Chapter 30
I thrum my fingers along my steering wheel as I stare at Olive’s apartment building.
It’s been three damn weeks since I last saw her—the night everything went down, to be exact.
She has been avoiding me like the plague.
I’ve given her the space she’s wanted, no questions asked.
But I won’t lie and say it hasn’t rocked me to my core. I’ve missed her so much.
Three fucking weeks of worrying and wondering. The only peace I’ve gotten is getting updates from Danielle. It seems she has been out of the “Olive loop” as well, but she has at least spent time with Olive and seen her weekly. I can at least be grateful for that.
My parents have been worried sick about her. Little Emma has asked multiple times when she’d see Olive again, and I’ve just had to tell her that Olive needs time. Mom begged me to let her call her, but I declined. I know right now isn’t the right time. I need to get to her first.
These last few weeks haven’t been easy. I’ve had many restless nights, wishing I was holding her close to me.
The dreams are ruthless, constantly reminding me of that night.
I can’t deny that the events of that night fucked me up.
And the one person I’ve wanted to confide in and be close to has kept her distance.
I don’t blame her, though. I understand.
Knowing Olive, she blames herself for everything. And that kills me.
I should be with her, comforting her, keeping her safe.
I made a promise that night that I would never leave her side again.
And I’ve already bent the rules, giving her the time she wished for.
And as much as I like bending the rules, this ends today.
She’s going to fight me like hell on it, and that’s fine; I love that about her.
But I won’t take no for an answer, no matter how hard she fights.
I’ve almost left twice, sitting in this damn car for about an hour, anticipating how I’m going to bombard her out of nowhere, but I’ve stuck to my guns. Danielle gave me permission to stop by. She warned me of how Olive may react, but she gave me the go to come here, and that’s enough for me.
The sun is setting as overcast hovers in the sky. It rained intermittently for the last few days, so our jobs for the week were postponed, and I was stuck at home in my thoughts. Leo didn’t seem to mind me being home, though.
My phone pings.
Danielle: She just texted me back, so she’s up. If she asks why you came, you tell her you came of your own free will. I’m not in the mood to get chewed out by a distressed Olive.
Me: Noted. I appreciate your help. Give Chase a smack on the ass for me.
Danielle: Noted and done. He screamed like a little girl.
I take a deep breath through my nose, sliding my phone into my front pocket. There is a light drizzle, so I throw my black hoodie on and head for the stairs to her apartment.
Once I reach the door, I hesitate to knock.
What if this is a bad idea? I despise people who show up unannounced, and here I am doing just that.
It had to be this way, though. I don’t know how long she would have gone without me, but I can’t go any longer.
I can admit that I fucking need her near me.
I knocked three times on the door to the apartment. Tiny footsteps tap across the floor on the other side of the door, followed by whimpers. The little rodent knows I’m here. A few seconds go by, and I hear the door unlocking. I take a step back as the door opens.
Olive peeks from the door’s crack, surprise written all over her face. Her gorgeous mouth opens, but she pauses for a second, almost like she’s thinking of what to say. I wait patiently, giving her the opportunity to speak first.
She finally opens the door a little more. She chews on the inside of her mouth, looking up at me. “What are you doing here?” she murmurs.
My eyes scroll down her body, examining every inch of her I can see. Her hair is pulled back into a low-side ponytail hanging over her shoulder. Long strands pull to the front, framing her face. She’s wearing burgundy sweats with a black Stevie Nicks t-shirt.
I lock my eyes back with hers. I can tell she hasn’t slept well; the underneath of her eyes has darkened. Her eyelids are puffy and red, exposing that she has been crying more than usual. That fucking kills me.
I reach over to rub her cheek but refrain quickly, sticking my hand into my pocket. My lips press together. “I came to see you, Olive,” I retort.
Her eyes flicker at the sound of my voice. She sucks her bottom lip in as she looks back into the apartment, letting out a soft sigh. Her eyes meet mine again as she opens the door all the way for me to come in. Relief washes over me as I step into her apartment.
She doesn’t say a word as she heads for the couch. I follow behind her, giving some distance between us. I scan her body, noticing she has lost a little weight since the last time I saw her. Regret pings at my chest. I should have come here sooner. I would have made sure she was eating properly.
Olive plops down on the couch across from the loveseat. I eye the spot right beside her but choose to sit on the loveseat. She needs space, Theo. Give her space. I pull my hood off, running my hands through my hair. Olive silently watches as she chews on her bottom lip.
Her expression falters as I search her tired eyes for answers. All I see is defeat. Normally, she hides her thoughts so well, her eyes being the only thing giving answers. Today, it’s written all over her face.
“Why didn’t you call or text before coming?” she presses.
I clasp my hands between my legs. “Would it have made a difference?”
