Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Look, I don’t want to play games. The emotional kind, at least. If you wanted to bust out the Anti-Monopoly board, I’m all in.”
“Gray . . .”
“Hey, I get it. You hate being a free-market competitor, but you’re really good at being a monopolist.”
“Gray, this isn’t about—”
“So I’ll just say straight out, I want to sleep in your bed again tonight. Mostly to keep you company, because I know today was even worse than yesterday, and I know you’re probably too stubborn to ask for comfort again. But also because, maybe we could take turns?”
“Um.” Why did that spark so many filthy thoughts? With an effort, she shoved the sudden surge of erotic images to the back of her brain. “What?”
“I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind being the sooth-ee in addition to the soother.”
She stared at him.
“If you don’t want me, I get it.”
“That’s—that’s not—”
“And I’ll take your answer seriously. So be very, very sure you don’t want me in your bed, because this can’t be one of those ‘I’m saying no for form’s sake but maybe I could be persuaded’ situations. Like when you pretend you don’t want a Big Mac.”
“They’re so bad for you, Gray!”
“I know! I saw the same documentary you did. We threw McNuggets at the TV to show our disdain. But you still want one every now and then, even while insisting you don’t. Hell, I’ve seen you insist you don’t want one while you chomp into a Big Mac. Like me and McNuggets.”
“Like you and McNuggets,” she parroted. Gray was often an open book to her, but sometimes she had to puzzle over him a bit. Reason #26 why she’d been fool enough to fall for the delightful yutz.
“Exactly. So. Assuming I’m not giving off inadvertent creeper vibes by implying no might not mean no, do you want me to sleep in here again tonight?”
She pretended to think about it. “Well. You do deserve being the sooth-ee for a change.”
“Right?” His face lit up, and she wasn’t sure why, but in that moment, he was dazzling. “Right.”
“Besides, staring at the ceiling for hours while your eyes get grittier and grittier and you worry dawn will never come is more fun with someone next to you.”
“That’s the spirit.”
* * *
“Your mom told me you were looking for La Croix.”
“Hmm?” It was after midnight and Amara was almost asleep. Perhaps somewhere in my heart, I’ve always known Gray and I should be together, so instead of freaking out, I’m finally relaxing.
Or I’m just really fucking tired because it’s been a nonstop stress train and I only got two hours of sleep last night.
Yes. The latter. Definitely.
“Your mom,” Gray was saying beside her in bed, because he wanted her to endure two sleepless nights. “She let me watch her make lefse. You know how experts make a task look easy? Your mom is an expert who makes it look hard. I was seriously worried she was going to burn herself.”
“She does. All the time.”
“I figured.” Gray propped himself up on an elbow. “There’s so much to keep track of! There’s that long stick, first of all, and she’s got to thread the hot lefse on the stick.”
“Gray. I’ve observed the procedure. I’ve even helped.”
“But first she’s got to roll it all out with a fancy roller that makes stripes, which takes forever, and meanwhile, the lefse grill—it has its own grill!—is getting hotter than Hades. That’s not me exaggerating. Hank told me! Hotter than Hades!”
“All right, I’m going to ask you to calm down.”
“It’s like a slo-mo nightmare that eventually ends up slathered in brown sugar and butter! How can I enjoy lefse knowing your poor mom is nursing second-degree burns?”
“You’ll just have to reconcile yourself, I guess.”
“Yeah, well, I got off track.”
“Noooooo.”
“Kindly shut the hell up, Amara. While I was slathering salve on your mother’s palm, she mentioned you’d come looking for La Croix.”
“Hmmm. She’s ever the helpful font of info these days, isn’t she?”
“Which is weird, because he’s not exactly your favorite person in the world. Or even your favorite death god. Do you mind telling me why you wanted him? I promise not to get jealous. Or, if I do get jealous, I won’t show it . . . yeah. Let’s go with that last one. I’m only human, for fuck’s sake.”
“Why would you be jealous of Baron La Croix?”
“Exactly! No reason, no reason at all!”
“Are you all right?”
“Fine! I’m fine!” In the darkened tower bedroom, his shouting seemed louder than usual. “Nobody’s jealous! Seriously, why did you want him?”
“He said something yesterday. And again today. I’m still trying to figure . . . never mind.”
“Oh, come on!”
“My point is, the one time I actually wanted to see him, he was nowhere around. Probably holed up in a furnace somewhere. He doesn’t do well with cold.”
“Amara.”
“Nighty-night.”
“Amara.” Gray sat up in bed. “You gotta tell me what’s happening. I’ve seen you furious and hurt and drunk and flirty and dreadful and sexy and giddy and vengeful and pissed, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so apprehensive and scared.”
“And . . . and you’re not now. Seeing that.”
“And not just apprehensive, but mysterious, too. You’ve answered every one of my dumb questions over the years, even the weirdly personal, but suddenly you’re a clam. A great-looking clam, but still.”
“You think I’m an attractive bivalve?”
Gray would not be swayed. “You didn’t seem this freaked even when you were staring down the barrel of the dreaded fax machine.
I mean, I knew you were freaking out, but you kept a lid on it, especially when we were in the field.
Please, please tell me what’s wrong. I won’t make you laugh with the ‘maybe I can help’ routine, but I need to know why someone I love is terrified. ”
Love?
Yes. I knew that. Of course he loves me. As a friend. As a friend. As a friend.
Jealous. He said he’d try not to be jealous of La Croix. Which is ridiculous.
Jealous?
Huh.
“Amara?” He peered down at her. “Are you in there? Blink twice if you understand.”
“I haven’t quite figured it out yet. The scope of the problems. Or solutions.” Truth. “But when I do, you’ll be the first to know.” Lie. “Also, please stop looming.” Pretty please? Because the urge to grab you by the ears and kiss you is goddamned overwhelming.
“That’s not really an answer.”
“Because I’m not really sure what’s going on. I’m not being mysterious, I just need to let the other side of my brain work on it for a bit. All I’ve got right now are vague suspicions. Babbling my half-formed bullshit theories is dangerous. I need more data.”
He studied her in the dark and she held her breath. After a few seconds that felt like hours, he lay back down. “Fair enough.”
Hmmm. Not like him to give up so easily.
The ludicrous part? She was disappointed he had.