Chapter 19
CAMILE
I wake with a jolt and look around, disoriented. What time is it? My cell is on the table by the couch. Who gave me my phone back? I blink at it, and then remember, Ghost. One of the prospects called and handed it to him via Jack.
It’s good to have it back, but I’d have preferred Jack bring it.
He seems to be avoiding me, which hurts.
I had several messages from my friends back at the university, checking up on me, but nothing from Vani, which I understand.
I haven’t replied to them yet, which I’m feeling a little guilty about, but I just haven’t had it in me.
I haven’t heard from my mom or brother either, and I can only hope they’re still safe.
At least I know I’ve sent Ledger’s family off on a wild goose chase by giving them a completely random location for the safehouse. It should buy my family some time.
There are some snacks and a big bottle of Coke on the tabletop, too. Ghost and I were watching movies, and I must have fallen asleep. Picking up my phone, I see it’s almost ten in the morning. I’ve slept for some time.
Bone-deep weariness covers my entire body, though, despite the sleep, and I’m pretty sore. Voices reach me from the kitchen.
That must be what woke me. I tune in to what they are saying and realize it’s Ace and Ghost talking.
“Seriously, I’m fine to stay and watch over her.”
That’s Ace.
Ghosts reply is unsure sounding. “You were pretty damn wound up earlier. She needs calm energy.”
“I’m calm now, motherfucker. I’ve had a great workout and taken my frustrations out on Ledger.”
“What did you do?” Ghost asks.
There’s a dark laugh. “I did to him what his men made Rook do to Camile.”
Oh, fuck. They know? All of it? Embarrassment covers me, the way the men’s cum did, all sticky and gross. Obviously, they’d have figured out something bad happened, but do they know exactly what? Did Rook tell them? Why would he do that? Perhaps he felt he had no choice.
Ghost’s low rumble meets my ears. “What happened, exactly?”
“I think it’s Camile’s story to tell.” Ace’s reply surprises me. “I only know because Ledger blurted it out thinking it would save him, but instead it motivated me to really make him pay.”
What he’s saying slots into place, and my mouth falls open. Ace did to Ledger what Ledger allowed to be done to me? Ace… did Ace fuck Ledger up the ass?
God, if he did, I am not sure how I feel about that. It seems I’m not alone in that thought.
“I figured out there was sexual assault of some kind,” Ghost says, “and I’m not sure I approve of you doing that to someone, no matter what.”
“Well, Ghost, Jack was there and he approved it, so I guess what you think of it doesn’t matter. Anyway, Jack wants you. He wants to discuss what to do with Rook. So, here I am.”
I had wanted Ace to come spend some time with me, but after hearing what he’s said, I’m not so sure.
Part of me is glad he’s gone to bat for me, but another part of me is unsettled and grossed out at the thought.
Ledger is disgusting. I want him beaten to a pulp until he dies a horrible death, but I’m not sure I wanted Ace anywhere near him biblically.
Not when I had wanted him near me.
Ghost pokes his head around the door and, seeing that I’m awake, walks over to me and perches on the edge of the couch. “Will you be okay if I go speak with Jack for a while?”
“Of course. I’m fine.” It’s a lie. I’m far from fine.
“Ace is here to keep you company, and there are men outside guarding the house. You’re safe.”
I nod and twist my hands in my lap.
“We won’t let you down again, Camile.”
He says it with such heavy seriousness that I know he means it with all his heart.
If only it was as easy as that. But will I ever be safe?
The biker club has enemies, and they will probably always find themselves embroiled in one territory war or another.
Really, in many ways, the life here isn’t any safer than the cartel life.
If I go back home eventually, I’ll be in danger, and the same applies if I stay.
I could strike out alone, take on a fake identity and just disappear, but I don’t want to do that.
The idea of being out there with no family or tribe around me to back me up if things went wrong is way too scary.
Besides, I don’t want to leave these men.
I know nothing will ever happen between Jack and me, and I guess I’m learning how to come to terms with that, but Rook and Ace both mean something to me, and now it feels like Ghost and I are getting closer.
