36. Chapter 36
Dom
The coaches told me they don't want me anywhere near the field yet. In the chaos of the sidelines on a game day and with a leg that cannot bend, I'm too much of a risk. In just a few weeks my brace will come off, and I'll be welcome to attend for moral support, but not yet.
This is my first time getting the kind of injury that interferes with my career, and I'm itching with discomfort to be a simple observer.
Everything looks different from up here in the suite.
Even with the game going as poorly as it is, there's no place I'd rather be than down there.
Nevermind that I can't do a single thing to turn the tide around. I need to be a part of it.
At least my friends' better halves surround me and provide a great distraction in between drives.
I'm sitting in the third row from the window, with my leg slightly to the side so it can remain straight.
Mariana is next to me. We're hiding from the crowd beneath the box, so they don't get ideas from seeing us together.
As for my friends, it's too late to prevent them from jumping to conclusions.
"So let me see if I'm getting this right," Evie says. "You are not a couple."
I gaze at Mariana and look for signs. My instinct is to take her hand, play with our friends' confusion, and keep it all casual.
It's the best way to convince them my arrangement with Mariana isn't a big deal.
Nothing to worry about. Everything under control.
But I need her greenlight, when anyone other than our friends could get the wrong idea.
Potentially even have questions about HR involvement.
She returns my stare, holding steady as she reads me right back. Her lips curl at the corners. She puts her hand out, palm up on her thigh, and nods. I grin. Without words, we've reached a new agreement. We're far from prying eyes, here on the third row. We'll be careful.
I put my hand on hers and we interlock fingers. "That's correct."
Everyone stares at our hands, then to our faces, one at a time.
I chuckle. This is a lot of fun. After the intervention, I expected my friends to tell their partners about Mariana and I, but I didn't expect to have such a good time fielding their questions.
Probably because I didn't expect to answer honestly and manage to confuse them anyway.
It would be different if they asked me how much I'm enjoying Mariana's presence at home.
If I answered that question honestly, and told them it's bliss, and that I keep thinking that if heaven exists, it's surely as fun and satisfying as everything we've been doing, and well… I think that would be too telling.
If I'm not ready to confront what that means for me, I'm for sure not ready for them to assume anything either.
"But neither of you are dating other people," Nat says.
I bring Mariana's hand to my lips and drop a kiss on its back.
She answers like there's nothing special about it. "We're too busy to meet people at the moment, and being exclusive means we can indulge properly."
Pen frowns. "That's got to be a euphemism."
"I mean, she's still not wearing his jersey." Ames's eyes narrow.
"I wouldn't want to send the wrong signal to people, you know?" Mariana replies.
"Right, right." Evie's lips push to the side. "You don't want to talk to HR, or Mariana's family, or Dom's."
"My mom and mi abuela know." I shrug. "But we don't want other people knowing."
"Because you're going to break up," Pen says.
I lift a finger to interrupt. "Correction. We can't break up if we're not a couple."
My friends give us bewildered looks.
Mariana nods. "My parents wouldn't get it.
They would think I'm ridiculous and they're not the kind to keep their thoughts to themselves.
I'd rather save myself the headache to be honest. They don't need to hear what I do in my free time, you know?
That way all they see is that I know what I'm doing in terms of running a foundation department, and that I can build something up and leave it better than I found it, and that I have the experience to run my own projects when I go back to England. "
I kiss her cheek. My friends may not realize that this is Mariana working to be better.
Finding ways to be proud of herself, defining her future on her terms, and building a space within her family dynamics and expectations.
It's more of the Mariana I wish I had seen when we were in college, but I guess she couldn't get here without having lived the life she has lived.
"Sooo…" Evie studies each of us in turn. "Friends with benefits. Is that it?"
Mariana and I gaze at each other, fitting our decisions against the new label, and nod in unison.
It doesn't seem to fully convince them.
Ames frowns. "Because you don't think the fact you have history will complicate anything. Like you can just… enjoy the next few weeks then shake hands and wish each other well."
