.”
“I like how you used ‘our’ as if I knew what the hell was going on and was capable of being helpful.”
“You’re helpful. Look at the chain of events. My father got sick and not only stayed sick, but worsened. He was stable this morning, but sometime after breakfast, he lost consciousness.”
“We were all together in the dining hall, but I’m pretty sure everyone split up right after.”
“Correct. So: Penny and Hank.”
“Probably banging the whole time. It was obvious to everyone that they were in a rush to finish breakfast, but probably not so they could kill Death. Also, whaaaaat are those two even doing?”
“Persephone and Hades’s relationship is deeply problematic and has lasted for centuries and I cannot advise you strongly enough to stay out of it. Focus, please.”
“I’m trying! There’s a lot going on. Okay, La Choy was there, too.
He showed up late—sometime after Penny and Hank—and he bugged out right after.
Which is why when your mom screamed the scream that could be heard for miles, he didn’t come.
He was long gone by then. We know why Penny and Hank stayed put, but why didn’t La Choy stick around? ”
“Good question. Remind me to hunt him down and ask him.”
“Is it because of you?”
“What? No. What?”
“You guys have some history. Don’t glare; anyone who’s been in a room with you two for longer than ninety seconds would pick up on that.”
“Pffftt.” Amara shrugged off all the La Croix nonsense. “He’s just a jackass. He’s always gotten on my nerves but, like all assholes, sees it as a challenge.”
“So you two never . . .”
“No. He’s an annoying, overprotective chauvinist, which is the nicest thing I can say about him.
More important, he doesn’t like the winters here, so I can’t see him engineering a scheme to kill Death, get rid of my mother—which would be almost as difficult as doing away with Death—and then live in NoDak for the next several centuries.
He’s from down South and bitches when the temp dips below sixty. ”
“Wait, what? Why would La Croix have to kill your mom?”
“Do you really think Freyja Brunhilde would meekly accept the murder of her husband? Trust me, anyone who takes on Death would have to kill my mom, and I don’t see La Croix doing that. He adores her.”
“That’s a good point, though. If someone’s plan is to get Death out of the way, and they’re strong enough to do it, do they have similar plans for your mom?”
“Horrible thought,” Amara replied, more than a little taken aback. “One I should have had before. And all the more reason to figure out what the hell is going on. This is why we’re friends; you always think of stuff I should have but didn’t.”
“That and you keep me in Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. Scratch La Choy. What about Skye? She showed up late for breakfast. She even joked about it.”
Amara shook her head. “She was sparring with me. We were in each other’s company after breakfast, and she was right behind me when I ran to my father.”
“And Chernobog only comes at night.”
“Chernobog only comes at night.”
“Maybe you’re—nngh!—wrong.” Gray wriggled a bit, still trying to get comfortable. “Stupid stalactites or whatever the hell they are . . . why would death gods want to hurt or kill a death god? And if they did, how would they know it would work? And for what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Revenge? Expansion? A fucked-up version of ‘The Most Dangerous Game’? They’ve all got their own kingdoms, right? Sounds to me like taking on another chunk of territory would be nothing but a pain in the rectum. And, like we speculated, what happens to your mother?”
“Which brings us back to the beginning: No one in their right mind wants this job.” She chewed her lip and pondered. Maybe we’re making this more complicated than it has to be. Maybe there really is a simple explanation: It’s Death’s time and I’m just being paranoid.
Oh please let it just be that I’m clinically paranoid . . .
“I can’t be the only person who feels like that,” she finished.
“No, but you sure stepped up.”
She rolled her eyes. “Stop it.”
“Nope. You were incredible today. It was completely awesome.”
“It wasn’t and I didn’t. Not really. I wasn’t being me. But it would have been much harder if you hadn’t insisted on inviting yourself along.”
“That’s what I do.”
It was. Most people wouldn’t have gone on one Reap, never mind half a dozen.
For that matter, most people wouldn’t go out of their way to be besties with the Grim Reaper’s kid.
But her situation was untenable. Gray wasn’t going to set his life aside to help her Reap indefinitely.
And even if he wanted to, she wouldn’t allow it.
And even if she allowed it, his time was running out.
Amara shivered a little and scooted closer. “We should have brought cardigans.”
“Naw, don’t need ’em.” Gray slung an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his warmth.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m with you until we figure it out, whether it takes days or months.
You know I can work from anywhere. Having a programmer on-site wasn’t necessary even before the pandemic.
I can find a work-around for your family’s lack of internet and hilarious reliance on fax machines. ”
“I love you.”
“Back atcha.”
And then she ruined everything.