Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
MATEO
The more time went on, the more Mateo was certain the problem was him.
Dax was keeping something from him. Something that made him unhappy and avoid Mateo’s eyes whenever he tried to catch the kraken’s gaze.
It felt like a knife to the chest every time he did that and panic started to swell at the thought of losing Dax.
He’d been the one good and steady thing Mateo’d had while navigating all the crap going on in his life.
He was so sweet and kind, he’d tossed aside every reservation Mateo had about dating and made his life so much better.
Losing him would be… Just the thought made Mateo want to throw up.
Miles seemed to pick up on the energy throughout lunch and kept shooting them both questioning looks. Mateo didn’t know what to say to him. He felt like he’d sound like even more of a neurotic mess if he lost his cool at work… again.
This was why Dax was tired of him. He couldn’t even go a whole weekend without acting like this.
Maybe he needed to see someone about it.
He didn’t used to be this messed up and anxious about everything.
It couldn’t just be about him moving. The weekend had been a lot better since talking to his roommates. This was entirely about Mateo.
“Uh… Is everything alright?” Miles finally asked.
“Everything’s fine,” Mateo blurted, pushing out of his seat. “I just forgot I was supposed to do something. I need to go.”
“Do what?” Miles looked confused, but it was the way Dax’s expression flickered then went blank again that Mateo noticed the most. Goddess, he’d really screwed things up this time.
“Just… work stuff. I–” He felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed hard around it. “I gotta go.”
He bussed his mostly untouched tray of food, hurrying out of the cafeteria and toward the elevators.
He held it together all the way to the IT floor, and went straight to his desk, but once he got there, he wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing there.
Why was his first instinct when something went wrong always to run or shut down?
His eyes trailed over the meticulous surface of his desk, the anxiety swelling even more.
Why did he have to be so rigid about literally everything?
None of this would’ve happened if he’d just learned to relax and not get so bent out of shape whenever things weren’t perfect.
It wasn’t even just being tidy. His brain wanted everything to be perfect, and if it wasn’t… He couldn’t cope.
No wonder Dax regretted asking him out.
Frustrated with himself, he swept a hand over his desk, knocking the few things on the surface over.
When that wasn’t enough to make him feel better, he started emptying drawers, dumping it all onto the surface just to prove to himself that it wouldn’t kill him if things weren’t perfect.
He didn’t need to be so uptight. If he didn’t stop, he’d lose the one guy who made him feel steady in a storm.
He had to fix it before it was too late.
DAX
“Dude. What’s going on with you two?” Miles demanded.
Dax watched his mate go, his chest aching.
He wanted to comfort him, something was obviously upsetting the poor man, but he held himself back.
The more time he spent with Mateo, the more he touched and comforted him, the more he wanted.
It was getting to the point where he wasn’t going to be able to hide it for much longer.
That wasn’t what Mateo wanted. He wanted things to stay the same.
The only way that Dax could think to make that happen was to force his instincts to go quiet.
He had to. It was the only way to make Mateo happy.
A firm hand wrapped around his elbow, dragging him out of his seat roughly.
Dax let out a startled sound, tripping over his own tentacles as Miles toted him out of the cafeteria.
For a moment, he thought Miles was going to force a conversation between him and Mateo and he tugged helplessly at the grip Miles had on his arm, but Miles didn’t press the button for the IT floor or bring them back to Medical Innovations where Mateo was currently still working.
He pressed the button for the gym instead, his grip unyielding while he stared grumpily at the numbers as they went up to the seventh floor.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice more of a croak as his chest tightened around another wave of anxiety.
He wasn’t sure anymore if that was coming from him, or if he was now picking up emotions from his mate.
He shouldn’t have let them be intimate with each other.
It only solidified the bond further. Mateo wanted things simple, and Dax had been stupidly been building their bond without telling him for weeks. He should’ve just started as friends.
“Shut up,” was Miles’s gruff reply. For a man so much smaller than him, Miles was a formidable force and nothing Dax could do would get him free of his friend’s grip unless he wanted to accidentally hurt him. And Dax had accidentally hurt enough people already.
Since it was the lunch hour, the gym was decently busy when they arrived at the right floor. Dax saw a few familiar faces, and normally he’d be happy to go over to say hello and chat, but no part of him wanted to do that now. He just wanted to–
With Dax still wallowing about his mistakes and how much he’d screwed up his mating before it even started, he didn’t notice Miles marching him straight to the pool until he was shoved into it so hard, he had no hope of keeping himself out of the water.
