Chapter 21
CAMILE
“Word around the compound is that there’s a get-together tonight. Big bonfire, music, food and beer.”
I look up at Ace’s grinning face. “Oh, right.”
“You’re invited,” he says, misunderstanding my lack of enthusiasm.
I force a smile. “Yeah, thanks, Ace. I figured that much. I’m just not sure I’m in the mood to be around a ton of people. Sorry.”
Will the rest of the MC all know what happened to me? Will they be nudging each other and whispering behind their hands? I feel self-conscious and embarrassed, even though what happened wasn’t my fault. It makes me want to hide away.
Ace drops onto the couch beside me and hooks his big arm over my shoulders, pulling me into him. I rest my head against the solid muscle of his chest. He kisses the top of my head.
“We don’t have to go. We can just stay here instead. I’m good with that.”
I lift my chin to look into his face. “You can go, Ace. I don’t want to spoil your fun.”
“No way, not without you. Besides, we’ve got strict instructions that you’re not to be left alone.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Strict instructions from Jack?”
“Who else?”
Even though he’s basically ignored me since I got back, I still can’t help being tempted by the idea of spending time in Jack’s company. I’m so fucking pathetic, but something about that man makes me ache for him. If he gave instructions to keep me safe, it must mean he cares on some level, right?
“Will he be there? Will Rook?”
“Jack will definitely be there. I’m not sure about Rook. It depends what the outcome of their meeting is.”
“You mean they might kick Rook out of the club?” I ask in alarm. “They wouldn’t do that, surely, not after he saved me.”
It dawns on me that perhaps I’m not that important.
Club rules will always be more important than the wishes of some girl who isn’t an ol’ lady, or even a freaking sweetbutt.
I’m nothing to them, not really. I’ve built it up in my head that the relationships between us all mean something, but I’ve seen for myself how Jack has acted since I was freed from Ledger, and it’s like I’m nothing more than a job to him. He hasn’t so much as given me a hug.
I know the last time we saw each other, everything had gone to shit, but I still thought he cared.
Then I remember what I did after that last time I saw Jack. I lost my virginity to Rook and Ace, and there’s no way Jack doesn’t know about it by now.
I don’t have a leg to stand on. No wonder he’s distant with me.
I slept with two of his men, and then he learned one of them took me via the backdoor in front a whole heap of strangers.
Oh, God, the memory of the night in the clubhouse comes back to me, too.
The stranger finger fucking me in full view of anyone who took care to watch.
I had convinced myself the man with his fingers in my panties was Jack, but what if it wasn’t?
What if it was some random stranger, some gross guy?
It could have been, for all I know. Maybe Jack has heard about that, too?
Shame engulfs me. I’m probably damaged goods in his eyes.
Certainly not the kind of woman he’d want to get involved with.
Maybe he’s telling himself it was meant to be this way, that it cuts whatever invisible ties had formed between us, and that’s for the best. It’ll keep his relationship with his daughter solid, I suppose, and that’s the most important thing.
It still hurts, though. Even if he did nothing wrong. I understand that he needs to put his club and his relationship with Vani way ahead of me. I’d question the type of man he is if he didn’t.
“Hopefully not,” Ace says, “but it is possible.”
“You’ve changed your tune,” I point out. “You looked ready to murder him earlier.”
He shrugs. “I’ve had time to think. I’ve calmed down a bit.”
Has he truly forgiven Rook, or will he go for him again at some point?
I blow out a sigh. “I’ll go to Jack and tell him he must keep Rook in. It’s my fault all this happened, not his.”
He squeezes my shoulders. “I’m pretty sure Jack already knows how you feel, and he’ll take it into account.”
I slump back down, feeling terrible. “I hope so.”
Ace shifts his position slightly so he can look at me again. “Can I ask you something?”
My stomach knots as I wonder what’s coming now, but I dip my chin in agreement.
Ace continues. “Ghost said that before you were snatched, you were planning to leave anyway. They found your cell and you’d messaged your family to say you were coming to them.”
God, that all feels so long ago now. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“Are you still planning to do that?”
I let out a sigh. “Honestly, Ace, I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling right now. My head is a mess.”
He gives a lopsided smile, revealing dimples. “Because, if it makes any difference, I don’t want you to go.”
I give him a sad smile in return. “They’re my family.”
“We could become your family, too.”
The world mists with unshed tears and a lump forms in my throat. “Oh, Ace, we barely know each other.”
“We know enough.”
I press my lips together, and he pulls me into him.
“I don’t want you to go,” he murmurs into my hair.
“But it’s not only up to you, Ace.”
We know who I’m talking about. Jack’s the one who makes the decisions around here.
“He doesn’t want to see you gone either, Princess.” Ace strokes my hair. “I know he’s fighting his feelings right now, ‘cause it’s easier to do that than open himself up to the shit storm that will surround him once he acknowledges how he feels about you…”
“How does he feel about me?”
Ace chuckles. “Obsessed, tormented, consumed.”
“Wow, I—” I blink, unsure how to take that.
He surprises me again. “Honestly, if I had my choice, I’d cut Jack right out of the picture.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I’m worried that Jack will click his fingers and you’ll run to him and never look back.”