"Yes." Mariana nods. "That's the goal."
"You're being a little silly." Nat gives us an incredulous look. "You know that, right?"
I laugh. "It works for us."
Ames shakes her head, displaying how little sense we make to her.
"As long as you pull it off," she says.
"We want to see you happy, is all," Evie adds.
"I know." I smile at them, and we turn for the last drive. "It's what we want, too."
The Strike are on defense. It helps to know that my friends are watching helplessly too, as they're forced to wait and see what happens. I stare at the clock. This game is practically impossible to win.
We all make disappointed noises when the final whistle blows.
I sigh. "I was right. It sucks to watch a loss from up here, too."
"Do you need to go to the locker room now for the post-game chat?" Ames asks.
I shake my head. "Coach doesn't want me there with a stiff leg. He says I'm a trip risk and doesn't want any new injuries. As soon as my brace is off, I'll be back for moral support. So, maybe the game at the end of the month."
She nods and pats my shoulder, before the group moves away from the front seats and back to the area near the TV. I get the fancy armchair in a corner, while everyone else gets busy picking at the food and getting the last drinks of the night.
Mariana brings me a water bottle and sits next to me.
"So your friends think we're being silly." She chews on her lip. "They weren't mean about it, but…"
She's worrying about my friends' opinions.
I open the bottle and drink a few gulps of water.
With everything going on, I'm not surprised to see her anxiety hovering around her, always ready to take over as soon as she stops paying attention.
From what I can see, she's keeping an eye on it as much as she can.
She's managing, despite everything. And there's even a hint of humor to her eyes, as she waits for my response.
"Let them think what they will," I say.
She gazes at them as they putter around the food and drinks section, and takes a deep breath.
She nods. "Okay. If you can do that with them, I can do it too."
Yes, there she goes. In her own way, she's trying to stop caring about people's expectations.
I hold her hand. "They like you, Mariana. They don't have to agree with every choice you make to like you. That's why they include you."
"Even if they don't agree with us having this arrangement only to end it?
They'll still include me after?" Vulnerability is a shadow in the depth of her eyes.
"I know things are happening this way because of what I want.
You and I made decisions together but they depend on how badly I want to finally go for my dreams."
"You should never give up your dreams," I say.
I just wish I was invit— No. Can't go there. I promised myself.
"I don't want to give them up, but I guess that makes me more selfish than I realized, when it's going to hurt you too."
"We're all selfish in our own ways."
"No need to placate me, Dom. I don't think you're being selfish at all.
You're as warm and generous as ever. Your friends are, too.
And I know I'm leaving and I shouldn't worry so much about this, but I like them.
I'd love it if I'm visiting Seattle one day in the future, and I get to see you…
and them. Can I text them from England? Video calls and the assumption we're friends enough that we'd want to meet again?
It's the first time in my life I'm trying to grow roots with my own people, beyond my family's world and networks. I didn't expect it to feel so… raw."
My heart changes its rhythm, and I tell myself it's matching up to hers.
Nevermind it makes no sense, or how impossible it is to prove.
It feels like connecting to her. In this sliver of reality, there's more bringing us together than pulling us apart.
In this corner of existence, bodies hold some magic and, while we're together, my system will link to her as deeply as possible.
I caress her face and give her a small kiss.
"You'll see. One day, we'll tell them this thing we're doing is over.
You'll go to England, and I'll stay here.
We'll meet other people and move on. But if I'm ever in London or you're ever here, we'll smile at each other and go out— maybe on double dates.
Maybe dinner with everyone. That's what we want out of all of it, isn't it?
Our friends can be part of it too. And they'll be puzzled, and look at us with shock on their faces, maybe even shake their heads at us, but they will let us be. "
"It is what we want, yes." She snorts. "It's what I'd like to have with my parents, too. That understanding and acceptance. It shouldn't be too much to ask to have it with the people I'm closest to, right?"
"It's not too much, no."
She gazes at her lap, where our hands are joined. She caresses me with her thumb in long, slow arches.