The thought of leaving them hurts more than anything.
“I mean it. It was an unforgivable error on our part and one that won’t be repeated.” Ghost leans in and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing ever so softly over my cheek.
A cleared throat has me glancing at the doorway. Ace is watching us, his eyebrows drawn together.
Ghost jerks his hand back as if he’s been caught with it in the cookie jar. God knows why he’s reacting that way. He’s allowed to touch me, damn it.
He gets to his feet and ducks his head. “See you later.”
I offer him a smile. “Thanks, Ghost. For everything.”
After he’s left, Ace wanders into the room, his hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders hunched. He looks tense. Not his usual bouncy self at all.
“You okay?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I’m much more worried about you than myself, Camile. How are you holding up?”
Blowing out a long breath, I contemplate how to answer that. What can I say? I feel half dead inside? I feel as if I don’t even exist? As if there’s a thick glass wall between me and the rest of the world, and I can’t penetrate it?
All of those things are true, and yet, I don’t feel like sharing. What’s the point? Ace can’t take those feelings away. I just need to work through the shock. Better to focus on others than myself.
“No one is beating on Rook, are they?”
Ace’s eyes narrow. “I have no clue. Camile. You ought to think about yourself way more than you are about him. Rook did some shit. I know, Ledger… he… umm… he told me that Rook and you… he… Fuck.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and starts pacing.
“Ace, can you not make this about you?” I snap.
He turns to me, surprised. “What? I’m not doing that. I’m worried about you.”
“You’re all so worried about me, and concerned, and angry on my behalf that I feel like I can’t breathe. I’d tell you the truth except I don’t think you can handle it.”
He comes to sit down on the floor by the couch, his legs crossed, looking up at me, all earnest. Like this, he looks about a decade younger for an instant, and I get a flash of what he must have been like as a kid.
“I can handle it. I promise. You don’t have to tell me, though.”
“I want to. I wasn’t sure whether I’d want to talk about it, but you know the gory details now.
Except what you don’t know is how it was for me.
But you’ve got to promise not to freak out.
You, and me, and Rook, we had a thing going, and I don’t want that to end.
They forced Rook to do some stuff to me, yes, that’s true, but it wasn’t as bad as what they did to him, and he’s so cut up about it.
None of what happened between me and Rook, though, is what broke me.
He… he made it good for me, Ace. Do you understand what I’m saying?
” My heart is beating far too fast. What if he’s disgusted by my words?
Ghost wasn’t, but he’s been through similar.
“Yes, I understand, and you’re not to blame. But Rook? What he did, it was fucked up. I’d never have done that. I’d have rather died.”
I can see he believes what he’s saying, but he doesn’t understand what that would have meant.
“If Rook had taken that way out, then I’d have come back to you broken beyond repair.
I have no doubt those men would have taken turns with me, and I’d never have survived that.
The stuff they did after… when they… you know, all over me, that was bad enough. ”
His face softens, the tense set of his jaw relaxing. “Okay, I won’t kill Rook, just yet.”
“I heard what you did to Ledger. I hope you wore a condom.” I try to make a joke of it, but my face won’t cooperate and smile. The thought makes me sick and uneasy, and I can’t help but look at Ace a little differently knowing what he’s done.
Ace screws up his face. “Eew, Camile. I didn’t fuck him.”
Relief floods through me. “Oh, but I thought that’s what you said to Ghost?”
His grin is diabolical. “I said I did to him what his men made Rook do to you, but I didn’t clarify what with. I wouldn’t put my dick anywhere near his asshole. I used a broom handle.”
?Neta? Really?
I stare at him, trying to take in what he’s said. I don’t know how I feel. Grossed out, weirdly impressed that Ace would go to such depraved lengths for me, but also upset that he did because that’s got to mark his soul.
“Ace, you shouldn’t have done that.”
“You feel sorry for him?” he bites out.
“No. I’m thinking of you. Doing something like that to someone must take a toll on your psyche. You’re a good person. You rescue kittens.”
