cCX #2
As a child, I think my “addiction” began.
I constantly chased love and acceptance.
I wanted to feel love and be the cool kid at school.
Which was hard to receive since Bennett made sure everyone knew where I lived.
So, as I grew older, the constant letdowns outweighed the high I could never fully suffice.
So, I said fuck love and fuck fitting in.
I found a new craving: distractions. It’s the only thing that temporarily blocks out my racing thoughts.
Reading is my companion. I’m not much for sitting still, but if I have a book in my hand, I can escape this dreadful reality.
Books are so kind to me. They allow me into their worlds with arms wide open.
They evaporate all my mental pain and replace it with adventure and wonder.
Books are the only thing that truly understands my fight against myself.
The problem is that I can only visit their fictional reality briefly.
Once I put the book down, all my thoughts and worries grab their pitchforks and force their way back into my mind.
The impact of their absence feels as heavy as a solid block of stone every single time.
So when I am able, I take what I can get—my small fixings.
Once I am dressed, I prepare myself for this conversation with Danielle.
I still can’t believe I stayed up late bantering with a stranger from another town.
And more so, I can’t grasp why my best friend is scheming.
She knows I loathe that shit. Maybe Theo was messing with me.
I hardly know him, but he’s the type to play around like that and leave me wondering all night.
Either way, I am going to figure this out because I am driving myself crazy just thinking about it.
When I walk into the living room, Danielle is sitting on the couch concentrating on her hot cup of coffee, like she’s Moses preparing to part it like the Red Sea. “Good morning, love,” she says softly.
I throw myself onto our loveseat directly across from her. Lottie greets her before jumping onto my lap. I stare at Danielle so hard you’d expect lasers to shoot from my eyes. I blow out a lazy sigh. “Anything you’d like to talk about, roomie?”
She squints her eyes at me. “Well, Olive, since you seem to have trouble speaking to hot guys, I took matters into my own hands.”
I’m seconds from chucking a decorative pillow at her head. “And what matters do you speak of, Danielle?”
She wrinkles her nose at me. “Oh, come on. Don’t act like you didn’t hear from a certain someone last night.
Don’t be sour, but one of Theo’s single friends has grandparents who own a beach house in Cherry Grove.
They’re going down Thursday and staying until Monday.
Theo invited us, and I may have told him we’d ride down Friday evening after you get off work.
And I’m off all weekend, so it just worked out. ” She shrugs.
It takes all of me not to dive across the living room and throat-punch her. “So you didn’t think you should ask me first? What the fuck?” I snap, gritting my teeth.
Danielle sips her coffee and rolls her eyes. “Nope, because I know you too well. You would’ve said no before even hearing the plan. Just shut up and accept that someone has the hots for you. You can’t run from guys forever, Olive. You’ll be miserable if you do. Stop comparing every male to Noah.”
Damn, she is right, though. I’m always sabotaging things. Noah fucked my head up. I look for the bad in everything because I’ve often been let down. And damn, I’m tired of disappointments.
I’d rather be alone than deal with another dude like my ex.
He reeled me in, just to turn around and leave me on the ground, gasping for air like a dying fish.
It was by far the most toxic relationship.
And I lived in it restfully, maybe because it reminded me of my already haywire life.
It took a so-called friend fucking him in the back seat of his Mustang for me to realize the fool I was for sticking around.
It was an endgame for me then. I let Chloe know she could have my cold leftovers.
I’m mentally exhausted from my unpleasant night terrors.
So, I choose not to fight Danielle on this one.
She wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I backed out.
I’ll let her have her way this once. Plus, maybe a small piece of me wants to figure Theo out.
Something about him draws me in. And I can’t help but want to know more.
My silent thoughts are enough for Danielle to know she’s won this argument. I see a small, annoying grin form on her lips. She’s lucky that Lottie’s perched on my lap. Or I’d knock her smug ass off the couch.
Danielle smiles at me. “Girl, I have a feeling next weekend will be one we never forget.”
I stay quiet and drift into my thoughts. Something inside me tells me that she is right. I can feel it down to my aching bones. Theo is going to be hard to shake. It scares me but sends a pleasant rush through my body, easing my heavy chest. A new high to chase.
Today, I’m going to take it easy and get some things done around the apartment.
I might even kick back and start on a new book.