She pulls her eyes to the floor, rubbing her hands together. It takes all of me not to rush over and place my hands on hers. I clench my hands together tight.
She lets out a shaky breath. “I’ve just needed time.”
I shake my head at her response. “And how much longer did you need to avoid me?” Her eyes shoot to mine, shock written on her face. She opens her mouth but then closes it, rubbing at her temples. I slowly stroke the stubble on my tense jaw. “I should have been here with you, Olive,” I admit.
Her eyes flick to mine for just a moment. I can see the battle in her eyes.
“I’ve already put you through enough, and I can’t handle ruining you more than I already have.” Her words come out almost a whisper.
My hands shoot to my hair, pulling at the roots as I try to ease the frustration coursing through my blood. “Stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control. You never forced me to do anything; I was beside you because I fucking wanted to be,” I breathe.
I watch her hands form into fists at her sides. “The longer you stick around, the further I’ll pull you down with me. I’m nothing but a disease contaminating everything in my path.” Her mouth wobbles as she fights the tears sure to fall.
I can’t hold back anymore. I shoot from my seat and stride to her, kneeling in front of her. She looks at me, one tear rolling down her flushed cheek.
I place my hands on her knees, focusing my gaze on hers as I reply, “Then pull me down with you, baby. Infect me. You are a disease worth spreading in this world.” I reach up and connect my thumb with the fresh tear on her cheek.
Her eyes close as she takes my hand and presses it against her face. “I don’t deserve you, Theo. I deserve nothing. I’ve let you down; I’ve let Nora down...” Her voice cracks. “You’ll eventually grow tired of me.”
Anger slams through me, not towards her but towards how hard she is on herself.
“I’m not going any fucking where, Olive!
At least, not on purpose. We can’t control everything in this life.
Things happen; people die for no reason.
You can’t sit here and dwell on it; you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life if you do. Good people die, along with the bad.
“And there will never be an answer as to why, not here on earth, at least. I will gladly let this world take me out however it pleases as long as the time I have here revolves around you. Don’t you fucking get it? Please look at me, baby,” I demand.
Her lip quivers as tears stream silently down her cheek. She brings her watery eyes to mine.
I take a deep breath, keeping our eyes connected.
“You were made for me; I know it. We just had to find each other. Our souls can’t survive this fucked up world without each other.
And I know this to be true, and when I die, my soul will wait for you on the other side, and no matter how fucking long it takes, our souls will meet again.
” My voice breaks. “Death isn’t the end of us; there is no end to us.
This is only our beginning. Do you understand me, Olive? ”
Tears prick at my eyes as I confess my love to her.
“I love you so goddamn much. Never hold that shit against me. If you’re going down, I’m going down with you, baby. You’re the match, and I’m the flame. We’ll burn to the ground together until there’s nothing left but our ashes.” My throat tightens at the realization of my own words.
A cry leaves her mouth as her face falls into her hands. “I’m so sorry, “ she cries.
I quickly stand and move beside her on the couch. I grab her and pull her into my arms as I lay back on the couch. “Shh, it’s okay. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m here,” I whisper into her hair.
She nestles into my neck as sobs vibrate through her tiny body. This fucking hurts me.
I hold her tight to my chest, rubbing her back.
“She’s dead, Theo. Nora’s dead. Oh, my god!” I barely understand her words behind her sobs. Remorseful tears slowly fall from my cheeks into her hair.
“Baby, I know. I’m so sorry,” I rasp out.
I know at this moment, all I can do is be here and comfort her because no words will ease the pain of her losing her sister.
“Nora wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up. She’d want you to heal and be happy. Let her memory live through you.” I continue rubbing her back, trying to soothe the pain of her tragic loss. She sniffles against my neck as her crying calms.
We lay in silence for a good while, just embracing each other’s warmth.
Olive props up on her arms, using my chest as leverage. Her eyes find mine as she runs her hands along my jaw. She moves her eyes to my lips.
She then leans forward, connecting our mouths. Warmth shoots through my entire body, feeding the hunger I’ve felt since not seeing her. Our tongues reunite, swirling around one another as we drink in our tears. She pulls her mouth away and speaks, “I love you, Theo.”
A shit-eating grin tugs at my lips. “I love you too, Olive. So damn much.”
I watch her as she gives me a lazy smile, almost reaching her eyes. “Happy birthday. I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything,” she whispers. She remembered my birthday.
I gently grab her face, resting my thumbs under her chin. “All I ever wanted was you, and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end my birthday,” I admit.
She gives me a genuine smile, laying her head on my chest. And we say nothing more. Everything is silent. We lay holding each other, filling up the emptiness we felt while being away from each other. Our souls once again danced as our hearts beat against one another.
I missed being this close to her, and right now, I never want to let go.