There was definitely magic involved in that push. Miles wasn’t kidding around.
Despite being able to breathe under water, Dax came up spluttering, looking up at his friend in shock. “What was that for?”
“That was to help you pull your head out of your ass. I don’t know what the hell is going on with you two, but I’m not letting you ruin it because you’re too busy spiraling to communicate with your mate properly.
So you’re going to stay in there and do whatever it is you need to do to clear your head. I’ll be right back.”
Dax gaped at him. “Where are you going?”
“Stay in the water, Dax!” he called over his shoulder as Dax reached for the edge to pull himself out. “I’ll freeze you under it if you move.”
Dax jerked his hand away from the edge, staring at his friend’s receding back incredulously. What was that all about?
He spent a good few minutes debating whether or not to listen to his friend and considering if it was worth to test Miles when he was obviously in a mood.
But just as he decided Miles likely wasn’t coming back and he could just talk to him later, Miles arrived with that same grip he’d used on Dax being used on Mateo’s arm instead.
Instincts flooded his system, a growl ripping from him in response to Miles manhandling his mate.
He was moving to get out and pull them apart and possibly hurt Miles for touching his mate, when Mateo got the same treatment Dax had, being tossed into the water with no warning and only a squawk of surprise before he hit the water’s surface hard.
Derailed, Dax dove after his mate, wrapping him up in tentacles and propelling them to the surface. Thankfully, Mateo didn’t seem to have swallowed any water, wiping at his face and shooting a confused look at where Miles stood with his hands planted on his hips at the edge of the pool.
“Was that really necessary?”
“When two people are being stupid? Yes,” Miles replied grumpily. “I’ve watched you two fall for each other for weeks now. Whatever your problem is, it’s not worth whatever shit you’re doing now. So talk it out or whatever you need to do and stop acting like idiots.”
“Miles,” Dax began, pissed that his friend was being so pushy.
But apparently Miles was irritated enough that he wasn’t willing to listen because he muttered a spell, and Mateo was sucked out of Dax’s grip and under the water.
When Dax dove after him again, the surface of the water above them froze, trapping them inside.
Panic made him reckless, and he started pounding on the ice to get free. Mateo would die if he stayed under here. He had to get him out. He had to–
“Dax!”
Mateo’s voice made him jerk around, and he let out a choked sound when he noticed the amulet around Mateo’s neck. He was safe.
Sinking to the bottom of the pool, Dax covered his face with his hands.
He’d never felt that kind of fear in his life.
And while logically he knew his friend wouldn’t truly threaten his mate to make a point, in the moment, he’d thought Mateo’s life was in danger and he couldn’t make himself think straight.
“I’m sorry,” Mateo murmured.
That made Dax look up, frowning at his mate who kept moving his arms to keep him nearer to the bottom of the pool. One of Dax’s tentacles wrapped around him automatically, pulling him down so they were face to face, his eyes searching the determined look on Mateo’s face.
“For what?”
“For being such a mess. I know that’s not what you signed up for when you asked me out. I want you to know I’m not always like this, I swear. I had a lot of big things happen at once, and I was having trouble coping, but I’m not usually prone to meltdowns–”
“Mateo, that’s not–”
Mateo continued like he hadn’t heard him, his hands moving erratically as he got more worked up.
“I thought I’d do okay starting a new job, I’d done fine when I worked at my first one, but I guess with the job and the move and everything else, I put too much on my plate at once.
That’s not an excuse for anything though.
You’ve had to take care of me since the start and that’s not fair–”
Dax shook his head, trying to stop his mate’s spiral.
Mateo thought Dax was upset because he’d been having a rough time and needed a little extra support, but that wasn’t it at all.
Dax loved supporting him. Every instinct in his body screamed for him to take care of his mate, and if Mateo needed more from him right now, then he was happy to provide it.
But every time he tried to say it out loud, Mateo spoke over him, too worked up to hear a word that he was saying.
“That’s not it–”
“No, let me finish,” Mateo begged. “I want to fix this. You’re the one good thing that came out of all this. If I hadn’t been such a mess, I might not have met you–”
Not true. They were mates. They would have met eventually.
“–but I don’t want you to think I’m like this all the time. I don’t want you to regret choosing me. Just please, let me prove it to you. I can do better. I–”
“You’re my mate!”