“Oh, Ace, I wouldn’t do that.” How can he think that after what we’ve shared?
He arches an eyebrow. “You sure about that? He’s a possessive man, from what I knew of him and his wife, and I imagine he might want you for himself. What if he does?”
I sit up and swing my leg over his lap, so I’m straddling him. “I’m sure, Ace. I’m not just going to dump everyone else for Jack, even if he asked me to.”
It might be crazy, but I have feelings for Ace, and Rook that are strong in their own right. Different but still strong. I don’t think I could simply walk away from them, and just be with Jack, seeing them every day. It would be impossible.
I place my forehead to his then kiss his mouth. Our tongues touch, sliding across each other, and I roll my hips, seeking his hardness.
Ace freezes. His hands go to my waist, halting my movements.
“We shouldn’t.”
My stomach lurches, and I quickly climb off him. I sit on the edge of the couch and cover my face with my hands.
“Do I disgust you now? Is it because you know all those men saw that happening to me, and that they—” I can’t even say the words.
“No! Hell, no. How could you think that?”
“It’s what I think of myself.”
“Princess, you’re perfect. Nothing anyone else could ever do to you will change that. Don’t give them that power.”
“Then why…?”
Why didn’t he want me?
“You need time to heal. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
I let out a sigh. “Ace, did it seem like I didn’t want you?”
“No, but…” he drags his hand through his mop of light brown curls, “I’m just not sure I’m the right man to help you through your trauma. What if this is a reaction to what happened, and not the healthiest one? Maybe if you have a few days to think, you’ll realize you need some time without… sex.”
The last thing I need is time to think. I will go mad if I sit around contemplating and reliving what happened to me.
“I want to feel like myself again. When I was going through all of that, I pictured myself right back here, with you and Rook, and how incredible that was. Being with the two of you was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. How could I not want to repeat that?”
“You mean you want Rook, too, even after what he did?” Ace’s jaw tightens.
“I’m not going to pretend like I won’t struggle a little not to take myself back into that outbuilding with those men.
But I’m worried about Rook, and what he’s going through.
I know you’re angry at him, but he was tortured, too.
I don’t blame him in any way for what happened.
He really did save me, in his own way. I hate that he might be struggling now.
” I think about what Ghost told me about how I shouldn’t blame myself and everyone reacts differently in those moments, and I think the same applies to Rook.
“I don’t think anyone who wasn’t there should judge Rook. ”
Ace considers this for a moment. “Would it help if you could see him?”
My heart lifts. “Yes, it would. But… does he want to see me?”
“I haven’t asked him directly, but I think he’d be a total fucking idiot if he didn’t.”
Ace gets to his feet and plucks his cell out of his pocket. He swipes his finger across the screen, hits call, and puts it on loudspeaker. It rings a couple of times, and then a subdued Rook answers.
“What’s up, man?”
“Hey, Rook. Just checking to see you’re still a part of Verona Falls Riders.”
“Yeah, just about. Jack’s delayed me being patched in, and I’m on toilet cleaning duty for the next ten years, but I’m still in. He didn’t do it for me, though. He did it for Cami.”
Ace shoots me a look to say, ‘I told you so,’ and I can’t help smiling.
“So, I’m over with Camile at her place right now. She’d like to see you.”
Rook sounds doubtful. “She would?”
“She really would.”
“And what about you?” Rook asks.
Ace lets out a low growl. “I’m willing to bury my urge to pummel your face if it makes her happy.”
“I’ll be right there.”
The line goes dead, and Ace tosses his cell onto the couch. “He’ll probably sprint over.”
Sure enough, within a matter of minutes, there’s a hammering on the door, and Ace goes to answer it.
I get to my feet, my stomach fluttering with the wings of a thousand butterflies at the prospect of seeing Rook again.
It’s crazy to be nervous after what we went through together.
But what if it brings it all back and I spiral?
I’m also worried about how he’s going to feel about me, now he’s had time to process what happened.
What if he blames me for it? The only reason he was in that terrible position was because of me.
The only way is through, though, and I’m done being a passive victim of life.
I’ll do all I can to take my power back, and this is one way to do so.
Rook appears in the doorway, Ace close behind him.
“Cami,” Rook says, studying me with those bright blue eyes. “How are you?”
I allow a smile to touch my lips. “Better now you’re here. I was going to ask the same of you.”
“Better now I’m near you.”
“You don’t hate me because of what happened?” I check, still anxious.
“Never! None of it was your fault.” He glances at the floor. “I thought you’d be the one to never want to see me again. I mean I was the one who… you know.”
I shake my head. “I just keep thinking about how awful that must have been for you, how terrifying, and now Jack’s punished you for it, and none of it seems fair.
” My eyes fill with tears again. I can’t seem to stop crying.
“You were assaulted too, Rook. Yet they’re all angry with you.
I feel as if you took the brunt of it all to protect me. ”
Ace snarls from the doorway. “He was punished because he broke club rules. Jack was right to do that. I’d have punished him for a whole other reason.”
I snap my head toward him. “Stop it, Ace. I mean it. I don’t want to hear another word come out of your mouth if it’s to put Rook down.”