Ace picks at something on the rug and avoids my gaze. “I’m not a good person, Camile. Definitely fucking not. I’m sorry I gave you that impression. I love animals, and I do my best to help them in this fucked up world. But I don’t love people. I most especially don’t love fuckers who kidnap women.”
“Don’t you worry about karma? I don’t want you having bad energy around you because you were getting revenge for me.”
He looks back up at me and shakes his head.
“None of that shit is real, Camile. It seems to me that the world is unfair as fuck because it’s chaotic and random.
Bad things happen to good people all the time, and vice versa.
Most can’t admit this as it would freak them out.
They must believe they are in control all the time. ”
Is he right about that? I’m not sure how that makes me feel.
I like to believe that being a good person means that good things will happen, but I’ve been nothing but the good girl all my life, and look at where that’s gotten me.
Maybe there’s also a kind of freedom in believing there’s no such thing as karma?
Ace brightens suddenly. “Which reminds me, I got you something.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out a small box. It looks like a jewelry box, but it’s bigger than most. The sort of size you’d receive a large necklace in.
He leans forward and passes it to me. I inhale the spicy scent of shower gel and something else, maybe shampoo, from him. I’m glad he showered after handing out all that violence to Ledger. I don’t want to be tainted by it, even though I am, on a very basic level, because Ace did it for me.
I stare at the box and wonder if he’s bought me pearls, or even diamonds. But no, Ace doesn’t strike me as a diamonds and pearls kind of a guy.
“You didn’t have to,” I say.
He chuckles. “You don’t even know what it is. Open it.”
I do as he instructs and slowly pry open the lid. I gasp in horror and fling the box away. A scream escapes my throat as the contents roll out onto the floor. “What the fuck, Ace? Oh, my God.”
I slap my hand over my mouth and stare in dismay.
Twin lines appear between Ace’s eyebrows, and he glances between me and the items on the floor. “It’s the Numbnuts.”
I stare at the three fingers, not comprehending. “What?”
“The fingers belonged to the Numbnuts. One from each of them. I cut them off for you. They helped harm you, and now they will pay.” He corrects himself. “Have paid.”
I don’t know what to say.
He blinks up at me. “It’s meant to be romantic. Like when a knight would give a favor to the lady of the court.”
“What do you want me to do with them?” I stare down at the fingers, really wishing in this moment that I hadn’t eaten so many snacks while hanging out with Ghost. I’d gone from feeling sick to suddenly realizing I was ravenously hungry. Now I’m feeling sick again.
“I could maybe do something like taxidermy with them?” He frowns.
He’s lost his damn mind. “What for?”
“I used to know a guy who wore the ears of his enemies on a necklace.”
“Ace, I don’t want a finger necklace! Can’t you just be a bit more normal? God, you’ve got so many great qualities, but then you bring me fingers as a gift.”
For some reason, despite how macabre it is, despite how gross it is, and everything that’s happened to me, or maybe because of it, I start laughing. The more I laugh, the more I can’t stop. I laugh until my sides ache, and my eyes are filled with tears.
Ace watches me like I’m an unexploded bomb, all wary and unsure.
When the laughter finally trails off into small fits of giggles, I wipe my eyes. “Ace, can you pick up those fingers and put them back in the box? I’d rather not keep them, if you’re not offended, but it turned out to be a great gift.”
“It did?” He chews on his bottom lip.
“I think I needed that mad outburst of laughter. I feel as if some of the tension has left me, so thank you… but next time, just get me perfume.”
“That’s far too little for a woman like you,” he says softly as he crawls about picking up the fingers and carefully placing them back in the box.
“Diamonds, then,” I say airily. I smile. “I’m only joking. I don’t need gifts, Ace. Only your company.”
Ace puts the fingers away in a cupboard, to take home with him when he leaves, and thoroughly washes his hands at my request. Then he wanders back into the living room, sheepish, glancing around as if unsure where to sit.
“Come here.” I pat the couch next to me. “Come snuggle with me, my knight in shining armor.”
“Really?”
“Do I need to ask twice?”
He rushes over to me, his face all eager like a kicked puppy that’s been given love again.
Oh, Ace, what am I going to do with you?