It feels nice not having to work and taking advantage of being able to do whatever the hell I want after last night’s ventures and waking up from a mini heartache.
I’d say this is an opportunity worth using.
I decide to ride down to the local coffee shop with Lottie.
She adores car rides with me. She doesn’t mind getting a “pup cup” now and again, either.
I’m feeling fancy, so I get myself a large iced coconut caramel latte.
I’m feeling good now, with no bad thoughts or racing heart.
The air smells of early summer, with a hint of honeysuckle.
I picture myself on the beach, listening to the crashing waves. I need more days like these.
Once we return to the apartment, Lottie licks her tiny pup cup clean. She looks up at me with a white foam mustache. She’s so damn cute. It’s now getting close to lunchtime. My tummy is protesting. I could devour an entire meal right now.
Just as I start rummaging through the fridge, my phone receives a text.
Theo: Good morning, Ms. Landers. Did you sleep well?
Me:Morning Mr. Rivers. I guess I slept okay. Btw it is 11:56.
Theo: Indeed, it is, which means it’s still technically morning time :) Did you dream about me by chance?
Me: You’re already on your shit today, I see… and no, Theo, not a single dream about you. Will you be able to survive the day knowing you’re not “all that”?
Theo: Ouch, I’ll be sure to stay clear of harsh Olive. But even if you didn’t dream about me. I know you’ve thought about me at least a little. Don’t lie.
Me: Maybe a tad.
Theo: I knew it. I’m irresistible.
Me: You didn’t let me finish. I thought about how you left me hanging last night, which is a rude way to start a friendship.
Theo: Well, considering you’ve continued to throw it in my face, I’m nothing more than a stranger. I figured it was only appropriate to allow you to have that convo with your best friend. So, we are friends now? That’s a start.
Me: Slow down, sir… that’s not what I said. We’ll see how next weekend goes.
Theo: So you are coming? I like it.
Me: Danielle insisted we go, and I think she’s curious about your friend at the beach house. Who is he, and what’s his name?
Theo: Well, I like Danielle already. His name is Chase, and he is single. You would have met him at Taylor’s party, but he has cousins visiting for the weekend. We grew up together. Our moms have worked at the same bank since we were around nine years old.
Me: That’s sweet. It sounds similar to Danielle and me. We grew up together in the same neighborhood. By the way, she is not looking for a bf—just a good time.
Theo: He’s a good guy. We wouldn’t be as close as we are otherwise. And the same for him, but hey, you never know. Sometimes, you don’t search for it, and then a good opportunity falls in your lap. Wbu, Olive, what are you looking for?
Me: Nothing particular, but definitely not a bf. I haven’t had the best of luck in that department. So, I choose to be alone.
Theo: Someone hurt you? That’s a sad way to live your life. There is someone out there willing to tear down the world for you.
Me: I don’t want to talk about it, especially not with a stranger.
Theo: Damn, harsh Olive shows her face again. Noted.
Me: I’m joking, sort of.
Theo: So you are a comedian as well. I like you more and more, Olive Sage Landers.
Me: You seem okay yourself, Theo Ace Rivers. I think it’s time I go. I just realized I still haven’t eaten today—my poor tummy. Have a good day.
Theo: This is a start. I look forward to officially meeting you. Let’s pretend we didn’t meet at the party and start fresh in person. And in the meantime, let’s get to know each other better. Let’s give each other one fact a day about ourselves. What do you say?
Me: Deal :) We’ll start the fact-sharing tomorrow.
Theo: I look forward to it. Talk soon, Olive.
Me: Bye, Theo.
I set my phone down on the kitchen island. I can’t help but feel a wicked smile form across my face. What am I getting myself into?
When I talk with Theo, I feel relaxed and comfortable. Which is strange to say, considering I barely know him. But I’m great at reading people, and normally my anxiety flares when I catch weird vibes.
Something is soothing about him, and I just can’t pinpoint what it is, not yet at least. In a way, I am looking forward to this beach trip. For some odd reason, I want to see him again. I can still smell his addicting oak scent lingering around me.
I can feel his damning ocean eyes burn through me, scanning every inch of my body like a starving lion. I can sense myself wanting more of him. This could go wrong, for so many reasons.
All I know is that I can’t pull away from this overwhelming sensation, not just yet.