Chapter 23
Steph
We remain, wrapped in each other's arms, for a long while, just enjoying the contact, the comfort, for the first time in well over a decade. Despite the lives we've lived and the distance between us, it somehow feels like no time has passed at all—like I've never left the safety of his arms.
It feels right.
Like coming home.
And with that thought, I realize … I don’t want to think anymore.
“I’m tired of fighting this,” I mumble against his chest.
Riley pulls back, holding me slightly away from his body so he can take in my face. Tears stain both of our cheeks.
"What was that?"
I swallow thickly, then repeat myself. “I said, ‘I’m tired of fighting this.’”
“This?” His eyes are hopeful as he searches my face.
“You. Us.” I nibble nervously on the corner of my lip, glancing out over the valley and lakes below before continuing. “I can’t resist you any longer.”
His fingers tighten on my arms. When I meet his eyes once more, they’re velvety soft and filled with emotion. His voice is low and gritty when he finally says, “Then don’t.”
“Please don’t hurt me again,” I whisper.
“Never,” he breathes, his gaze sliding over my body. Goosebumps rise on my skin, and a delicious shiver rolls down my spine. If you'd asked me yesterday, I would have said I hate how he still manages to elicit such a reaction from me after all this time. Today, though? It’s thrilling.
I love it.
“I’ve been waiting a long time to kiss you again, Steph. That night at Aroma’s doesn’t count, and I’m sorry for how I behaved,” he says gravely as his hands slide down to rest on my hips. Butterflies take flight in my stomach, and I fight the vulnerability that threatens to ruin this moment.
“Tell me to kiss you, Steph. Say it.”
“Riley,” I breathe. I'm a mess of contradictions. One hand grips his t-shirt, holding him close, while the other presses against his shoulder, ready to shove him away at a moment’s notice.
I want to run.
I want to feel his hands, his touch, all over my body.
“Say. It,” he grits out, fingers digging into my hips. He's trembling, and I realize I am too. Riley’s breath is hot and hungry, his mouth an inch from mine …
“So help me God, I need you to say it, Steph.”
I might come to regret this, but I'm well past the point of no return with this man. Again.
Finally, I whisper, “Kiss me.”
And then, his lips are on mine, breathing me back to life.
Riley pours all of his feelings into this kiss, and I know everything he told me earlier was the truth.
That he never stopped loving me. I also understand that I never stopped loving him, much as it terrifies me to admit it. And fuck, it really does.
I need to slow this down, put on the brakes—I need him to kiss me like this forever.
My skin tingles, and electricity sparks in my veins.
A hand comes up to cup my face as he deepens the kiss, a low groan slipping from the back of his throat as our tongues collide.
I'm coming alive under his touch, feeling things I haven’t allowed myself to feel in years.
It's not smooth. There’s very little finesse in this kiss.
It’s desperate, and wet, and our teeth smack together as we go at each other with fervor, but I don’t care. I don’t care, and neither does he.
Suddenly, there’s no history. No past. No ghosting, no cheating. No secrets. Just us, the way we were always meant to be.
You’d think I’d feel better when we finally part. After that kiss. After finally getting the answers to questions that have plagued me for years.
And I do.
In a lot of ways, I do.
I know now why he left me, and more importantly, that he didn’t want to.
I know where he’s been all this time.
I know he was only doing what he thought was right for me, and he didn’t betray me with another woman.
It doesn’t take away the hurt or the damage his abandonment did to my psyche, but it does ease the anger, some of the heaviness, in my heart. For a long time, I pushed it all down. Pushed him down.
I had lots of reasons for it.
Survival.
But I was also ashamed to admit, even to myself, that I still cared. Now I can freely acknowledge that I’ve missed him, and God help me, but I want this. Us. I want to try again with him.
Riley got in his truck with a huge grin on his face, reluctant to leave me but running late for his shift at the bar. He drove away probably thinking all is right with the world.
“I’m so happy we’ve got everything out in the open now, Sunshine,” he’d said right before he kissed me softly on the lips one last time. “Now there’s nothing holding us back.”
I’d smiled and nodded, still flushed from that epic kiss, and then waved as he pulled out of the lot. Beneath the surface, though, anxiety roiled, thick and weighty, stealing my breath as it slowly consumed my lingering elation.
Because everything isn’t all out in the open yet.
Because I still have a secret.